Suzy Cocteau had an IQ of 156, a body of 38-22-36, all at the age of twenty-eight.
She was good in math. Shit, when she had graduated from Tweedy High School she was voted most likely to succeed in the field of accounting.
But her favorite subjects were history and English and social studies and French and, home economics. Shit, Suzy Cocteau was a near genius.
She was what every man wishes his daughter to be: smart about dumb-ass things like school, and dumb about smart-ass things like life.
Suzy couldn't help being smart in a dumb-ass way, just like she couldn't help being dumb in a smart-ass way.
Textbooks were where she had learned about life, so that made her real smart when it came to knowing who the eighteenth presidonte of Argentina was, and what was the name of Geronimo's favorite home, and how to tell time at the South Pole when the sun was down and she couldn't see her watch.
People used to say that Suzy knew little about life because her parents were very overprotective of darling little Suzy.
"Nonsense," her father Pierre Cocteau would say. "Suzy only wears two bras because when she was a baby she'd always get chest colds."
"Pooh-pooh," her mother Joan Cocteau would say. "Suzy always takes three hankies to school in case someone cuts their arm and needs a tourniquet."
"Bullshit," her brother Jacques Cocteau would say. "Suzy, always sucks her thumb because the orthodontist told her it would help to straighten out her buck teeth."
So, when Suzy was a senior in high school, ready to leave the hallowed halls of Tweedy High School, she was ready to tackle life head-on – with her reports cards in one hand, her health-history file in the other, her lucky charms on one bracelet, her purse hanging from the other wrist, and a $5.95 rosary bouncing against the two bras she wore.
Yep, Suzy Cocteau was ready for college, but was college ready for her?
The first semester proved to be pure hell for Suzy.
Dorm life was pure torture. Why, girls actually ran naked down the halls to take their showers!
And dorm girls always talked about men's things, those abominable things that men… had… you know… down there… just below their bellies and… just above their thighs.
One girl, Holly Hoover, was a real shocker. Why, she would actually stick her ass – her big, bare ass – out the dorm window and tell dumb freshman guys to eat her pussy.
Suzy thought that was horrible, she just couldn't imagine anybody eating dessert that late at night.
Suzy's mother had told her often enough that eating late at night kept her from having a good night's rest.
The only comfort Suzy had while living in Dame Folker Hall was her roommate – a tiny thing straight out of Mater Nostrum High School with a scholastic record that sparkled with the first letter of the alphabet.
The tiny thing's name was Alice Handler and she was cute in a doll-like way.
Alice had a pert nose, two dimples that had just as much depth when she smiled as when she cried. Button eyes, nice clean wholesome hair that always looked washed and shiny, gleamy teeth. Alice, facially, was very cute.
Below the neckline Alice Handler was not cute – she was fucking ravishing!
Nobody, absolutely nobody, in Dame Folker Hall had a set of tits like Alice Handler, or a better set of swively hips, or a better set of huggable asscheeks.
Jesus, Alice Handler was just dynamite – an explosive five-foot-two, eyes-of-blue piece of cunt with a cute face.
And, of course, everybody liked Alice Handler – especially the guys.
But Suzy also liked Alice Handler.
Why, Alice would let Suzy borrow her shoes, her makeup, anything and everything… well, everything except those huge, mammoth-cupped Maidenform bras that Alice had to order custom-made. And, besides, it would have looked ridiculous for Suzy to wear two of Alice's bras on cold winter days.
Suzy and Alice got along very well for the first month of school.
Then something happened that ended their fine relationship.
It was all very weird to Suzy, but it was easy to suspect something was wrong, or that something funny was going an late at night when she would feel the coven being taken off her sleepy body and she could feel a pair of button eyes just staring at her.
At first, Suzy thought she was dreaming – thought she was just imagining that somebody was looking at her as she half dozed in her Mickey Mouse pajamas.
But then she found out that someone was there, that there was someone looking at her as she slept.
Suzy found out on a Tuesday night, a hot Tuesday night that had forced her to sleep minus her Mickey Mouse pajamas.
And what woke her up was a clicking sound.
Click. Click. Click.
At first, Suzy thought it was simply the cockroaches that sneaked out at night to munch on dead flies. But then again, Suzy was such a hygiene-conscious person that she remembered that there were four No-Pest strips tacked to the four corners of the room.
No, she knew it wasn't pests bugging her room. When Suzy opened her eyes, she was dazed by the desk lamp that had been goosenecked down and shining directly at her bed. Then she found out what kind of pest was busing her at night, making those fix tiny click-click noises.
Click. Click. Click.
"W-What are you doing, Alice?" Suzy was wide-eyed awake now, taking in the shadowy form that stood outside the beam of light.
"Oh, well… I'm just taking some pictures."
"Pictures!" Suzy sat up, fully realizing that Alice had been taking pictures of her body, in her two bras and white cotton panties. "B-But, w-why?"
"Oh, I sell them to the guys in Hartford Hall."
"What?!"
"What d'ya mean, what?! I make a lot of money at it. Besides, I gotta pay for my education somehow."
"B-But, how l-long have you b-been doing this, Alice?"
"Well, not very long… tonight's been the best night though, 'cause you're not wearing those Goddamned Mickey Mouse pajamas."
Click. Click. Click.
"Alice! Please!" Suzy scrambled out of bed, went to her desk and rummaged through it to find her Mickey Mouse pajamas.
The beam coming from the goosenecked lamp followed her frantic form, cast her curvaceous, two-breasted shadow against the wall.
Click. Click. Click.
"Please! Why are you d-doing this, Alice? I t-thought you w-were a nice girl!"
Alice stepped into the light. "Suzy, I just couldn't pass up the price for giving up all my niceness."
Suzy spun around, holding her Mickey Mouse pajamas in front of her body like a chicken-shit bullfighter hiding behind his cape. The cape lowered, and Suzy peered over Mickey Mouse's left ear. "You're naked!"
Alice looked down at her size forty-inch tits. "Yeah, I'm naked… how'd you notice?"
Suzy said: "Because you don't have any clothes on!"
Alice sat down on her bed, laying the camera down beside her. "You wanta know something, Suzy Cocteau… you're really remarkable. There's nothing wrong with running around naked. Look at me, I'm naked and I'm all right… don't you think?"
The cape went over Suzy's head and slowly fluttered over her head as she hastily stuck her arms into the sleeves. Mickey Mouse smiled fully now as Suzy quickly buttoned up the top.
"I think… I think… I think I'm going to cry."
Suzy cried, very hard. Cried like she hadn't cried since she was eight years old and she got a spanking for playing in the dirt and getting her hands dirty and her mother yelling: "Don't touch that dirt! It's dirty!"
Alice sat down beside Suzy. "It's all right, Suzy. Take it easy. I wouldn't sell these pictures to just anyone."
Suzy sniffled, opened up one of the fourteen boxes of Kleenex that her mother had packed in one suitcase when she went off to school.
"Then why d-did you t-take those nasty photos of me… when I was, oh gosh, almost n-naked," Suzy sobbed.
"Because I thought maybe you'd want to buy them back."
Suzy stopped crying. Could she believe her ears? Well, her ears were very real – but it was Alice who wasn't. Or at least that's what Suzy thought then. Shoot, Alice was her friend, her roommate, her nice-girl buddy.
Suzy was determined to get to the bottom of this. She summed up a lot of courage and determination, and she said: "Why?"
"Why not?"
Now what could she do?
Suzy felt as if she were being blackmailed. She felt as if her friend had turned out not to be her friend and was a very nasty person who only wanted to do harm to her.
In real life, of course, that's what Alice was – but Suzy had been too sheltered from real life and had been raised to believe that there weren't any rapists in the world, and that nigger boys never wanted to fuck the shit out of honky chicks, and that people never picked their noses and said nasty words like: Balls!
"Now, Suzy, here's how you pay me. I need forty dollars a week, which you can give me in cash, and I need to borrow your bonehead English book for the rest of the semester."
Suddenly Suzy realized that life was cruel, that there were people who ran over day-old kittens and laughed while they did it. Oh, gosh.
"But I-I don't have that much money, Alice."
"Yea, I know. I've seen your checkbook. But I know how you can get it."
"How?"
"By going out with some guys from Hartford Hall."
"Oh no! I can't… not yet. My mom and dad would be very angry… oh no! I can't do that!"
Alice casually glanced through some photos, some very recent photos, some that were taken just last week when Suzy was cuddled up wearing her Goofy set of pajamas and her hand was resting innocently on her thigh.
"That's me!"
"Yep, that's right," Alice answered smugly. "Now, your first date is set up with Michael Mangallo…"