The first indication that I would not be able to hide my secret desires for long came one night when Mike and I went to a party that promised to be one of the wildest orgies of the year.
We arrived at the party a few minutes late. I had taken a long time getting dressed, knowing that if I looked good when I arrived fully clothed, it would increase the men's excitement when I undressed in front of them.
That I still tried to think this way shows the magnitude of my self-deception. I tried to convince myself that all I cared about was how the men felt about me, but that wasn't true. I wanted the women to notice me, too.
The party hadn't started yet. Everyone else was there, but the action had not yet begun. They had waited for us. No one had even taken their clothes off yet. With everyone sitting around fully clothed, it looked like a typical suburban party. Ten couples sat around, drinks in hand, music playing softly in a very well-furnished suburban living room. It looked very conventional.
"Last to arrive, first to undress," Barry, our host, told me.
It was time to begin. I slowly unbuttoned my dress, teasing the crowd, making them all wait for what they wanted to see. When I had finished with the buttons, I opened my dress, showing them I wore no bra to hold up my big tits. Then I let my dress drop to my waist.
Barry moved close to me. "That's the way to do it, Lori," he said. Then he began to roughly fondle my tits. He rubbed them hard for a few seconds. Then he reached down into my dress and pushed his hand under my panties to caress my cunt.
Barry's actions excited me. Despite the dream, I still enjoyed cock, although not as much as before. I knew Barry had a big cock and I wanted it. Nevertheless, even as he touched my cunt, my eyes wandered around the room, looking at all the women there. I tried to stop myself, to tell myself someone would notice, but I was helpless. I couldn't tear my eyes away.
I didn't look around for long. Barry pulled my dress off. Then he removed my panties. When I was naked, he stuck his hand deep into my pussy and fingered the wet gash.
Barry's wife, Karen, walked up to us. For a moment, I thought she was jealous, an almost unheard-of emotion at our parties. "Hey, you two, don't get carried away. Lori is undressed but Mike isn't."
Karen walked up to Mike and kissed him. As they embraced, she reached down and unzipped his fly. She reached in and pulled out his cock and there was an audible gasp from the crowd. It was indeed an incredible hunk of meat.
Karen caressed his prick, for a moment. She was a small girl, with small, firm tits and a pert little ass. Her tiny fingers barely reached around Mike's big cock. She stroked his rod slowly, as if savoring its length and girth.
It was an exciting sight, big Mike locked in an embrace with little Karen. The crowd moved closer as Karen and Mike began to undress each other. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off him. Then she started to remove his pants. Meanwhile, Mike almost tore her blouse off and impatiently tugged at her skirt, trying to pull it down.
Mike and Karen didn't daily any longer. Mike stepped back away from her and took off his pants. Karen stepped out of her skirt. They were both naked now.
I found myself staring at Karen. She wasn't voluptuous, but she did have an attractive, nicely shaped little body. A light fringe of brown hair barely covered her cunt. I stared at her twat as if, by some triumph of mind over matter, I could lift it up to my mouth.
My reverie didn't continue for long. While Mike and Karen re-embraced, Barry walked up to me.
"Hey, Lori. Don't forget about me," he said.
I realized I had made my first mistake. Everyone must have noticed me staring at Karen's cunt. Before, I would have been eager for Barry to fuck me. As soon as I had undressed, I would have undressed him and then pulled him down on top of me, but tonight I had ignored him.
Barry didn't say anything specific to me, but I knew that he had noticed some change in my behavior. "What's wrong, Lori?" he asked. "Don't you feel well?"
I decided to feign more excitement than I felt. It wasn't completely an act, of course. I still wanted to get laid. Cocks felt good inside my cunt. It was only after I had been fucked that I felt slightly unfulfilled at this stage in my progression to lesbianism.
I swayed against Barry and moaned, "Oh, Barry, fuck me. Please fuck me." I hoped that my apparent lust would fool the crowd, would convince any who had noticed my wandering eyes that it was only a momentary aberration.
Barry was more than glad to oblige. He undressed without any hesitation. I felt a surge of my old lust when his big cock bounced free, unencumbered by his clothes. It wasn't as big as Mike's prick, of course, but it was big enough nonetheless.
Barry pushed me down to the floor. Then he pulled my legs apart and dove down to my cunt. He began to lap at my gash frantically, his tongue going inside my hole, then outside to my clit, then back inside again.
It felt good, very good, but the sensation was nothing like the sensation I had felt in my dream when the woman had licked at my clit. Why had it felt so much better in the dream? A tongue was a tongue. Perhaps there was something about the way a woman used her tongue, some feminine intuition guiding it to the most sensitive spot on the clit. The woman in the dream had done it; would other women be able to do it, too?
I tried to keep my eyes closed, to avoid as best I could my error of a few moments earlier. Barry's tongue darted in and out of my rosy gash, giving me pleasure, starting a flow of juice from my cunt. I was enjoying it, but not enough to keep my mind off Karen.
I opened my eyes for a second or two and glanced over at Karen and Mike. She had her legs wrapped around him and he was fucking her powerfully, his big prick nearly splitting her dainty cunt. He rammed into her hole, letting her have every inch of his huge cock. It looked too big for Karen, but somehow she managed to take it all.
I closed my eyes again, waited about twenty seconds, and reopened them. I stared at Karen's cunt. Mike's prick had spread the outer labes wide. I could see beads of moisture on the fuzzy twat-flaps. What would it be like to run my tongue over those cunt-lips? I wondered.
Then I caught myself. If I kept looking, someone would surely notice. Here I was, getting my cunt eaten, and I was staring at another woman's twat. What had happened to me? Had. I lost all control over myself? If I had, what was I capable of doing?
I closed my eyes, then opened them again, this time looking not at Karen, but at the crowd. I was anxious to see if anyone had noticed my strange behavior. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell. The sight of Mike fucking Karen and Barry eating my cunt had been too much for the others. They had ripped off their clothes and were fucking each other in every corner of the room.
Now I wasn't worried any longer about anyone seeing me look around, so I kept my eyes open, staring at Karen's cunt as Mike's cock fucked in and out, sending juice spurting up on each stroke.
Each time he pulled his cock out of her hole, the small inner lips of her pussy stuck to his cock and emerged partway from her cunt. They were pink and smooth, very different from the larger, fuzzier outer lips of her cunt.
I was conscious of two simultaneous pleasures the direct physical pleasure of Barry's tongue on my clit and the visual pleasure of staring at Karen's alluring cunt. For a while, I separated the two, enjoying the view of Karen, while still savoring the feel of Barry's tongue on my snatch.
After a few minutes, Barry's mouth triumphed as the dominant source of my pleasure. Nevertheless, it didn't feel nearly as good as the tongue of the woman in the dream. I enjoyed his cunt-lapping but I didn't feel as if I were ever going to approach orgasm as the result of Barry's efforts.
Barry knew something was wrong. He decided to try his cock, to see if it could drive me to orgasm. He stopped licking my cunt, rose up away from pussy, then lay down on top of me and slammed his cock into my cunt-hole.
Now Barry's face was right above mine. I could feel his hot breath on my cheeks. His face blotted out my view of Karen. I couldn't have looked at her no matter how badly I wanted to see her.
Barry fucked me hard, but I still couldn't come. It was the first time in years that I had been fucked by a man, any man, and had been unable to climax. I began to worry, not only that everyone at the party might notice that I hadn't come, but that I might not be able to come when Mike screwed me.
There was only one thing I could do. I decided to fake it. I arched up off the floor, my body moving up as if looking for more and more cock. "Ohhh, God, I'm there, I'm there," I moaned.
Barry kept fucking me, moving in and out of my hole until the instant of his orgasm. Then he plunged way inside and stayed there, letting me squeeze his prick with my well-coordinated cunt muscles.
When Barry finished shooting his jizz into me, I felt strange. I wasn't used to fucking without coming. I felt totally unsatisfied. His sticky spunk had filled my cunt, but it still felt as if it hadn't been fucked.
I opened my eyes and glanced around the room. Couples were still madly fucking all over. Probably my act hadn't been necessary, except to fool Barry.
I was surrounded by a sea of naked bodies. Cocks descended into cunts or cunts bounced up and down on top of cocks. A few mouths sucked hard on big cocks and a few tongues toyed with dripping cunts. It was an incredible sight!
I found myself paying a lot more attention to the cunts than to the cocks. My eyes lingered much longer on the wet snatches around the room than on anything else. Then my eyes moved to Karen and Mike. Her cunt attracted me even more than my husband's own fantastic prick.
Mike was giving her little twat a real workout. It surprised me that she could take it, but somehow, she did. She even seemed to be enjoying it.
Karen had begun to come. Her spasming muscles contracted, relaxed, then contracted again. She involved every muscle in her lower body in her orgiastic dance of pleasure.
Meanwhile, Mike kept rocketing in and out of her spasming snatch, letting her feel the power and strength of his thick prick. It was a fearsome weapon, but I hardly noticed it as I stared at Karen's enticing hole.
"Ohhhh! Eahhhhh! Please shoot into me, Mike!" she begged.
Her moans got louder and louder. Then, as she felt Mike's cum shoot into her curd, she started moving up and down with fury, as if she wanted Mike to shoot right through her. "Yes, yes, YES!" she cried, as if Mike needed verbal affirmation of his jizz shooting into her heated hole.
Barry had been fooled, thank God. He rolled off and patted me affectionately on the thigh. "That was good, Lori. Real good," he told me. I hardly felt his touch and I barely heard his words. By now, all I cared about was watching Karen come and I didn't care who knew it.
Karen's climax seemed to go on forever. I had never realized that a woman could stay at the peak for so long, even with a cock like Mike's inside her cunt. She soon lost her voice, stopped moaning and groaning, but she kept fucking, kept grinding her body against Mike's prick while he drove in and out of her hole. Only her frantic body movements and her clenched teeth showed that she was coming. Her pleasure had been so intense that she had temporarily lost her voice.
Finally, she finished. Her muscles relaxed and she lay back on the floor, exhausted. She gave a long sigh of satisfaction and then lay back, as if asleep. I felt an urge to run to her and embrace her, to let her regain her energy in my arms, but I held back. I had lost some control over myself, but I hadn't decided yet that I was ready to cross the line, ready to commit myself to having a lesbian experience. I wasn't sure I had lost my own inhibitions, although I was beginning to feel that I had. More important, I wasn't sure if my husband would be able to accept my interest in other women. Moreover, I didn't want to have my first lesbian experience at a party, in front of everyone else. So I held myself back.
I felt proud of myself for my self-restraint. Then, I lost most of it. Suddenly, I noticed what was going on in the far corner of the room and my self-control almost vanished. Two women, Ann, a small, dark-haired girl, and Vicky, a tall blonde, were in the classic cunt-eating position. They lay facing each other, each with her head buried in the other's snatch.
It was an incredibly erotic sight, one that excited my newly developed sensibility to the eroticism of lesbian sex. I could see Vicky's back and ass, as well as the top of Ann's head emerging from between Vicky's legs. Ann's jet-black hair made a pleasant contrast to Vicky's pink flesh. At the other end, I could see the back of Vicky's head as she burrowed into Ann's cunt. Her head obscured Ann's cunt from my view.
As I watched, I felt a sharp stab of pleasure in my cunt. The sight was almost too much for me. I positioned myself close to them on the floor so that I could look down the lengths of their two intertwined bodies. Now I could see Vicky's tongue snaking into Ann's small hole and, as I looked beyond, I could see Ann's little red tongue moving in and out of Vicky's wide twat.
The sound of their pussy-eating activities was enough to drive me out of my mind. Each girl made slurping, drinking sounds as she lapped up the fluids of the other girl's cunt. Their tongues smacked against the wet flesh, while each gave out smothered exclamations of pleasure, lost partially, but not completely, in the wet flesh.
I felt a strong impulse to join them, to shove my head between them, to pick one cunt or the other and run my tongue in and out of the wet hole, to force one of their heads between my legs to eat out my cunt. Fortunately, I wasn't carried away enough by my own desire to do something like that. I had already been indiscreet enough when I sat so close to them, watching them so intently. Surely someone had noticed, but I didn't care.
I was right not to care. As I found out later, Mike and many of the other people had already noticed changes in my behavior. They weren't blind and they would have had to be blind to miss the way that I had been looking at other women. And my activities earlier that evening had of course not gone unnoticed. I had not hidden my feelings as well as I had hoped. Perhaps, unconsciously, I realized that and my sudden inability to hide my new interest reflected that realization.
I tried to tell myself that I had acted with enough discretion to prevent anyone from realizing the depths of my craving. I didn't realize that everyone at the party, including my husband, had seen the way I was acting and had drawn accurate conclusions.
I felt a hand on my arm and turned around to see who it was. It was Karen. She held my arm tightly and looked into my eyes.
"Lori, I didn't know you liked girls," she said.
"I'm just curious, that's all," I told her.
"Oh, I'm sure that's all it is," Karen said. Then she laughed and squeezed my arm more tightly.
I realized that I hadn't hidden my feelings very well. Karen knew enough about lesbianism to recognize it when she saw it. She wasn't one of the more actively bisexual women in our party-going groups, but she went through occasional periods of high interest in lesbianism. It seemed that I had reawakened her interest! She had been fucking my husband shortly before, but, now, she seemed to have eyes only for me.
I had mixed emotions about her attentions. I hoped she was interested in me, but, at the same time, more rationally, I hoped she was not. I wasn't really ready to have my first lesbian experience that night, at that party.
It wasn't doubts about my own feelings and what they meant that stopped me. I think by that point I had ceased my attempts to fool myself. I definitely needed another woman. The dream and my hard-to-conceal lusts told me that.
If I had let my new lusts dominate, I would have embraced Karen, pressed her body against mine, shoved her head between my legs, then felt her tongue on my cunt and my tongue on her little twat. But I wasn't ready to take that final step.
I worried about how Mike would feel. I didn't know if he could accept my lesbianism, especially if I began to have the same trouble reaching orgasm with him as I had that night with Barry. Mike had never suggested that I take part in the lesbian activities at the parties. I had seen him watch the other women go down on each other, and he had seemed to get aroused by the sight, but would he feel the same if I were involved in one of those lesbian couplings?
There was another problem. Provided I did go ahead and have sex with another woman, I didn't want to do it for the first time at a party, in front of the whole crowd. I've never been shy about sex, but I've always liked to try something for the first time in relative privacy.
Hence, when Karen confronted me, my conflicting feelings left me paralyzed. I did nothing except stare at her. Unfortunately, she took my silence as encouragement. Her hand moved up my arm, slowly, caressingly.
"What a surprise, Lori," she said softly. "I never would have expected it of you." Her hand moved to my shoulder as she spoke.
I shrugged my shoulders, trying to get Karen to remove her hand. Again, she misinterpreted my actions, not illogically, given the eagerness with which I had been watching Ann and Vicky muff-diving a few moments before. Instead of removing her hand, Karen moved it to my left tit.
The touch of her hand on my tit galvanized me to action. I grabbed her hand and pulled it off my boob. "Okay, Karen. That's enough," I told her.
"What's the problem, Lori?" she asked, bewildered.
"I'm not ready, that's all," I answered.
Karen wasn't really discouraged. She tried to touch me again, to soothe me, relax me, but I would have none of it. I stood up and walked away, leaving her sitting on the floor, her hand reaching for empty air.
Mike walked over to me. He looked angry. "I'm tired, Lori," he said. "Let's get the hell out of here."
I knew something was really wrong. Mike tired! That had never happened before at any of the parties. Had he seen the change in me? Or was he mad at someone else?
We made our excuses and went out to the car. I waited for the explosion. I expected Mike to start yelling at me, but he didn't. He calmly got in the car and drove away without a word.
"Why did you want to leave so early?" I asked. "That's not like you."
"I said I was tired," he told me.
"Oh, bullshit," I answered. "You've never gotten tired at a party before."
"Okay. I wasn't tired. I saw Karen bothering you and I wanted to give you an excuse to get away. I know you aren't interested."
I could tell that Mike was testing me, waiting to see how I reacted. I decided to continue my ruse, to act as if I had not been interested.
"I can take care of myself," I told him. "I had just gotten up to leave her when you arrived."
"Okay, if you say so," Mike said.
He wasn't through testing me. "What were you doing watching Ann and Vicky so closely? You looked like you were ready to jump right in with them. What's come over you lately?"
"Lately? What do you mean?" I asked innocently. I still thought I could carry off my transparent masquerade.
"You know damn well what I mean," Mike said harshly. "Everyone else has noticed, too. You have a way of staring at other women – as if you want to tear their clothes off. Don't try to avoid the other question either. Why were you staring at those two dykes so hard?"
"They aren't dykes. They like men, too," I answered.
"That's beside the point," Mike yelled. "Why were you staring at them?"
"Curiosity," I answered.
"Curiosity!" Mike shouted. "Do you expect me to believe that?"
I decided to stop pretending. I hadn't fooled anyone. "All right, Mike. It was more than curiosity. Lately, I have been interested in other women. You've noticed it. Others have noticed it, tonight, if not before. Do you mind?"
Mike looked thoughtful. He was quiet at first. He seemed to be mulling it over. "Well, if you really want to try it, I don't think anything's wrong with it. The only thing is that you'd better not decide that you like it better than cock. If you do, you're really fucked up. I'd throw you out of the house and kick your ass, too."
His approval surprised me and so did his outburst. Mike didn't often lose his temper. There was something irrational about the way he reacted. Obviously, he wanted me to do what I wanted. I hadn't expected him to be so tolerant. Yet he could not accept other women as a legitimate threat to men as the prime provider of my sexual satisfaction. If I decided I liked women better than men, I was "fucked up". Mike was a self-confident man, but my interest in lesbianism had threatened him. He would let me try it, but I couldn't enjoy it too much.
I decided to reassure him and, from then on, to deceive him if I could. If I started to enjoy cunt more than cock, I wouldn't let him find out. Hopefully, I would do better than I had in my last effort at deception.
"Mike, I could never enjoy anything as much as I enjoy that big cock of yours. I like cock so much that nothing could ever replace it. I don't want to replace it. I just want to try something different. I want to expand my horizons."
Mike looked skeptical. "If you say so, Lori. But remember what I said. If you start to prefer women to men, especially to this man, you're in trouble."
I realized it would be more difficult than I thought. Christ! If Mike was so damn up-tight over it, he would be watching me carefully to see how I reacted to other women. I would have to keep myself under control.
I was concerned, but I was exultant, too. Mike had cautioned me, but he had also given in. It was a strange situation. I could go ahead, but only so far.
Mike asserted himself immediately. "If you like cock, prove it," he told me.
"Didn't I prove it at the party?" I asked.
"Yes, sort of. But not with me. And not after you almost jumped in between Ann and Vicky after Barry laid you."
I did the only thing I could have done. I pulled out Mike's cock and slowly blew him. His slippery wet cock still reeked of the cunt-juice in which it had recently bathed. I had never minded the taste and smell of other women's pussies on Mike's prick, but I had never really enjoyed that taste and smell either. This time, however, I loved it. Except in my dreams, second-hand contact was the closest contact I had ever had with another woman.
As I sucked Mike's enormous tool, I closed my eyes. I saw alternating mental images: first the overflowing pussies I had seen that night, then Mike's big prick. Only gradually, as Mike's cock swelled larger and larger in my mouth, did the mental picture of his cock begin to dominate and the image of pussy fade from view. His cock still had a lot of power over me.
When Mike came, image merged completely with reality. A few drops of molten jizz shot into my throat. Then the familiar hard stream of cum followed. At that moment, Mike's prick dominated my consciousness.
I swallowed Mike's load and lifted my head to watch the sperm dribble off the end of his cock. He had shot even more than usual. Perhaps the sight of me in close proximity to other women and then our conversation about it had turned him on! Maybe he was more ambivalent about it than I thought.
Mike drove on without speaking while I shoved his cock back in his pants and zipped his fly. His hands gripped the steering wheel more tightly than usual.
"Mike, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Lori, did you get so excited just now from thinking about other women or from sucking my cock? You've never sucked me that hard before. You felt like a vacuum cleaner!"
"Oh, Mike, it was your cock. Jesus! You know I love to suck your cock," I assured him. I wasn't being completely honest, of course, and I watched carefully to see how he reacted.
"If you say so," he said hesitantly, as if he wanted to believe me, but wasn't quite sure if I told the truth.
This might be bad news, I decided. If he was so damn insecure, our whole marriage could crumble, even if he let me go ahead. I decided to question him further.
"Mike, doesn't it arouse you at all to think of me with another woman?"
He smiled. Now he looked like the old Mike again! "Yes, it does, Lori. It really does. But I still wouldn't want you to like it too much. What's so hard to understand about that?"
Now I felt better. If Mike was aroused, he would have a difficult time precisely judging the extent of my passion. I felt relieved that the situation excited him.
"Why didn't you ever suggest that I try it?" I asked. "Were you afraid?"
He avoided the issue. "I didn't want to push you. You never gave any indications that you were interested, at least until the last few weeks. And I wasn't sure until tonight that you were interested. Try it at the next party if you want."
"Not in front of all those people. Not the first time," I said.
"You didn't seem very shy tonight," he said, laughing as he spoke.
"That was different," I answered. "Before we went to our first orgy, we'd fucked each other hundreds of times. I've never touched another woman before. I don't want to do something for the first time in front of other people. That's all there is to it. I'm sure I won't mind after I've tried it a few times."
"That sounds reasonable," Mike said. "I'm going on a business trip next week. Invite one of the girls over. Maybe after you get used to being with another girl, we'll all get together – the other girl, you, and me. Then, after that, you'll be ready for the parties and the girls there."
That husband of mine had surprised me, but I wasn't sure of his motives for suggesting three-way sex. Mike, myself, and another girl! I found it an exciting thought. Women obsessed me now, but Mike did have a great cock. It would be perfect if I could combine the two. I hadn't had the imagination to think of it! But had he suggested it because the thought excited him or because he wanted to observe first-hand how I reacted to another woman, especially in direct comparison to how I reacted to him? Or was it a little of both? I would have to be cautious until I found out.
Again, my worry didn't dampen my enthusiasm. Mike had suggested that I give lesbianism a try. I had felt my cunt flooding when Mike assented to me indulging my needs. His suggestion about three-way sex didn't stanch the flow.
I had confessed to Mike, but not completely. One secret remained – the dream. That night, I had the dream again. The dream was almost the same as before. My ambivalence, my fears, were still there. I guess even my firm resolve to try lesbianism had not erased a lifetime's taboos.
Nevertheless, my fear seemed weaker in the dream. I awakened sure that I had moved forward to the bed faster than I had done in previous dreams.
This time, when I awakened at the same point in the dream at which I always awakened, I didn't rouse Mike from sleep. My cunt felt empty. My loins ached with desire. But I would wait. In a few days, the dream would become reality.