All things considered, it sure looked good.
“Well, maybe just one.” I wagged my index finger at him. “But then I want to know what the hell is going on here.”
The red-haired, pug-nosed friend raised his glass. “To Richard and Missy.” We clinked glasses and drank. I wasn’t sure what blood type it was, but it tasted delicious. Then they passed a half-empty bottle of vodka around and all took a drink from it. I waved it off when it was my turn.
“That stuff has no effect on me anymore.”
Richard shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t normally. Alcohol only gives you a buzz when you use it as a chaser to the blood.”
“Oh. Good to know.” I grabbed the bottle and took a swig, then passed it back to him.
“What the hell is going on in here?”
They eyed one another. “What do you mean?” Richard asked.
“You’re a vampire.”
“And so are you.” He shrugged when I gasped. “Sorry, but it’s kind of obvious. The whole raw-steak thing last night was a dead giveaway. So, yeah, I’m a vampire. What’s your point?”
What is my point? I frowned. The shot of vodka was already making things a bit blurry.
“You’re not supposed to mix with humans. It’s wrong and dangerous, and many other words I can’t think of right now. Bottom line is, you can’t be a vampire and live a human life, too. It’s just not done.”
“And who told you that?”
“A master vampire.”
The three of them looked at one another. “Oh, a master vampire,” “Blond Buddy” said.
“I’m sh-sh-shaking.”
“Very scary,” “Red-Haired Buddy” said, straight-faced. He adjusted his bow tie. “I’m closing my bookstore tomorrow and moving underground with the other monsters.”
“There are monsters living underground?” I said, eyes wide.
“Have another shot.”
I did. And then another. And then I was feeling no pain whatsoever.
“Look, Sarah, it’s great of you to be so concerned for Missy.” Richard tipped the vodka bottle back and finished it off. “You’re right. It’s not easy trying to combine two very dissimilar lives. But sometimes it’s worth the effort. Missy’s worth it.”
I poked him in the shoulder. “And you’re not just trying to bite her?”
“Only when she misbehaves.” At my look he waved me off, laughing. “Just kidding.
Here’s the thing, Sarah. Back in the day, me and the guys here used to be college roommates. It was too stressful in the city, dodging the hunters all the time. In a small town like Abottsville, things are quieter, easier to manage. Sure, there’s been a few”—he paused to search for the right word—“incidents from time to time. But we’ve made it work.”
“Incidents?”
Blond Buddy lit up a cigarette. “There have been a few misguided souls who imagine themselves to be ‘vampire slayers.’” He actually made air quotes. “It’s that damn television show. With the skinny blond chick. So we keep to ourselves as much as possible. If everyone found out the truth, they might come after us with pitchforks and torches.”
“Pitchforks.” I snorted with drunken laughter at the mental image. “That’s funny. In a bizarrely scary sort of way.”
“So, Sarah, how are you enjoying your new life?” Richard asked.
“Me?” I quieted down and made a sour face. “I think it’s safe to say that becoming a vampire is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. In fact, I have a strange desire to throw myself off a bridge.”
“That’s not good.” Red-Haired Buddy shook his head solemnly. “Besides, that would be a total waste, since you’re way hot. Even after the whole puking thing last night.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You know,” Richard said, “if you feel that strongly about it, maybe you should try to find the cure.”
I blinked at him. “Huh?”
“The cure.”
I got to my feet in a flash and managed to bang my head on a coatrack. I sat back down.
“I don’t think I heard you right.”
Richard sighed. “The cure for vampirism. I’ve heard some scientists have been working on it in Europe for years now.”
A cure? My mind raced. Well, as fast as a mind dulled by blood and vodka could race. Hadn’t Zelda mentioned something about a cure? I thought she’d just been kidding around.
“You’re serious? There’s a cure?”
“It’s really just a rumor I’ve heard here and there, but if you really hate being a vampire so much, you should try checking it out further. Seriously, though, Sarah, give it some time. It’s not as bad as you think.”
“You guys are great.” I leaned over and kissed Richard noisily on the cheek. “Missy’s so lucky to have you.” I grabbed him around the neck and hugged him as only a drunken woman in a low-cut eggplant-colored dress could do.
“Am I?” Missy said from behind me. I jumped and banged my head against the rack again. I rubbed my now-tender scalp and turned around. Missy was peeking through the mass of coats, watching me drool all over her shiny new husband.
“Missy! Um, this isn’t what it looks like.”
“That’s funny, because it looks like the weekly meeting of Vampires Anonymous is going on in the coat checkroom of my wedding.”
I reached up and grabbed her by her pearl necklace to pull her down to the floor next to me. She shrieked and I clamped my hand over her mouth.
“First of all,” I said, “shhh! And second of all, that was kind of funny.”
She pulled my hand off her mouth, then stood back up, brushing the front of her wedding gown off. “Geez, Sarah, I just wanted you to know I’m almost ready to throw my bouquet. Now I have to go fix my makeup. Thanks a lot.”
“Sorry. But this means you know? About”—I pointed at the guys—“you-know-what?”
“Of course I know.”