Lucas didn’t realize he’d dropped his notebook when he stole my binoculars, and it took me days to notice they were missing. It took me even longer to unlock the secrets that he kept in his weird journal, although I understood from the start that he was a child used to keeping secrets. Lucas didn’t exactly remind me of myself at that age-I’d always been athletic and big enough to scare away bullies-but there was something in his obsessive scribbling and the intensity of his stare that seemed disconcertingly familiar. My parents’ violent marriage had also forced me inward in certain ways. Perhaps it was my own sad dreaminess that I saw reflected in Lucas Sewall’s eyeglasses.
Or maybe it was just his miserable circumstances.
After leaving my dad, my mother had dated a couple of hardened assholes-a bartender named Rick and a builder (also, unfortunately) named Mike-handsome, confident guys who couldn’t disguise their disdain for my existence. I was my mother’s baggage and not necessarily worth the high cost of bedding her. Fortunately, my mom chose loneliness over the false comfort of a strong man’s arms. But that choice never seem preordained at the time. Instead of marrying an affluent tax attorney, she might easily have ended up with her own Randall Cates, and what would have become of us then?
I drove down the road a ways until I came to a Department of Transportation maintenance lot. Plow trucks had been exiting and entering the facility during the blizzard, reloading with sand and salt brine to spray on the roads, but at the moment all was quiet. I parked beside a snowbank and let my engine idle.
“You’ll be all right once you get laid,” Kathy Frost had said.
If I closed my eyes, I could picture Jamie Sewall’s full lips, and I felt an all-too-familiar stirring. Sarah had been the last woman I’d slept with. There were nights after we’d broken up when I’d thought about going out to bars with some of the other single wardens and cops, but I’d become worried about my growing thirst for alcohol. Then the Maine Warden Service had seen fit to transfer me to the wilds of Washington County, where the term nightlife referred to the sorts of creatures that got into your garbage cans at three in the morning.
A couple of years earlier, I had been so reckless-so driven by self-destructive impulses-that I might have called Jamie’s house that very instant to ask her on a date. But I had been working hard to keep my emotions under control. Avoiding a romantic entanglement with the ex-girlfriend of the local drug dealer seemed like a good first step in that direction.
Feeling both virtuous and blue-balled, I telephoned Sergeant Rivard and got his voice mail. I left a long-winded message, telling him about my conversation with the sheriff and our visit to the hospital, and asking him to call me with news. Then I started off in the direction of my unheated little trailer. There was a hardware store along the way where I could buy some new fuses for the electrical box, and I needed to get some milk and frozen burritos, too.
I glanced at my wristwatch. It wasn’t even ten o’clock yet. I’d been awake and on the go for more than thirty hours. No wonder my brain felt like Muhammad Ali’s punching bag.
The date, I noticed, was February 14: Valentine’s Day.
There was a four-door pickup, a silver Chevy Avalanche, emblazoned with the logo of the Call of the Wild Guide Service and Game Ranch, parked in my dooryard.
Now what?
Two men were seated inside the cab. I recognized Brogan’s fur hat through the window, but the other guy was just a shadow. I put on my sunglasses and stepped outside into the bright and freezing morning.
The passenger door opened and a blond-bearded man unfolded himself from inside the Avalanche. He was about six five, maybe 230, my age more or less, and he glowed like a fallen god out of Norse mythology. His skin was deeply tanned, and he had gathered his blond hair up in a braid, which was draped over one shoulder like a pet snake. He wore a camouflage jacket over a heavy duck-hunting sweater, loose-fitting wool logger’s pants, and tall LaCrosse boots. I spotted a big knife in a leather sheath on his belt.
“Hey, Warden,” said Billy Cronk.
“What are you guys doing here, Billy?”
A week earlier, I’d busted Cronk for guiding a party of coyote hunters through an old lady’s front yard. They’d been running dogs at night with GPS units fastened to their collars, chasing coyotes over hill and dale, until the dogs finally cornered a pup in a streambed, seventy feet from a woman’s bedroom. Then one of Cronk’s sports had recklessly opened fire with his AR 15, perforating her porch light. I’d watched the whole episode unfold through night-vision goggles; a week later, the sheer stupidity of the act still left me speechless.
“I just want to apologize again.”
For all his physical grandeur, Billy’s body language was completely lacking in confidence. His head was hanging, his shoulders were slumped, and he couldn’t meet my eyes. He reminded me of a little boy whose father had just introduced him to the business side of a belt.
“We’ve already been through this.”
“I’m not trying to make excuses,” he said, which meant that he was about to make an excuse. “I totally fucked up. But the sports I was guiding, they were real demanding, you know? They were from Pennsylvania, right? And we’d been at it two nights in a row with no luck, and then one of the guys got overexcited. He’d never been hunting at night before, and he didn’t follow my instructions.”
Brogan was glowering at us from behind the wheel of the Avalanche.
“You were his guide,” I said. “It was your job to make sure everyone followed state law about shooting near a residence.”
“You know how some of those out-of-staters are.” He raised his head. His eyes were like pale crystals set into a bronze war mask. “These guys were big-time businessmen-insurance agents! — and they kept busting my balls about every little thing.”
“The point is that you put that man in a position to take a shot at that animal.”
“I know, I know. But I told him not to shoot. I saw the house through the trees. If you was watching, you saw me yell at him to stop.”
I had indeed seen Cronk shout at the man before he raised his rifle. But that scarcely excused his negligence as a guide. “I’m sorry, Billy, but I’ve got to put the summons through. My hands are tied.”
In reality, I had all sorts of latitude. No law-enforcement officer is ever compelled to report every petty illegality he happens across. But gonzo coyote hunters had never been my favorite people. Back in Sennebec, I’d busted a father and his three sons for terrorizing the entire town, running their baying dogs through the woods at night like the Wild Hunt.
“Come on, man,” he said, looking down at me from his considerable height. “I’ve got four little kids at home. My wife don’t work because she’s got to take care of them. I should have been more forceful with those assholes. I shouldn’t have let them boss me around that way. But this one mistake is going to fuck up my entire life. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime here.”
Unlike some of the officers I worked with, I’d never enjoyed the power trip that came with being a cop. Billy Cronk seemed like a good guide who’d had a bad night. I reconsidered letting him go with a warning and was on the verge of doing so, in fact.
Before I could open my mouth, however, the driver’s door swung violently open and Joe Brogan hopped out. I didn’t know how much he’d heard of the conversation-his truck engine was loud-but he’d come to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to cut his guide any slack. His thick brown beard bristled as he said, “So you’re just going to be an asshole?”
“Stay out of this, Brogan. You’re not persuading me of anything by invading my property this way.”
“Billy has a wife and four little kids to feed. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“This conversation is over.”
I opened my passenger door and grabbed the plastic bag of overpriced groceries I’d purchased at the variety store. On the floor mat in the backseat, a yellow notebook was peeking out. I leaned in to retrieve Lucas Sewall’s forgotten journal.
When I tried to walk to my door, Brogan stepped in front of me and crossed his arms. “We know all about you,” he said. “Your superiors think you’re a fuckup, which is why they transferred you here. Everyone in Augusta is just waiting for you to make a mistake so they can fire your ass.”
Brogan spoke as if he were sharing a secret he’d learned from an informant deep inside the Warden Service. My reputation was fairly public, but it wouldn’t have surprised me if the ranch owner had had a few buddies in the department, as well. I realized he was trying to goad me into doing something stupid. A voice spoke to me from my days at the Maine Criminal Justice Academy: If you lose control of yourself, you lose control of the situation.
“Get out of my way,” I said.
“You’re going to wish you had a few friends real soon.”
“What does that mean?”
Brogan’s eyes smoldered like hot black coals. “You’ll find out.”
The temptation to pop him on the nose was nearly uncontrollable. Instead, I clenched my molars and made a wide circle around his position. Over my shoulder, I said, “Don’t come to my house again, or I’m going to bust you for trespassing and threatening a law-enforcement officer.”
Loud enough for me to hear, Brogan muttered, “Asshole.”
As I fiddled with the keys, I noticed the hole left by the nail in my door. My vandal’s identity no longer seemed much of a mystery. It had to have been Brogan or one of his men.
The trailer was cold and dim. I parted the curtains and looked out at my snowy dooryard. I watched as Brogan snarled something and then spat his entire wad of tobacco against the side of my patrol truck. He raised his collar and climbed behind the wheel of the Avalanche.
Cronk remained where he’d been standing, his blond head in his hands.