Harlan waved away the nurse when she offered him a newspaper. He wasn’t interested in what the media had to say about the personal histories of him, Neil Price or anyone else. And there was nothing they could tell him about the hard facts of the case that he didn’t already know. Jim had filled him in on the few details he’d been uncertain about. At first, after abducting Ethan, Yates had kept him gagged, bound, blindfolded and ear-muffled. In such a state of sensory deprivation, it was impossible for the boy to say where he’d been taken or how long he’d been held there for. All he knew was that every once in a while someone came to feed him food, liquids and tablets. At some point it seemed that, as Harlan suspected, he was moved to another place. Ethan had a vague, dreamlike memory of being lifted and carried. It was after that that he woke to find himself free of his bonds in the room where Harlan had found him. From then on, the man in the balaclava looked in on him once every day or two.
There were other details. Things Yates told the police that contradicted what Neil told Harlan — things like how the whole sorry caper was Neil’s idea from start to finish. But Harlan wasn’t concerned with the truth or falsity of such claims. That was for the police and courts. All he was concerned with now was tying up the loose ends of his present life — his non-life — and moving forward. He’d given Susan the closure she needed, now it was her turn to do the same for him
Susan entered the hospital room and saw Harlan lying on his bed, and her tears started to flow. Kane lingered by the door as she approached him and took his hand between hers. “Thank you, thank you. I…” She trailed off momentarily, her voice clogged with emotion. “I don’t know what else to say.”
Harlan smiled. It was different from any other smile that’d appeared on his face in a long time. There was nothing forced or strained about it. “You don’t have to say anything else.” Thank you weren’t the words he was so desperate to hear. But looking at Susan, he realised he didn’t need to hear them, they were in her eyes, plain as ink on paper. “Have they let you see Ethan?”
Susan nodded. “Soon as he saw me, he ran to me and gave me a great big hug. Same as always.” She drew in an elated breath, her eyes shining at the memory of that moment. A slight frown nibbled at the lines of happiness on her features. “I’d have brought him to see you, only the doctors want to keep him in a few more days to run some tests. Physically he’s fine. Nothing a few good meals won’t fix. But-” She broke off, glancing at Kane.
“You don’t need to worry about me hearing what you’re saying, Mum,” said Kane. “I already know why they won’t let Ethan come home. They want to make sure he’s alright up there.” He pointed at his temple.
“Nothing much gets past you, does it?” said Harlan. “Ever thought about being a copper when you grow up?”
“Fuck that.”
Susan flashed her son a sharp look. “Watch your language or you’ll get it!” As Kane lowered his gaze and muttered under his breath, she continued, “Isn’t there something you wanted to say to Harlan?”
Kane stood silent a moment, chewing his lips as if working his courage up. Then, with only a faint trace of his usual sullen indignation, he said, “Thanks for finding my brother, and…and I’m sorry for what I did to you.”
Susan frowned. “What do you mean? What did you do to him?”
“It doesn’t matter,” said Harlan. “Kane’s apologised and it’s over.”
The lines faded from Susan’s forehead. She sucked in a big breath and let it out in a shudder. “You’re right. It’s over and my beautiful baby boy will soon be back where he belongs. That’s all that matters.” Some anxiety crept back into her expression. “The only thing that worries me is taking Ethan back to that house. I mean, how’s he ever supposed to feel safe enough to sleep there again?”
“So don’t take him there. Put it up for sale and rent somewhere until you find a new place to buy.”
“How am I supposed to do that? I’ve barely got bus fare to get home, never mind money enough to shell out on the mortgage and rent at the same time.”
“I want you to have the reward for finding Ethan.” The shadow that fell over Susan’s face, prompted Harlan to add quickly, “It’s not a gift. The money’s yours by right. Well, to be precise, it’s Kane’s. Without him, Ethan would still be locked up in that flat.”
Looking at his mother with excited, pleading eyes, Kane opened his mouth to speak. But seeing the frowning uncertainty of her face, he thought better of it and resumed biting his lips. “I suppose you’re right,” said Susan, not sounding entirely convinced.
“So you’ll take the money.”
Susan thought a moment longer, then the shadow left her face. Harlan smiled again, both at the leap of joy in Kane’s eyes as his mum nodded, and at the way the boy turned to him as if expecting him to somehow magic up the cash right that instant. There was relief as well as amusement in Harlan’s expression. The thought of accepting the reward turned his stomach. If Susan had refused it, he would’ve instructed the solicitors to distribute it to whatever worthy causes they pleased. And after all, what worthier cause was there than Ethan? The money wouldn’t erase the memory of what’d happened to him — only time and love might do that — but it would make things easier. After everything he’d been through, surely he deserved that much at least. Harlan was careful not to let Susan see his relief. He knew she’d reverse her decision if she got even the slightest hint that taking the money was charity.
“Does this mean we’re gonna move house?” Kane asked eagerly. When Susan nodded, he continued, “Fuckin’ wicked! Can we get one of those plasma tellies for the front room?”
“Kane, what did I just say about watching your language?”
“Sorry, Mum, but can we?”
“We can’t afford a new telly.”
“Yes we can. We’re gonna be rich.”
“Seventy-thousand pounds is a lot of money, but it doesn’t make us rich.”
Kane’s lips contracted into a pout. “Harlan said it’s my money. So that means I can spend it on what I want.”
“If you think I’m gonna let you piss that money away on TVs and the like, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“But-”
Susan raised a warning finger. “This isn’t up for discussion.”
With a huff of annoyance, Kane turned and stomped from the room. Susan rolled her eyes at Harlan. “Honestly, kids! Who’d have ’em?”
I would, was Harlan’s instant thought.
Susan blinked guiltily, as if she’d read his mind. “Sorry. I forgot about…y’know, about your son.”
Harlan smiled, but it was the old forced smile. “You don’t ever have to apologise to me.”
“But I want to.” Susan squeezed Harlan’s hand, looking into his eyes. “I want…” For a second she seemed to be struggling to find the words she was looking for. Or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe she was thinking the words, but finding it difficult to say them. She cleared her throat as if clearing a slight blockage from her mind. “I want you to be happy.”
The strain vanished from Harlan’s face. Happy. The word vibrated through his body. Was it possible for him to be happy? He didn’t know. He was certain of only one thing: it was possible now for him to try. He squeezed Susan’s hand back. Their eyes remained in contact a moment longer, then she glanced worriedly towards the door. “Go after him,” said Harlan.
“Do you mind? I can stay if you want?”
Harlan shook his head. “He needs you a lot more than I do.”
Susan released Harlan’s hand, saying in a hesitating kind of way, “I guess we’ll talk soon.”
Harlan nodded. “I’ll call you.” Even as he said the words, he realised he wouldn’t be calling Susan. As much as he wanted to keep tabs on how she, Kane and especially Ethan were doing, he also knew it wouldn’t do any of them any good to remain in contact. All it would do would be to keep the embers of the past glowing. Now was the time to let that fire die and build another. From her hesitation, he guessed Susan felt the same way, even if she didn’t consciously recognise it.
“Take care.”
“You too.”
As Susan headed out the room, Eve stepped into it. The two woman exchanged a glance. Susan smiled faintly and nodded almost imperceptibly. Eve replied in kind. There was no particular like or dislike in either of their eyes, simply acknowledgement. Eve’s brow creased in a slight wince at the sight of Harlan, as if it hurt her to look at him. She made as if to take his hand, but hesitated. She stared nervously at him, unconsciously touching her belly as she waited for him to speak. “She came to say thank you,” he told her.
“And what does that mean for us?”
“It means I want us to start again, build a new life, maybe in a new place, just the two of us — that’s if you’ll have me.”
The lines faded from Eve’s brow, but her nervousness remained. “Of course I’ll have you,” she began in a soft, almost tentative voice. “I don’t care whether we stay here or move to the other side of the world, just so long as we can be together. But-” She broke off with a little swallow.
Harlan frowned. “But what?”
“Wherever we are it won’t be just the two of us?”
“What do you mean?”
“For an ex-copper, you sure are slow catching on sometimes.” Eve took Harlan’s hand and very gently placed its palm against her stomach.
He stared up at her, feeling hope flicker in the darkness that’d grown like a tumour inside him, but hardly daring to believe it. “You mean…”
“I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant! Was it possible? Or was it the effects of concussion and painkillers playing tricks on him. “How?”
“How do you think? Remember, Harlan, that doctor didn’t say you were infertile, he said you’d find it very difficult to conceive.” Eve smiled. “You look as if you’re wondering whether or not you’re about to wake up. Well don’t worry, you’re not dreaming. This is real. I’m…we’re going to have a baby.”
“A baby.” Suddenly tears filled Harlan’s eyes, and laughter filled his mouth. “We’re going to have a baby!” He pulled Eve to him and kissed her hard and full on the lips.
“Easy, tiger,” she gasped, laughing too.
Harlan eased his embrace. He gently touched Eve’s stomach and softly spoke to it. “Sorry, little baby, Daddy got a bit carried away. I promise it won’t happen again. From now on I’ll handle mummy as if she was made of glass.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m made out of something a lot tougher than glass.”
A look of guilt came into Harlan’s eyes as he thought about everything he’d put Eve through. He started to drop his gaze, but she lifted his chin.
“This isn’t the time for sad thoughts, Harlan. Like you said, this is the time for putting the past behind us and starting fresh. All that other stuff — the grief, the guilt — that’s over with, isn’t it?”
Harlan nodded, wanting to believe she was right, needing to believe it. Tom would always be with him, of course. As would Robert Reed. But maybe he could start to remember the good times with Tom. And maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t feel like tearing his own guts out every time the image of Robert Reed lying on the snowy pavement came into his mind. He kissed Eve again, as gently as a breeze this time. Then he pulled back his sheets and got out of bed.
“What are you doing?” asked Eve.
“What does it look like? I’m discharging myself.”
“But you’re not well enough.”
“I feel great. Better than I have done in years. And besides, I’m not letting either of you out of my sight. This time things are going to be different. No working long hours at a job that sucks me dry. No losing sight of what really matters. This time it’s just going to be the three of us all the way.”
“Sounds wonderful. Unfortunately someone has to go to work and pay the bills.”
“You’re forgetting. I’ve got a couple of hundred thousand quid coming my way. If we’re careful, we should be able to live off that for a good few years.”
“And what about when it runs out?”
Harlan shrugged. “We’ll work something out.”
Eve raised an eyebrow. “Work something out? That doesn’t sound like you, Harlan.”
“Well, maybe this is the new me. And the new me isn’t going to waste a second worrying about money. Hell, when it runs out we could start our own business. Nothing big, just enough to get us by. But for now…” Harlan took Eve’s hands. “For now, let’s get out of the city and go somewhere quiet, somewhere we can lie in the sun and…and pretend the last few years never happened.”
“Okay,” Eve said, with an excited little laugh. “Okay, you’re on. I’ll ring work and hand in my notice.” She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it, murmuring, “I think I’m going to enjoy spending all my time with the new you.”
Harlan gave her a wry look. “If I were you, I’d reserve judgement on that until we’ve been living in each other’s pockets for a few months.”
Harlan slowly dressed. Even with all the pills, there were pains in almost every nerve of his body. But he didn’t care. Nothing was going to stop him from being with Eve and his unborn child. Nothing.
An hour or so later, all the forms signed and medication doled out, they headed for the car park. Harlan blinked as they stepped outside. The morning seemed so bright, so fresh. He filled his lungs as if starved for air. Eve pointed out her car. He limped towards it, heavy on his feet, but light in his heart, and got into the passenger seat. As Eve negotiated the congested streets, he stared at the city, seeing the dirt and hustle, but not seeing it. He felt in a kind of daze. Suddenly, in the space of two moments, the life that’d been taken away from him had been returned. It was almost too much to take in. He kept replaying the moments. I want you to be happy… I’m pregnant… I want you to be happy… I’m pregnant…Susan and Eve’s voices went round and round in his head until they blended and became indistinguishable, forming a perfect circle of proof — proof that life was worth it, that there was light in the darkness, that a new day really had begun. He almost didn’t want to think about any of it, in case in thinking he found some flaw in the circle.
Harlan started at the sound of his phone. He took it out and a little squeeze of anxiety pressed against his chest when he saw who was calling.
“Who is it?” asked Eve.
“Jim.”
As if infected by his unease, Eve said quickly, “Don’t answer it.”
“It might be important.”
Eve shot Harlan a glance, her eyes intense, almost pleading. Her hand dropped to her belly. “ This is important. This is the most important thing in the world.”
She was right, he knew. And in a way he felt instinctively, but didn’t quite comprehend at that moment, that was why he had to answer the phone. Eve’s blue eyes winced as he put it to his ear and asked, “What is it, Jim?”
His ex-partner’s voice came back down the line, low and apologetic. “It’s Jones.”
The squeezing became a painful weight. Hang up, his mind screamed. But the phone remained pressed to his ear as if glued there. “What about him?”
“He got out today.”
“What do you mean, got out?”
“They discharged him from hospital. We’ve got nothing to hold him on. No forensics. Nash is still saying nothing. I’m so sorry, Harlan. I tried, I really tried, but…” Jim trailed off into a sigh of utter dejection.
As he listened, Harlan closed his eyes. With every word, the circle was crumbling, the future receding, the gap growing between his dreams of a bright new beginning and the bitter realities of his past. He suddenly felt a fool for allowing himself to hope that he could escape the darkness. There was no escape. Not now. Not ever. There was only wilful blindness. Better to face it full on, embrace it, use it. “No need to apologise, it’s not your fault.” His voice was flat, toneless, making it difficult to tell whether he meant what he said. He meant it. It wasn’t Jim’s fault, it was the system’s. The system had failed him. It had failed Jamie Sutton. But worst of all, it had failed his unborn child. The thought of it being born into a world where William Jones walked free made his stomach churn with rage.
“I just thought you’d want know.” Jim’s voice was edged with unspoken meaning.
The bastard knows I’ll go after Jones, thought Harlan. He’s using me to do what he hasn’t got the balls to do himself. For an instant, he felt like shouting, fuck you! How could you do this to me? Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? But his anger towards Jim died as quickly as it’d flared, and when he opened his mouth all that came out was a monotone, “I understand.”
Harlan hung up. He didn’t blame Jim for calling him. How could he? After all, both of them had seen the same things, and both of them wanted the same thing — Jones off the street, one way or another. But Jim was too invested in the system to go against it. So he’d turned to the only person he knew who stood outside it, maybe realising, maybe not, how dangerous the consequences might be. Harlan opened his eyes and his vision was filled by Bankwood House tower-block, its colourful exterior jarring with his grim mood. He noticed that his car had been returned.
Harlan looked at Eve, sadness, guilt and fear all mingling in his expression. But most of all fear. Fear that she and his unborn child would come to some harm — harm he might’ve prevented — while he was away from them. “We’re not going away, are we?” she said, reading his eyes.
Harlan shook his head. “There’s something I have to do. And I have to do it alone.”
With fatalistic resignation, Eve accepted his words. “How long will this something take?”
“I don’t know. Maybe days, maybe weeks, maybe…I don’t know.”
“And when this thing is done, when it’s over, what then?”
Harlan hesitated, only for a second, but long enough for Eve to catch it. “We can do what we planned.”
Eve pulled over. She gazed out the window, eyes unfocused, seeming to stare off into some other place, as if she was putting mental distance between herself and Harlan. He started to reach for her, but stopped when the knuckles of her hands gripping the wheel tautened. She deserved more of an explanation, he knew. She deserved more than him. But he couldn’t give her either of those things. Heaving a sigh, he got out of the car. As he did so, she murmured, “It’ll never be over.” She drove away without giving him a glance.