“You’ve always been like this, since you were a little girl.”
Mom sat on the sofa with Mr. Griffin, who had fallen asleep sitting up, his head tilted back and his mouth open wide enough to drive a car into. She removed the half-finished drink from his hand – I guessed it to be a bloody Mary from the red color and the celery stick – and raised it to her own lips.
“Been like what?” I asked.
“Been moody, when you should be happy. Remember when you won your first medal in tae kwon do?”
“No.”
“You won it for sparring. You must have been eleven or twelve. I think you were eleven, because you were wearing pigtails and on your twelfth birthday you declared yourself a grown-up and that you’d never wear pigtails again.”
“Do all old people ramble on like you?”
Mom smiled at me. “We do. When you turn sixty, you get a license to ramble from the federal government.”
“Mine may come in the mail, in the time it takes you to finish this story.”
Mom sipped the drink and shuddered. “No wonder he’s asleep – he managed to fit a whole bottle of vodka into a ten-ounce glass. Now, what was I saying?”
“You were rambling about my tae kwon do competition.”
“You’ll miss my rambling someday. So anyway, there you were, with all the winners, and the grand master put the gold medal around your neck, just like he did with the others in the row. Every one of them was smiling. Every one of them, except for you.”
“I remember now.”
“You always tried too hard to win, but when you did, you never seemed happy.”
“That’s because I was thinking of the next match, and wondering if I’d win that.”
Mr. Friskers hopped onto the sofa and bumped his head into my mother’s thigh, demanding to be petted. She complied, eliciting a deep, throaty purr from the cat.
“You can’t let the uncertainty of tomorrow interfere with the joy of today, Jacqueline. May I offer a little bit of wisdom?”
“I thought that’s what you were doing.”
“You should be taking notes. This is the meaning of life I’m talking about.”
“I’m all ears, Mom.”
My mother took a deep breath, sat up straighter. “Life,” she said, “isn’t a race that can be won. The end of the race is the same for all of us – we die.”
She smiled at me.
“It’s not about winning the race, Jacqueline. It’s about how well you run.”
That sounded vaguely familiar.
“In other words, it’s not if you win or lose, but how you play the game?” I said.
“I prefer my analogy.”
“How about something simpler? Like, ‘Try to have fun’?”
“That works too.”
I pulled myself out of the rocking chair, destination: kitchen. Alan had his head in the fridge.
“My mom says I need to have fun.”
Alan looked at me. “I’ll agree with that.”
“So maybe we can go do something fun.”
“A movie?”
“I just saw two of them.”
“A few drinks?”
“That’s a possibility. What else?”
“Dancing?”
“Dancing? I haven’t been out dancing since kids were spinning on their heads on sheets of cardboard.”
Alan held my arms, drew me close.
“I was thinking something more adult. Something that involved moving slowly to old Motown classics.”
“I’ll get my shoes.”
I kissed Alan on the cheek and went back to the living room. Mom was trying, unsuccessfully, to get Mr. Griffin’s mouth to stay shut. Every time she eased it closed, it yawned back open.
“Alan and I are going out dancing.” I plopped on the sofa and slid on my flats.
“Good. Take your time. I may wake Sal up and do a little dancing of our own.”
I leaned over, reaching for my cell phone on the table.
“Leave it, Jacqueline.”
“My phone?”
“It’s a phone? I’m sorry – I thought it was a leash.”
I left the phone where it sat.
“Fine. See you in about two hours.”
“No sooner. You’re putting a cramp in my love life.”
I pecked her on the forehead. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you, Jacqueline. And I’m proud of you. I raised a pretty good daughter.”
“The apple never falls far from the tree. See you later.”
From the sofa, Mom waved me and Alan good-bye.