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Still clutching the brown envelope, I dodged the puddles on the path that led through the grounds of Kilkenny Castle. I closed the top button on my trench coat and wandered along, taking in all the beauty of those noble surroundings. I’d gone for a walk to clear my head, to gather my thoughts and decide what to do. I had a choice. I could help with Operation Trail, or forget it existed.
I wasn’t sure what to do, but I was almost certain that if I was to help Sergeant Lawlor I might have to go through the headaches and the nightmares all over again. But I couldn’t exactly abandon those women in the photographs. They needed help, and I was one of the few people who could give it to them.
My head throbbed as I recalled what had happened in Avarna the previous summer. I wasn’t sure if I could go through all that again. But maybe it would be easier this time around, now that I knew what to expect. I just wished somebody would decide for me.
The castle grounds were particularly beautiful that spring morning. The grass was damp with dew and the trees were pretty with their new leaves and small buds. I walked along, following the path, trying to reach a conclusion.
I sat down on one of the benches, opened the envelope and looked through the pictures again.
The first photograph was of a girl probably around my age. She had long red hair and was wearing a polka-dot cocktail dress.
The next girl had blonde hair like mine. She was sitting in the passenger seat of a car, with her bare feet up on the dashboard, looking into the back seat and smiling at whoever had taken the picture.
The third photo was of an older girl, maybe about 21, with short brown hair and a dimple on her left cheek. She was lying on a bed of grass with her hands above her head. She had beautiful blue eyes and thin red lips, and looked like she was in mid conversation.
The last picture was of a younger girl, with black hair and funky glasses. She wore an emerald green evening dress and was looking away from the camera, off to her right. Her hair fell in loose waves on her shoulders.
All young. All beautiful. All missing.
I put the pictures back in the envelope and kept walking along the path. I knew I had to decide soon. The more I thought about it, the more tempted I was to ring Sergeant Lawlor and tell him I didn’t want to get involved. I didn’t want to have those horrible headaches again. I didn’t want to have nightmares every time I went to sleep. And I didn’t want to put my life in danger. But maybe that was selfish. Maybe I had to put my own fears aside. Maybe I had to do this? I really didn’t know what to do.
I noticed a striking sculpture to my left. It was tall and cylindrical, composed of lots of green metal hands, their fingertips reaching up to the sky. They were eerily lifelike, with realistic knuckles and fingernails. They looked as if they had been moulded from real people. I walked over to it, placing my hand on one of the metal ones. The sculpture was so unusual. I liked it, but wondered what it was supposed to represent. The hands were all touching, all joined together, yet they looked like they were reaching for something.
Come on, Jacki. You have to decide, I told myself.
‘Dad,’ I whispered, ‘I know I can’t talk to you. But you might be able to hear me anyway. I need you to help me. I need you to give me a sign.’
I turned round and walked back to the path. That’s when I noticed the large stone facing the sculpture. It seemed to have some sort of inscription engraved on it. I moved closer and read:
This sculpture and area of reflection is dedicated to all missing persons. May all relatives and friends who visit find continuing strength and hope.
I had my answer.
Just as I reached for my phone, it started to ring.
‘Hello,’ I said.
‘Morning!’ Mum’s voice was comforting as always. ‘We’re just leaving Avarna now, so we should be in Dublin around lunchtime.’
‘I can’t wait to see you!’ I said. We’d arranged to spend a couple of nights in Dublin to visit Gran.
‘How did your gig go?’
‘It went great.’ I hadn’t decided whether to tell Mum about Sergeant Lawlor. But it definitely wasn’t the kind of thing I could tell her over the phone.
‘I’m sorry I missed it.’
‘It’s fine, Mum. Sure you’ve been to enough of them.’
‘I know I have!’
‘Tell her! Tell her!’ I could hear Des shouting in the background.
‘Tell me what?’ I said.
‘Well, we have some news.’ She sounded a bit nervous. ‘You’re… you’re going to be a big sister!’
‘Oh my god… you’re pregnant?’ I was so shocked. But very excited.
‘Yes!’
‘Oh, wow! That’s amazing! We can celebrate later!’ I knew Mum and Des had been planning to have a baby, but I hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. I was really happy for them.
‘So we’ll see you in Gran’s?’ said Mum.
‘Definitely, I’m going to get the bus to Dublin soon. I’m meeting Hannah and the others for lunch, then I’ll go straight to Gran’s.’
‘Great, see you later.’
‘See you later!’ shouted Des.
I had just hung up when the phone beeped with a text.
Miss you x
It was from Nick. I missed him too. Now I had so much news to tell him. But I had another call to make first.
I stood for a few minutes with the phone in my hand, staring at the screen. Then I took the white card out of my back pocket and dialled the number written on it. He answered straight away.
‘Detective Sergeant Lawlor.’
‘Hi,’ I said. ‘This is Jacki King.’
‘Hello, Jacki. How are you?’ He sounded very professional, but I could still sense the anticipation in his voice.
‘I’m well, thanks. I’ve decided to do it. I’ve decided to help with Operation Trail.’ As I said it, I could feel a familiar mix of fear and excitement rising inside me. This was it. There was no going back now.
‘Thank you,’ said Sergeant Lawlor. ‘That’s good news. I’ll let the team know and will be in touch.’
I slipped my phone into my coat pocket, then turned and walked back towards the castle.
Four.
The number of women I have to help.