I woke up late for the second day in a row and noticed a big purple bruise on my elbow. I reckoned I must have whacked it off the bedpost at David’s, but then again the bruise did look like it was a few days old. Maybe it had been there for a while and I just hadn’t seen it. The headache was back, worse than ever. I had dozed off around 6 a.m. and despite being exhausted I had started to dream. I didn’t dream about the drunk man and the angry driver and the brown leather bag. I dreamed about lying on a damp carpet of twigs with a heavy body pressing down on me and hands groping me. It was like what I’d felt at David’s. But this dream was even more terrifying than the other one. In this dream I wasn’t just an observer; I was a participant. An unwilling one. I don’t scare easily, but I couldn’t help feeling frightened now. The dream was so real I felt like I had actually been attacked. Even after I’d woken up I couldn’t shake off the terror I felt inside. And when I’d been on the bed I had been awake. Flashbacks from last night kept coming into my mind, the most heart-wrenching one being the look of confusion on Nick’s face. I couldn’t think about him now though. I had to get going.
I got out of bed, went into our tiny bathroom and turned on the shower. As I took off my pyjamas my heart started to beat faster and faster. There was another bruise, and another and another. My body was covered in them. Big black dirty bruises, all along my shoulders and chest and thighs. The one on my neck was so dark I couldn’t see my heart-shaped freckle. I was about to scream but stopped myself. Mum didn’t need to know about this. She would freak out and drag me straight to the doctor. I was so frightened, but I desperately tried to calm down. I had a quick shower, shivering even though the water was scorching hot. My mind raced, trying to find a logical explanation for these marks on my skin. They hadn’t been there when I was getting ready for bed. Surely if I’d been thrashing around in my sleep Mum would have woken up and stopped me? Maybe they weren’t bruises… they didn’t hurt at all… maybe they were just stains of some sort. I scrubbed at one on my shoulder but it didn’t budge. What the hell was happening to me? I was on the verge of tears but I held it together. I needed to get to the healer’s house.
I dressed quickly, throwing on anything I could find. Mum wasn’t anywhere near the house so I left her a note saying I’d be back in a couple of hours. Then I ran up towards the mines until I could get enough coverage, my blue Doc Martens splashing in last night’s puddles, spattering rainwater on to my denims. I took the card from my pocket and dialled the number.
‘Hello?’ A woman’s voice answered.
‘Hello,’ I said. ‘Um, I was given Ger Rapple’s number and I need to see him urgently. Today.’
‘I’m sorry, dear, but he’s fully booked today. And I’m afraid he’s busy for the next two weeks. But I can make you an appointment for then.’
My heart sank and tears sprang into my eyes. I couldn’t help it. ‘Please,’ I said, my voice shaking. ‘This is an emergency. Dr Cahill said this might be the answer to some… headaches I’ve been having. They’re getting worse and I can’t sleep. Please help me,’ I begged, no longer caring if I sounded desperate.
‘OK, dear, just calm down. Do you think you can get here in the next ten minutes? He’s just had a cancellation. If you can, then I’ll ask if he can see you.
‘Yes, that’s fine. I’ll be there.’
‘OK, now, can you give me some details.’
I gave her my name, address and date of birth, then rooted around in my bag for a piece of paper and scribbled the directions on the back of my Cupcake Café receipt.
Ger Rapple’s house was on the side of a mountain, about a twenty-minute walk from the mines. To make it I’d have to run the whole way there. I didn’t hesitate. It was uphill all the way, but I kept running. My stomach churned and my head thumped with every heavy step, but I had to keep on going, I had no choice. The sun blasted down on the road and I squinted, searching for Ger Rapple’s house in the distance. I wasn’t familiar with this part of Avarna; the scenery was all new to me. To my right was a narrow field covered with overgrown grass and chunks of rotting bark and on the far side of this field stood a forest of tall conifers, their tips piercing the pale blue sky. To my left the view was breathtaking. A huge green expanse led down to a vast lake, its surface glittering in the sunlight. On the lake’s shore stood the majestic ruins of a castle, its outer walls still intact and dotted with glassless arched windows. This part of Avarna was incredibly beautiful. I could see the healer’s house not too far away, so I picked up my pace and kept going.
I tried not to think about Nick. But I just couldn’t stop myself picturing him. Last night had been so perfect and I had completely messed it up. I wanted to rewind to yesterday. When it comes to love sometimes I think the lead-up is the best part. Yes, it’s erratic and uncertain, but at least there is nothing to lose. Once you finally get the person you want, then comes the horrible possibility of losing them. I had won Nick and lost him all in one night. I really couldn’t dwell on that now though. Besides the fact that it made me ache inside, I had something much more urgent to worry about.
The two-storey stone house had a red front door and a balcony that looked out on the magnificent view. To the right, beyond a colourful garden, stood a wooden log cabin, a wind chime on its porch tinkling in the light breeze. For a split second I thought about turning round. I thought about running back down the mountain and going back into the caravan, and getting back into bed, and forgetting any of this had ever happened. Part of me was tempted to do this. But another part of me knew that if I kept on ignoring whatever this was… something even worse might happen. And I didn’t want to imagine what could be worse than last night. So I knocked on the door of the house and a man whom I assumed was Ger Rapple opened it. He was not at all as I’d expected. I had imagined he might look a bit strange, a touch wacky, but he was really normal. He wore a blue striped shirt and beige cords. He had broad shoulders, tanned skin and a short grey beard. I guessed he was about fifty, and he had a warm smile that was very welcoming. I instantly felt calmer.
‘You must be Jacki,’ he said. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘Hi,’ I said as I shook his hand. He had a calm air about him, completely relaxed and untroubled. I was starting to think that maybe everything was going to be OK after all. Ger would figure out what was wrong and my life would go back to the way it used to be.
‘Is there anyone here with you?’ he asked, looking down the driveway. ‘When people are under eighteen I prefer that they have somebody with them.’
‘No, there isn’t… but I really need to see you. Today,’ I insisted as politely as possible. I couldn’t miss out on this, the possibility to switch my life back. There was no way I could explain this to Mum. I needed Ger to see me. I looked at him pleadingly.
He hesitated, but to my relief, said ‘OK then, this way,’ and I followed him over to the log cabin. It was really bright inside, the sunlight beaming in through the back window. A soothing violin concerto played on the stereo in the corner. ‘OK, Jacki,’ he said. ‘What can I do for you?’
‘Something very weird is happening to me,’ I said. ‘I need to know what’s going on.’
The details came gushing out of me all at once. The nightmares, the visions, the headaches, the bruises and the mysterious attack. I told him about the girl I’d seen in the forest and in the café and about the dream I’d had last night. I didn’t care if he thought I was crazy, I just needed to tell someone the whole story.
He didn’t seem shocked by any of it. He simply looked at me for a few moments, as if deciding the best way to explain.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘It seems to me that someone is trying to contact you.’
I had an idea what he was hinting at. But I needed to find out more.
‘Who…?’ I said.
‘When I say “someone”… I mean… someone from the other side.’
That’s what I’d been afraid of.
‘Like a… a ghost?’ When I said it out loud I realized how utterly ridiculous it sounded.
‘Yes, a spirit, perhaps. The headaches you described are a common side-effect of spirit contact.’
This was getting too much for me. After being so eager for answers, I wasn’t prepared for it. I had to get out.
‘I’d better go,’ I said. ‘I don’t feel comfortable with all this.’ I wasn’t ready to hear it. I had let fear get the better of me. I’d been so frightened that I’d allowed myself to go beyond desperate. I should never have come here. There’s no such thing as ghosts, I told myself. I had to get out of there. Ger did not stir, even as I made my way to the cabin door.
‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled as I pushed the door open.
‘Jacki?’ he said.
I just wanted to leave. ‘Yes?’ I replied without looking back.
‘Can I ask you a question?’
I hesitated, but turned round and nodded anyway, preparing to take off as soon as I had answered. Ger spoke quietly, so that I had to listen really closely to hear him. ‘Your dad wants to know… why are you wearing his socks?’
I was suddenly aware of the feel of the thick grey cotton socks on my feet. They were my lucky socks. The ones that I wore when I had to do something I was nervous about. The ones I had taken from one of the plastic bin bags at the foot of Mum’s bed before she gave them away. That morning I’d put them on to try to make myself feel a bit better. Nobody knew I had them. Not even Mum. And there was absolutely no way Ger could have known or even guessed. I was wearing Doc Martens: my socks couldn’t be seen. Besides, I hadn’t even told him that my father was dead. I stood stuck to that spot for several moments.
‘How did you… how did you know…?’ My voice trailed off into nothing.
‘Are you OK?’ asked Ger.
‘Yes. Yes, I’m fine.’ I was desperately trying to hold back my tears, but failing miserably.
‘Why don’t you sit down.’
I walked back across the room and sat on one of the chairs. I felt like I was in a sort of trance. I couldn’t feel my feet move; I was completely in shock.
‘Here.’ Ger gave me a tissue and I wiped my eyes.
‘Are you… are you, like… talking to my dad?’
‘We were only able to communicate for a few seconds. He’s moved on, you see. He’s at peace. Not like the spirit who’s been trying to get in touch with you. She’s not at peace. She needs your help to move on.’
I was so glad to hear that my dad’s spirit was at peace, but disappointed that Ger couldn’t talk to him for longer. I couldn’t explain how he knew about the socks without accepting that what he was saying was true. Something or someone was trying to contact me. From the other side. I had no idea why they’d chosen me. I was a fifteen-year-old sceptic. Maybe Ger would know why.
‘But why me?’ I asked. ‘Why is she contacting me? I’ve just moved here.’
‘There must be a reason why she chose you,’ said Ger. ‘I’m not getting very many details about her… but I do think she had a violent death.’
‘Was she… murdered?’ I whispered.
‘Perhaps.’ Ger’s voice was gentle. ‘Jacki, some people are more in touch with the other side. I am, and so are you. She is contacting you through your dreams, and in other ways.’
I looked down at my bruised arm.
‘Why would she… why would she do this to me?’
‘She wanted to get your attention.’
‘What’s her name?’ I asked, even though by now I had an idea what the answer might be.
‘Jane.’
This name took me completely by surprise. I’d been expecting something else.
Ger saw my surprise. ‘Does that mean anything to you?’
‘Not at all. I thought it might have been a girl who was killed near my home… Beth Cullen. What… what does Jane want from me?’
‘You have to figure that out on your own, I’m afraid. She chose you, not me.’
I guess it felt kind of an honour to be chosen, but at the same time I had no idea what on earth I could do. I wished she could find a less scary way to ask for help.
‘How can I help her if I don’t know what she wants?’
‘You haven’t been listening to her messages. Until today you didn’t even think something like this was possible. You have to start listening. There must be links between the dreams you are having, the places you saw her.’
‘If I listen, if I find out… will she go away?’
‘Once this spirit gets help she’ll move on. But…’ Ger let his sentence trail off, and avoided looking at me. This worried me a bit.
‘But what?’ I said.
‘Well… I wouldn’t be surprised if something like this happens again in the future. It seems that a unique path has been chosen for you.’
I sighed as I imagined a lifetime of headaches and visions and nightmares.
‘You can’t ignore this any more. It’s like driving along a road and completely disregarding the markings… eventually you’re going to get hurt.’
More hurt than I already was? I could take the headaches and the nightmares, but last night had been unbearable. I didn’t want to go through something like that again. Was Ger saying I had no choice? That I’d been chosen to do something, and that I had to accept whatever consequences came with it?
‘What if I can’t work it out?’ I said. Just because I was prepared to accept that a spirit was contacting me, didn’t mean I would suddenly get any better at figuring out what she wanted.
‘You will. I know you will.’
Ger stood up and walked over to the bookshelf. He took down a small black book and handed it to me. MASTERING PSYCHIC PROTECTION was printed on the cover in tiny gold letters.
‘I think you should read this,’ he said.
‘Is this to protect against the spirits?’
‘Yes, but it will also help you learn how to defend yourself from people on this side. Here, the demand for the truth never quite matches up to the supply. Some spirits want to get their message across, but often there are people who don’t want that message revealed.’
I took the book from him.
‘You can choose to block this out, Jacki, choose to ignore it as you have been doing, but you do so at your own risk. If you don’t start accepting who you are now, your health will just continue to get worse.’
Even though it was hard to believe, I was feeling better already.
‘Thanks. I’m sorry for, well, you know… for being so rude earlier,’ I said.
‘It’s fine,’ he said. ‘I understand. I’m not interested in trying to convert sceptics. People can believe whatever they want. And people can deny this stuff all they like… But as you know, when it’s staring you in the face, it’s very hard to get away from it.’
I felt guilty. Jane had been staring me straight in the face and I had explained her away. I tried to remember her features, but they were just a blur. Ger handed me another tissue and I wiped my face again. I’d been in such a rush that I’d forgotten to put on make-up and now must have looked a state, my bare face all red and puffy. The relief I felt meant that the tears just kept coming. I hardly ever cried; this was really not like me.
‘How did you find out you had this ability?’ I asked, trying to divert attention away from me as I pulled myself together.
‘I sort of always knew I could do it. I just wasn’t able to accept it. Or, rather, wasn’t willing to accept it. It’s not an easy thing to do, to acknowledge that you’re different. I ignored it for years. I was very sick, in and out of hospital all the time. I’d been to see different doctors, but none of them seemed to be able to diagnose my condition. It baffled them. I went to a specialist in Dublin, and he said, “I think we both know what’s wrong. You have a gift, and you’re not using it.” The specialist’s grandfather was a healer too. He told me that the kind of healing I do can be traced right back to ancient Ireland. He gave me his grandfather’s number, and it took off from there. I haven’t been back to hospital since.’
‘So what am I? I’m not a healer.’
‘No. But you do have the ability to connect with spirits. You can be whatever you want to be, just as long as you remember to use your gift. You don’t want to suppress it. You don’t want to end up like I did.’
‘Can you talk to my dad again?’
‘I’m afraid not. I think your dad must have been worried about you. Maybe he needed you to believe what was going on. Communicating with spirits who are at rest is extremely difficult and can be highly dangerous. It should only be attempted in exceptional circumstances. That’s not to say what you’re about to embark on won’t be dangerous as well.’
My stomach twisted. I wondered what else I’d have to endure.
‘You can talk to people who are in between more easily,’ said Ger. ‘Spirits who haven’t moved on. You can help them. You can help Jane.’
‘How do I help her?’
‘Just listen. Listen to what she has to say.’