I go to see Albert. Alone. There is some secret, I think, that he is withholding from me. I do not know what it is, only that it is vital.
His room is, appropriately, on the bottom level of the institution. I do not alert the staff to my presence, but go straight to his room. Outside his door, I hesitate. What am I doing here? What are these thoughts of secrets, of solutions? What can this visit bring except pain for me and confusion for Albert? On the door is pasted a piece of poster board with Albert’s name finger-painted on it in a deep mauve color. Rachel taught him how to do that, I remember.
From inside the room, I can hear Albert’s deep-throated moans. I push the door ever so lightly, and it swings silently inward. Albert lies on his bed, a prone giant. He is naked with the bedcovers pulled down just below his waist. An attendant-not a nurse, but a nurse’s helper-stands over his prone body. She is an attractive girl, the attendant. Straight black hair falls over her eyes. I look down and see that her hand moves rhythmically back and forth over Albert’s groin. She holds Albert’s sex organ in her small, pale hand. It is engorged with blood and angrily red. Just as I allow myself to comprehend what it is she is doing to him, a loud gasp escapes Albert’s throat, and then the girl is wiping the viscous fluid from her hand and from Albert’s belly with a clean white towel. She looks up at me and smiles. There is no sense of shame in her expression. No sense of having been caught doing something wrong.
“Can I help you?” she asks.
“I’m Albert’s father.” I can think of nothing else to say.
“Really! Well, it’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand to me. “I’m Violet.” I stare at her hand. “Oh, I guess I should wash up first.” I couldn’t believe this was happening. My mind couldn’t process the information quick enough. I had just caught this girl molesting my son, yet nothing seemed wrong.
“What were you doing?”
“Oh. Well. It helps him sleep. See?” Indeed, Albert was sleeping soundly. “He doesn’t know how to do it himself, and it doesn’t seem right that he should have to go his whole life without… you know. Does it bother you?”
“No. No, it doesn’t bother me.”
“Plus, you know how Albert can get agitated sometimes? Well, this helps him with that, too. A lot of the other attendants are scared to work with him because of what he did.”
She was referring to the suitemate Albert had killed.
“How long have you been working with Albert?”
“Not long. I hope you’re not mad.”
“No, not at all. I understand. I’d like to talk with you about Albert.”
“Gee, I don’t know if I could today. I’m getting off in a few minutes. Maybe you should talk to the head nurse.”
“No. I want to talk with you. The nurses don’t even come down here, do they?”
She shook her head.
“You would know more about Albert than any of them would. Let me buy you dinner, and in exchange, you can tell me about Albert, about his life here. A nice dinner.”
Violet looked uncertain, then nodded her head.