“When can we leave?” I asked Phineas that night when we were finally alone in our room.
He laughed, stretching out on the four-poster wooden-canopy bed. “Is it that bad?”
“Worse.” I sat beside him on the edge. “Your mother dislikes me immensely.”
“She has not gotten to know you. Give her time.”
“That is not the answer I had hoped to hear,” I said petulantly. “I thought you were anxious to search for the tea.”
He idly rubbed my arm with his fingers. “I must wait for the right moment in the season, when the leaves are golden and ready to pick.”
“Will you meet your partner there?”
“Yes.” His fingers traveled to my shoulder.
“Have you seen this tea for yourself?”
“Mmm.”
“Will you-”
He dropped his hand in exasperation. “Is it your intention to talk all night, wife? Yes, I have seen the tea with my own eyes. Yes, we will leave as soon as possible. Yes, I know that my mother excludes you from my family, but you must avoid her barbs.”
“Avoid them? Phineas, they already weigh heavily!” I said bitterly. “She will not give me a chance to speak. When you speak of me, she acts as though I were not even present.” I crossed my arms. “I should like to take her to a party in Britain. She could teach the ladies of society a thing or two about delivering the cut direct.”
Phineas sat up, laughing, embracing me with one arm. He kissed my cheek. “She will come around, Isabella. She worries about her only son.”
I had not seen her husband nor been given any explanation for his absence, though I knew she had remarried after Phineas’s father. “She is widowed?” I guessed.
He nodded. “Within the past five years. I was sorry to learn of it… for her sake.”
“What about your own father?” I turned closer to Phineas, intrigued. “How did she and your father meet?”
“She was the daughter of a merchant who dealt with the European traders-a member of the kung-hang, the officially authorized trading merchants. My father was the captain of an East Indiaman. My mother was allowed to visit the Thirteen Factories with her father, and she and my father met there. They fell in love-unheard of even between a Chinese man and woman. They were secretly married, and though she lived in her father’s house, she and my father made plans to return to England.”
He sighed. “Unfortunately, she learned she was carrying a child. When her parents found out, they were furious. To keep their good name, not to mention her reputation, they arranged a quick marriage to another kung-hang member, an older man. I believe they told him about the child and paid him extra money to raise it… if it was a boy, of course.”
“And if a girl?”
Phineas looked at me steadily. “They would no doubt have killed it.”
I squeezed his hand. “You were that child.”
He nodded. “Though forced into an arranged marriage, my mother was delighted to have me.”
“And your true father?”
“He did not know what had happened to my mother, for she disappeared, and he sailed back to England. When he was able to return many years later, he used all his powers to find out if my mother still lived and discovered that not only did she, but so did I.”
“He had not known you existed?”
“No. He was heartbroken at first, then angry at my mother for not telling him. He offered her and her husband a great deal of money for me, so that he might take me back to England to be raised. My stepfather had been kind to me, but I am certain that I was a daily reminder of what he felt was my mother’s indiscretion with a dreaded foreigner. He eagerly agreed.”
“And your mother?”
“She was heartbroken, of course, but she always clung to the hope that she would have other sons to raise. She wanted only to please her husband. After all, what could she do? She had no choice in the matter.” He paused. “She gave me the sword as a sign that I would always, rightfully, be her firstborn son.”
I leaned against Phineas for contemplation, but he did not give me any time for such. “We should enjoy our time here together,” he murmured. “Soon we will be traveling again, and our accommodations will be spartan at best. This house is more than comfortable.” He nuzzled my neck.
“This room is exquisite,” I agreed, a catch in my breath, but I was not thinking of the furniture or the rugs. Phineas made me forget almost everything when he was so near. “Tell me… tell me about Hu-King.”
He laughed softly. “Do you yet have need of a story to put you at ease when we are alone together?”
“Is that why you spun the tale?”
He pulled back so that I could see his smile. “It was also for my benefit. I could not sleep with you so near every night. I needed a distraction.”
I kissed him, boldly. “Then let us save the story for the morrow,” I whispered, just before he extinguished the candle beside our bed.
Phineas left in the morning to buy supplies for our pending journey. I wanted to hide in our room all day, but I awoke in such a pleasant, joyful mood that I disregarded my common sense. Phineas was right, after all; I should give his mother a chance to become acquainted with me.
“There you are,” she said when I entered the eating area. “You are a lazy girl to sleep so late.”
The sun had barely risen above the horizon, but I put on a smile anyway. She could not spoil my cheerful mood. “Good morning, Nai Nai.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You don’t have to pretend with me. Ah Chung is not here to be impressed with how you treat his mother.”
Perhaps I was wrong about my cheerful mood.
“But I am not pretending,” I insisted, eager to be understood. If she could only see my motive, she would no doubt like me! “I want to become acquainted with you, as I hope you do with me.”
“I do not,” she said. She poured tea from a ceramic pot into a matching cup but offered me none. “I only want you to leave my son so that he can marry a girl who is picked for him.”
I sat down and calmly poured a cup of tea for myself. “Did you see a matchmaker? Was such a girl selected?”
Apparently she did not fluster easily. “No. I had waited for his return so that we could accomplish such a thing then hold the wedding. A real wedding.”
“Our wedding was very real.” I sipped my tea, smiling as I stared off, remembering.
“Stupid girl.” Nai Nai slapped my face, and I dropped the cup in surprise. It fell to the floor, shattering, and I covered my cheek. I hated the tears that sprang to my eyes, but I could not hold them back. No one had ever struck me before, and I did not know if the humiliation or the physical sting hurt worse.
“Clean up that mess.” She rose, towering over me.
I pushed back my chair and rose. Now it was I who had the advantage of height. “Not unless you apologize.” God may have wanted me to show a meek and humble spirit to this woman, but this was not Catherine Ransom with her matchmaking tricks.
Nai Nai snorted. “Apologize for what? That you are a foolish girl who married my son? Bah! This is why we have matchmakers. They know better than the silly hearts of young people. I suppose you will tell me that my son loves you?”
Her words gave me pause. Phineas had never said that. Not in so many words, of course, but I had sensed it in his actions toward me. He had called me beautiful and married me, after all. Was there more to love? Were we lacking something?
“Ah,” she said, nodding. “So he does not love you.”
“It is only that he has never spoken the words,” I said. And neither had I.
She folded her arms. “You should go back to England and leave my son in peace. Surely you aren’t here just because of him, are you?”
“No, I’m here because I want to spread the good news of Christianity.”
She put back her head and laughed. “How will you do this?”
“I have tracts,” I said defensively. “Copies of the Gospel According to St. Luke that a British missionary translated from English into Chinese. People can read for themselves about-”
“Bring me such a paper,” she said. Her expression had suddenly gone serious, like someone who only recently learned the world is about to end.
“Certainly.” I curtsied without thinking, then hated myself for it while retreating from the room. I found the stack of hand-copied Gospels in Phineas’s trunk, still wrapped in Julia’s ribbon, and withdrew one. To my surprise, Nai Nai still stood at the table in the eating area. I had imagined that perhaps she had only meant to trick me.
I handed her the booklet, then watched as she studied it. “This was translated by Robert Morrison,” I said, “and I-”
Nai Nai tore a strip from the first page and plugged it into the wall. To my horror, she tore another strip and shoved it after the first one. “Holes,” she said simply, looking up at me. When she straightened, she called out, “Ting Fong!” The name means “Fragrance.”
The young maid entered, and Nai Nai handed her the mutilated tract without so much as a glance in my direction. “Use this when you must start a fire.”
Fragrance bowed at her mistress, but there was something defiant in her posture. As she turned away, she glanced at the broken cup on the floor then briefly at my face. She lowered her eyes again. “Would you like someone to clean this up, Madame Wong?” she said, her voice a trifle sharp.
Nai Nai apparently took no notice. “That won’t be necessary.” She nodded. “You may leave.”
Fragrance bowed, a lazy gesture of submission, and complied. Nai Nai looked at me, a curious expression of triumph etching her features. I seethed inwardly, but I would not allow her the upper hand.
“Clean up the mess,” she said in a low, dangerous tone.
I could be stubborn too. I turned my cheek, daring her to strike me again. “No.” Without waiting for her reply, I turned and left, not looking back, leaving the cup and spilled tea still on the floor.
Any sympathy I had had for Phineas’s mother withered and died. I did not want to hide in my room until Phineas returned, but neither did I want to risk running into her again. Fortunately, I found a garden with a wooden bench where I could sit. I studied the strange flowers and plants growing there. I had been told that Canton was called the City of Flowers, for they grew year round, but suddenly I missed the English gardens in Oxford. I had memories of playing among the hollyhocks and daisies and marigolds with Frederica when I was very young, then helping Flora plant flowers of our own when I was older.
I had worked hard to get to China, to learn the language and try to blend in with the culture, and one tiny woman with an enormous grudge was the near undoing of my plans! I could not believe that she would so heartlessly destroy not only the Scriptures I had so carefully copied, but the Word of God himself. Thankfully I was past tears, but I felt loneliness and heartbreak as heavily as ever I had experienced since leaving home. I began to wonder if I had been so very wrong about everything.
“Isabella!”
I turned, and Phineas stood at the opposite side of the garden. He smiled when he saw me, then hastened forward. I could not help smiling back. Would I do everything over again? Ah yes, here was my answer!
He cupped my elbows with his hands. “How pale you look,” he said, then turned my face to one side. “But you are red here. What happened?”
I considered then discarded the notion of telling him the truth. It was not my nature to prevaricate, but no good could come from lowering his mother in his eyes. “It is nothing, Phineas. I was not paying attention and walked into a doorway. It will be fine… Did you procure the supplies?”
“Yes. As soon as the season is right, we can leave for Hupei.” He kissed my forehead. “I know you are anxious to leave, yet your willingness to visit my mother completes my joy.”
I was glad that he could not see my face, for he would surely find guilt written there. Guilt and an important question that his mother had raised. “I… I care about you, Phineas. You do know that… don’t you?”
“Of course I do.” He smiled. “Just as I care for you.”
There! That was as good as saying the three magic words, was it not?
“Did you spend time with my mother this morning?” he said.
So much for magic. “We had tea together,” I said, relating the only honest thing that I could.
“Good.” He kissed the tip of my nose, then my cheeks, then my lips. “She is a lonely old lady.”
She is a bitter old lady. Violent too! “Phineas,” I said, before we were both lost in the moment.
“Shhh.” He put his arms around me more securely, and giving in, I embraced him as well.
Someone cleared her throat, and Nai Nai stood at the opposite side of the garden. Phineas and I separated guiltily. Nai Nai’s mouth worked open and closed like the orange and white carp swimming in the pond. “Yes, Mother?” Phineas finally said pleasantly.
Nai Nai glanced at me, then at Phineas, as though trying to ascertain how much I had told. I lifted my chin to let her know that I would never stoop to have my husband fight my battles for me.
“Is everything all right?” Phineas said, frowning.
She cleared her throat again. “Yes. I only wanted to see that you were home safely. You have not told me where you are going so soon when you have only just arrived yesterday.”
So he had not told his mother about his plan! That was certainly curious. I glanced at Phineas to check his expression, but he revealed nothing. “We can discuss it tonight at dinner if you like,” he said amiably.
“That would be suitable. Please forgive me for the intrusion.”
“You have not told her?” I said when we were alone.
Phineas sighed and sat on the bench. “There is no need, Isabella. She and I seldom speak of my father, and she has no notion of the East India Company’s commerce. Her husband never spoke of business matters with her, and she only knew that he dealt with foreigners.”
“Has she forgotten about your father completely?” I sat beside him. “Does she not remember their love?”
“I believe she has chosen not to,” he said. “Just as she would not remember me if I had not returned to China.”
How cruel. How very cold and cruel! She was a heartless woman, indeed. I took Phineas’s hand and held it as if I could keep him close forever. “My mother probably has some medicine for that mark on your face,” he said. “Would you like me to ask?”
“No. It will be fine. Phineas?”
“Yes?” He smiled.
“I do not ever want to lose you the way your mother lost your father,” I whispered.
“And you will not,” he said, kissing me for good measure. “Isabella, I want you beside me. We are warriors together, yes?”
I nodded, thinking of the family sword he had given me. His mother would most likely halve me herself if she knew it to be in my possession!
The welt on my cheek disappeared, as did the broken ceramic cup and spilled tea. I never knew if Nai Nai had Fragrance clean it up or if she herself did the deed. It did not matter to me. I would not tell him myself, but I would have been happy to have heard Phineas ask about the broken cup and for his mother to be forced to confess.
I still could not fathom that she had destroyed the Gospel I had so painstakingly copied by hand. No doubt the characters were shaky and perhaps even a trifle illegible, but like the monks of old who labored at the Book of Kells, I had endeavored to make the rendering as accurate as possible. I wondered if the tiny bit she had stuffed into the wall was still there…
As for walls, something strange occurred to me one afternoon. Phineas had left for an errand for his mother, as ladies did not venture from their homes. I, being weary, decided on a nap. I had just headed down the hallway toward my room when someone pushed me against the wall and felt under my skirt for my feet, one of which was lifted. I cried out, more in surprise than pain.
Nai Nai jerked off my slipper and stocking. “Just as I suspected,” she said in an accusing tone. “You have large feet.”
“I beg your pardon!”
“Good women-women with class-have their feet bound when they are girls. Your feet are natural. Large.”
She reached for them again, and I hopped away. “My feet are not large. They are rather small in nature, actually.”
She shook her head, scowling. “Very large.”
“Yes, well, would you please leave me alone now?” I said, reminding myself to lock the bedroom door. No telling if she would try to follow me to criticize more of my body parts!
Because of that incident, however, I made a note to study the feet of Phineas’s sister and mother. Only Nai Nai walked with a hobble, but their feet stayed hidden under their skirts. Perhaps it was no accident, if they could hold such power as to pull men under their spell. Apparently the mere sight of their supposedly tiny feet might send some men into a swoon.
I did not have to wonder long, for that afternoon I again retreated to the garden. This time Little Sister joined me. She often followed me around like a shadow when I first arrived, quiet, but once I had been there a few days, she apparently felt free to ask a multitude of questions. When she learned I spoke Chinese, no matter how halting, she peppered me with questions about England, about the Dignity, about fashion and books… She was hungry for knowledge and conversation. I often said a thankful prayer that she had somehow managed to survive. Many Chinese parents murdered newborn girls because they would only grow up and marry into another family.
Little Sister sat beside me on the bench, tucking her feet carefully under her skirt before I could see them. “Why are your feet so large?” she said without preamble. “Did your parents not want your feet to be small?”
“Foot binding is not something that is done where I come from,” I said, then paused. “Are your feet bound?”
Little Sister shyly pushed her feet out from behind her skirt. To my relief, they seemed normal. “Mother would have bound my feet,” she said, “but when I reached the proper age, Elder Brother would not allow it. It was right after Father died, so Elder Brother’s wish was followed.” She looked wistful. “Mother says my chances to marry have been reduced.”
She was so young to be concerned about such matters! “They are still very small next to mine, are they not?” I said, holding out my own feet.
“Yes, Tai Soi.” Little Sister called me Eldest Sister-in-law, giggled, then immediately sobered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed.” She tucked her feet back under her skirt.
I did the same. “It’s all right, Little Sister.”
“Are you and Elder Brother going to stay here forever?”
I did not know what Nai Nai had told the girl, but I determined to tell her the truth. “We will be leaving soon.”
“Will you return?”
“I do not think so, Little Sister.” The truth was that I was not certain what would happen to Phineas and me once we arrived in Hupei. After all, his plan was to find the golden tea leaf then use its sales to put the East India Company out of business. Which would, of course, mean eventually returning to England.
That, however, was not in my plans. Neither was staying at his mother’s house much longer!
“You will return with me, naturally,” Phineas said when I asked him about it that night when we were alone at last, preparing for bed.
“I have not thought of returning to England.” I fluffed my pillow and burrowed my head into it. I yawned, exhausted. “My calling, I believe, is to stay in China.”
Phineas laid his head on his own pillow, beside mine. “Even missionaries sometimes return to their homeland,” he said.
“But-”
He put his fingers over my lips. “I know what you are about to say, Isabella. You do not want me to attempt to find this golden leaf tea and bring it back to England.”
“I still do not fathom how your plan will work. I cannot believe you can compete with the East India Company.”
“Perhaps not, but I must at least attempt it.” He paused. “Lives are being ruined in this country, Isabella. People are dying. Surely you must understand the urgency.”
I raised up on one elbow. “I do, Phineas, but I am not certain this is the best way.”
“My mother also does not wish me to go to Hupei.”
“Of course not. You are her only son.”
“There is more to that than the relationship between Mr. Gilpin and his mother. In China, a son, even once married, lives in his parents’ house. He is expected to take over the household, with his wife caring for the home.”
“Then I should think her pleased that we were leaving so that she need not fear my usurping her authority,” I said. No wonder Nai Nai had resented my presence, even before we met.
“You have read her fears, which are not uncommon to Chinese mothers of sons. That she has all but begged me to stay is an indication that she is willing to accept that fear instead of the alternative.”
“And what is that?”
Phineas touched my cheek. “Being alone for the rest of her life. One day Little Sister will marry and move into her husband’s home. Then who will care for my mother?”
“Can she not remarry?”
“It is possible but not likely. Widows generally stay widows in China and are not encouraged to take another husband. Their chastity is highly prized. I think, too, that she is not willing to face heartbreak yet a third time.”
He blew out the candle and took me in his arms. After only a few days, I had come to rely on his physical presence, particularly at the close of day. In such a short time, I had learned what it meant to share my life with another. I was certain it was not something one could easily abandon, even after death. Lately the thought of losing Phineas, after all we had endured to gain one another, had hovered like a specter during my every waking moment. I could not shake it no matter how I tried to remove it from my thoughts.
“I am looking forward to our journey,” I whispered. “Tell me about the Mo Tong Mountains. When did you first go there?”
“The mountains are home to many monasteries, as you know. I learned martial arts there several years ago when I first returned from England-as a man. My mother and stepfather were dismayed that I had embraced Christianity, so they sent me there, hoping the Daoist monks would influence me.”
“And did they?”
“I am not fully Chinese, so I was not allowed in the temples or monasteries. However, one man became my sifu, my martial arts master, and I met many other students. My time there did not sway my beliefs. If anything, it reinforced them. The Mo Tong-the mountains themselves-have breathtaking valleys and cliffs and much vegetation and rocks on tall, steep peaks. Sometimes the mist shrouds the ancient buildings and stairways that seem to reach to heaven.” He kissed the top of my head. “I felt very close to God there. I hope you will too. It is a beautiful place.”
I shivered. We could not leave this home soon enough. I had wanted adventure for so long, and Phineas and I were near to realizing our dreams. In the darkness I held him closer as though I could hold him to the earth, our relationship a sapling threatened by a coming wind.
To prepare for our journey, Phineas insisted that we practice martial arts together in the grassy area of the garden. I smiled every time I thought of the expression on Flora’s face if she could see how I had learned to kick at an opponent’s head or punch much like one of the prizefighters at a boxing salon in London. Somehow I imagined that Uncle Toby would be pleased, for he had always indulged my hoydenish nature. Anything that allowed me to protect myself could only be good, in his eyes.
I wore the inexpressibles and loose top that Phineas had given me aboard the Dignity, and it felt good to have such freedom of movement. Such freedom was not without cost, however. Phineas refused to spare me from a harsh accounting, challenging my kicks and blocks in rapid progression. He spoke not a word, but I knew from the expression on his face that he meant to push my abilities. When at last he must have realized I was winded and spent (which indeed I was), he knocked me to the soft grass by sweeping his feet behind my knees. I dropped like a winged bird-unhurt, save for my pride.
He helped me up. I, grim-faced, assumed a defensive position. “Be prepared to counter that move,” he said. He did not allow me the quick, heated retaliation I desired but slowly, patiently demonstrated several kicks and distracting arm movements. I forgot that I wanted to bring him to the earth the same way he had me and practiced the moves until he nodded his satisfaction. Emotion had little place in martial arts, I was learning, but I did not always heed the lesson.
He bowed. “I think that is enough for today, Isabella. You look peaked.”
“If I am, it is only because I am anxious to fight you again.” I smiled, assuming an offensive stance.
“That is enough for now,” he said firmly.
“Can we practice with the sword?” I was not ready to finish our lesson.
He shook his head. “Your possession of the sword should be our secret.”
“You do not want your mother to know that I have it, do you?”
“No,” he said flatly. “I do not.”
I bowed, defeated before we had even begun again. “Very well. I will change my clothes.”
He winked at me. “May I go with you?”
“I think not.” I laughed in spite of myself. “I am peaked, after all.” Before he could respond, I left the garden and headed toward our room.
I hummed a cheerful tune, for every day drew us one closer to leaving. Passing Nai Nai’s room, I could not help noticing her open door. She had said little to me of late, perhaps resigned that I was taking her son away from her.
I meant only to glance through the door, as one’s gaze flits involuntarily. But I saw her seated on a willow chair, shoes and stockings off, and it was then that I saw her unbound feet.
I had never seen flesh so hideous. I had imagined binding meant only a restriction of the feet’s growth so that they were somehow only smaller lengths. But the arch of Nai Nai’s feet was high and pronounced, the toes curled sideways under and to the soles like the folds of an ugly fan. She rubbed them carefully, and it was obvious from her unguarded expression that she was in pain though her foot binding had ceased many, many years ago.
Catching my breath, I backed against the wall lest she think I spied on her. Against my will, tears sprang to my eyes as they had when she slapped me. In truth, I felt as though I had been slapped again, but it was surely pain much less severe than what she had endured for many years. I headed blindly for my room, grateful for the steadiness of my own feet.
Fragrance passed me in the hallway, bearing a bowl of steaming water. I stopped short. “Is that for Madame Wong?”
She yawned. “Yes. But first I have to chat with the other servant girl. We have been planning a long talk.”
“The water will likely be cold when you get it to your mistress,” I said, frowning at her lack of concern.
“No matter.” She shrugged. “That old lady isn’t going anywhere. Most likely she’ll smoke some opium. She’ll fall asleep and forget she asked me to bring the water for her feet anyway.”
I felt much as I had when Phineas knocked me to the ground. “She partakes of the drug?”
Fragrance narrowed her eyes. “What do you care? I know you don’t like her. If it keeps her from bothering you, it’s to your advantage, isn’t it?”
Without waiting for an answer, she bustled away with the pan, sloshing water as she went.
Shocked, I took refuge in the room, sitting on the edge of the bed to gather my thoughts. My head and heart could not reconcile all I had seen and heard with what I had hoped for the future. My picture of Nai Nai was rapidly changing, but surely it did not matter. Phineas and I would be leaving soon. Her life would return to the way it was before we arrived. She had survived without us; she would manage again. Little Sister would no doubt be all right, as well. Besides, it was not my concern.