And yet, to say the truth,
reason and love keep little company together nowadays.
William Shakespeare
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Act III, Scene i
Life sucks, and then you die.
Yeah, I should be so lucky.
“Jeez, Paul, don’t you freaking have a home of your own?”
Paul, lounging across my whole couch, watching some stupid baseball game on my crappy TV, just grinned at me and then—real slow—he lifted one Dorito from the bag in his lap and wedged it into his mouth in one piece.
“You better’ve brought those with you.”
Crunch. “Nope,” he said while chewing. “Your sister said to go ahead and help myself to anything I wanted.”
I tried to make my voice sound like I wasn’t about to punch him. “Is Rachel here now?”
It didn’t work. He heard where I was going and shoved the bag behind his back. The bag crackled as he smashed it into the cushion. The chips crunched into pieces. Paul’s hands came up in fists, close to his face like a boxer.
“Bring it, kid. I don’t need Rachel to protect me.”
I snorted. “Right. Like you wouldn’t go crying to her first chance.”
He laughed and relaxed into the sofa, dropping his hands. “I’m not going to go tattle to a girl. If you got in a lucky hit, that would be just between the two of us. And vice versa, right?”
Nice of him to give me an invitation. I made my body slump like I’d given up. “Right.”
His eyes shifted to the TV.
I lunged.
His nose made a very satisfying crunching sound of its own when my fist connected. He tried to grab me, but I danced out of the way before he could find a hold, the ruined bag of Doritos in my left hand.
“You broke my nose, idiot.”
“Just between us, right, Paul?”
I went to put the chips away. When I turned around, Paul was repositioning his nose before it could set crooked. The blood had already stopped; it looked like it had no source as it trickled down his lips and off his chin. He cussed, wincing as he pulled at the cartilage.
“You are such a pain, Jacob. I swear, I’d rather hang out with Leah.”
“Ouch. Wow, I bet Leah’s really going to love to hear that you want to spend some quality time with her. It’ll just warm the cockles of her heart.”
“You’re going to forget I said that.”
“Of course. I’m sure it won’t slip out.”
“Ugh,” he grunted, and then settled back into the couch, wiping the leftover blood on the collar of his t-shirt. “You’re fast, kid. I’ll give you that.” He turned his attention back to the fuzzy game.
I stood there for a second, and then I stalked off to my room, muttering about alien abductions.
Back in the day, you could count on Paul for a fight pretty much whenever. You didn’t have to hit him then—any mild insult would do. It didn’t take a lot to flip him out of control. Now, of course, when I really wanted a good snarling, ripping, break-the-trees-down match, he had to be all mellow.
Wasn’t it bad enough that yet another member of the pack had imprinted—because, really, that made four of ten now! When would it stop? Stupid myth was supposed to be rare, for crying out loud! All this mandatory love-at-first-sight was completely sickening!
Did it have to be my sister? Did it have to be Paul?
When Rachel’d come home from Washington State at the end of the summer semester—graduated early, the nerd—my biggest worry’d been that it would be hard keeping the secret around her. I wasn’t used to covering things up in my own home. It made me real sympathetic to kids like Embry and Collin, whose parents didn’t know they were werewolves. Embry’s mom thought he was going through some kind of rebellious stage. He was permanently grounded for constantly sneaking out, but, of course, there wasn’t much he could do about that. She’d check his room every night, and every night it would be empty again. She’d yell and he’d take it in silence, and then go through it all again the next day. We’d tried to talk Sam into giving Embry a break and letting his mom in on the gig, but Embry’d said he didn’t mind. The secret was too important.
So I’d been all geared up to be keeping that secret. And then, two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran into her on the beach. Bada bing, bada boom—true love! No secrets necessary when you found your other half, and all that imprinting werewolf garbage.
Rachel got the whole story. And I got Paul as a brother-in-law someday. I knew Billy wasn’t much thrilled about it, either. But he handled it better than I did. ’Course, he did escape to the Clearwaters’ more often than usual these days. I didn’t see where that was so much better. No Paul, but plenty of Leah.
I wondered—would a bullet through my temple actually kill me or just leave a really big mess for me to clean up?
I threw myself down on the bed. I was tired—hadn’t slept since my last patrol—but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. My head was too crazy. The thoughts bounced around inside my skull like a disoriented swarm of bees. Noisy. Now and then they stung. Must be hornets, not bees. Bees died after one sting. And the same thoughts were stinging me again and again.
This waiting was driving me insane. It had been almost four weeks. I’d expected, one way or another, the news would have come by now. I’d sat up nights imagining what form it would take.
Charlie sobbing on the phone—Bella and her husband lost in an accident. A plane crash? That would be hard to fake. Unless the leeches didn’t mind killing a bunch of bystanders to authenticate it, and why would they? Maybe a small plane instead. They probably had one of those to spare.
Or would the murderer come home alone, unsuccessful in his attempt to make her one of them? Or not even getting that far. Maybe he’d smashed her like a bag of chips in his drive to get some? Because her life was less important to him than his own pleasure…
The story would be so tragic—Bella lost in a horrible accident. Victim of a mugging gone wrong. Choking to death at dinner. A car accident, like my mom. So common. Happened all the time.
Would he bring her home? Bury her here for Charlie? Closed-casket ceremony, of course. My mom’s coffin had been nailed shut.…
I could only hope that he’d come back here, within my reach.
Maybe there would be no story at all. Maybe Charlie would call to ask my dad if he’d heard anything from Dr. Cullen, who just didn’t show up to work one day. The house abandoned. No answer on any of the Cullens’ phones. The mystery picked up by some second-rate news program, foul play suspected…
Maybe the big white house would burn to the ground, everyone trapped inside. Of course, they’d need bodies for that one. Eight humans of roughly the right size. Burned beyond recognition—beyond the help of dental records.
Either of those would be tricky—for me, that is. It would be hard to find them if they didn’t want to be found. Of course, I had forever to look. If you had forever, you could check out every single piece of straw in the haystack, one by one, to see if it was the needle.
Right now, I wouldn’t mind dismantling a haystack. At least that would be something to do. I hated knowing that I could be losing my chance. Giving the bloodsuckers the time to escape, if that was their plan.
We could go tonight. We could kill every one of them that we could find.
I liked that plan because I knew Edward well enough to know that, if I killed any one of his coven, I would get my chance at him, too. He’d come for revenge. And I’d give it to him—I wouldn’t let my brothers take him down as a pack. It would be just him and me. May the better man win.
But Sam wouldn’t hear of it. We’re not going to break the treaty. Let them make the breach. Just because we had no proof that the Cullens had done anything wrong. Yet. You had to add the yet, because we all knew it was inevitable. Bella was either coming back one of them, or not coming back. Either way, a human life had been lost. And that meant game on.
In the other room, Paul brayed like a mule. Maybe he’d switched to a comedy. Maybe the commercial was funny. Whatever. It grated on my nerves.
I thought about breaking his nose again. But it wasn’t Paul I wanted to fight with. Not really.
I tried to listen to other sounds, the wind in the trees. It wasn’t the same, not through human ears. There were a million voices in the wind that I couldn’t hear in this body.
But these ears were sensitive enough. I could hear past the trees, to the road, the sounds of the cars coming around that last bend where you could finally see the beach—the vista of the islands and the rocks and the big blue ocean stretching to the horizon. The La Push cops liked to hang out right around there. Tourists never noticed the reduced speed limit sign on the other side of the road.
I could hear the voices outside the souvenir shop on the beach. I could hear the cowbell clanging as the door opened and closed. I could hear Embry’s mom at the cash register, printing out a receipt.
I could hear the tide raking across the beach rocks. I could hear the kids squeal as the icy water rushed in too fast for them to get out of the way. I could hear the moms complain about the wet clothes. And I could hear a familiar voice.…
I was listening so hard that the sudden burst of Paul’s donkey laugh made me jump half off the bed.
“Get out of my house,” I grumbled. Knowing he wouldn’t pay any attention, I followed my own advice. I wrenched open my window and climbed out the back way so that I wouldn’t see Paul again. It would be too tempting. I knew I would hit him again, and Rachel was going to be pissed enough already. She’d see the blood on his shirt, and she’d blame me right away without waiting for proof. Of course, she’d be right, but still.
I paced down to the shore, my fists in my pockets. Nobody looked at me twice when I went through the dirt lot by First Beach. That was one nice thing about summer—no one cared if you wore nothing but shorts.
I followed the familiar voice I’d heard and found Quil easy enough. He was on the south end of the crescent, avoiding the bigger part of the tourist crowd. He kept up a constant stream of warnings.
“Keep out of the water, Claire. C’mon. No, don’t. Oh! Nice, kid. Seriously, do you want Emily to yell at me? I’m not bringing you back to the beach again if you don’t—Oh yeah? Don’t—ugh. You think that’s funny, do you? Hah! Who’s laughing now, huh?”
He had the giggling toddler by the ankle when I reached them. She had a bucket in one hand, and her jeans were drenched. He had a huge wet mark down the front of his t-shirt.
“Five bucks on the baby girl,” I said.
“Hey, Jake.”
Claire squealed and threw her bucket at Quil’s knees. “Down, down!”
He set her carefully on her feet and she ran to me. She wrapped her arms around my leg.
“Unca Jay!”
“How’s it going, Claire?”
She giggled. “Qwil aaaaawl wet now.”
“I can see that. Where’s your mama?”
“Gone, gone, gone,” Claire sang, “Cwaire pway wid Qwil aaaawl day. Cwaire nebber gowin home.” She let go of me and ran to Quil. He scooped her up and slung her onto his shoulders.
“Sounds like somebody’s hit the terrible twos.”
“Threes actually,” Quil corrected. “You missed the party. Princess theme. She made me wear a crown, and then Emily suggested they all try out her new play makeup on me.”
“Wow, I’m really sorry I wasn’t around to see that.”
“Don’t worry, Emily has pictures. Actually, I look pretty hot.”
“You’re such a patsy.”
Quil shrugged. “Claire had a great time. That was the point.”
I rolled my eyes. It was hard being around imprinted people. No matter what stage they were in—about to tie the knot like Sam or just a much-abused nanny like Quil—the peace and certainty they always radiated was downright puke-inducing.
Claire squealed on his shoulders and pointed at the ground. “Pity wock, Qwil! For me, for me!”
“Which one, kiddo? The red one?”
“No wed!”
Quil dropped to his knees—Claire screamed and pulled his hair like a horse’s reigns.
“This blue one?”
“No, no, no…,” the little girl sang, thrilled with her new game.
The weird part was, Quil was having just as much fun as she was. He didn’t have that face on that so many of the tourist dads and moms were wearing—the when-is-nap-time? face. You never saw a real parent so jazzed to play whatever stupid kiddie sport their rugrat could think up. I’d seen Quil play peekaboo for an hour straight without getting bored.
And I couldn’t even make fun of him for it—I envied him too much.
Though I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age—for Quil, at least, it was a good thing werewolves didn’t get older. But even all that time didn’t seem to bother him much.
“Quil, you ever think about dating?” I asked.
“Huh?”
“No, no yewwo!” Claire crowed.
“You know. A real girl. I mean, just for now, right? On your nights off babysitting duty.”
Quil stared at me, his mouth hanging open.
“Pity wock! Pity wock!” Claire screamed when he didn’t offer her another choice. She smacked him on the head with her little fist.
“Sorry, Claire-bear. How about this pretty purple one?”
“No,” she giggled. “No poopoh.”
“Give me a clue. I’m begging, kid.”
Claire thought it over. “Gween,” she finally said.
Quil stared at the rocks, studying them. He picked four rocks in different shades of green, and offered them to her.
“Did I get it?”
“Yay!”
“Which one?”
“Aaaaawl ob dem!!”
She cupped her hands and he poured the small rocks into them. She laughed and immediately clunked him on the head with them. He winced theatrically and then got to his feet and started walking back up toward the parking lot. Probably worried about her getting cold in her wet clothes. He was worse than any paranoid, overprotective mother.
“Sorry if I was being pushy before, man, about the girl thing,” I said.
“Naw, that’s cool,” Quil said. “It kind of took me by surprise is all. I hadn’t thought about it.”
“I bet she’d understand. You know, when she’s grown up. She wouldn’t get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers.”
“No, I know. I’m sure she’d understand that.”
He didn’t say anything else.
“But you won’t do that, will you?” I guessed.
“I can’t see it,” he said in a low voice. “I can’t imagine. I just don’t… see anyone that way. I don’t notice girls anymore, you know. I don’t see their faces.”
“Put that together with the tiara and makeup, and maybe Claire will have a different kind of competition to worry about.”
Quil laughed and made kissing noises at me. “You available this Friday, Jacob?”
“You wish,” I said, and then I made a face. “Yeah, guess I am, though.”
He hesitated a second and then said, “You ever think about dating?”
I sighed. Guess I’d opened myself up for that one.
“You know, Jake, maybe you should think about getting a life.”
He didn’t say it like a joke. His voice was sympathetic. That made it worse.
“I don’t see them, either, Quil. I don’t see their faces.”
Quil sighed, too.
Far away, too low for anyone but just us two to hear it over the waves, a howl rose out of the forest.
“Dang, that’s Sam,” Quil said. His hands flew up to touch Claire, as if making sure she was still there. “I don’t know where her mom’s at!”
“I’ll see what it is. If we need you, I’ll let you know.” I raced through the words. They came out all slurred together. “Hey, why don’t you take her up to the Clearwaters’? Sue and Billy can keep an eye on her if they need to. They might know what’s going on, anyway.”
“Okay—get outta here, Jake!”
I took off running, not for the dirt path through the weedy hedge, but in the shortest line toward the forest. I hurdled the first line of driftwood and then ripped my way through the briars, still running. I felt the little tears as the thorns cut into my skin, but I ignored them. Their sting would be healed before I made the trees.
I cut behind the store and darted across the highway. Somebody honked at me. Once in the safety of the trees, I ran faster, taking longer strides. People would stare if I was out in the open. Normal people couldn’t run like this. Sometimes I thought it might be fun to enter a race—you know, like the Olympic trials or something. It would be cool to watch the expressions on those star athletes’ faces when I blew by them. Only I was pretty sure the testing they did to make sure you weren’t on steroids would probably turn up some really freaky crap in my blood.
As soon as I was in the true forest, unbound by roads or houses, I skidded to a stop and kicked my shorts off. With quick, practiced moves, I rolled them up and tied them to the leather cord around my ankle. As I was still pulling the ends tight, I started shifting. The fire trembled down my spine, throwing tight spasms out along my arms and legs. It only took a second. The heat flooded through me, and I felt the silent shimmer that made me something else. I threw my heavy paws against the matted earth and stretched my back in one long, rolling extension.
Phasing was very easy when I was centered like this. I didn’t have issues with my temper anymore. Except when it got in the way.
For one half second, I remembered the awful moment at that unspeakable joke of a wedding. I’d been so insane with fury that I couldn’t make my body work right. I’d been trapped, shaking and burning, unable to make the change and kill the monster just a few feet away from me. It had been so confusing. Dying to kill him. Afraid to hurt her. My friends in the way. And then, when I was finally able to take the form I wanted, the order from my leader. The edict from the Alpha. If it had been just Embry and Quil there that night without Sam… would I have been able to kill the murderer, then?
I hated it when Sam laid down the law like that. I hated the feeling of having no choice. Of having to obey.
And then I was conscious of an audience. I was not alone in my thoughts.
So self-absorbed all the time, Leah thought.
Yeah, no hypocrisy there, Leah, I thought back.
Can it, guys, Sam told us.
We fell silent, and I felt Leah’s wince at the word guys. Touchy, like always.
Sam pretended not to notice. Where’s Quil and Jared?
Quil’s got Claire. He’s taking her to the Clearwaters’.
Good. Sue will take her.
Jared was going to Kim’s, Embry thought. Good chance he didn’t hear you.
There was a low grumble through the pack. I moaned along with them. When Jared finally showed up, no doubt he’d still be thinking about Kim. And nobody wanted a replay of what they were up to right now.
Sam sat back on his haunches and let another howl rip into the air. It was a signal and an order in one.
The pack was gathered a few miles east of where I was. I loped through the thick forest toward them. Leah, Embry, and Paul all were working in toward them, too. Leah was close—soon I could hear her footfalls not far into the woods. We continued in a parallel line, choosing not to run together.
Well, we’re not waiting all day for him. He’ll just have to catch up later.
’Sup, boss? Paul wanted to know.
We need to talk. Something’s happened.
I felt Sam’s thoughts flicker to me—and not just Sam’s, but Seth’s and Collin’s and Brady’s as well. Collin and Brady—the new kids—had been running patrol with Sam today, so they would know whatever he knew. I didn’t know why Seth was already out here, and in the know. It wasn’t his turn.
Seth, tell them what you heard.
I sped up, wanting to be there. I heard Leah move faster, too. She hated being outrun. Being the fastest was the only edge she claimed.
Claim this, moron, she hissed, and then she really kicked it into gear. I dug my nails into the loam and shot myself forward.
Sam didn’t seem in the mood to put up with our usual crap. Jake, Leah, give it a rest.
Neither of us slowed.
Sam growled, but let it go. Seth?
Charlie called around till he found Billy at my house.
Yeah, I talked to him, Paul added.
I felt a jolt go through me as Seth thought Charlie’s name. This was it. The waiting was over. I ran faster, forcing myself to breathe, though my lungs felt kinda stiff all of a sudden.
Which story would it be?
So he’s all flipped out. Guess Edward and Bella got home last week, and…
My chest eased up.
She was alive. Or she wasn’t dead dead, at least.
I hadn’t realized how much difference it would make to me. I’d been thinking of her as dead this whole time, and I only saw that now. I saw that I’d never believed that he would bring her back alive. It shouldn’t matter, because I knew what was coming next.
Yeah, bro, and here’s the bad news. Charlie talked to her, said she sounded bad. She told him she’s sick. Carlisle got on and told Charlie that Bella picked up some rare disease in South America. Said she’s quarantined. Charlie’s going crazy, ’cause even he’s not allowed to see her. He says he doesn’t care if he gets sick, but Carlisle wouldn’t bend. No visitors. Told Charlie it was pretty serious, but that he’s doing everything he can. Charlie’s been stewing about it for days, but he only called Billy now. He said she sounded worse today.
The mental silence when Seth finished was profound. We all understood.
So she would die of this disease, as far as Charlie knew. Would they let him view the corpse? The pale, perfectly still, unbreathing white body? They couldn’t let him touch the cold skin—he might notice how hard it was. They’d have to wait until she could hold still, could keep from killing Charlie and the other mourners. How long would that take?
Would they bury her? Would she dig herself out, or would the bloodsuckers come for her?
The others listened to my speculating in silence. I’d put a lot more thought into this than any of them.
Leah and I entered the clearing at nearly the same time. She was sure her nose led the way, though. She dropped onto her haunches beside her brother while I trotted forward to stand at Sam’s right hand. Paul circled and made room for me in my place.
Beatcha again, Leah thought, but I barely heard her.
I wondered why I was the only one on my feet. My fur stood up on my shoulders, bristling with impatience.
Well, what are we waiting for? I asked.
No one said anything, but I heard their feelings of hesitation.
Oh, come on! The treaty’s broken!
We have no proof—maybe she issick.…
OH, PLEASE!
Okay, so the circumstantial evidence is pretty strong. Still… Jacob. Sam’s thought came slow, hesitant. Are you sure this is what you want? Is it really the right thing? We all know what she wanted.
The treaty doesn’t mention anything about victim preferences, Sam!
Is she really a victim? Would you label her that way?
Yes!
Jake, Seth thought, they aren’t our enemies.
Shut up, kid! Just ’cause you’ve got some kind of sick hero worship thing going on with that bloodsucker, it doesn’t change the law. They are our enemies. They are in our territory. We take them out. I don’t care if you had fun fighting alongside Edward Cullen once upon a time.
So what are you going to do when Bella fights with them, Jacob? Huh? Seth demanded.
She’s not Bella anymore.
You gonna be the one to take her down?
I couldn’t stop myself from wincing.
No, you’re not. So, what? You gonna make one of us do it? And then hold a grudge against whoever it is forever?
I wouldn’t.…
Sure you won’t. You’re not ready for this fight, Jacob.
Instinct took over and I crouched forward, snarling at the gangly sand-colored wolf across the circle.
Jacob! Sam cautioned. Seth, shut up for a second.
Seth nodded his big head.
Dang, what’d I miss? Quil thought. He was running for the gathering place full-out. Heard about Charlie’s call.…
We’re getting ready to go, I told him. Why don’t you swing by Kim’s and drag Jared out with your teeth? We’re going to need everyone.
Come straight here, Quil, Sam ordered.We’ve decided nothing yet.
I growled.
Jacob, I have to think about what’s best for this pack. I have to choose the course that protects you all best. Times have changed since our ancestors made that treaty. I… well, I don’t honestly believe that the Cullens are a danger to us. And we know that they will not be here much longer. Surely once they’ve told their story, they will disappear. Our lives can return to normal.
Normal?
If we challenge them, Jacob, they will defend themselves well.
Are you afraid?
Are you so ready to lose a brother? He paused.Or a sister? he tacked on as an afterthought.
I’m not afraid to die.
I know that, Jacob. It’s one reason I question your judgment on this.
I stared into his black eyes. Do you intend to honor our fathers’ treaty or not?
I honor my pack. I do what’s best for them.
Coward.
His muzzle tensed, pulling back over his teeth.
Enough, Jacob. You’re overruled. Sam’s mental voice changed, took on that strange double timbre that we could not disobey. The voice of the Alpha. He met the gaze of every wolf in the circle.
The pack is not attacking the Cullens without provocation. The spirit of the treaty remains. They are not a danger to our people, nor are they a danger to the people of Forks. Bella Swan made an informed choice, and we are not going to punish our former allies for her choice.
Hear, hear, Seth thought enthusiastically.
I thought I told you to shut it, Seth.
Oops. Sorry, Sam.
Jacob, where do you think you’re going?
I left the circle, moving toward the west so that I could turn my back on him. I’m going to tell my father goodbye. Apparently there was no purpose in me sticking around this long.
Aw, Jake—don’t do that again!
Shut up, Seth, several voices thought together.
We don’t want you to leave, Sam told me, his thought softer than before.
So force me to stay, Sam. Take away my will. Make me a slave.
You know I won’t do that.
Then there’s nothing more to say.
I ran away from them, trying very hard not to think about what was next. Instead, I concentrated on my memories of the long wolf months, of letting the humanity bleed out of me until I was more animal than man. Living in the moment, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, drinking when thirsty, and running—running just to run. Simple desires, simple answers to those desires. Pain came in easily managed forms. The pain of hunger. The pain of cold ice under your paws. The pain of cutting claws when dinner got feisty. Each pain had a simple answer, a clear action to end that pain.
Not like being human.
Yet, as soon as I was in jogging distance of my house, I shifted back into my human body. I needed to be able to think in privacy.
I untied my shorts and yanked them on, already running for the house.
I’d done it. I’d hidden what I was thinking and now it was too late for Sam to stop me. He couldn’t hear me now.
Sam had made a very clear ruling. The pack would not attack the Cullens. Okay.
He hadn’t mentioned an individual acting alone.
Nope, the pack wasn’t attacking anyone today.
But I was.
I didn’t really plan to say goodbye to my father.
After all, one quick call to Sam and the game would be up. They’d cut me off and push me back. Probably try to make me angry, or even hurt me—somehow force me to phase so that Sam could lay down a new law.
But Billy was expecting me, knowing I’d be in some kind of state. He was in the yard, just sitting there in his wheelchair with his eyes right on the spot where I came through the trees. I saw him judge my direction—headed straight past the house to my homemade garage.
“Got a minute, Jake?”
I skidded to a stop. I looked at him and then toward the garage.
“C’mon kid. At least help me inside.”
I gritted my teeth but decided that he’d be more likely to cause trouble with Sam if I didn’t lie to him for a few minutes.
“Since when do you need help, old man?”
He laughed his rumbling laugh. “My arms are tired. I pushed myself all the way here from Sue’s.”
“It’s downhill. You coasted the whole way.”
I rolled his chair up the little ramp I’d made for him and into the living room.
“Caught me. Think I got up to about thirty miles per hour. It was great.”
“You’re gonna wreck that chair, you know. And then you’ll be dragging yourself around by your elbows.”
“Not a chance. It’ll be your job to carry me.”
“You won’t be going many places.”
Billy put his hands on the wheels and steered himself to the fridge. “Any food left?”
“You got me. Paul was here all day, though, so probably not.”
Billy sighed. “Have to start hiding the groceries if we’re gonna avoid starvation.”
“Tell Rachel to go stay at his place.”
Billy’s joking tone vanished, and his eyes got soft. “We’ve only had her home a few weeks. First time she’s been here in a long time. It’s hard—the girls were older than you when your mom passed. They have more trouble being in this house.”
“I know.”
Rebecca hadn’t been home once since she got married, though she did have a good excuse. Plane tickets from Hawaii were pretty pricey. Washington State was close enough that Rachel didn’t have the same defense. She’d taken classes straight through the summer semesters, working double shifts over the holidays at some café on campus. If it hadn’t been for Paul, she probably would have taken off again real quick. Maybe that was why Billy wouldn’t kick him out.
“Well, I’m going to go work on some stuff. . . .” I started for the back door.
“Wait up, Jake. Aren’t you going to tell me what happened? Do I have to call Sam for an update?”
I stood with my back to him, hiding my face.
“Nothing happened. Sam’s giving them a bye. Guess we’re all just a bunch of leech lovers now.”
“Jake . . .”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Are you leaving, son?”
The room was quiet for a long time while I decided how to say it.
“Rachel can have her room back. I know she hates that air mattress.”
“She’d rather sleep on the floor than lose you. So would I.”
I snorted.
“Jacob, please. If you need… a break. Well, take it. But not so long again. Come back.”
“Maybe. Maybe my gig will be weddings. Make a cameo at Sam’s, then Rachel’s. Jared and Kim might come first, though. Probably ought to have a suit or something.”
“Jake, look at me.”
I turned around slowly. “What?”
He stared into my eyes for a long minute. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t really have a specific place in mind.”
He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes narrowed. “Don’t you?”
We stared each other down. The seconds ticked by.
“Jacob,” he said. His voice was strained. “Jacob, don’t. It’s not worth it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Leave Bella and the Cullens be. Sam is right.”
I stared at him for a second, and then I crossed the room in two long strides. I grabbed the phone and disconnected the cable from the box and the jack. I wadded the gray cord up in the palm of my hand.
“Bye, Dad.”
“Jake, wait—,” he called after me, but I was out the door, running.
The motorcycle wasn’t as fast as running, but it was more discreet. I wondered how long it would take Billy to wheel himself down to the store and then get someone on the phone who could get a message to Sam. I’d bet Sam was still in his wolf form. The problem would be if Paul came back to our place anytime soon. He could phase in a second and let Sam know what I was doing.…
I wasn’t going to worry about it. I would go as fast as I could, and if they caught me, I’d deal with that when I had to.
I kicked the bike to life and then I was racing down the muddy lane. I didn’t look behind me as I passed the house.
The highway was busy with tourist traffic; I wove in and out of the cars, earning a bunch of honks and a few fingers. I took the turn onto the 101 at seventy, not bothering to look. I had to ride the line for a minute to avoid getting smeared by a minivan. Not that it would have killed me, but it would have slowed me down. Broken bones—the big ones, at least—took days to heal completely, as I had good cause to know.
The freeway cleared up a little, and I pushed the bike to eighty. I didn’t touch the brake until I was close to the narrow drive; I figured I was in the clear then. Sam wouldn’t come this far to stop me. It was too late.
It wasn’t until that moment—when I was sure that I’d made it—that I started to think about what exactly I was going to do now. I slowed down to twenty, taking the twists through the trees more carefully than I needed to.
I knew they would hear me coming, bike or no bike, so surprise was out. There was no way to disguise my intentions. Edward would hear my plan as soon as I was close enough. Maybe he already could. But I thought this would still work out, because I had his ego on my side. He’d want to fight me alone.
So I’d just walk in, see Sam’s precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edward to a duel.
I snorted. The parasite’d probably get a kick out of the theatrics of it.
When I finished with him, I’d take as many of the rest of them as I could before they got me. Huh—I wondered if Sam would consider my death provocation. Probably say I got what I deserved. Wouldn’t want to offend his bloodsucker BFFs.
The drive opened up into the meadow, and the smell hit me like a rotten tomato to the face. Ugh. Reeking vampires. My stomach started churning. The stench would be hard to take this way—undiluted by the scent of humans as it had been the other time I’d come here—though not as bad as smelling it through my wolf nose.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but there was no sign of life around the big white crypt. Of course they knew I was here.
I cut the engine and listened to the quiet. Now I could hear tense, angry murmurs from just the other side of the wide double doors. Someone was home. I heard my name and I smiled, happy to think I was causing them a little stress.
I took one big gulp of air—it would only be worse inside—and leaped up the porch stairs in one bound.
The door opened before my fist touched it, and the doctor stood in the frame, his eyes grave.
“Hello, Jacob,” he said, calmer than I would have expected. “How are you?”
I took a deep breath through my mouth. The reek pouring through the door was overpowering.
I was disappointed that it was Carlisle who answered. I’d rather Edward had come through the door, fangs out. Carlisle was so… just human or something. Maybe it was the house calls he made last spring when I got busted up. But it made me uncomfortable to look into his face and know that I was planning to kill him if I could.
“I heard Bella made it back alive,” I said.
“Er, Jacob, it’s not really the best time.” The doctor seemed uncomfortable, too, but not in the way I expected. “Could we do this later?”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. Was he asking to post-pone the death match for a more convenient time?
And then I heard Bella’s voice, cracked and rough, and I couldn’t think about anything else.
“Why not?” she asked someone. “Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What’s the point?”
Her voice was not what I was expecting. I tried to remember the voices of the young vampires we’d fought in the spring, but all I’d registered was snarling. Maybe those newborns hadn’t had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse.
“Come in, please, Jacob,” Bella croaked more loudly.
Carlisle’s eyes tightened.
I wondered if Bella was thirsty. My eyes narrowed, too.
“Excuse me,” I said to the doctor as I stepped around him. It was hard—it went against all my instincts to turn my back to one of them. Not impossible, though. If there was such a thing as a safe vampire, it was the strangely gentle leader.
I would stay away from Carlisle when the fight started. There were enough of them to kill without including him.
I sidestepped into the house, keeping my back to the wall. My eyes swept the room—it was unfamiliar. The last time I’d been in here it had been all done up for a party. Everything was bright and pale now. Including the six vampires standing in a group by the white sofa.
They were all here, all together, but that was not what froze me where I stood and had my jaw dropping to the floor.
It was Edward. It was the expression on his face.
I’d seen him angry, and I’d seen him arrogant, and once I’d seen him in pain. But this—this was beyond agony. His eyes were half-crazed. He didn’t look up to glare at me. He stared down at the couch beside him with an expression like someone had lit him on fire. His hands were rigid claws at his side.
I couldn’t even enjoy his anguish. I could only think of one thing that would make him look like that, and my eyes followed his.
I saw her at the same moment that I caught her scent.
Her warm, clean, human scent.
Bella was half-hidden behind the arm of the sofa, curled up in a loose fetal position, her arms wrapped around her knees. For a long second I could see nothing except that she was still the Bella that I loved, her skin still a soft, pale peach, her eyes still the same chocolate brown. My heart thudded a strange, broken meter, and I wondered if this was just some lying dream that I was about to wake up from.
Then I really saw her.
There were deep circles under her eyes, dark circles that jumped out because her face was all haggard. Was she thinner? Her skin seemed tight—like her cheekbones might break right through it. Most of her dark hair was pulled away from her face into a messy knot, but a few strands stuck limply to her forehead and neck, to the sheen of sweat that covered her skin. There was something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary.
She was sick. Very sick.
Not a lie. The story Charlie’d told Billy was not a story. While I stared, eyes bugging, her skin turned light green.
The blond bloodsucker—the showy one, Rosalie—bent over her, cutting into my view, hovering in a strange, protective way.
This was wrong. I knew how Bella felt about almost everything—her thoughts were so obvious; sometimes it was like they were printed on her forehead. So she didn’t have to tell me every detail of a situation for me to get it. I knew that Bella didn’t like Rosalie. I’d seen it in the set of her lips when she talked about her. Not just that she didn’t like her. She was afraid of Rosalie. Or she had been.
There was no fear as Bella glanced up at her now. Her expression was… apologetic or something. Then Rosalie snatched a basin from the floor and held it under Bella’s chin just in time for Bella to throw up noisily into it.
Edward fell to his knees by Bella’s side—his eyes all tortured-looking—and Rosalie held out her hand, warning him to keep back.
None of it made sense.
When she could raise her head, Bella smiled weakly at me, sort of embarrassed. “Sorry about that,” she whispered to me.
Edward moaned real quiet. His head slumped against Bella’s knees. She put one of her hands against his cheek. Like she was comforting him.
I didn’t realize my legs had carried me forward until Rosalie hissed at me, suddenly appearing between me and the couch. She was like a person on a TV screen. I didn’t care she was there. She didn’t seem real.
“Rose, don’t,” Bella whispered. “It’s fine.”
Blondie moved out of my way, though I could tell she hated to do it. Scowling at me, she crouched by Bella’s head, tensed to spring. She was easier to ignore than I ever would have dreamed.
“Bella, what’s wrong?” I whispered. Without thinking about it, I found myself on my knees, too, leaning over the back of the couch across from her… husband. He didn’t seem to notice me, and I barely glanced at him. I reached out for her free hand, taking it in both of mine. Her skin was icy. “Are you all right?”
It was a stupid question. She didn’t answer it.
“I’m so glad you came to see me today, Jacob,” she said.
Even though I knew Edward couldn’t hear her thoughts, he seemed to hear some meaning I didn’t. He moaned again, into the blanket that covered her, and she stroked his cheek.
“What is it, Bella?” I insisted, wrapping my hands tight around her cold, fragile fingers.
Instead of answering, she glanced around the room like she was searching for something, both a plea and a warning in her look. Six pairs of anxious yellow eyes stared back at her. Finally, she turned to Rosalie.
“Help me up, Rose?” she asked.
Rosalie’s lips pulled back over her teeth, and she glared up at me like she wanted to rip my throat out. I was sure that was exactly the case.
“Please, Rose.”
The blonde made a face, but leaned over her again, next to Edward, who didn’t move an inch. She put her arm carefully behind Bella’s shoulders.
“No,” I whispered. “Don’t get up. . . .” She looked so weak.
“I’m answering your question,” she snapped, sounding a little bit more like the way she usually talked to me.
Rosalie pulled Bella off the couch. Edward stayed where he was, sagging forward till his face was buried in the cushions. The blanket fell to the ground at Bella’s feet.
Bella’s body was swollen, her torso ballooning out in a strange, sick way. It strained against the faded gray sweatshirt that was way too big for her shoulders and arms. The rest of her seemed thinner, like the big bulge had grown out of what it had sucked from her. It took me a second to realize what the deformed part was—I didn’t understand until she folded her hands tenderly around her bloated stomach, one above and one below. Like she was cradling it.
I saw it then, but I still couldn’t believe it. I’d seen her just a month ago. There was no way she could be pregnant. Not that pregnant.
Except that she was.
I didn’t want to see this, didn’t want to think about this. I didn’t want to imagine him inside her. I didn’t want to know that something I hated so much had taken root in the body I loved. My stomach heaved, and I had to swallow back vomit.
But it was worse than that, so much worse. Her distorted body, the bones jabbing against the skin of her face. I could only guess that she looked like this—so pregnant, so sick—because whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own.…
Because it was a monster. Just like its father.
I always knew he would kill her.
His head snapped up as he heard the words inside mine. One second we were both on our knees, and then he was on his feet, towering over me. His eyes were flat black, the circles under them dark purple.
“Outside, Jacob,” he snarled.
I was on my feet, too. Looking down on him now. This was why I was here.
“Let’s do this,” I agreed.
The big one, Emmett, pushed forward on Edward’s other side, with the hungry-looking one, Jasper, right behind him. I really didn’t care. Maybe my pack would clean up the scraps when they finished me off. Maybe not. It didn’t matter.
For the tiniest part of a second my eyes touched on the two standing in the back. Esme. Alice. Small and distractingly feminine. Well, I was sure the others would kill me before I had to do anything about them. I didn’t want to kill girls… even vampire girls.
Though I might make an exception for that blonde.
“No,” Bella gasped, and she stumbled forward, out of balance, to clutch at Edward’s arm. Rosalie moved with her, like there was a chain locking them to each other.
“I just need to talk to him, Bella,” Edward said in a low voice, talking only to her. He reached up to touch her face, to stroke it. This made the room turn red, made me see fire—that, after all he’d done to her, he was still allowed to touch her that way. “Don’t strain yourself,” he went on, pleading. “Please rest. We’ll both be back in just a few minutes.”
She stared at his face, reading it carefully. Then she nodded and drooped toward the couch. Rosalie helped lower her back onto the cushions. Bella stared at me, trying to hold my eyes.
“Behave,” she insisted. “And then come back.”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t making any promises today. I looked away and then followed Edward out the front door.
A random, disjointed voice in my head noted that separating him from the coven hadn’t been so difficult, had it?
He kept walking, never checking to see if I was about to spring at his unprotected back. I supposed he didn’t need to check. He would know when I decided to attack. Which meant I’d have to make that decision very quickly.
“I’m not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black,” he whispered as he paced quickly away from the house. “You’ll have to have a little patience.”
Like I cared about his schedule. I growled under my breath. “Patience isn’t my specialty.”
He kept walking, maybe a couple hundred yards down the drive away from the house, with me right on his heels. I was all hot, my fingers trembling. On the edge, ready and waiting.
He stopped without warning and pivoted to face me. His expression froze me again.
For a second I was just a kid—a kid who had lived all of his life in the same tiny town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot more, to ever understand the searing agony in Edward’s eyes.
He raised a hand as if to wipe sweat from his forehead, but his fingers scraped against his face like they were going to rip his granite skin right off. His black eyes burned in their sockets, out of focus, or seeing things that weren’t there. His mouth opened like he was going to scream, but nothing came out.
This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake.
For a moment I couldn’t speak. It was too real, this face—I’d seen a shadow of it in the house, seen it in her eyes and his, but this made it final. The last nail in her coffin.
“It’s killing her, right? She’s dying.” And I knew when I said it that my face was a watered-down echo of his. Weaker, different, because I was still in shock. I hadn’t wrapped my head around it yet—it was happening too fast. He’d had time to get to this point. And it was different because I’d already lost her so many times, so many ways, in my head. And different because she was never really mine to lose.
And different because this wasn’t my fault.
“My fault,” Edward whispered, and his knees gave out. He crumpled in front of me, vulnerable, the easiest target you could imagine.
But I felt cold as snow—there was no fire in me.
“Yes,” he groaned into the dirt, like he was confessing to the ground. “Yes, it’s killing her.”
His broken helplessness irritated me. I wanted a fight, not an execution. Where was his smug superiority now?
“So why hasn’t Carlisle done anything?” I growled. “He’s a doctor, right? Get it out of her.”
He looked up then and answered me in a tired voice. Like he was explaining this to a kindergartener for the tenth time. “She won’t let us.”
It took a minute for the words to sink in. Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella.
“You know her well,” he whispered. “How quickly you see.… I didn’t see. Not in time. She wouldn’t talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened—that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie’s arms. Rosalie’s! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn’t understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second. . . .” He half-sighed, half-groaned.
“Just back up a second. She won’t let you.” The sarcasm was acid on my tongue. “Did you ever notice that she’s exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs.”
“I wanted to,” he whispered. “Carlisle would have. . . .”
What, too noble were they?
“No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things.”
Oh. His story hadn’t made much sense before, but it fit together now. So that’s what Blondie was up to. What was in it for her, though? Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?
“Maybe,” he said. “Rosalie doesn’t look at it quite that way.”
“So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella.”
“Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us… and Carlisle won’t help me with Esme against it. . . .” He trailed off, his voice disappearing.
“You should have left Bella with me.”
“Yes.”
It was a bit late for that, though. Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster.
He stared up at me from inside his own personal hell, and I could see that he agreed with me.
“We didn’t know,” he said, the words as quiet as a breath. “I never dreamed. There’s never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able conceive a child with one of us—”
“When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?”
“Yes,” he agreed in a tense whisper. “They’re out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one survives.” He shook his head like the idea revolted him. Like he was any different.
“I didn’t realize they had a special name for what you are,” I spit.
He stared up at me with a face that looked a thousand years old.
“Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself.”
Wrong, I thought, too enraged to speak.
“Killing me now doesn’t save her,” he said quietly.
“So what does?”
“Jacob, you have to do something for me.”
“The hell I do, parasite!”
He kept staring at me with those half-tired, half-crazy eyes. “For her?”
I clenched my teeth together hard. “I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It’s too late.”
“You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don’t even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won’t listen to me, because she thinks I’m underestimating her. She thinks she’s strong enough for this. . . .” He choked and then swallowed. “She might listen to you.”
“Why would she?”
He lurched to his feet, his eyes burning brighter than before, wilder. I wondered if he was really going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds?
“Maybe,” he answered my thought. “I don’t know. It feels like it.” He shook his head. “I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can’t keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can’t make it harder. But that doesn’t matter now. She has to listen to you!”
“I can’t tell her anything you haven’t. What do you want me to do? Tell her she’s stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she’s going to die? I bet she knows that, too.”
“You can offer her what she wants.”
He wasn’t making any sense. Part of the crazy?
“I don’t care about anything but keeping her alive,” he said, suddenly focused now. “If it’s a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants.” He paused for one beat. “She can have puppies, if that’s what it takes.”
He met my stare for a moment and his face was frenzied under the thin layer of control. My hard scowl crumbled as I processed his words, and I felt my mouth pop open in shock.
“But not this way!” he hissed before I could recover. “Not this thing that’s sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it hurting her.” He sucked in a fast breath like someone had punched him in the gut. “You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won’t listen to me anymore. Rosalie’s always there, feeding her insanity—encouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting it. Bella’s life means nothing to her.”
The noise coming from my throat sounded like I was choking.
What was he saying? That Bella should, what? Have a baby? With me? What? How? Was he giving her up? Or did he think she wouldn’t mind being shared?
“Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive.”
“That’s the craziest thing you’ve said yet,” I mumbled.
“She loves you.”
“Not enough.”
“She’s ready to die to have a child. Maybe she’d accept something less extreme.”
“Don’t you know her at all?”
“I know, I know. It’s going to take a lot of convincing. That’s why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense.”
I couldn’t think about what he was suggesting. It was too much. Impossible. Wrong. Sick. Borrowing Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday morning like a rental movie? So messed up.
So tempting.
I didn’t want to consider, didn’t want to imagine, but the images came anyway. I’d fantasized about Bella that way too many times, back when there was still a possibility of us, and then long after it was clear that the fantasies would only leave festering sores because there was no possibility, none at all. I hadn’t been able to help myself then. I couldn’t stop myself now. Bella in my arms, Bella sighing my name…
Worse still, this new image I’d never had before, one that by all rights shouldn’t have existed for me. Not yet. An image I knew I wouldn’t’ve suffered over for years if he hadn’t shoved it in my head now. But it stuck there, winding threads through my brain like a weed—poisonous and unkillable. Bella, healthy and glowing, so different than now, but something the same: her body, not distorted, changed in a more natural way. Round with my child.
I tried to escape the venomous weed in my mind. “Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in?”
“At least try.”
I shook my head fast. He waited, ignoring the negative answer because he could hear the conflict in my thoughts.
“Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?”
“I’ve been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn’t know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn’t listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn’t come today. But it’s hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition… it changes so fast. The thing is… growing. Swiftly. I can’t be away from her now.”
“What is it?”
“None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already.”
I could suddenly see it then—see the swelling monster in my head, breaking her from the inside out.
“Help me stop it,” he whispered. “Help me stop this from happening.”
“How? By offering my stud services?” He didn’t even flinch when I said that, but I did. “You’re really sick. She’ll never listen to this.”
“Try. There’s nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?”
It would hurt me. Hadn’t I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?
“A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?”
“But it won’t work.”
“Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she’ll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need.”
“And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? ‘Just kidding, Bella’?”
“If she wants a child, that’s what she gets. I won’t rescind.”
I couldn’t believe I was even thinking about this. Bella would punch me—not that I cared about that, but it would probably break her hand again. I shouldn’t let him talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill him now.
“Not now,” he whispered. “Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won’t listen to you, you’ll get your chance. The moment Bella’s heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me.”
“You won’t have to beg long.”
The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’m very much counting on that.”
“Then we have a deal.”
He nodded and held out his cold stone hand.
Swallowing my disgust, I reached out to take his hand. My fingers closed around the rock, and I shook it once.
“We have a deal,” he agreed.
I felt like—like I don’t know what. Like this wasn’t real. Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the A/V dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire’s wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.
No, I wouldn’t do it. It was twisted and wrong. I was going to forget all about what he’d said.
But I would talk to her. I’d try to make her listen to me.
And she wouldn’t. Just like always.
Edward didn’t answer or comment on my thoughts as he led the way back to the house. I wondered about the place that he’d chosen to stop. Was it far enough from the house that the others couldn’t hear his whispers? Was that the point?
Maybe. When we walked through the door, the other Cullens’ eyes were suspicious and confused. No one looked disgusted or outraged. So they must not have heard either favor Edward had asked me for.
I hesitated in the open doorway, not sure what to do now. It was better right there, with a little bit of breathable air blowing in from outside.
Edward walked into the middle of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella watched him anxiously, and then her eyes flickered to me for a second. Then she was watching him again.
Her face turned a grayish pale, and I could see what he meant about the stress making her feel worse.
“We’re going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately,” Edward said. There was no inflection at all in his voice. Robotic.
“Over my pile of ashes,” Rosalie hissed at him. She was still hovering by Bella’s head, one of her cold hands placed possessively on Bella’s sallow cheek.
Edward didn’t look at her. “Bella,” he said in that same empty tone. “Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?”
Bella looked at me, confused. Then she looked at Rosalie.
“Rose, it’s fine. Jake’s not going to hurt us. Go with Edward.”
“It might be a trick,” the blonde warned.
“I don’t see how,” Bella said.
“Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie,” Edward said. The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. “We’re the ones she’s afraid of.”
“No,” Bella whispered. Her eyes were glistening, her lashes wet. “No, Edward. I’m not. . . .”
He shook his head, smiling a little. The smile was painful to look at. “I didn’t mean it that way, Bella. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”
Sickening. He was right—she was beating herself up about hurting his feelings. The girl was a classic martyr. She’d totally been born in the wrong century. She should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause.
“Everyone,” Edward said, his hand stiffly motioning toward the door. “Please.”
The composure he was trying to keep up for Bella was shaky. I could see how close he was to that burning man he’d been outside. The others saw it, too. Silently, they moved out the door while I shifted out of the way. They moved fast; my heart beat twice, and the room was cleared except for Rosalie, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edward, still waiting by the door.
“Rose,” Bella said quietly. “I want you to go.”
The blonde glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go first. He disappeared out the door. She gave me a long warning glower, and then she disappeared, too.
Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. I took both her cold hands in mine, rubbing them carefully.
“Thanks, Jake. That feels good.”
“I’m not going to lie, Bells. You’re hideous.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I’m scary-looking.”
“Thing-from-the-swamp scary,” I agreed.
She laughed. “It’s so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I don’t know how much more drama I can stand.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, okay,” she agreed. “I bring it on myself.”
“Yeah, you do. What’re you thinking, Bells? Seriously!”
“Did he ask you to yell at me?”
“Sort of. Though I can’t figure why he thinks you’d listen to me. You never have before.”
She sighed.
“I told you—,” I started to say.
“Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob?” she asked, cutting me off. “His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’”
“Good one.”
She grinned at me. Her skin stretched tight over the bones. “I can’t take credit—I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons.”
“Missed that one.”
“It was funny.”
We didn’t talk for a minute. Her hands were starting to warm up a little.
“Did he really ask you to talk to me?”
I nodded. “To talk some sense into you. There’s a battle that’s lost before it starts.”
“So why did you agree?”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure I knew.
I did know this—every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out.
“It’ll work out, you know,” she said after a quiet minute. “I believe that.”
That made me see red again. “Is dementia one of your symptoms?” I snapped.
She laughed, though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers.
“Maybe,” she said. “I’m not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I’ve lived through and not believe in magic by this point?”
“Magic?”
“Especially for you,” she said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands away from mine and pressed it against my cheek. Warmer than before, but it felt cool against my skin, like most things did. “More than anyone else, you’ve got some magic waiting to make things right for you.”
“What are you babbling about?”
Still smiling. “Edward told me once what it was like—your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Night’s Dream, like magic. You’ll find who you’re really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense.”
If she hadn’t looked so fragile I would’ve been screaming.
As it was, I did growl at her.
“If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity . . .” I struggled for words. “Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?” I jabbed a finger toward her swollen body. “Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die”—the words were a snarl—“how is that ever right again? What’s the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You’ll kill him, too, not that I care about that.” She flinched, but I kept going. “So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don’t see it.”
She sighed. “I don’t know yet, Jake. But I just… feel… that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith.”
“You’re dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!”
Her hand dropped from my face to her bloated stomach, caressed it. She didn’t have to say the words for me to know what she was thinking. She was dying for it.
“I’m not going to die,” she said through her teeth, and I could tell she was repeating things she’d said before. “I will keep my heart beating. I’m strong enough for that.”
“That’s a load of crap, Bella. You’ve been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You’re not strong enough.” I took her face in my hand. I didn’t have to remind myself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed breakable.
“I can do this. I can do this,” she muttered, sounding a lot like that kids’ book about the little engine that could.
“Doesn’t look like it to me. So what’s your plan? I hope you have one.”
She nodded, not meeting my eyes. “Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean.”
“So?”
“So she was close enough to dead that they didn’t even bother taking her to the emergency room—they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her. . . .”
That’s what she’d meant before, about keeping her heart beating.
“You’re not planning on surviving this human,” I stated dully.
“No. I’m not stupid.” She met my stare then. “I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though.”
“Emergency vampirization,” I mumbled.
“It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn’t end lives, he saves them.”
I felt a sudden twinge of guilt about the good vampire doctor, like before. I shoved the thought away and started in on the begging.
“Listen to me, Bells. Don’t do it that way.” Like before, when the call from Charlie had come, I could see how much difference it really made to me. I realized I needed her to stay alive, in some form. In any form. I took a deep breath. “Don’t wait until it’s too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do it to him.” My voice got harder, louder. “You know what he’s going to do when you die. You’ve seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?” She cringed into the sofa.
I left out the part about how that wouldn’t be necessary this time.
Struggling to make my voice softer, I asked, “Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?”
I waited, but she wouldn’t answer. She pressed her lips together.
“You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle,” I reminded her. “And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you.”
“You listened because it was the right thing to do.”
“Okay—pick either reason.”
She took a deep breath. “It’s not the right thing now.” Her gaze touched her big round stomach and she whispered under her breath, “I won’t kill him.”
My hands shook again. “Oh, I hadn’t heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons.”
Her face turned pink. The color was so beautiful—it twisted in my stomach like a knife. A serrated knife, rusty and ragged.
I was going to lose this. Again.
“I don’t know he’s a boy,” she admitted, a little sheepish. “The ultrasound wouldn’t work. The membrane around the baby is too hard—like their skin. So he’s a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head.”
“It’s not some pretty baby in there, Bella.”
“We’ll see,” she said. Almost smug.
“You won’t,” I snarled.
“You’re very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this.”
I couldn’t answer. I looked down and breathed deep and slow, trying to get a grip on my fury.
“Jake,” she said, and she patted my hair, stroked my cheek. “It’s going to be okay. Shh. It’s okay.”
I didn’t look up. “No. It will not be okay.”
She wiped something wet from my cheek. “Shh.”
“What’s the deal, Bella?” I stared at the pale carpet. My bare feet were dirty, leaving smudges. Good. “I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you’re just giving him up? That doesn’t make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?”
I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make. I could see the words taking me that way, but I couldn’t change their direction.
She sighed. “It’s not like that. I didn’t really care about having a baby. I didn’t even think about it. It’s not just having a baby. It’s… well… this baby.”
“It’s a killer, Bella. Look at yourself.”
“He’s not. It’s me. I’m just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can—”
“Aw, come on! Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you’re not fooling me. You know you’re not going to make it.”
She glared at me. “I do not know that. I’m worried about it, sure.”
“Worried about it,” I repeated through my teeth.
She gasped then and clutched at her stomach. My fury vanished like a light switch being turned off.
“I’m fine,” she panted. “It’s nothing.”
But I didn’t hear; her hands had pulled her sweatshirt to the side, and I stared, horrified, at the skin it exposed. Her stomach looked like it was stained with big splotches of purple-black ink.
She saw my stare, and she yanked the fabric back in place.
“He’s strong, that’s all,” she said defensively.
The ink spots were bruises.
I almost gagged, and I understood what he’d said, about watching it hurt her. Suddenly, I felt a little crazy myself.
“Bella,” I said.
She heard the change in my voice. She looked up, still breathing heavy, her eyes confused.
“Bella, don’t do this.”
“Jake—”
“Listen to me. Don’t get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if… ?”
“What if what?”
“What if this wasn’t a one-shot deal? What if it wasn’t all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?”
“I won’t—”
“I’m not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn’t work out. Try again.”
She frowned. She raised one hand and touched the place where my eyebrows were mashing together. Her fingers smoothed my forehead for a moment while she tried to make sense of it.
“I don’t understand.… What do you mean, try again? You can’t think Edward would let me… ? And what difference would it make? I’m sure any baby—”
“Yes,” I snapped. “Any kid of his would be the same.”
Her tired face just got more confused. “What?”
But I couldn’t say any more. There was no point. I would never be able to save her from herself. I’d never been able to do that.
Then she blinked, and I could see she got it.
“Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination?” She was mad now. “Why would I want to have some stranger’s baby? I suppose it just doesn’t make a difference? Any baby will do?”
“I didn’t mean that,” I muttered. “Not a stranger.”
She leaned forward. “Then what are you saying?”
“Nothing. I’m saying nothing. Same as ever.”
“Where did that come from?”
“Forget it, Bella.”
She frowned, suspicious. “Did he tell you to say that?”
I hesitated, surprised that she’d made that leap so quick. “No.”
“He did, didn’t he?”
“No, really. He didn’t say anything about artificial whatever.”
Her face softened then, and she sank back against the pillows, looking exhausted. She stared off to the side when she spoke, not talking to me at all. “He would do anything for me. And I’m hurting him so much.… But what is he thinking? That I would trade this”—her hand traced across her belly—“for some stranger’s . . .” She mumbled the last part, and then her voice trailed off. Her eyes were wet.
“You don’t have to hurt him,” I whispered. It burned like poison in my mouth to beg for him, but I knew this angle was probably my best bet for keeping her alive. Still a thousand-to-one odds. “You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he’s losing it. Honestly, I do.”
She didn’t seem to be listening; her hand made small circles on her battered stomach while she chewed on her lip. It was quiet for a long time. I wondered if the Cullens were very far away. Were they listening to my pathetic attempts to reason with her?
“Not a stranger?” she murmured to herself. I flinched. “What exactly did Edward say to you?” she asked in a low voice.
“Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me.”
“Not that. About trying again.”
Her eyes locked on mine, and I could see that I’d already given too much away.
“Nothing.”
Her mouth fell open a little. “Wow.”
It was silent for a few heartbeats. I looked down at my feet again, unable to meet her stare.
“He really would do anything, wouldn’t he?” she whispered.
“I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell on him right away. Get him in trouble.”
When I looked up, she was grinning.
“Thought about it.” I tried to grin back, but I could feel the smile mangle on my face.
She knew what I was offering, and she wasn’t going to think twice about it. I’d known that she wouldn’t. But it still stung.
“There isn’t much you wouldn’t do for me, either, is there?” she whispered. “I really don’t know why you bother. I don’t deserve either of you.”
“It makes no difference, though, does it?”
“Not this time.” She sighed. “I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I can’t hurt him”—she pointed to her stomach—“any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him.”
“Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?”
“I don’t think I do.”
I cleared the lump out of my throat so that I could make my voice hard like I wanted it. “Trust me.”
I started to get to my feet.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m not doing any good here.”
She held out her thin hand, pleading. “Don’t go.”
I could feel the addiction sucking at me, trying to keep me near her.
“I don’t belong here. I’ve got to get back.”
“Why did you come today?” she asked, still reaching limply.
“Just to see if you were really alive. I didn’t believe you were sick like Charlie said.”
I couldn’t tell from her face whether she bought that or not.
“Will you come back again? Before . . .”
“I’m not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella.”
She flinched. “You’re right, you’re right. You should go.”
I headed for the door.
“Bye,” she whispered behind me. “Love you, Jake.”
I almost went back. I almost turned around and fell down on my knees and started begging again. But I knew that I had to quit Bella, quit her cold turkey, before she killed me, like she was going to kill him.
“Sure, sure,” I mumbled on my way out.
I didn’t see any of the vampires. I ignored my bike, standing all alone in the middle of the meadow. It wasn’t fast enough for me now. My dad would be freaked out—Sam, too. What would the pack make of the fact that they hadn’t heard me phase? Would they think the Cullens got me before I’d had the chance? I stripped down, not caring who might be watching, and started running. I blurred into wolf mid-stride.
They were waiting. Of course they were.
Jacob, Jake, eight voices chorused in relief.
Come home now, the Alpha voice ordered. Sam was furious.
I felt Paul fade out, and I knew Billy and Rachel were waiting to hear what had happened to me. Paul was too anxious to give them the good news that I wasn’t vampire chow to listen to the whole story.
I didn’t have to tell the pack I was on my way—they could see the forest blurring past me as I sprinted for home. I didn’t have to tell them that I was half-past crazy, either. The sickness in my head was obvious.
They saw all the horror—Bella’s mottled stomach; her raspy voice: he’s strong, that’s all; the burning man in Edward’s face: watching her sicken and waste away… seeing it hurting her; Rosalie crouched over Bella’s limp body: Bella’s life means nothing to her—and for once, no one had anything to say.
Their shock was just a silent shout in my head. Wordless.
!!!!
I was halfway home before anyone recovered. Then they all started running to meet me.
It was almost dark—the clouds covered the sunset completely. I risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen.
We met up about ten miles out of La Push, in a clearing left by the loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain, where no one would see us. Paul found them when I did, so the pack was complete.
The babble in my head was total chaos. Everyone shouting at once.
Sam’s hackles were sticking straight up, and he was growling in an unbroken stream as he paced back and forth around the top of the ring. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears flat against the sides of their head. The whole circle was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts.
At first their anger was undefined, and I thought I was in for it. I was too messed up to care about that. They could do whatever they wanted to me for circumventing orders.
And then the unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together.
How can this be? What does it mean? What will it be?
Not safe. Not right. Dangerous.
Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination.
We can’t allow it.
The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but myself and one other. I sat beside whichever brother it was, too dazed to look over with either my eyes or my mind and see who was next to me, while the pack circled around us.
The treaty does not cover this.
This puts everyone in danger.
I tried to understand the spiraling voices, tried to follow the curling pathway the thoughts made to see where they were leading, but it wasn’t making sense. The pictures in the center of their thoughts were my pictures—the very worst of them. Bella’s bruises, Edward’s face as he burned.
They fear it, too.
But they won’t do anything about it.
Protecting Bella Swan.
We can’t let that influence us.
The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more important than one human.
If they won’t kill it, we have to.
Protect the tribe.
Protect our families.
We have to kill it before it’s too late.
Another of my memories, Edward’s words this time: The thing is growing. Swiftly.
I struggled to focus, to pick out individual voices.
No time to waste, Jared thought.
It will mean a fight, Embry cautioned.A bad one.
We’re ready, Paul insisted.
We’ll need surprise on our side, Sam thought.
If we catch them divided, we can take them down separately. It will increase our chances of victory, Jared thought, starting to strategize now.
I shook my head, rising slowly to my feet. I felt unsteady there—like the circling wolves were making me dizzy. The wolf beside me got up, too. His shoulder pushed against mine, propping me up.
Wait, I thought.
The circling paused for one beat, and then they were pacing again.
There’s little time, Sam said.
But—what are you thinking? You wouldn’t attack them for breaking the treaty this afternoon. Now you’re planning an ambush, when the treaty is still intact?
This is not something our treaty anticipated, Sam said. This is a danger to every human in the area. We don’t know what kind of creature the Cullens have bred, but we know that it is strong and fast-growing. And it will be too young to follow any treaty. Remember the newborn vampires we fought? Wild, violent, beyond the reach of reason or restraint. Imagine one like that, but protected by the Cullens.
We don’t know— I tried to interrupt.
We don’tknow, he agreed. And we can’t take chances with the unknown in this case. We can only allow the Cullens to exist while we’re absolutely sure that they can be trusted not to cause harm. This… thing cannot be trusted.
They don’t like it any more than we do.
Sam pulled Rosalie’s face, her protective crouch, from my mind and put it on display for everyone.
Some are ready to fight for it, no matter what it is.
It’s just a baby, for crying out loud.
Not for long, Leah whispered.
Jake, buddy, this is a big problem, Quil said. We can’t just ignore it.
You’re making it into something bigger than it is, I argued.The only one who’s in danger here is Bella.
Again by her own choice, Sam said. But this time her choice affects us all.
I don’t think so.
We can’t take that chance. We won’t allow a blood drinker to hunt on our lands.
Then tell them to leave, the wolf who was still supporting me said. It was Seth. Of course.
And inflict the menace on others? When blood drinkers cross our land, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can.
This is crazy, I said. This afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger.
This afternoon I didn’t know our families were at risk.
I can’t believe this! How’re you going to kill this creature without killing Bella?
There were no words, but the silence was full of meaning.
I howled. She’s human, too! Doesn’t our protection apply to her?
She’s dying anyway, Leah thought. We’ll just shorten the process.
That did it. I leaped away from Seth, toward his sister, with my teeth bared. I was about to catch her left hind leg when I felt Sam’s teeth cut into my flank, dragging me back.
I howled in pain and fury and turned on him.
Stop! he ordered in the double timbre of the Alpha.
My legs seemed to buckle under me. I jerked to a halt, only managing to keep on my feet by sheer willpower.
He turned his gaze away from me. You will not be cruel to him, Leah, he commanded her. Bella’s sacrifice is a heavy price, and we will allrecognize that. It is against everything we stand for to take a human life. Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing. We will allmourn for what we do tonight.
Tonight? Seth repeated, shocked. Sam—I think we should talk about this some more. Consult with the Elders, at least. You can’t seriously mean for us to—
We can’t afford your tolerance for the Cullens now. There is no time for debate. You willdo as you are told, Seth.
Seth’s front knees folded, and his head fell forward under the weight of the Alpha’s command.
Sam paced in a tight circle around the two of us.
We need the whole pack for this. Jacob, you are our strongest fighter. You will fight with us tonight. I understand that this is hard for you, so you will concentrate on their fighters—Emmett and Jasper Cullen. You don’t have to be involved with the… other part. Quil and Embry will fight with you.
My knees trembled; I struggled to hold myself upright while the voice of the Alpha lashed at my will.
Paul, Jared, and I will take on Edward and Rosalie. I think, from the information Jacob has brought us, they will be the ones guarding Bella. Carlisle and Alice will also be close, possibly Esme. Brady, Collin, Seth, and Leah will concentrate on them. Whoever has a clear line on—we all heard him mentally stutter over Bella’s name—the creature will take it. Destroying the creature is our first priority.
The pack rumbled in nervous agreement. The tension had everyone’s fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil.
Only Seth and I were still, the eye in the center of a storm of bared teeth and flattened ears. Seth’s nose was almost touching the ground, bowed under Sam’s commands. I felt his pain at the coming disloyalty. For him this was a betrayal—during that one day of alliance, fighting beside Edward Cullen, Seth had truly become the vampire’s friend.
There was no resistance in him, however. He would obey no matter how much it hurt him. He had no other choice.
And what choice did I have? When the Alpha spoke, the pack followed.
Sam had never pushed his authority this far before; I knew he honestly hated to see Seth kneeling before him like a slave at the foot of his master. He wouldn’t force this if he didn’t believe that he had no other choice. He couldn’t lie to us when we were linked mind to mind like this. He really believed it was our duty to destroy Bella and the monster she carried. He really believed we had no time to waste. He believed it enough to die for it.
I saw that he would face Edward himself; Edward’s ability to read our thoughts made him the greatest threat in Sam’s mind. Sam would not let someone else take on that danger.
He saw Jasper as the second-greatest opponent, which is why he’d given him to me. He knew that I had the best chance of any of the pack to win that fight. He’d left the easiest targets for the younger wolves and Leah. Little Alice was no danger without her future vision to guide her, and we knew from our time of alliance that Esme was not a fighter. Carlisle would be more of a challenge, but his hatred of violence would hinder him.
I felt sicker than Seth as I watched Sam plan it out, trying to work the angles to give each member of the pack the best chance of survival.
Everything was inside out. This afternoon, I’d been chomping at the bit to attack them. But Seth had been right—it wasn’t a fight I’d been ready for. I’d blinded myself with that hate. I hadn’t let myself look at it carefully, because I must have known what I would see if I did.
Carlisle Cullen. Looking at him without that hate clouding my eyes, I couldn’t deny that killing him was murder. He was good. Good as any human we protected. Maybe better. The others, too, I supposed, but I didn’t feel as strongly about them. I didn’t know them as well. It was Carlisle who would hate fighting back, even to save his own life. That’s why we would be able to kill him—because he wouldn’t want us, his enemies, to die.
This was wrong.
And it wasn’t just because killing Bella felt like killing me, like suicide.
Pull it together, Jacob, Sam ordered. The tribe comes first.
I was wrong today, Sam.
Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfill.
I braced myself. No.
Sam snarled and stopped pacing in front of me. He stared into my eyes and a deep growl slid between his teeth.
Yes, the Alpha decreed, his double voice blistering with the heat of his authority. There are no loopholes tonight. You, Jacob, are going to fight the Cullens with us. You, with Quil and Embry, will take care of Jasper and Emmett. You are obligated to protect the tribe. That is why you exist. You willperform this obligation.
My shoulders hunched as the edict crushed me. My legs collapsed, and I was on my belly under him.
No member of the pack could refuse the Alpha.
Sam started moving the others into formation while I was still on the ground. Embry and Quil were at my sides, waiting for me to recover and take the point.
I could feel the drive, the need, to get on my feet and lead them. The compulsion grew, and I fought it uselessly, cringing on the ground where I was.
Embry whined quietly in my ear. He didn’t want to think the words, afraid that he would bring me to Sam’s attention again. I felt his wordless plea for me to get up, for me to get this over with and be done with it.
There was fear in the pack, not so much for self but for the whole. We couldn’t imagine that we would all make it out alive tonight. Which brothers would we lose? Which minds would leave us forever? Which grieving families would we be consoling in the morning?
My mind began to work with theirs, to think in unison, as we dealt with these fears. Automatically, I pushed up from the ground and shook out my coat.
Embry and Quil huffed in relief. Quil touched his nose to my side once.
Their minds were filled with our challenge, our assignment. We remembered together the nights we’d watched the Cullens practicing for the fight with the newborns. Emmett Cullen was strongest, but Jasper would be the bigger problem. He moved like a lightning strike—power and speed and death rolled into one. How many centuries’ experience did he have? Enough that all the other Cullens looked to him for guidance.
I’ll take point, if you want flank, Quil offered. There was more excitement in his mind than most of the others. When Quil had watched Jasper’s instruction those nights, he’d been dying to test his skill against the vampire’s. For him, this would be a contest. Even knowing it was his life on the line, he saw it that way. Paul was like that, too, and the kids who had never been in battle, Collin and Brady. Seth probably would’ve been the same—if the opponents were not his friends.
Jake? Quil nudged me.How do you want to roll?
I just shook my head. I couldn’t concentrate—the compulsion to follow orders felt like puppet strings hooked into all of my muscles. One foot forward, now another.
Seth was dragging behind Collin and Brady—Leah had assumed point there. She ignored Seth while planning with the others, and I could see that she’d rather leave him out of the fight. There was a maternal edge to her feelings for her younger brother. She wished Sam would send him home. Seth didn’t register Leah’s doubts. He was adjusting to the puppet strings, too.
Maybe if you stopped resisting…, Embry whispered.
Just focus on our part. The big ones. We can take them down. We own them! Quil was working himself up—like a pep talk before a big game.
I could see how easy it would be—to think about nothing more than my part. It wasn’t hard to imaging attacking Jasper and Emmett. We’d been close to that before. I’d thought of them as enemies for a very long time. I could do that now again.
I just had to forget that they were protecting the same thing I would protect. I had to forget the reason why I might want them to win.…
Jake, Embry warned. Keep your head in the game.
My feet moved sluggishly, pulling against the drag of the strings.
There’s no point fighting it, Embry whispered again.
He was right. I would end up doing what Sam wanted, if he was willing to push it. And he was. Obviously.
There was a good reason for the Alpha’s authority. Even a pack as strong as ours wasn’t much of a force without a leader. We had to move together, to think together, in order to be effective. And that required the body to have a head.
So what if Sam was wrong now? There was nothing anyone could do. No one could dispute his decision.
Except.
And there it was—a thought I’d never, never wanted to have. But now, with my legs all tied up in strings, I recognized the exception with relief—more than relief, with a fierce joy.
No one could dispute the Alpha’s decision—except for me.
I hadn’t earned anything. But there were things that had been born in me, things that I’d left unclaimed.
I’d never wanted to lead the pack. I didn’t want to do it now. I didn’t want the responsibility for all our fates resting on my shoulders. Sam was better at that than I would ever be.
But he was wrong tonight.
And I had not been born to kneel to him.
The bonds fell off my body the second that I embraced my birthright.
I could feel it gathering in me, both a freedom and also a strange, hollow power. Hollow because an Alpha’s power came from his pack, and I had no pack. For a second, loneliness overwhelmed me.
I had no pack now.
But I was straight and strong as I walked to where Sam stood, planning with Paul and Jared. He turned at the sound of my advance, and his black eyes narrowed.
No, I told him again.
He heard it right away, heard the choice that I’d made in the sound of the Alpha voice in my thoughts.
He jumped back a half step with a shocked yelp.
Jacob? What have you done?
I won’t follow you, Sam. Not for something so wrong.
He stared at me, stunned. You would… you would choose your enemies over your family?
They aren’t—I shook my head, clearing it—they aren’t our enemies. They never have been. Until I really thought about destroying them, thought it through, I didn’t see that.
This isn’t about them, he snarled at me. This is about Bella. She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!
They were hard words, but true words. I sucked in a big gulp of air, breathing them in.
Maybe you’re right. But you’re going to destroy the pack over her, Sam. No matter how many of them survive tonight, they will always have murder on their hands.
We have to protect our families!
I know what you’ve decided, Sam. But you don’t decide for me, not anymore.
Jacob—you can’t turn your back on the tribe.
I heard the double echo of his Alpha command, but it was weightless this time. It no longer applied to me. He clenched his jaw, trying to force me to respond to his words.
I stared into his furious eyes. Ephraim Black’s son was not born to follow Levi Uley’s.
Is this it, then, Jacob Black? His hackles rose and his muzzle pulled back from his teeth. Paul and Jared snarled and bristled at his sides. Even if you can defeat me, the pack will never follow you!
Now I jerked back, a surprised whine escaping my throat.
Defeat you? I’m not going to fight you, Sam.
Then what’s your plan? I’m not stepping aside so that you can protect the vampire spawn at the tribe’s expense.
I’m not telling you to step aside.
If you order them to follow you—
I’ll nevertake anyone’s will away from him.
His tail whipped back and forth as he recoiled from the judgment in my words. Then he took a step forward so that we were toe to toe, his exposed teeth inches from mine. I hadn’t noticed till this moment that I’d grown taller than him.
There cannot be more than one Alpha. The pack has chosen me. Will you rip us apart tonight? Will you turn on your brothers? Or will you end this insanity and join us again? Every word was layered with command, but it couldn’t touch me. Alpha blood ran undiluted in my veins.
I could see why there was never more than one Alpha male in a pack. My body was responding to the challenge. I could feel the instinct to defend my claim rising in me. The primitive core of my wolf-self tensed for the battle of supremacy.
I focused all my energy to control that reaction. I would not fall into a pointless, destructive fight with Sam. He was my brother still, even though I was rejecting him.
There is only one Alpha for this pack. I’m not contesting that. I’m just choosing to go my own way.
Do you belong to a covennow, Jacob?
I flinched.
I don’t know, Sam. But I do know this—
He shrunk back as he felt the weight of the Alpha in my tone. It affected him more than his touched me. Because I had been born to lead him.
I willstand between you and the Cullens. I won’t just watch while the pack kills innocent—it was hard to apply that word to vampires, but it was true—people. The pack is better than that. Lead them in the right direction, Sam.
I turned my back on him, and a chorus of howls tore into the air around me.
Digging my nails into the earth, I raced away from the uproar I’d caused. I didn’t have much time. At least Leah was the only one with a prayer of outrunning me, and I had a head start.
The howling faded with the distance, and I took comfort as the sound continued to rip apart the quiet night. They weren’t after me yet.
I had to warn the Cullens before the pack could get it together and stop me. If the Cullens were prepared, it might give Sam a reason to rethink this before it was too late. I sprinted toward the white house I still hated, leaving my home behind me. Home didn’t belong to me anymore. I’d turned my back on it.
Today had begun like any other day. Made it home from patrol with the rainy sunrise, breakfast with Billy and Rachel, bad TV, bickering with Paul… How did it change so completely, turn all surreal? How did everything get messed up and twisted so that I was here now, all alone, an unwilling Alpha, cut off from my brothers, choosing vampires over them?
The sound I’d been fearing interrupted my dazed thoughts—it was the soft impact of big paws against the ground, chasing after me. I threw myself forward, rocketing through the black forest. I just had to get close enough so that Edward could hear the warning in my head. Leah wouldn’t be able to stop me alone.
And then I caught the mood of the thoughts behind me. Not anger, but enthusiasm. Not chasing… but following.
My stride broke. I staggered two steps before it evened out again.
Wait up. My legs aren’t as long as yours.
SETH! What do you think you’re DOING? GO HOME!
He didn’t answer, but I could feel his excitement as he kept right on after me. I could see through his eyes as he could see through mine. The night scene was bleak for me—full of despair. For him, it was hopeful.
I hadn’t realized I was slowing down, but suddenly he was on my flank, running in position beside me.
I am not joking, Seth! This is no place for you. Get out of here.
The gangly tan wolf snorted.I’ve got your back, Jacob. I think you’re right. And I’m not going to stand behind Sam when—
Oh yes you are the hell going to stand behind Sam! Get your furry butt back to La Push and do what Sam tells you to do.
No.
Go, Seth!
Is that an order, Jacob?
His question brought me up short. I skidded to a halt, my nails gouging furrows in the mud.
I’m not ordering anyone to do anything. I’m just telling you what you already know.
He plopped down on his haunches beside me. I’ll tell you what I know—I know that it’s awful quiet. Haven’t you noticed?
I blinked. My tail swished nervously as I realized what he was thinking underneath the words. It wasn’t quiet in one sense. Howls still filled the air, far away in the west.
They haven’t phased back, Seth said.
I knew that. The pack would be on red alert now. They would be using the mind link to see all sides clearly. But I couldn’t hear what they were thinking. I could only hear Seth. No one else.
Looks to me like separate packs aren’t linked. Huh. Guess there was no reason for our fathers to know that before. ’Cause there was no reason for separate packs before. Never enough wolves for two. Wow. It’s reallyquiet. Sort of eerie. But also kinda nice, don’t you think? I bet it was easier, like this, for Ephraim and Quil and Levi. Not such a babble with just three. Or just two.
Shut up, Seth.
Yes, sir.
Stop that! There are not two packs. There is THE pack, and then there is me. That’s all. So you can go home now.
If there aren’t two packs, then why can we hear each other and not the rest? I think that when you turned your back on Sam, that was a pretty significant move. A change. And when I followed you away, I think that was significant, too.
You’ve got a point, I conceded. But what can change can change right back.
He got up and started trotting toward the east. No time to argue about it now. We should be moving right along before Sam…
He was right about that part. There was no time for this argument. I fell into a run again, not pushing myself quite as hard. Seth stayed on my heels, holding the Second’s traditional place on my right flank.
I can run somewhere else, he thought, his nose dipping a little. I didn’t follow you because I was after a promotion.
Run wherever you want. Makes no difference to me.
There was no sound of pursuit, but we both stepped it up a little at the same time. I was worried now. If I couldn’t tap into the pack’s mind, it was going to make this more difficult. I’d have no more advance warning of attack than the Cullens.
We’ll run patrols, Seth suggested.
And what do we do if the pack challenges us? My eyes tightened. Attack our brothers? Your sister?
No—we sound the alarm and fall back.
Good answer. But then what? I don’t think…
I know, he agreed. Less confident now. I don’t think I can fight them, either. But they won’t be any happier with the idea of attacking us than we are with attacking them. That might be enough to stop them right there. Plus, there’re only eight of them now.
Stop being so… Took me a minute to decide on the right word. Optimistic. It’s getting on my nerves.
No problem. You want me to be all doom and gloom, or just shut up?
Just shut up.
Can do.
Really? Doesn’t seem like it.
He was finally quiet.
And then we were across the road and moving through the forest that ringed the Cullens’ house. Could Edward hear us yet?
Maybe we should be thinking something like, “We come in peace.”
Go for it.
Edward? He called the name tentatively. Edward, you there? Okay, now I feel kinda stupid.
You sound stupid, too.
Think he can hear us?
We were less than a mile out now. I think so. Hey, Edward. If you can hear me—circle the wagons, bloodsucker. You’ve got a problem.
We’vegot a problem, Seth corrected.
Then we broke through the trees into the big lawn. The house was dark, but not empty. Edward stood on the porch between Emmett and Jasper. They were snow white in the pale light.
“Jacob? Seth? What’s going on?”
I slowed and then paced back a few steps. The smell was so sharp through this nose that it felt like it was honestly burning me. Seth whined quietly, hesitating, and then he fell back behind me.
To answer Edward’s question, I let my mind run over the confrontation with Sam, moving through it backward. Seth thought with me, filling in the gaps, showing the scene from another angle. We stopped when we got to the part about the “abomination,” because Edward hissed furiously and leaped off the porch.
“They want to kill Bella?” he snarled flatly.
Emmett and Jasper, not having heard the first part of the conversation, took his inflectionless question for a statement. They were right next to him in a flash, teeth exposed as they moved on us.
Hey, now, Seth thought, backing away.
“Em, Jazz—not them! The others. The pack is coming.”
Emmett and Jasper rocked back on their heels; Emmett turned to Edward while Jasper kept his eyes locked on us.
“What’s their problem?” Emmett demanded.
“The same one as mine,” Edward hissed. “But they have their own plan to handle it. Get the others. Call Carlisle! He and Esme have to get back here now.”
I whined uneasily. They were separated.
“They aren’t far,” Edward said in the same dead voice as before.
I’m going to go take a look, Seth said. Run the western perimeter.
“Will you be in danger, Seth?” Edward asked.
Seth and I exchanged a glance.
Don’t think so, we thought together. And then I added, But maybe I should go. Just in case…
They’ll be less likely to challenge me, Seth pointed out. I’m just a kid to them.
You’re just a kid to me, kid.
I’m outta here. You need to coordinate with the Cullens.
He wheeled and darted into the darkness. I wasn’t going to order Seth around, so I let him go.
Edward and I stood facing each other in the dark meadow. I could hear Emmett muttering into his phone. Jasper was watching the place where Seth had vanished into the woods. Alice appeared on the porch and then, after staring at me with anxious eyes for a long moment, she flitted to Jasper’s side. I guessed that Rosalie was inside with Bella. Still guarding her—from the wrong dangers.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve owed you my gratitude, Jacob,” Edward whispered. “I would never have asked for this from you.”
I thought of what he’d asked me for earlier today. When it came to Bella, there were no lines he wouldn’t cross. Yeah, you would.
He thought about it and then nodded. “I suppose you’re right about that.”
I sighed heavily. Well, this isn’t the first time that I didn’t do it for you.
“Right,” he murmured.
Sorry I didn’t do any good today. Told you she wouldn’t listen to me.
“I know. I never really believed she would. But . . .”
You had to try. I get it. She any better?
His voice and eyes went hollow. “Worse,” he breathed.
I didn’t want to let that word sink in. I was grateful when Alice spoke.
“Jacob, would you mind switching forms?” Alice asked. “I want to know what’s going on.”
I shook my head at the same time Edward answered.
“He needs to stay linked to Seth.”
“Well, then would you be so kind as to tell me what’s happening?”
He explained in clipped, emotionless sentences. “The pack thinks Bella’s become a problem. They foresee potential danger from the… from what she’s carrying. They feel it’s their duty to remove that danger. Jacob and Seth disbanded from the pack to warn us. The rest are planning to attack tonight.”
Alice hissed, leaning away from me. Emmett and Jasper exchanged a glance, and then their eyes ranged across the trees.
Nobody out here, Seth reported. All’s quiet on the western front.
They may go around.
I’ll make a loop.
“Carlisle and Esme are on their way,” Emmett said. “Twenty minutes, tops.”
“We should take up a defensive position,” Jasper said.
Edward nodded. “Let’s get inside.”
I’ll run perimeter with Seth. If I get too far for you to hear my head, listen for my howl.
“I will.”
They backed into the house, eyes flickering everywhere. Before they were inside, I turned and ran toward the west.
I’m still not finding much, Seth told me.
I’ll take half the circle. Move fast—we don’t want them to have a chance to sneak past us.
Seth lurched forward in a sudden burst of speed.
We ran in silence, and the minutes passed. I listened to the noises around him, double-checking his judgment.
Hey—something coming up fast! he warned me after fifteen minutes of silence.
On my way!
Hold your position—I don’t think it’s the pack. It sounds different.
Seth—
But he caught the approaching scent on the breeze, and I read it in his mind.
Vampire. Bet it’s Carlisle.
Seth, fall back. It might be someone else.
No, it’s them. I recognize the scent. Hold up, I’m going to phase to explain it to them.
Seth, I don’t think—
But he was gone.
Anxiously, I raced along the western border. Wouldn’t it be just peachy if I couldn’t take care of Seth for one freaking night? What if something happened to him on my watch? Leah would shred me into kibble.
At least the kid kept it short. It wasn’t two minutes later when I felt him in my head again.
Yep, Carlisle and Esme. Boy, were they surprised to see me! They’re probably inside by now. Carlisle said thanks.
He’s a good guy.
Yeah. That’s one of the reasons why we’re right about this.
Hope so.
Why’re you so down, Jake? I’ll bet Sam won’t bring the pack tonight. He’s not going to launch a suicide mission.
I sighed. It didn’t seem to matter, either way.
Oh. This isn’t about Sam so much, is it?
I made the turn at the end of my patrol. I caught Seth’s scent where he’d turned last. We weren’t leaving any gaps.
You think Bella’s going to die anyway, Seth whispered.
Yeah, she is.
Poor Edward. He must be crazy.
Literally.
Edward’s name brought other memories boiling to the surface. Seth read them in astonishment.
And then he was howling. Oh, man! No way! You did not! That just plain ol’ sucks rocks, Jacob! And you know it, too! I can’t believe you said you’d kill him. What isthat? You have to tell him no.
Shut up, shut up, you idiot! They’re going to think the pack is coming!
Oops! He cut off mid-howl.
I wheeled and started loping in toward the house. Just keep out of this, Seth. Take the whole circle for now.
Seth seethed and I ignored him.
False alarm, false alarm, I thought as I ran closer in. Sorry. Seth is young. He forgets things. No one’s attacking. False alarm.
When I got to the meadow, I could see Edward staring out of a dark window. I ran in, wanting to be sure he got the message.
There’s nothing out there—you got that?
He nodded once.
This would be a lot easier if the communication wasn’t one way. Then again, I was kinda glad I wasn’t in his head.
He looked over his shoulder, back into the house, and I saw a shudder run through his whole frame. He waved me away without looking in my direction again and then moved out of my view.
What’s going on?
Like I was going to get an answer.
I sat very still in the meadow and listened. With these ears, I could almost hear Seth’s soft footfalls, miles out into the forest. It was easy to hear every sound inside the dark house.
“It was a false alarm,” Edward was explaining in that dead voice, just repeating what I’d told him. “Seth was upset about something else, and he forgot we were listening for a signal. He’s very young.”
“Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort,” a deeper voice grumbled. Emmett, I thought.
“They’ve done us a great service tonight, Emmett,” Carlisle said. “At great personal sacrifice.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m just jealous. Wish I was out there.”
“Seth doesn’t think Sam will attack now,” Edward said mechanically. “Not with us forewarned, and lacking two members of the pack.”
“What does Jacob think?” Carlisle asked.
“He’s not as optimistic.”
No one spoke. There was a quiet dripping sound that I couldn’t place. I heard their low breathing—and I could separate Bella’s from the rest. It was harsher, labored. It hitched and broke in strange rhythms. I could hear her heart. It seemed… too fast. I paced it against my own heartbeat, but I wasn’t sure if that was any measure. It wasn’t like I was normal.
“Don’t touch her! You’ll wake her up,” Rosalie whispered.
Someone sighed.
“Rosalie,” Carlisle murmured.
“Don’t start with me, Carlisle. We let you have your way earlier, but that’s all we’re allowing.”
It seemed like Rosalie and Bella were both talking in plurals now. Like they’d formed a pack of their own.
I paced quietly in front of the house. Each pass brought me a little closer. The dark windows were like a TV set running in some dull waiting room—it was impossible to keep my eyes off them for long.
A few more minutes, a few more passes, and my fur was brushing the side of the porch as I paced.
I could see up through the windows—see the top of the walls and the ceiling, the unlit chandelier that hung there. I was tall enough that all I would have to do was stretch my neck a little… and maybe one paw up on the edge of the porch.…
I peeked into the big, open front room, expecting to see something very similar to the scene this afternoon. But it had changed so much that I was confused at first. For a second I thought I’d gotten the wrong room.
The glass wall was gone—it looked like metal now. And the furniture was all dragged out of the way, with Bella curled up awkwardly on a narrow bed in the center of the open space. Not a normal bed—one with rails like in a hospital. Also like a hospital were the monitors strapped to her body, the tubes stuck into her skin. The lights on the monitors flashed, but there was no sound. The dripping noise was from the IV plugged into her arm—some fluid that was thick and white, not clear.
She choked a little in her uneasy sleep, and both Edward and Rosalie moved in to hover over her. Her body jerked, and she whimpered. Rosalie smoothed her hand across Bella’s forehead. Edward’s body stiffened—his back was to me, but his expression must have been something to see, because Emmett wrenched himself between them before there was time to blink. He held his hands up to Edward.
“Not tonight, Edward. We’ve got other things to worry about.”
Edward turned away from them, and he was the burning man again. His eyes met mine for one moment, and then I dropped back to all fours.
I ran back into the dark forest, running to join Seth, running away from what was behind me.
Worse. Yes, she was worse.
I was right on the edge of sleep.
The sun had risen behind the clouds an hour ago—the forest was gray now instead of black. Seth’d curled up and passed out around one, and I’d woken him at dawn to trade off. Even after running all night, I was having a hard time making my brain shut up long enough to fall asleep, but Seth’s rhythmic run was helping. One, two-three, four, one, two-three, four—dum dum-dum dum—dull paw thuds against the damp earth, over and over as he made the wide circuit surrounding the Cullens’ land. We were already wearing a trail into the ground. Seth’s thoughts were empty, just a blur of green and gray as the woods flew past him. It was restful. It helped to fill my head with what he saw rather than letting my own images take center stage.
And then Seth’s piercing howl broke the early morning quiet.
I lurched up from the ground, my front legs pulling toward a sprint before my hind legs were off the ground. I raced toward the place where Seth had frozen, listening with him to the tread of paws running in our direction.
Morning, boys.
A shocked whine broke through Seth’s teeth. And then we both snarled as we read deeper into the new thoughts.
Oh, man! Go away, Leah! Seth groaned.
I stopped when I got to Seth, head thrown back, ready to howl again—this time to complain.
Cut the noise, Seth.
Right. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! He whimpered and pawed at the ground, scratching deep furrows in the dirt.
Leah trotted into view, her small gray body weaving through the underbrush.
Stop whining, Seth. You’re such a baby.
I growled at her, my ears flattening against my skull. She skipped back a step automatically.
What do you think you’re doing, Leah?
She huffed a heavy sigh. It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? I’m joining your crappy little renegade pack. The vampires’ guard dogs. She barked out a low, sarcastic laugh.
No, you’re not. Turn around before I rip out one of your hamstrings.
Like you could catch me. She grinned and coiled her body for launch. Wanna race, O fearless leader?
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs until my sides bulged. Then, when I was sure I wasn’t going to scream, I exhaled in a gust.
Seth, go let the Cullens know that it’s just your stupid sister—I thought the words as harshly as possible. I’ll deal with this.
On it! Seth was only too happy to leave. He vanished toward the house.
Leah whined, and she leaned after him, the fur on her shoulders rising. You’re just going to let him run off to the vampires alone?
I’m pretty sure he’d rather they took him out than spend another minute with you.
Shut up, Jacob. Oops, I’m sorry—I meant, shut up, most high Alpha.
Why the hellare you here?
You think I’m just going to sit home while my little brother volunteers as a vampire chew toy?
Seth doesn’t want or need your protection. In fact, no one wants you here.
Oooh, ouch, that’s gonna leave a huge mark. Ha, she barked. Tell me who doeswant me around, and I’m outta here.
So this isn’t about Seth at all, is it?
Of course it is. I’m just pointing out that being unwanted is not a first for me. Not really a motivating factor, if you know what I mean.
I gritted my teeth and tried to get my head straight.
Did Sam send you?
If I was here on Sam’s errand, you wouldn’t be able to hear me. My allegiance is no longer with him.
I listened carefully to the thoughts mixed in with the words. If this was a diversion or a ploy, I had to be alert enough to see through it. But there was nothing. Her declaration was nothing but the truth. Unwilling, almost despairing truth.
You’re loyal to me now? I asked with deep sarcasm. Uh-huh. Right.
My choices are limited. I’m working with the options I’ve got. Trust me, I’m not enjoying this any more than you are.
That wasn’t true. There was an edgy kind of excitement in her mind. She was unhappy about this, but she was also riding some weird high. I searched her mind, trying to understand.
She bristled, resenting the intrusion. I usually tried to tune Leah out—I’d never tried to make sense of her before.
We were interrupted by Seth, thinking his explanation at Edward. Leah whined anxiously. Edward’s face, framed in the same window as last night, showed no reaction to the news. It was a blank face, dead.
Wow, he looks bad, Seth muttered to himself. The vampire showed no reaction to that thought, either. He disappeared into the house. Seth pivoted and headed back out to us. Leah relaxed a little.
What’s going on? Leah asked. Catch me up to speed.
There’s no point. You’re not staying.
Actually, Mr. Alpha, I am. Because since apparently I have to belong to someone—and don’t think I haven’t tried breaking off on my own, you know yourself how well thatdoesn’t work—I choose you.
Leah, you don’t like me. I don’t like you.
Thank you, Captain Obvious. That doesn’t matter to me. I’m staying with Seth.
You don’t like vampires. Don’t you think that’s a little conflict of interest right there?
You don’t like vampires either.
But I amcommitted to this alliance. You aren’t.
I’ll keep my distance from them. I can run patrols out here, just like Seth.
And I’m supposed to trust you with that?
She stretched her neck, leaning up on her toes, trying to be as tall as me as she stared into my eyes. I will not betray my pack.
I wanted to throw my head back and howl, like Seth had before. This isn’t your pack! This isn’t even apack. This is just me, going off on my own! What is it with you Clearwaters? Why can’t you leave me alone?
Seth, just coming up behind us now, whined; I’d offended him. Great.
I’ve been helpful, haven’t I, Jake?
You haven’t made toomuch a nuisance of yourself, kid, but if you and Leah are a package deal—if the only way to get rid of her is for you to go home.… Well, can you blame me for wanting you gone?
Ugh, Leah, you ruin everything!
Yeah, I know, she told him, and the thought was loaded with the heaviness of her despair.
I felt the pain in the three little words, and it was more than I would’ve guessed. I didn’t want to feel that. I didn’t want to feel bad for her. Sure, the pack was rough on her, but she brought it all on herself with the bitterness that tainted her every thought and made being in her head a nightmare.
Seth was feeling guilty, too. Jake… You’re not really gonna send me away, are you? Leah’s not so bad. Really. I mean, with her here, we can push the perimeter out farther. And this puts Sam down to seven. There’s no way he’s going to mount an attack that outnumbered. It’s probably a good thing.…
You know I don’t want to lead a pack, Seth.
So don’t lead us, Leah offered.
I snorted. Sounds perfect to me. Run along home now.
Jake, Seth thought. I belong here. I dolike vampires. Cullens, anyway. They’re people to me, and I’m going to protect them, ’cause that’s what we’re supposed to do.
Maybe you belong, kid, but your sister doesn’t. And she’s going to go wherever you are—
I stopped short, because I saw something when I said that. Something Leah had been trying not to think.
Leah wasn’t going anywhere.
Thought this was about Seth, I thought sourly.
She flinched. Of course I’m here for Seth.
And to get away from Sam.
Her jaw clenched. I don’t have to explain myself to you. I just have to do what I’m told. I belong to your pack, Jacob. The end.
I paced away from her, growling.
Crap. I was never going to get rid of her. As much as she disliked me, as much as she loathed the Cullens, as happy as she’d be to go kill all the vampires right now, as much as it pissed her off to have to protect them instead—none of that was anything compared to what she felt being free of Sam.
Leah didn’t like me, so it wasn’t such a chore having me wish she would disappear.
She loved Sam. Still. And having him wish she would disappear was more pain than she was willing to live with, now that she had a choice. She would have taken any other option. Even if it meant moving in with the Cullens as their lapdog.
I don’t know if I’d go that far, she thought. She tried to make the words tough, aggressive, but there were big cracks in her show. I’m sure I’d give killing myself a few good tries first.
Look, Leah…
No, youlook, Jacob. Stop arguing with me, because it’s not going to do any good. I’ll stay out of your way, okay? I’ll do anything you want. Except go back to Sam’s pack and be the pathetic ex-girlfriend he can’t get away from. If you want me to leave—she sat back on her haunches and stared straight into my eyes—you’re going to have to makeme.
I snarled for a long, angry minute. I was beginning to feel some sympathy for Sam, despite what he had done to me, to Seth. No wonder he was always ordering the pack around. How else would you ever get anything done?
Seth, are you gonna get mad at me if I kill your sister?
He pretended to think about it for a minute. Well… yeah, probably.
I sighed.
Okay, then, Ms. Do-Anything-I-Want. Why don’t you make yourself useful by telling us what you know? What happened after we left last night?
Lots of howling. But you probably heard that part. It was so loud that it took us a while to figure out that we couldn’t hear either of you anymore. Sam was… Words failed her, but we could see it in our head. Both Seth and I cringed. After that, it was clear pretty quick that we were going to have to rethink things. Sam was planning to talk to the other Elders first thing this morning. We were supposed to meet up and figure out a game plan. I could tell he wasn’t going to mount another attack right away, though. Suicide at this point, with you and Seth AWOL and the bloodsuckers forewarned. I’m not sure what they’ll do, but I wouldn’t be wandering the forest alone if I was a leech. It’s open season on vamps now.
You decided to skip the meeting this morning? I asked.
When we split up for patrols last night, I asked permission to go home, to tell my mother what had happened—
Crap! You told Mom? Seth growled.
Seth, hold off on the sibling stuff for a sec. Go on, Leah.
So once I was human, I took a minute to think things through. Well, actually, I took all night. I bet the others think I fell asleep. But the whole two-separate-packs, two-separate-pack-minds thing gave me a lot to sift through. In the end, I weighed Seth’s safety and the, er, other benefits against the idea of turning traitor and sniffing vampire stink for who knows how long. You know what I decided. I left a note for my mom. I expect we’ll hear it when Sam finds out.…
Leah cocked an ear to the west.
Yeah, I expect we will, I agreed.
So that’s everything. What do we do now? she asked.
She and Seth both looked at me expectantly.
This was exactly the kind of thing I didn’t want to have to do.
I guess we just keep an eye out for now. That’s all we cando. You should probably take a nap, Leah.
You’ve had as much sleep as I have.
Thought you were going to do what you were told?
Right. That’s going to get old, she grumbled, and then she yawned. Well, whatever. I don’t care.
I’ll run the border, Jake. I’m not tired at all. Seth was so glad I hadn’t forced them home, he was all but prancing with excitement.
Sure, sure. I’m going to go check in with the Cullens.
Seth took off along the new path worn into the damp earth. Leah looked after him thoughtfully.
Maybe a round or two before I crash.… Hey Seth, wanna see how many times I can lap you?
NO!
Barking out a low chuckle, Leah lunged into the woods after him.
I growled uselessly. So much for peace and quiet.
Leah was trying—for Leah. She kept her jibes to a minimum as she raced around the circuit, but it was impossible not to be aware of her smug mood. I thought of the whole “two’s company” saying. It didn’t really apply, because one was plenty to my mind. But if there had to be three of us, it was hard to think of anyone that I wouldn’t trade her for.
Paul? she suggested.
Maybe, I allowed.
She laughed to herself, too jittery and hyper to get offended. I wondered how long the buzz from dodging Sam’s pity would last.
That will be my goal, then—to be less annoying than Paul.
Yeah, work on that.
I changed into my other form when I was a few yards from the lawn. I hadn’t been planning to spend much time human here. But I hadn’t been planning to have Leah in my head, either. I pulled on my ragged shorts and started across the lawn.
The door opened before I got to the steps, and I was surprised to see Carlisle rather than Edward step outside to meet me—his face looked exhausted and defeated. For a second, my heart froze. I faltered to a stop, unable to speak.
“Are you all right, Jacob?” Carlisle asked.
“Is Bella?” I choked out.
“She’s… much the same as last night. Did I startle you? I’m sorry. Edward said you were coming in your human form, and I came out to greet you, as he didn’t want to leave her. She’s awake.”
And Edward didn’t want to lose any time with her, because he didn’t have much time left. Carlisle didn’t say the words out loud, but he might as well have.
It had been a while since I’d slept—since before my last patrol. I could really feel that now. I took a step forward, sat down on the porch steps, and slumped against the railing.
Moving whisper-quiet as only a vampire could, Carlisle took a seat on the same step, against the other railing.
“I didn’t get a chance to thank you last night, Jacob. You don’t know how much I appreciate your… compassion. I know your goal was to protect Bella, but I owe you the safety of the rest of my family as well. Edward told me what you had to do. . . .”
“Don’t mention it,” I muttered.
“If you prefer.”
We sat in silence. I could hear the others in the house. Emmett, Alice, and Jasper, speaking in low, serious voices upstairs. Esme humming tunelessly in another room. Rosalie and Edward breathing close by—I couldn’t tell which was which, but I could hear the difference in Bella’s labored panting. I could hear her heart, too. It seemed… uneven.
It was like fate was out to make me do everything I’d ever sworn I wouldn’t in the course of twenty-four hours. Here I was, hanging around, waiting for her to die.
I didn’t want to listen anymore. Talking was better than listening.
“She’s family to you?” I asked Carlisle. It had caught my notice before, when he’d said I’d helped the rest of his family, too.
“Yes. Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter.”
“But you’re going to let her die.”
He was quiet long enough that I looked up. His face was very, very tired. I knew how he felt.
“I can imagine what you think of me for that,” he finally said. “But I can’t ignore her will. It wouldn’t be right to make such a choice for her, to force her.”
I wanted to be angry with him, but he was making it hard. It was like he was throwing my own words back at me, just scrambled up. They’d sounded right before, but they couldn’t be right now. Not with Bella dying. Still… I remembered how it felt to be broken on the ground under Sam—to have no choice but be involved in the murder of someone I loved. It wasn’t the same, though. Sam was wrong. And Bella loved things she shouldn’t.
“Do you think there’s any chance she’ll make it? I mean, as a vampire and all that. She told me about… about Esme.”
“I’d say there’s an even chance at this point,” he answered quietly. “I’ve seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail… there won’t be anything for me to do.”
Bella’s heartbeat throbbed and faltered, giving an agonizing emphasis to his words.
Maybe the planet had started turning backward. Maybe that would explain how everything was the opposite of what it had been yesterday—how I could be hoping for what had once seemed like the very worst thing in the world.
“What is that thing doing to her?” I whispered. “She was so much worse last night. I saw… the tubes and all that. Through the window.”
“The fetus isn’t compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could probably endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won’t allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting every form of nutrition. I’m trying to feed her intravenously, but she’s just not absorbing it. Everything about her condition is accelerated. I’m watching her—and not just her, but the fetus as well—starve to death by the hour. I can’t stop it and I can’t slow it down. I can’t figure out what it wants.” His weary voice broke at the end.
I felt the same way I had yesterday, when I’d seen the black stains across her stomach—furious, and a little crazy.
I clenched my hands into fists to control the shaking. I hated the thing that was hurting her. It wasn’t enough for the monster to beat her from the inside out. No, it was starving her, too. Probably just looking for something to sink its teeth into—a throat to suck dry. Since it wasn’t big enough to kill anyone else yet, it settled for sucking Bella’s life from her.
I could tell them exactly what it wanted: death and blood, blood and death.
My skin was all hot and prickly. I breathed slowly in and out, focusing on that to calm myself.
“I wish I could get a better idea of what exactly it is,” Carlisle murmured. “The fetus is well protected. I haven’t been able to produce an ultrasonic image. I doubt there is any way to get a needle through the amniotic sac, but Rosalie won’t agree to let me try, in any case.”
“A needle?” I mumbled. “What good would that do?”
“The more I know about the fetus, the better I can estimate what it will be capable of. What I wouldn’t give for even a little amniotic fluid. If I knew even the chromosomal count . . .”
“You’re losing me, Doc. Can you dumb it down?”
He chuckled once—even his laugh sounded exhausted. “Okay. How much biology have you taken? Did you study chromosomal pairs?”
“Think so. We have twenty-three, right?”
“Humans do.”
I blinked. “How many do you have?”
“Twenty-five.”
I frowned at my fists for a second. “What does that mean?”
“I thought it meant that our species were almost completely different. Less related than a lion and a house cat. But this new life—well, it suggests that we’re more genetically compatible than I’d thought.” He sighed sadly. “I didn’t know to warn them.”
I sighed, too. It had been easy to hate Edward for the same ignorance. I still hated him for it. It was just hard to feel the same way about Carlisle. Maybe because I wasn’t ten shades of jealous in Carlisle’s case.
“It might help to know what the count was—whether the fetus was closer to us or to her. To know what to expect.” Then he shrugged. “And maybe it wouldn’t help anything. I guess I just wish I had something to study, anything to do.”
“Wonder what my chromosomes are like,” I muttered randomly. I thought of those Olympic steroids tests again. Did they run DNA scans?
Carlisle coughed self-consciously. “You have twenty-four pairs, Jacob.”
I turned slowly to stare at him, raising my eyebrows.
He looked embarrassed. “I was… curious. I took the liberty when I was treating you last June.”
I thought about it for a second. “I guess that should piss me off. But I don’t really care.”
“I’m sorry. I should have asked.”
“S’okay, Doc. You didn’t mean any harm.”
“No, I promise you that I did not mean you any harm. It’s just that… I find your species fascinating. I suppose that the elements of vampiric nature have come to seem commonplace to me over the centuries. Your family’s divergence from humanity is much more interesting. Magical, almost.”
“Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo,” I mumbled. He was just like Bella with all the magic garbage.
Carlisle laughed another weary laugh.
Then we heard Edward’s voice inside the house, and we both paused to listen.
“I’ll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?” Edward sounded different. There was a little life in his dead voice. A spark of something. Not hope exactly, but maybe the desire to hope.
“What is it, Edward?” Bella asked hoarsely.
“Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?”
“Esme?” Rosalie called. “Can you mind Bella for me?”
I heard the whisper of wind as Esme flitted down the stairs.
“Of course,” she said.
Carlisle shifted, twisting to look expectantly at the door. Edward was through the door first, with Rosalie right on his heels. His face was, like his voice, no longer dead. He seemed intensely focused. Rosalie looked suspicious.
Edward shut the door behind her.
“Carlisle,” he murmured.
“What is it, Edward?”
“Perhaps we’ve been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the… fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought.”
Me? What had I thought? Besides my obvious hatred for the thing? At least I wasn’t alone in that. I could tell that Edward had a difficult time using a term as mild as fetus.
“We haven’t actually addressed that angle,” Edward went on. “We’ve been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the… fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we’ll be able to help her more effectively.”
“I’m not following you, Edward,” Carlisle said.
“Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can’t you guess what it craves—what it’s not getting? Jacob did.”
I did? I ran through the conversation, trying to remember what thoughts I’d kept to myself. I remembered at the same time that Carlisle understood.
“Oh,” he said in a surprised tone. “You think it is… thirsty?”
Rosalie hissed under her breath. She wasn’t suspicious anymore. Her revoltingly perfect face was all lit up, her eyes wide with excitement. “Of course,” she muttered. “Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It’s a good idea,” she added, not looking at me.
“Hmm.” Carlisle put his hand to his chin, lost in thought. “I wonder… And then, what would be the best way to administer. . . .”
Rosalie shook her head. “We don’t have time to be creative. I’d say we should start with the traditional way.”
“Wait a minute,” I whispered. “Just hold on. Are you—are you talking about making Bella drink blood?”
“It was your idea, dog,” Rosalie said, scowling at me without ever quite looking at me.
I ignored her and watched Carlisle. That same ghost of hope that had been in Edward’s face was now in the doctor’s eyes. He pursed his lips, speculating.
“That’s just . . .” I couldn’t find the right word.
“Monstrous?” Edward suggested. “Repulsive?”
“Pretty much.”
“But what if it helps her?” he whispered.
I shook my head angrily. “What are you gonna do, shove a tube down her throat?”
“I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first.”
Rosalie nodded. “If you tell her it might help the baby, she’ll be willing to do anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube.”
I realized then—when I heard how her voice got all loveydovey as she said the word baby—that Blondie would be in line with anything that helped the little life-sucking monster. Was that what was going on, the mystery factor that was bonding the two of them? Was Rosalie after the kid?
From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward nod once, absently, not looking in my direction. But I knew he was answering my questions.
Huh. I wouldn’t have thought the ice-cold Barbie would have a maternal side. So much for protecting Bella—Rosalie’d probably jam the tube down Bella’s throat herself.
Edward’s mouth mashed into a hard line, and I knew I was right again.
“Well, we don’t have time to sit around discussing this,” Rosalie said impatiently. “What do you think, Carlisle? Can we try?”
Carlisle took a deep breath, and then he was on his feet. “We’ll ask Bella.”
Blondie smiled smugly—sure that, if it was up to Bella, she would get her way.
I dragged myself up from the stairs and followed after them as they disappeared into the house. I wasn’t sure why. Just morbid curiosity, maybe. It was like a horror movie. Monsters and blood all over the place.
Maybe I just couldn’t resist another hit of my dwindling drug supply.
Bella lay flat on the hospital bed, her belly a mountain under the sheet. She looked like wax—colorless and sort of see-through. You’d think she was already dead, except for the tiny movement of her chest, her shallow breathing. And then her eyes, following the four of us with exhausted suspicion.
The others were at her side already, flitting across the room with sudden darting motions. It was creepy to watch. I ambled along at a slow walk.
“What’s going on?” Bella demanded in a scratchy whisper. Her waxy hand twitched up—like she was trying to protect her balloon-shaped stomach.
“Jacob had an idea that might help you,” Carlisle said. I wished he would leave me out of it. I hadn’t suggested anything. Give the credit to her bloodsucking husband, where it belonged. “It won’t be… pleasant, but—”
“But it will help the baby,” Rosalie interrupted eagerly. “We’ve thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe.”
Bella’s eyelids fluttered. Then she coughed out a weak chuckle. “Not pleasant?” she whispered. “Gosh, that’ll be such a change.” She eyed the tube stuck into her arm and coughed again.
Blondie laughed with her.
The girl looked like she only had hours left, and she had to be in pain, but she was making jokes. So Bella. Trying to ease the tension, make it better for everyone else.
Edward stepped around Rosalie, no humor touching his intense expression. I was glad for that. It helped, just a little bit, that he was suffering worse than me. He took her hand, not the one that was still protecting her swollen belly.
“Bella, love, we’re going to ask you to do something monstrous,” he said, using the same adjectives he’d offered me. “Repulsive.”
Well, at least he was giving it to her straight.
She took a shallow, fluttery breath. “How bad?”
Carlisle answered. “We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours. We think it’s thirsty.”
She blinked. “Oh. Oh.”
“Your condition—both of your conditions—are deteriorating rapidly. We don’t have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory—”
“I’ve got to drink it,” she whispered. She nodded slightly—barely enough energy for a little head bob. “I can do that. Practice for the future, right?” Her colorless lips stretched into a faint grin as she looked at Edward. He didn’t smile back.
Rosalie started tapping her toe impatiently. The sound was really irritating. I wondered what she would do if I threw her through a wall right now.
“So, who’s going to catch me a grizzly bear?” Bella whispered.
Carlisle and Edward exchanged a quick glance. Rosalie stopped tapping.
“What?” Bella asked.
“It will be a more effective test if we don’t cut corners, Bella,” Carlisle said.
“If the fetus is craving blood,” Edward explained, “it’s not craving animal blood.”
“It won’t make a difference to you, Bella. Don’t think about it,” Rosalie encouraged.
Bella’s eyes widened. “Who?” she breathed, and her gaze flickered to me.
“I’m not here as a donor, Bells,” I grumbled. “’Sides, it’s human blood that thing’s after, and I don’t think mine applies—”
“We have blood on hand,” Rosalie told her, talking over me before I’d finished, like I wasn’t there. “For you—just in case. Don’t worry about anything at all. It’s going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better.”
Bella’s hand ran across her stomach.
“Well,” she rasped, barely audible. “I’m starving, so I’ll bet he is, too.” Trying to make another joke. “Let’s go for it. My first vampire act.”
Carlisle and Rosalie were off in a flash, darting upstairs. I could hear them debating whether they should warm it up for her. Ugh. I wondered what all house-of-horrors stuff they kept around here. Fridge full of blood, check. What else? Torture chamber? Coffin room?
Edward stayed, holding Bella’s hand. His face was dead again. He didn’t seem to have the energy to keep up even that little hint of hope he’d had before. They stared into each other’s eyes, but not in a gooey way. It was like they were having a conversation. Kind of reminded me of Sam and Emily.
No, it wasn’t gooey, but that only made it harder to watch.
I knew what it was like for Leah, having to see that all the time. Having to hear it in Sam’s head. Of course we all felt bad for her, we weren’t monsters—in that sense, anyway. But I guess we’d blamed her for how she handled it. Lashing out at everyone, trying to make us all as miserable as she was.
I would never blame her again. How could anyone help spreading this kind of misery around? How could anyone not try to ease some of the burden by shoving a little piece of it off on someone else?
And if it meant that I had to have a pack, how could I blame her for taking my freedom? I would do the same. If there was a way to escape this pain, I’d take it, too.
Rosalie darted downstairs after a second, flying through the room like a sharp breeze, stirring up the burning smell. She stopped inside the kitchen, and I heard the creak of a cupboard door.
“Not clear, Rosalie,” Edward murmured. He rolled his eyes.
Bella looked curious, but Edward just shook his head at her.
Rosalie blew back through the room and disappeared again.
“This was your idea?” Bella whispered, her voice rough as she strained to make it loud enough for me to hear. Forgetting that I could hear just fine. I kind of liked how, a lot of the time, she seemed to forget that I wasn’t completely human. I moved closer, so that she wouldn’t have to work so hard.
“Don’t blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head.”
She smiled a little. “I didn’t expect to see you again.”
“Yeah, me, either,” I said.
It felt weird just standing here, but the vampires had shoved all the furniture out of the way for the medical setup. I imagined that it didn’t bother them—sitting or standing didn’t make much difference when you were stone. Wouldn’t bother me much, either, except that I was so exhausted.
“Edward told me what you had to do. I’m sorry.”
“S’okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do,” I lied.
“And Seth,” she whispered.
“He’s actually happy to help.”
“I hate causing you trouble.”
I laughed once—more a bark than a laugh.
She breathed a faint sigh. “I guess that’s nothing new, is it?”
“No, not really.”
“You don’t have to stay and watch this,” she said, barely mouthing the words.
I could leave. It was probably a good idea. But if I did, with the way she looked right now, I could be missing the last fifteen minutes of her life.
“I don’t really have anywhere else to go,” I told her, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. “The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up.”
“Leah?” she gasped.
“You didn’t tell her?” I asked Edward.
He just shrugged without moving his eyes from her face. I could see it wasn’t very exciting news to him, not something worth sharing with the more important events that were going down.
Bella didn’t take it so lightly. It looked like it was bad news to her.
“Why?” she breathed.
I didn’t want to get into the whole novel-length version. “To keep an eye on Seth.”
“But Leah hates us,” she whispered.
Us. Nice. I could see that she was afraid, though.
“Leah’s not going to bug anyone.” But me. “She’s in my pack”—I grimaced at the words—“so she follows my lead.” Ugh.
Bella didn’t look convinced.
“You’re scared of Leah, but you’re best buds with the psychopath blonde?”
There was a low hiss from the second floor. Cool, she’d heard me.
Bella frowned at me. “Don’t. Rose… understands.”
“Yeah,” I grunted. “She understands that you’re gonna die and she doesn’t care, s’long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal.”
“Stop being a jerk, Jacob,” she whispered.
She looked too weak to get mad at. I tried to smile instead. “You say that like it’s possible.”
Bella tried not to smile back for a second, but she couldn’t help it in the end; her chalky lips pulled up at the corners.
And then Carlisle and the psycho in question were there. Carlisle had a white plastic cup in his hand—the kind with a lid and a bendy straw. Oh—not clear; now I got it. Edward didn’t want Bella to have to think about what she was doing any more than necessary. You couldn’t see what was in the cup at all. But I could smell it.
Carlisle hesitated, the hand with the cup half-extended. Bella eyed it, looking scared again.
“We could try another method,” Carlisle said quietly.
“No,” Bella whispered. “No, I’ll try this first. We don’t have time. . . .”
At first I thought she’d finally gotten a clue and was worried about herself, but then her hand fluttered feebly against her stomach.
Bella reached out and took the cup from him. Her hand shook a little, and I could hear the sloshing from inside. She tried to prop herself up on one elbow, but she could barely lift her head. A whisper of heat brushed down my spine as I saw how frail she’d gotten in less than a day.
Rosalie put her arm under Bella’s shoulders, supporting her head, too, like you did with a newborn. Blondie was all about the babies.
“Thanks,” Bella whispered. Her eyes flickered around at us. Still aware enough to feel self-conscious. If she wasn’t so drained, I’d bet she’d’ve blushed.
“Don’t mind them,” Rosalie murmured.
It made me feel awkward. I should’ve left when Bella’d offered the chance. I didn’t belong here, being part of this. I thought about ducking out, but then I realized a move like that would only make this worse for Bella—make it harder for her to go through with it. She’d figure I was too disgusted to stay. Which was almost true.
Still. While I wasn’t going to claim responsibility for this idea, I didn’t want to jinx it, either.
Bella lifted the cup to her face and sniffed at the end of the straw. She flinched, and then made a face.
“Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way,” Edward said, holding his hand out for the cup.
“Plug your nose,” Rosalie suggested. She glared at Edward’s hand like she might take a snap at it. I wished she would. I bet Edward wouldn’t take that sitting down, and I’d love to see Blondie lose a limb.
“No, that’s not it. It’s just that it—” Bella sucked in a deep breath. “It smells good,” she admitted in a tiny voice.
I swallowed hard, fighting to keep the disgust off my face.
“That’s a good thing,” Rosalie told Bella eagerly. “That means we’re on the right track. Give it a try.” Given Blondie’s new expression, I was surprised she didn’t break into a touchdown dance.
Bella shoved the straw between her lips, squeezed her eyes shut, and wrinkled her nose. I could hear the blood slopping around in the cup again as her hand shook. She sipped at it for a second, and then moaned quietly with her eyes still closed.
Edward and I stepped forward at the same time. He touched her face. I clenched my hands behind my back.
“Bella, love—”
“I’m okay,” she whispered. She opened her eyes and stared up at him. Her expression was… apologetic. Pleading. Scared. “It tastes good, too.”
Acid churned in my stomach, threatening to overflow. I ground my teeth together.
“That’s good,” Blondie repeated, still jazzed. “A good sign.”
Edward just pressed his hand to her cheek, curling his fingers around the shape of her fragile bones.
Bella sighed and put her lips to the straw again. She took a real pull this time. The action wasn’t as weak as everything else about her. Like some instinct was taking over.
“How’s your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?” Carlisle asked.
Bella shook her head. “No, I don’t feel sick,” she whispered. “There’s a first, eh?”
Rosalie beamed. “Excellent.”
“I think it’s a bit early for that, Rose,” Carlisle murmured.
Bella gulped another mouthful of blood. Then she flashed a look at Edward. “Does this screw my total?” she whispered. “Or do we start counting after I’m a vampire?”
“No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this.” He smiled a lifeless smile. “Your record is still clean.”
They’d lost me.
“I’ll explain later,” Edward said, so low the words were just a breath.
“What?” Bella whispered.
“Just talking to myself,” he lied smoothly.
If he succeeded with this, if Bella lived, Edward wasn’t going to be able to get away with so much when her senses were as sharp as his. He’d have to work on the honesty thing.
Edward’s lips twitched, fighting a smile.
Bella chugged a few more ounces, staring past us toward the window. Probably pretending we weren’t here. Or maybe just me. No one else in this group would be disgusted by what she was doing. Just the opposite—they were probably having a tough time not ripping the cup away from her.
Edward rolled his eyes.
Jeez, how did anyone stand living with him? It was really too bad he couldn’t hear Bella’s thoughts. Then he’d annoy the crap out of her, too, and she’d get tired of him.
Edward chuckled once. Bella’s eyes flicked to him immediately, and she half-smiled at the humor in his face. I would guess that wasn’t something she’d seen in a while.
“Something funny?” she breathed.
“Jacob,” he answered.
She looked over with another weary smile for me. “Jake’s a crack-up,” she agreed.
Great, now I was the court jester. “Bada bing,” I mumbled in weak rim-shot impression.
She smiled again, and then took another swig from the cup. I flinched when the straw pulled at empty air, making a loud sucking sound.
“I did it,” she said, sounding pleased. Her voice was clearer—rough, but not a whisper for the first time today. “If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?”
“As soon as possible,” he promised. “Honestly, they aren’t doing that much good where they are.”
Rosalie patted Bella’s forehead, and they exchanged a hopeful glance.
And anyone could see it—the cup full of human blood had made an immediate difference. Her color was returning—there was a tiny hint of pink in her waxy cheeks. Already she didn’t seem to need Rosalie’s support so much anymore. Her breathing was easier, and I would swear her heartbeat was stronger, more even.
Everything accelerated.
That ghost of hope in Edward’s eyes had turned into the real thing.
“Would you like more?” Rosalie pressed.
Bella’s shoulders slumped.
Edward flashed a glare at Rosalie before he spoke to Bella. “You don’t have to drink more right away.”
“Yeah, I know. But… I want to,” she admitted glumly.
Rosalie pulled her thin, sharp fingers through Bella’s lank hair. “You don’t need to be embarrassed about that, Bella. Your body has cravings. We all understand that.” Her tone was soothing at first, but then she added harshly, “Anyone who doesn’t understand shouldn’t be here.”
Meant for me, obviously, but I wasn’t going to let Blondie get to me. I was glad Bella felt better. So what if the means grossed me out? It wasn’t like I’d said anything.
Carlisle took the cup from Bella’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”
Bella stared at me while he disappeared.
“Jake, you look awful,” she croaked.
“Look who’s talking.”
“Seriously—when’s the last time you slept?”
I thought about that for a second. “Huh. I’m not actually sure.”
“Aw, Jake. Now I’m messing with your health, too. Don’t be stupid.”
I gritted my teeth. She was allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I wasn’t allowed to miss a few nights’ sleep to watch her do it?
“Get some rest, please,” she went on. “There’re a few beds upstairs—you’re welcome to any of them.”
The look on Rosalie’s face made it clear that I wasn’t welcome to one of them. It made me wonder what Sleepless Beauty needed a bed for anyway. Was she that possessive of her props?
“Thanks, Bells, but I’d rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know.”
She grimaced. “Right.”
Carlisle was back then, and Bella reached out for the blood, absentminded, like she was thinking of something else. With the same distracted expression, she started sucking it down.
She really was looking better. She pulled herself forward, being careful of the tubes, and scooted into a sitting position. Rosalie hovered, her hands ready to catch Bella if she sagged. But Bella didn’t need her. Taking deep breaths in between swallows, Bella finished the second cup quickly.
“How do you feel now?” Carlisle asked.
“Not sick. Sort of hungry… only I’m not sure if I’m hungry or thirsty, you know?”
“Carlisle, just look at her,” Rosalie murmured, so smug she should have canary feathers on her lips. “This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more.”
“She’s still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let’s give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again. Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?”
“Eggs,” she said immediately, and then she exchanged a look and a smile with Edward. His smile was brittle, but there was more life on his face than before.
I blinked then, and almost forgot how to open my eyes again.
“Jacob,” Edward murmured. “You really should sleep. As Bella said, you’re certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you’d probably be more comfortable outside. Don’t worry about anything—I promise I’ll find you if there’s a need.”
“Sure, sure,” I mumbled. Now that it appeared Bella had a few more hours, I could escape. Go curl up under a tree somewhere.… Far enough away that the smell couldn’t reach me. The bloodsucker would wake me up if something went wrong. He owed me.
“I do,” Edward agreed.
I nodded and then put my hand on Bella’s. Hers was icy cold.
“Feel better,” I said.
“Thanks, Jacob.” She turned her hand over and squeezed mine. I felt the thin band of her wedding ring riding loose on her skinny finger.
“Get her a blanket or something,” I muttered as I turned for the door.
Before I made it, two howls pierced the still morning air. There was no mistaking the urgency of the tone. No misunderstanding this time.
“Dammit,” I snarled, and I threw myself through the door. I hurled my body off the porch, letting the fire rip me apart midair. There was a sharp tearing sound as my shorts shredded. Crap. Those were the only clothes I had. Didn’t matter now. I landed on paws and took off toward the west.
What is it? I shouted in my head.
Incoming, Seth answered. At least three.
Did they split up?
I’m running the line back to Seth at the speed of light, Leah promised. I could feel the air huffing through her lungs as she pushed herself to an incredible velocity. The forest whipped around her. So far, no other point of attack.
Seth, do notchallenge them. Wait for me.
They’re slowing. Ugh—it’s so offnot being able to hear them. I think…
What?
I think they’ve stopped.
Waiting for the rest of the pack?
Shh. Feel that?
I absorbed his impressions. The faint, soundless shimmer in the air.
Someone’s phasing?
Feels like it, Seth agreed.
Leah flew into the small open space where Seth waited. She raked her claws into the dirt, spinning out like a race car.
Got your back, bro.
They’re coming, Seth said nervously. Slow. Walking.
Almost there, I told them. I tried to fly like Leah. It felt horrible being separated from Seth and Leah with potential danger closer to their end than mine. Wrong. I should be with them, between them and whatever was coming.
Look who’s getting all paternal, Leah thought wryly.
Head in the game, Leah.
Four, Seth decided. Kid had good ears. Three wolves, one man.
I made the little clearing then, moving immediately to the point. Seth sighed with relief and then straightened up, already in place at my right shoulder. Leah fell in on my left with a little less enthusiasm.
So now I rank under Seth, she grumbled to herself.
First come, first served, Seth thought smugly. ’Sides, you were never an Alpha’s Third before. Still an upgrade.
Under my baby brother is not an upgrade.
Shh! I complained. I don’t care where you stand. Shut up and get ready.
They came into view a few seconds later, walking, as Seth had thought. Jared in the front, human, hands up. Paul and Quil and Collin on four legs behind him. There was no aggression in their postures. They hung back behind Jared, ears up, alert but calm.
But… it was weird that Sam would send Collin rather than Embry. That wasn’t what I would do if I were sending a diplomacy party into enemy territory. I wouldn’t send a kid. I’d send the experienced fighter.
A diversion? Leah thought.
Were Sam, Embry, and Brady making a move alone? That didn’t seem likely.
Want me to check? I can run the line and be back in two minutes.
Should I warn the Cullens? Seth wondered.
What if the point was to divide us? I asked. The Cullens know something’s up. They’re ready.
Sam wouldn’t be so stupid…, Leah whispered, fear jagged in her mind. She was imagining Sam attacking the Cullens with only the two others beside him.
No, he wouldn’t, I assured her, though I felt a little sick at the image in her head, too.
All the while, Jared and the three wolves stared at us, waiting. It was eerie not to hear what Quil and Paul and Collin were saying to one another. Their expressions were blank—unreadable.
Jared cleared his throat, and then he nodded to me. “White flag of truce, Jake. We’re here to talk.”
Think it’s true? Seth asked.
Makes sense, but…
Yeah, Leah agreed. But.
We didn’t relax.
Jared frowned. “It would be easier to talk if I could hear you, too.”
I stared him down. I wasn’t going to phase back until I felt better about this situation. Until it made sense. Why Collin? That was the part that had me most worried.
“Okay. I guess I’ll just talk, then,” Jared said. “Jake, we want you to come back.”
Quil let out a soft whine behind him. Seconding the statement.
“You’ve torn our family apart. It’s not meant to be this way.”
I wasn’t exactly in disagreement with that, but it was hardly the point. There were a few unresolved differences of opinion between me and Sam at the moment.
“We know that you feel… strongly about the situation with the Cullens. We know that’s a problem. But this is an overreaction.”
Seth growled.Overreaction? And attacking our allies without warning isn’t?
Seth, you ever heard of a poker face? Cool it.
Sorry.
Jared’s eyes flickered to Seth and back to me. “Sam is willing to take this slowly, Jacob. He’s calmed down, talked to the other Elders. They’ve decided that immediate action is in no one’s best interest at this point.”
Translation: They’ve already lost the element of surprise, Leah thought.
It was weird how distinct our joint thinking was. The pack was already Sam’s pack, was already “them” to us. Something outside and other. It was especially weird to have Leah thinking that way—to have her be a solid part of the “us.”
“Billy and Sue agree with you, Jacob, that we can wait for Bella… to be separated from the problem. Killing her is not something any of us feel comfortable with.”
Though I’d just given Seth crap for it, I couldn’t hold back a small snarl of my own. So they didn’t quite feel comfortable with murder, huh?
Jared raised his hands again. “Easy, Jake. You know what I mean. The point is, we’re going to wait and reassess the situation. Decide later if there’s a problem with the… thing.”
Ha, Leah thought. What a load.
You don’t buy it?
I know what they’re thinking, Jake. What Sam’sthinking. They’re betting on Bella dying anyway. And then they figure you’ll be so mad…
That I’ll lead the attack myself. My ears pressed against my skull. What Leah was guessing sounded pretty spot-on. And very possible, too. When… if that thing killed Bella, it was going to be easy to forget how I felt about Carlisle’s family right now. They would probably look like enemies—like no more than bloodsucking leeches—to me all over again.
I’ll remind you, Seth whispered.
I know you will, kid. Question is whether I’ll listen to you.
“Jake?” Jared asked.
I huffed a sigh.
Leah, make a circuit—just to be sure. I’m going to have to talk to him, and I want to be positivethere isn’t anything else going on while I’m phased.
Give me a break, Jacob. You can phase in front of me. Despite my best efforts, I’ve seen you naked before—doesn’t do much for me, so no worries.
I’m not trying to protect the innocence of your eyes, I’m trying to protect our backs. Get out of here.
Leah snorted once and then launched herself into the forest. I could hear her claws cutting into the soil, pushing her faster.
Nudity was an inconvenient but unavoidable part of pack life. We’d all thought nothing of it before Leah came along. Then it got awkward. Leah had average control when it came to her temper—it took her the usual length of time to stop exploding out of her clothes every time she got pissed. We’d all caught a glimpse. And it wasn’t like she wasn’t worth looking at; it was just that it was so not worth it when she caught you thinking about it later.
Jared and the others were staring at the place where she’d disappeared into the brush with wary expressions.
“Where’s she going?” Jared asked.
I ignored him, closing my eyes and pulling myself together again. It felt like the air was trembling around me, shaking out from me in small waves. I lifted myself up on my hind legs, catching the moment just right so that I was fully upright as I shimmered down into my human self.
“Oh,” Jared said. “Hey, Jake.”
“Hey, Jared.”
“Thanks for talking to me.”
“Yeah.”
“We want you to come back, man.”
Quil whined again.
“I don’t know if it’s that easy, Jared.”
“Come home,” he said, leaning forward. Pleading. “We can sort this out. You don’t belong here. Let Seth and Leah come home, too.”
I laughed. “Right. Like I haven’t been begging them to do that from hour one.”
Seth snorted behind me.
Jared assessed that, his eyes cautious again. “So, what now, then?”
I thought that over for a minute while he waited.
“I don’t know. But I’m not sure things could just go back to normal anyway, Jared. I don’t know how it works—it doesn’t feel like I can just turn this Alpha thing off and on as the mood strikes. It feels sort of permanent.”
“You still belong with us.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Two Alphas can’t belong in the same place, Jared. Remember how close it got last night? The instinct is too competitive.”
“So are you all just going to hang out with the parasites for the rest of your lives?” he demanded. “You don’t have a home here. You’re already out of clothes,” he pointed out. “You gonna stay wolf all the time? You know Leah doesn’t like eating that way.”
“Leah can do whatever she wants when she gets hungry. She’s here by her own choice. I’m not telling anyone what to do.”
Jared sighed. “Sam is sorry about what he did to you.”
I nodded. “I’m not angry anymore.”
“But?”
“But I’m not coming back, not now. We’re going to wait and see how it plays out, too. And we’re going to watch out for the Cullens for as long as that seems necessary. Because, despite what you think, this isn’t just about Bella. We’re protecting those who should be protected. And that applies to the Cullens, too.” At least a fair number of them, anyway.
Seth yelped softly in agreement.
Jared frowned. “I guess there’s nothing I can say to you, then.”
“Not now. We’ll see how things go.”
Jared turned to face Seth, concentrating on him now, separate from me. “Sue asked me to tell you—no, to beg you—to come home. She’s brokenhearted, Seth. All alone. I don’t know how you and Leah can do this to her. Abandon her this way, when your dad just barely died—”
Seth whimpered.
“Ease up, Jared,” I warned.
“Just letting him know how it is.”
I snorted. “Right.” Sue was tougher than anyone I knew. Tougher than my dad, tougher than me. Tough enough to play on her kids’ sympathies if that’s what it took to get them home. But it wasn’t fair to work Seth that way. “Sue’s known about this for how many hours now? And most of that time spent with Billy and Old Quil and Sam? Yeah, I’m sure she’s just perishing of loneliness. ’Course you’re free to go if you want, Seth. You know that.”
Seth sniffed.
Then, a second later, he cocked an ear to the north. Leah must be close. Jeez, she was fast. Two beats, and Leah skidded to a stop in the brush a few yards away. She trotted in, taking the point in front of Seth. She kept her nose in the air, very obviously not looking in my direction.
I appreciated that.
“Leah?” Jared asked.
She met his gaze, her muzzle pulling back a little over her teeth.
Jared didn’t seem surprised by her hostility. “Leah, you know you don’t want to be here.”
She snarled at him. I gave her a warning glance she didn’t see. Seth whined and nudged her with his shoulder.
“Sorry,” Jared said. “Guess I shouldn’t assume. But you don’t have any ties to the bloodsuckers.”
Leah very deliberately looked at her brother and then at me.
“So you want to watch out for Seth, I get that,” Jared said. His eyes touched my face and then went back to hers. Probably wondering about that second look—just like I was. “But Jake’s not going to let anything happen to him, and he’s not afraid to be here.” Jared made a face. “Anyway, please, Leah. We want you back. Sam wants you back.”
Leah’s tail twitched.
“Sam told me to beg. He told me to literally get down on my knees if I have to. He wants you home, Lee-lee, where you belong.”
I saw Leah flinch when Jared used Sam’s old nickname for her. And then, when he added those last three words, her hackles rose and she was yowling a long stream of snarls through her teeth. I didn’t have to be in her head to hear the cussing-out she was giving him, and neither did he. You could almost hear the exact words she was using.
I waited till she was done. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Leah belongs wherever she wants to be.”
Leah growled, but, as she was glaring at Jared, I figured it was in agreement.
“Look, Jared, we’re still family, okay? We’ll get past the feud, but, until we do, you probably ought to stick to your land. Just so there aren’t misunderstandings. Nobody wants a family brawl, right? Sam doesn’t want that, either, does he?”
“Of course, not,” Jared snapped. “We’ll stick to our land. But where is your land, Jacob? Is it vampire land?”
“No, Jared. Homeless at the moment. But don’t worry—this isn’t going to last forever.” I had to take a breath. “There’s not that much time… left. Okay? Then the Cullens will probably go, and Seth and Leah will come home.”
Leah and Seth whined together, their noses turning my direction in synchronization.
“And what about you, Jake?”
“Back to the forest, I think. I can’t really stick around La Push. Two Alphas means too much tension. ’Sides, I was headed that way anyway. Before this mess.”
“What if we need to talk?” Jared asked.
“Howl—but watch the line, ’kay? We’ll come to you. And Sam doesn’t need to send so many. We aren’t looking for a fight.”
Jared scowled, but nodded. He didn’t like me setting conditions for Sam. “See you around, Jake. Or not.” He waved halfheartedly.
“Wait, Jared. Is Embry okay?”
Surprise crossed his face. “Embry? Sure, he’s fine. Why?”
“Just wondering why Sam sent Collin.”
I watched his reaction, still suspicious that something was going on. I saw knowledge flash in his eyes, but it didn’t look like the kind I was expecting.
“That’s not really your business anymore, Jake.”
“Guess not. Just curious.”
I saw a twitch from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t acknowledge it, because I didn’t want to give Quil away. He was reacting to the subject.
“I’ll let Sam know about your… instructions. Goodbye, Jacob.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Bye, Jared. Hey, tell my dad that I’m okay, will you? And that I’m sorry, and that I love him.”
“I’ll pass that along.”
“Thanks.”
“C’mon, guys,” Jared said. He turned away from us, heading out of sight to phase because Leah was here. Paul and Collin were right on his heels, but Quil hesitated. He yelped softly, and I took a step toward him.
“Yeah, I miss you, too, bro.”
Quil jogged over to me, his head hanging down morosely. I patted his shoulder.
“It’ll be okay.”
He whined.
“Tell Embry I miss having you two on my flanks.”
He nodded and then pressed his nose to my forehead. Leah snorted. Quil looked up, but not at her. He looked back over his shoulder at where the others had gone.
“Yeah, go home,” I told him.
Quil yelped again and then took off after the others. I’d bet Jared wasn’t waiting super-patiently. As soon as he was gone, I pulled the warmth from the center of my body and let it surge through my limbs. In a flash of heat, I was on four legs again.
Thought you were going to make out with him, Leah snickered.
I ignored her.
Was that okay? I asked them. It worried me, speaking for them that way, when I couldn’t hear exactly what they were thinking. I didn’t want to assume anything. I didn’t want to be like Jared that way. Did I say anything you didn’t want me to? Did I notsay something I should have?
You did great, Jake! Seth encouraged.
You could have hit Jared, Leah thought. I wouldn’t have minded that.
I guess we know why Embry wasn’t allowed to come, Seth thought.
I didn’t understand. Not allowed?
Jake, didya see Quil? He’s pretty torn up, right? I’d put ten to one that Embry’s even more upset. And Embry doesn’t have a Claire. There’s no way Quil can just pick up and walk away from La Push. Embry might. So Sam’s not going to take any chances on him getting convinced to jump ship. He doesn’t want our pack any bigger than it is now.
Really? You think? I doubt Embry would mind shredding some Cullens.
But he’s your best friend, Jake. He and Quil would rather stand behind you than face you in a fight.
Well, I’m glad Sam kept him home, then. This pack is big enough. I sighed. Okay, then. So we’re good, for now. Seth, you mind keeping an eye on things for a while? Leah and I both need to crash. This felton the level, but who knows? Maybe it was a distraction.
I wasn’t always so paranoid, but I remembered the feel of Sam’s commitment. The total one-track focus on destroying the danger he saw. Would he take advantage of the fact that he could lie to us now?
No problem! Seth was only too eager to do whatever he could. You want me to explain to the Cullens? They’re probably still kinda tense.
I got it. I want to check things out anyway.
They caught the whir of images from my fried brain.
Seth whimpered in surprise. Ew.
Leah whipped her head back and forth like she was trying to shake the image out of her mind. That is easily the freakin’ grossest thing I’ve heard in my life. Yuck. If there was anything in my stomach, it would be coming back.
They arevampires, I guess, Seth allowed after a minute, compensating for Leah’s reaction. I mean, it makes sense. And if it helps Bella, it’s a good thing, right?
Both Leah and I stared at him.
What?
Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby, Leah told me.
On his head, apparently.
He used to gnaw on the crib bars, too.
Lead paint?
Looks like it, she thought.
Seth snorted. Funny. Why don’t you two shut up and sleep?
When I got back to the house, there was no one waiting outside for my report. Still on alert?
Everything’s cool, I thought tiredly.
My eyes quickly caught a small change in the now-familiar scene. There was a stack of light-colored fabric on the bottom step of the porch. I loped over to investigate. Holding my breath, because the vampire smell stuck to the fabric like you wouldn’t believe, I nudged the stack with my nose.
Someone had laid out clothes. Huh. Edward must have caught my moment of irritation as I’d bolted out the door. Well. That was… nice. And weird.
I took the clothes gingerly between my teeth—ugh—and carried them back to the trees. Just in case this was some joke by the blond psychopath and I had a bunch of girls’ stuff here. Bet she’d love to see the look on my human face as I stood there naked, holding a sundress.
In the cover of the trees, I dropped the stinking pile and shifted back to human. I shook the clothes out, snapping them against a tree to beat some of the smell from them. They were definitely guy’s clothes—tan pants and a white button-down shirt. Neither of them long enough, but they looked like they’d fit around me. Must be Emmett’s. I rolled the cuffs up on the shirtsleeves, but there wasn’t much I could do about the pants. Oh well.
I had to admit, I felt better with some clothes to my name, even stinky ones that didn’t quite fit. It was hard not being able to just jet back home and grab another pair of old sweatpants when I needed them. The homeless thing again—not having anyplace to go back to. No possessions, either, which wasn’t bothering me too bad now, but would probably get annoying soon.
Exhausted, I walked slowly up the Cullens’ porch steps in my fancy new secondhand clothes but hesitated when I got to the door. Did I knock? Stupid, when they knew I was here. I wondered why no one acknowledged that—told me either to come in or get lost. Whatever. I shrugged and let myself in.
More changes. The room had shifted back to normal—almost—in the last twenty minutes. The big flat-screen was on, low volume, showing some chick flick that no one seemed to be watching. Carlisle and Esme stood by the back windows, which were open to the river again. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett were out of sight, but I heard them murmuring upstairs. Bella was on the couch like yesterday, with just one tube still hooked into her, and an IV hanging behind the back of the sofa. She was wrapped up like a burrito in a couple of thick quilts, so at least they’d listened to me before. Rosalie was cross-legged on the ground by her head. Edward sat at the other end of the couch with Bella’s burrito’ed feet in his lap. He looked up when I came in and smiled at me—just a little twitch of his mouth—like something pleased him.
Bella didn’t hear me. She only glanced up when he did, and then she smiled, too. With real energy, her whole face lighting up. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d looked so excited to see me.
What was with her? For crying out loud, she was married! Happily married, too—there was no question that she was in love with her vampire past the boundaries of sanity. And hugely pregnant, to top it off.
So why did she have to be so damn thrilled to see me? Like I’d made her whole freakin’ day by walking through the door.
If she would just not care… Or more than that—really not want me around. It would be so much easier to stay away.
Edward seemed to be in agreement with my thoughts—we were on the same wavelength so much lately it was crazy. He was frowning now, reading her face while she beamed at me.
“They just wanted to talk,” I mumbled, my voice dragging with exhaustion. “No attack on the horizon.”
“Yes,” Edward answered. “I heard most of it.”
That woke me up a little. We’d been a good three miles out. “How?”
“I’m hearing you more clearly—it’s a matter of familiarity and concentration. Also, your thoughts are slightly easier to pick up when you’re in your human form. So I caught most of what passed out there.”
“Oh.” It bugged me a little, but for no good reason, so I shrugged it off. “Good. I hate repeating myself.”
“I’d tell you to go get some sleep,” Bella said, “but my guess is that you’re going to pass out on the floor in about six seconds, so there’s probably no point.”
It was amazing how much better she sounded, how much stronger she looked. I smelled fresh blood and saw that the cup was in her hands again. How much blood would it take to keep her going? At some point, would they start trotting in the neighbors?
I headed for the door, counting off the seconds for her as I walked. “One Mississippi… two Mississippi . . .”
“Where’s the flood, mutt?” Rosalie muttered.
“You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie?” I asked without stopping or turning to look at her. “Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool.”
I heard Edward chuckle as I pulled the door shut. His mood seemed to improve in exact correlation to Bella’s health.
“I’ve already heard that one,” Rosalie called after me.
I trudged down the steps, my only goal to drag myself far enough into the trees that the air would be pure again. I planned to ditch the clothes a convenient distance from the house for future use rather than tying them to my leg, so I wouldn’t be smelling them, either. As I fumbled with the buttons on the new shirt, I thought randomly about how buttons would never be in style for werewolves.
I heard the voices while I slogged across the lawn.
“Where are you going?” Bella asked.
“There was something I forgot to say to him.”
“Let Jacob sleep—it can wait.”
Yes, please, let Jacob sleep.
“It will only take a moment.”
I turned slowly. Edward was already out the door. He had an apology in his expression as he approached me.
“Jeez, what now?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and then he hesitated, like he didn’t know how to phrase what he was thinking.
What’s on your mind, mind reader?
“When you were speaking to Sam’s delegates earlier,” he murmured, “I was giving a play-by-play for Carlisle and Esme and the rest. They were concerned—”
“Look, we’re not dropping our guard. You don’t have to believe Sam like we do. We’re keeping our eyes open regardless.”
“No, no, Jacob. Not about that. We trust your judgment. Rather, Esme was troubled by the hardships this is putting your pack through. She asked me to speak to you privately about it.”
That took me off guard. “Hardships?”
“The homeless part, particularly. She’s very upset that you are all so… bereft.”
I snorted. Vampire mother hen—bizarre. “We’re tough. Tell her not to worry.”
“She’d still like to do what she can. I got the impression that Leah prefers not to eat in her wolf form?”
“And?” I demanded.
“Well, we do have normal human food here, Jacob. Keeping up appearances, and, of course, for Bella. Leah is welcome to anything she’d like. All of you are.”
“I’ll pass that along.”
“Leah hates us.”
“So?”
“So try to pass it along in such a way as to make her consider it, if you don’t mind.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
“And then there’s the matter of clothes.”
I glanced down at the ones I was wearing. “Oh yeah. Thanks.” It probably wouldn’t be good manners to mention how bad they reeked.
He smiled, just a little. “Well, we’re easily able to help out with any needs there. Alice rarely allows us to wear the same thing twice. We’ve got piles of brand-new clothes that are destined for Goodwill, and I’d imagine that Leah is fairly close to Esme’s size. . . .”
“Not sure how she’ll feel about bloodsucker castoffs. She’s not as practical as I am.”
“I trust that you can present the offer in the best possible light. As well as the offer for any other physical object you might need, or transportation, or anything else at all. And showers, too, since you prefer to sleep outdoors. Please… don’t consider yourselves without the benefits of a home.”
He said the last line softly—not trying to keep quiet this time, but with some kind of real emotion.
I stared at him for a second, blinking sleepily. “That’s, er, nice of you. Tell Esme we appreciate the, uh, thought. But the perimeter cuts through the river in a few places, so we stay pretty clean, thanks.”
“If you would pass the offer on, regardless.”
“Sure, sure.”
“Thank you.”
I turned away from him, only to stop cold when I heard the low, pained cry from inside the house. By the time I looked back, he was already gone.
What now?
I followed after him, shuffling like a zombie. Using about the same number of brain cells, too. It didn’t feel like I had a choice. Something was wrong. I would go see what it was. There would be nothing I could do. And I would feel worse.
It seemed inevitable.
I let myself in again. Bella was panting, curled over the bulge in the center of her body. Rosalie held her while Edward, Carlisle, and Esme all hovered. A flicker of motion caught my eye; Alice was at the top of the stairs, staring down into the room with her hands pressed to her temples. It was weird—like she was barred from entering somehow.
“Give me a second, Carlisle,” Bella panted.
“Bella,” the doctor said anxiously, “I heard something crack. I need to take a look.”
“Pretty sure”—pant—“it was a rib. Ow. Yep. Right here.” She pointed to her left side, careful not to touch.
It was breaking her bones now.
“I need to take an X-ray. There might be splinters. We don’t want it to puncture anything.”
Bella took a deep breath. “Okay.”
Rosalie lifted Bella carefully. Edward seemed like he was going to argue, but Rosalie bared her teeth at him and growled, “I’ve already got her.”
So Bella was stronger now, but the thing was, too. You couldn’t starve one without starving the other, and healing worked just the same. No way to win.
Blondie carried Bella swiftly up the big staircase with Carlisle and Edward right on her heels, none of them taking any notice of me standing dumbstruck in the doorway.
So they had a blood bank and an X-ray machine? Guess the doc brought his work home with him.
I was too tired to follow them, too tired to move. I leaned back against the wall and then slid to the ground. The door was still open, and I pointed my nose toward it, grateful for the clean breeze blowing in. I leaned my head against the jamb and listened.
I could hear the sound of the X-ray machinery upstairs. Or maybe I just assumed that’s what it was. And then the lightest of footsteps coming down the stairs. I didn’t look to see which vampire it was.
“Do you want a pillow?” Alice asked me.
“No,” I mumbled. What was with the pushy hospitality? It was creeping me out.
“That doesn’t look comfortable,” she observed.
“S’not.”
“Why don’t you move, then?”
“Tired. Why aren’t you upstairs with the rest of them?” I shot back.
“Headache,” she answered.
I rolled my head around to look at her.
Alice was a tiny little thing. ’Bout the size of one of my arms. She looked even smaller now, sort of hunched in on herself. Her small face was pinched.
“Vampires get headaches?”
“Not the normal ones.”
I snorted. Normal vampires.
“So how come you’re never with Bella anymore?” I asked, making the question an accusation. It hadn’t occurred to me before, because my head had been full of other crap, but it was weird that Alice was never around Bella, not since I’d been here. Maybe if Alice were by her side, Rosalie wouldn’t be. “Thought you two were like this.” I twisted two of my fingers together.
“Like I said”—she curled up on the tile a few feet from me, wrapping her skinny arms around her skinny knees—“headache.”
“Bella’s giving you a headache?”
“Yes.”
I frowned. Pretty sure I was too tired for riddles. I let my head roll back around toward the fresh air and closed my eyes.
“Not Bella, really,” she amended. “The… fetus.”
Ah, someone else who felt like I did. It was pretty easy to recognize. She said the word grudgingly, the way Edward did.
“I can’t see it,” she told me, though she might have been talking to herself. For all she knew, I was already gone. “I can’t see anything about it. Just like you.”
I flinched, and then my teeth ground together. I didn’t like being compared to the creature.
“Bella gets in the way. She’s all wrapped around it, so she’s… blurry. Like bad reception on a TV—like trying to focus your eyes on those fuzzy people jerking around on the screen. It’s killing my head to watch her. And I can’t see more than a few minutes ahead, anyway. The… fetus is too much a part of her future. When she first decided… when she knew she wanted it, she blurred right out of my sight. Scared me to death.”
She was quiet for a second, and then she added, “I have to admit, it’s a relief having you close by—in spite of the wet-dog smell. Everything goes away. Like having my eyes closed. It numbs the headache.”
“Happy to be of service, ma’am,” I mumbled.
“I wonder what it has in common with you… why you’re the same that way.”
Sudden heat flashed in the center of my bones. I clenched my fists to hold off the tremors.
“I have nothing in common with that life-sucker,” I said through my teeth.
“Well, there’s something there.”
I didn’t answer. The heat was already burning away. I was too dead tired to stay furious.
“You don’t mind if I sit here by you, do you?” she asked.
“Guess not. Stinks anyway.”
“Thanks,” she said. “This is the best thing for it, I guess, since I can’t take aspirin.”
“Could you keep it down? Sleeping, here.”
She didn’t respond, immediately lapsing into silence. I was out in seconds.
I was dreaming that I was really thirsty. And there was a big glass of water in front of me—all cold, you could see the condensation running down the sides. I grabbed the cup and took a huge gulp, only to find out pretty quick that it wasn’t water—it was straight bleach. I choked it back out, spewing it everywhere, and a bunch of it blew out of my nose. It burned. My nose was on fire.…
The pain in my nose woke me up enough to remember where I’d fallen asleep. The smell was pretty fierce, considering that my nose wasn’t actually inside the house. Ugh. And it was noisy. Someone was laughing too loud. A familiar laugh, but one that didn’t go with the smell. Didn’t belong.
I groaned and opened my eyes. The skies were dull gray—it was daytime, but no clue as to when. Maybe close to sunset—it was pretty dark.
“About time,” Blondie mumbled from not too far away. “The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired.”
I rolled over and wrenched myself into a sitting position. In the process, I figured out where the smell was coming from. Someone had stuffed a wide feather pillow under my face. Probably trying to be nice, I’d guess. Unless it’d been Rosalie.
Once my face was out of the stinking feathers, I caught other scents. Like bacon and cinnamon, all mixed up with the vampire smell.
I blinked, taking in the room.
Things hadn’t changed too much, except that now Bella was sitting up in the middle of the sofa, and the IV was gone. Blondie sat at her feet, her head resting against Bella’s knees. Still gave me chills to see how casually they touched her, though I guess that was pretty brain-dead, all things considered. Edward was on one side of her, holding her hand. Alice was on the floor, too, like Rosalie. Her face wasn’t pinched up now. And it was easy to see why—she’d found another painkiller.
“Hey, Jake’s coming around!” Seth crowed.
He was sitting on Bella’s other side, his arm slung carelessly over her shoulders, an overflowing plate of food on his lap.
What the hell?
“He came to find you,” Edward said while I got to my feet. “And Esme convinced him to stay for breakfast.”
Seth took in my expression, and he hurried to explain. “Yeah, Jake—I was just checking to see if you were okay ’cause you didn’t ever phase back. Leah got worried. I told her you probably just crashed human, but you know how she is. Anyway, they had all this food and, dang,”—he turned to Edward—“man, you can cook.”
“Thank you,” Edward murmured.
I inhaled slowly, trying to unclench my teeth. I couldn’t take my eyes off Seth’s arm.
“Bella got cold,” Edward said quietly.
Right. None of my business, anyway. She didn’t belong to me.
Seth heard Edward’s comment, looked at my face, and suddenly he needed both hands to eat with. He took his arm off Bella and dug in. I walked over to stand a few feet from the couch, still trying to get my bearings.
“Leah running patrol?” I asked Seth. My voice was still thick with sleep.
“Yeah,” he said as he chewed. Seth had new clothes on, too. They fit him better than mine fit me. “She’s on it. No worries. She’ll howl if there’s anything. We traded off around midnight. I ran twelve hours.” He was proud of that, and it showed in his tone.
“Midnight? Wait a minute—what time is it now?”
“’Bout dawn.” He glanced toward the window, checking.
Well, damn. I’d slept through the rest of the day and the whole night—dropped the ball. “Crap. Sorry about that, Seth. Really. You shoulda kicked me awake.”
“Naw, man, you needed some serious sleep. You haven’t taken a break since when? Night before your last patrol for Sam? Like forty hours? Fifty? You’re not a machine, Jake. ’Sides, you didn’t miss anything at all.”
Nothing at all? I glanced quickly at Bella. Her color was back to the way I remembered it. Pale, but with the rose undertone. Her lips were pink again. Even her hair looked better—shinier. She saw me appraising and gave me a grin.
“How’s the rib?” I asked.
“Taped up nice and tight. I don’t even feel it.”
I rolled my eyes. I heard Edward grind his teeth together, and I figured her blow-it-off attitude bugged him as much at it bugged me.
“What’s for breakfast?” I asked, a little sarcastic. “O negative or AB positive?”
She stuck her tongue out at me. Totally herself again. “Omelets,” she said, but her eyes darted down, and I saw that her cup of blood was wedged between her leg and Edward’s.
“Go get some breakfast, Jake,” Seth said. “There’s a bunch in the kitchen. You’ve got to be empty.”
I examined the food in his lap. Looked like half a cheese omelet and the last fourth of a Frisbee-sized cinnamon roll. My stomach growled, but I ignored it.
“What’s Leah having for breakfast?” I asked Seth critically.
“Hey, I took food to her before I ate anything,” he defended himself. “She said she’d rather eat roadkill, but I bet she caves. These cinnamon rolls… ” He seemed at a loss for words.
“I’ll go hunt with her, then.”
Seth sighed as I turned to leave.
“A moment, Jacob?”
It was Carlisle asking, so when I turned around again, my face was probably less disrespectful than it would have been if anyone else had stopped me.
“Yeah?”
Carlisle approached me while Esme drifted off toward the other room. He stopped a few feet away, just a little bit farther away than the normal space between two humans having a conversation. I appreciated him giving me my space.
“Speaking of hunting,” he began in a somber tone. “That’s going to be an issue for my family. I understand that our previous truce is inoperative at the moment, so I wanted your advice. Will Sam be hunting for us outside of the perimeter you’ve created? We don’t want to take a chance with hurting any of your family—or losing any of ours. If you were in our shoes, how would you proceed?”
I leaned away, a little surprised, when he threw it back at me like that. What would I know about being in a bloodsucker’s expensive shoes? But, then again, I did know Sam.
“It’s a risk,” I said, trying to ignore the other eyes I felt on me and to talk only to him. “Sam’s calmed down some, but I’m pretty sure that in his head, the treaty is void. As long as he thinks the tribe, or any other human, is in real danger, he’s not going to ask questions first, if you know what I mean. But, with all that, his priority is going to be La Push. There really aren’t enough of them to keep a decent watch on the people while putting out hunting parties big enough to do much damage. I’d bet he’s keeping it close to home.”
Carlisle nodded thoughtfully.
“So I guess I’d say, go out together, just in case. And probably you should go in the day, ’cause we’d be expecting night. Traditional vampire stuff. You’re fast—go over the mountains and hunt far enough away that there’s no chance he’d send anyone that far from home.”
“And leave Bella behind, unprotected?”
I snorted. “What are we, chopped liver?”
Carlisle laughed, and then his face was serious again. “Jacob, you can’t fight against your brothers.”
My eyes tightened. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard, but if they were really coming to kill her—I would be able to stop them.”
Carlisle shook his head, anxious. “No, I didn’t mean that you would be… incapable. But that it would be very wrong. I can’t have that on my conscience.”
“It wouldn’t be on yours, Doc. It would be on mine. And I can take it.”
“No, Jacob. We will make sure that our actions don’t make that a necessity.” He frowned thoughtfully “We’ll go three at a time,” he decided after a second. “That’s probably the best we can do.”
“I don’t know, Doc. Dividing down the middle isn’t the best strategy.”
“We’ve got some extra abilities that will even it up. If Edward is one of the three, he’ll be able to give us a few miles’ radius of safety.”
We both glanced at Edward. His expression had Carlisle backtracking quickly.
“I’m sure there are other ways, too,” Carlisle said. Clearly, there was no physical need strong enough to get Edward away from Bella now. “Alice, I would imagine you could see which routes would be a mistake?”
“The ones that disappear,” Alice said, nodding. “Easy.”
Edward, who had gone all tense with Carlisle’s first plan, loosened up. Bella was staring unhappily at Alice, that little crease between her eyes that she got when she was stressed out.
“Okay, then,” I said. “That’s settled. I’ll just be on my way. Seth, I’ll expect you back on at dusk, so get a nap in there somewhere, all right?”
“Sure, Jake. I’ll phase back soon as I’m done. Unless . . .” he hesitated, looking at Bella. “Do you need me?”
“She’s got blankets,” I snapped at him.
“I’m fine, Seth, thanks,” Bella said quickly.
And then Esme flitted back in the room, a big covered dish in her hands. She stopped hesitantly just behind Carlisle’s elbow, her wide, dark gold eyes on my face. She held the dish out and took a shy step closer.
“Jacob,” she said quietly. Her voice wasn’t quite so piercing as the others’. “I know it’s… unappetizing to you, the idea of eating here, where it smells so unpleasant. But I would feel much better if you would take some food with you when you go. I know you can’t go home, and that’s because of us. Please—ease some of my remorse. Take something to eat.” She held the food out to me, her face all soft and pleading. I don’t know how she did it, because she didn’t look older than her mid-twenties, and she was bone pale, too, but something about her expression suddenly reminded me of my mom.
Jeez.
“Uh, sure, sure,” I mumbled. “I guess. Maybe Leah’s still hungry or something.”
I reached out and took the food with one hand, holding it away, at arm’s length. I’d go dump it under a tree or something. I didn’t want her to feel bad.
Then I remembered Edward.
Don’t you say anything to her! Let her think I ate it.
I didn’t look at him to see if he was in agreement. He’d better be in agreement. Bloodsucker owed me.
“Thank you, Jacob,” Esme said, smiling at me. How did a stone face have dimples, for crying out loud?
“Um, thank you,” I said. My face felt hot—hotter than usual.
This was the problem with hanging out with vampires—you got used to them. They started messing up the way you saw the world. They started feeling like friends.
“Will you come back later, Jake?” Bella asked as I tried to make a run for it.
“Uh, I don’t know.”
She pressed her lips together, like she was trying not to smile. “Please? I might get cold.”
I inhaled deeply through my nose, and then realized, too late, that that was not a good idea. I winced. “Maybe.”
“Jacob?” Esme asked. I backed toward the door as she continued; she took a few steps after me. “I left a basket of clothes on the porch. They’re for Leah. They’re freshly washed—I tried to touch them as little as possible.” She frowned. “Do you mind taking them to her?”
“On it,” I muttered, and then I ducked out the door before anyone could guilt me into anything else.
Hey Jake, thought you said you wanted me at dusk. How come you didn’t have Leah wake me up before she crashed?
’Cause I didn’t need you. I’m still good.
He was already picking up the north half of the circle. Anything?
Nope. Nothing but nothing.
You did some scouting?
He’d caught the edge of one of my side trips. He headed up the new trail.
Yeah—I ran a few spokes. You know, just checking. If the Cullens are going to make a hunting trip…
Good call.
Seth looped back toward the main perimeter.
It was easier to run with him than it was to do the same with Leah. Though she was trying—trying hard—there was always an edge to her thoughts. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to feel the softening toward the vampires that was going on in my head. She didn’t want to deal with Seth’s cozy friendship with them, a friendship that was only getting stronger.
Funny, though, I’d’ve thought her biggest issue would just be me. We’d always gotten on each other’s nerves when we were in Sam’s pack. But there was no antagonism toward me now at all, just the Cullens and Bella. I wondered why. Maybe it was simply gratitude that I wasn’t forcing her to leave. Maybe it was because I understood her hostility better now. Whichever, running with Leah wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d expected.
Of course, she hadn’t eased up that much. The food and clothes Esme had sent for her were all taking a trip downriver right now. Even after I’d eaten my share—not because it smelled nearly irresistible away from the vampire burn, but to set a good example of self-sacrificing tolerance for Leah—she’d refused. The small elk she’d taken down around noon had not totally satisfied her appetite. Did make her mood worse, though. Leah hated eating raw.
Maybe we should run a sweep east? Seth suggested. Go deep, see if they’re out there waiting.
I was thinking about that, I agreed. But let’s do it when we’re all awake. I don’t want to let down our guard. We should do it before the Cullens give it a try, though. Soon.
Right.
That got me thinking.
If the Cullens were able to get out of the immediate area safely, they really ought to keep on going. They probably should have taken off the second we’d come to warn them. They had to be able to afford other digs. And they had friends up north, right? Take Bella and run. It seemed like an obvious answer to their problems.
I probably ought to suggest that, but I was afraid they would listen to me. And I didn’t want to have Bella disappear—to never know whether she’d made it or not.
No, that was stupid. I would tell them to go. It made no sense for them to stay, and it would be better—not less painful, but healthier—for me if Bella left.
Easy to say now, when Bella wasn’t right there, looking all thrilled to see me and also clinging to life by her fingernails at the same time…
Oh, I already asked Edward about that, Seth thought.
What?
I asked him why they hadn’t taken off yet. Gone up to Tanya’s place or something. Somewhere too far for Sam to come after them.
I had to remind myself that I’d just decided to give the Cullens that exact advice. That it was best. So I shouldn’t be mad at Seth for taking the chore out of my hands. Not mad at all.
So what did he say? Are they waiting for a window?
No. They’re not leaving.
And that shouldn’t sound like good news.
Why not? That’s just stupid.
Not really, Seth said, defensive now.It takes some time to build up the kind of medical access that Carlisle has here. He’s got all the stuff he needs to take care of Bella, and the credentials to get more. That’s one of the reasons they want to make a hunting run. Carlisle thinks they’re going to need more blood for Bella soon. She’s using up all the O negative they stored for her. He doesn’t like depleting the stockpile. He’s going to buy some more. Did you know you can buyblood? If you’re a doctor.
I wasn’t ready to be logical yet. Still seems stupid. They could bring most of it with them, right? And steal what they need wherever they go. Who cares about legal crap when you’re the undead?
Edward doesn’t want to take any risks moving her.
She’s better than she was.
Seriously, Seth agreed. In his head, he was comparing my memories of Bella hooked up to the tubes with the last time he’d seen her as he’d left the house. She’d smiled at him and waved. But she can’t move around much, you know. That thing is kicking the hell out of her.
I swallowed back the stomach acid in my throat. Yeah, I know.
Broke another of her ribs, he told me somberly.
My stride faltered, and I staggered a step before I regained my rhythm.
Carlisletaped her up again. Just another crack, he said. Then Rosalie said something about how even normal human babies have been known to crack ribs. Edward looked like he was gonna rip her head off.
Too bad he didn’t.
Seth was in full report mode now—knowing it was all vitally interesting to me, though I’d never’ve asked to hear it. Bella’s been running a fever off and on today. Just low grade—sweats and then chills. Carlisle’s not sure what to make of it—she mightjust be sick. Her immune system can’t be in peak form right now.
Yeah, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
She’s in a good mood, though. She was chatting with Charlie, laughing and all—
Charlie! What?!What do you mean, she was talking to Charlie?!
Now Seth’s pace stuttered; my fury surprised him. Guess he calls every day to talk to her. Sometimes her mom calls, too. Bella sounds so much better now, so she was reassuring him that she was on the mend—
On the mend? What the hellare they thinking?! Get Charlie’s hopes up just so that he can be destroyed even worse when she dies? I thought they were getting him ready for that! Trying to prepare him! Why would she set him up like this?
She might not die, Seth thought quietly.
I took deep breath, trying to calm myself. Seth. Even if she pulls through this, she’s not doing it human. She knows that, and so do the rest of them. If she doesn’t die, she’s going to have to do a pretty convincing impersonation of a corpse, kid. Either that, or disappear. I thought they were trying to make this easier on Charlie. Why… ?
Think it’s Bella’s idea. No one said anything, but Edward’s face kinda went right along with what you’re thinking now.
On the same wavelength with the bloodsucker yet again.
We ran in silence for a few minutes. I started off along a new line, probing south.
Don’t get too far.
Why?
Bella asked me to ask you to stop by.
My teeth locked together.
Alicewants you, too. She says she’s tired of hanging out in the attic like the vampire bat in the belfry. Seth snorted a laugh. I was switching off with Edward before. Trying to keep Bella’s temperature stable. Cold to hot, as needed. I guess, if you don’t want to do it, I could go back—
No. I got it, I snapped.
Okay. Seth didn’t make any more comments. He concentrated very hard on the empty forest.
I kept my southern course, searching for anything new. I turned around when I got close to the first signs of habitation. Not near the town yet, but I didn’t want to get any wolf rumors going again. We’d been nice and invisible for a long while now.
I passed right through the perimeter on my way back, heading for the house. As much as I knew it was a stupid thing to do, I couldn’t stop myself. I must be some kind of masochist.
There’s nothing wrong with you, Jake. This isn’t the most normal situation.
Shut up, please, Seth.
Shutting.
I didn’t hesitate at the door this time; I just walked through like I owned the place. I figured that would piss Rosalie off, but it was a wasted effort. Neither Rosalie or Bella were anywhere in sight. I looked around wildly, hoping I’d missed them somewhere, my heart squeezing against my ribs in a weird, uncomfortable way.
“She’s all right,” Edward whispered. “Or, the same, I should say.”
Edward was on the couch with his face in his hands; he hadn’t looked up to speak. Esme was next to him, her arm wrapped tight around his shoulders.
“Hello, Jacob,” she said. “I’m so glad you came back.”
“Me, too,” Alice said with a deep sigh. She came prancing down the stairs, making a face. Like I was late for an appointment.
“Uh, hey,” I said. It felt weird to try to be polite.
“Where’s Bella?”
“Bathroom,” Alice told me. “Mostly fluid diet, you know. Plus, the whole pregnancy thing does that to you, I hear.”
“Ah.”
I stood there awkwardly, rocking back and forth on my heels.
“Oh, wonderful,” Rosalie grumbled. I whipped my head around and saw her coming from a hall half-hidden behind the stairway. She had Bella cradled gently in her arms, a harsh sneer on her face for me. “I knew I smelled something nasty.”
And, just like before, Bella’s face lit up like a kid’s on Christmas morning. Like I’d brought her the greatest gift ever.
It was so unfair.
“Jacob,” she breathed. “You came.”
“Hi, Bells.”
Esme and Edward both got up. I watched how carefully Rosalie laid Bella out on the couch. I watched how, despite that, Bella turned white and held her breath—like she was set on not making any noise no matter how much it hurt.
Edward brushed his hand across her forehead and then along her neck. He tried to make it look as if he was just sweeping her hair back, but it looked like a doctor’s examination to me.
“Are you cold?” he murmured.
“I’m fine.”
“Bella, you know what Carlisle told you,” Rosalie said. “Don’t downplay anything. It doesn’t help us take care of either of you.”
“Okay, I’m a little cold. Edward, can you hand me that blanket?”
I rolled my eyes. “Isn’t that sort of the point of me being here?”
“You just walked in,” Bella said. “After running all day, I’d bet. Put your feet up for a minute. I’ll probably warm up again in no time.”
I ignored her, going to sit on the floor next the sofa while she was still telling me what to do. At that point, though, I wasn’t sure how.… She looked pretty brittle, and I was afraid to move her, even to put my arms around her. So I just leaned carefully against her side, letting my arm rest along the length of hers, and held her hand. Then I put my other hand against her face. It was hard to tell if she felt colder than usual.
“Thanks, Jake,” she said, and I felt her shiver once.
“Yeah,” I said.
Edward sat on the arm of the sofa by Bella’s feet, his eyes always on her face.
It was too much to hope, with all the super-hearing in the room, that no one would notice my stomach rumbling.
“Rosalie, why don’t you get Jacob something from the kitchen?” Alice said. She was invisible now, sitting quietly behind the back of the sofa.
Rosalie stared at the place Alice’s voice had come from in disbelief.
“Thanks, anyway, Alice, but I don’t think I’d want to eat something Blondie’s spit in. I’d bet my system wouldn’t take too kindly to venom.”
“Rosalie would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality.”
“Of course not,” Blondie said in a sugar-sweet voice that I immediately distrusted. She got up and breezed out of the room.
Edward sighed.
“You’d tell me if she poisoned it, right?” I asked.
“Yes,” Edward promised.
And for some reason I believed him.
There was a lot of banging in the kitchen, and—weirdly—the sound of metal protesting as it was abused. Edward sighed again, but smiled just a little, too. Then Rosalie was back before I could think much more about it. With a pleased smirk, she set a silver bowl on the floor next to me.
“Enjoy, mongrel.”
It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but she’d bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftsmanship. And her attention to detail. She’d scratched the word Fido into the side. Excellent handwriting.
Because the food looked pretty good—steak, no less, and a big baked potato with all the fixings—I told her, “Thanks, Blondie.”
She snorted.
“Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?” I asked, and then continued on the same breath, “a golden retriever.”
“I’ve heard that one, too,” she said, no longer smiling.
“I’ll keep trying,” I promised, and then I dug in.
She made a disgusted face and rolled her eyes. Then she sat in one of the armchairs and started flicking through channels on the big TV so fast that there was no way she could really be surfing for something to watch.
The food was good, even with the vampire stink in the air. I was getting really used to that. Huh. Not something I’d been wanting to do, exactly…
When I was finished—though I was considering licking the bowl, just to give Rosalie something to complain about—I felt Bella’s cold fingers pulling softly through my hair. She patted it down against the back of my neck.
“Time for a haircut, huh?”
“You’re getting a little shaggy,” she said. “Maybe—”
“Let me guess, someone around here used to cut hair in a salon in Paris?”
She chuckled. “Probably.”
“No thanks,” I said before she could really offer. “I’m good for a few more weeks.”
Which made me wonder how long she was good for. I tried to think of a polite way to ask.
“So… um… what’s the, er, date? You know, the due date for the little monster.”
She smacked the back of my head with about as much force as a drifting feather, but didn’t answer.
“I’m serious,” I told her. “I want to know how long I’m gonna have to be here.” How long you’regonna be here, I added in my head. I turned to look at her then. Her eyes were thoughtful; the stress line was there between her brows again.
“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Not exactly. Obviously, we’re not going with the nine-month model here, and we can’t get an ultrasound, so Carlisle is guesstimating from how big I am. Normal people are supposed to be about forty centimeters here”—she ran her finger right down the middle of her bulging stomach—“when the baby is fully grown. One centimeter for every week. I was thirty this morning, and I’ve been gaining about two centimeters a day, sometimes more. . . .”
Two weeks to a day, the days flying by. Her life speeding by in fast-forward. How many days did that give her, if she was counting to forty? Four? It took me a minute to figure out how to swallow.
“You okay?” she asked.
I nodded, not really sure how my voice would come out.
Edward’s face was turned away from us as he listened to my thoughts, but I could see his reflection in the glass wall. He was the burning man again.
Funny how having a deadline made it harder to think about leaving, or having her leave. I was glad Seth’d brought that up, so I knew they were staying here. It would be intolerable, wondering if they were about to go, to take away one or two or three of those four days. My four days.
Also funny how, even knowing that it was almost over, the hold she had on me only got harder to break. Almost like it was related to her expanding belly—as if by getting bigger, she was gaining gravitational force.
For a minute I tried to look at her from a distance, to separate myself from the pull. I knew it wasn’t my imagination that my need for her was stronger than ever. Why was that? Because she was dying? Or knowing that even if she didn’t, still—best case scenario—she’d be changing into something else that I wouldn’t know or understand?
She ran her finger across my cheekbone, and my skin was wet where she touched it.
“It’s going to be okay,” she sort of crooned. It didn’t matter that the words meant nothing. She said it the way people sang those senseless nursery rhymes to kids. Rock-a-bye, baby.
“Right,” I muttered.
She curled against my arm, resting her head on my shoulder. “I didn’t think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edward, but I didn’t believe them.”
“Why not?” I asked gruffly.
“You’re not happy here. But you came anyway.”
“You wanted me here.”
“I know. But you didn’t have to come, because it’s not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood.”
It was quiet for a minute. Edward’d put his face back together. He looked at the TV as Rosalie went on flipping through the channels. She was into the six hundreds. I wondered how long it would take to get back to the beginning.
“Thank you for coming,” Bella whispered.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Of course.”
Edward didn’t look like he was paying attention to us at all, but he knew what I was about to ask, so he didn’t fool me.
“Why do you want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he’s probably easier to be around, happy little punk. But when I walk in the door, you smile like I’m your favorite person in the world.”
“You’re one of them.”
“That sucks, you know.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “Sorry.”
“Why, though? You didn’t answer that.”
Edward was looking away again, like he was staring out the windows. His face was blank in the reflection.
“It feels… complete when you’re here, Jacob. Like all my family is together. I mean, I guess that’s what it’s like—I’ve never had a big family before now. It’s nice.” She smiled for half a second. “But it’s just not whole unless you’re here.”
“I’ll never be part of your family, Bella.”
I could have been. I would have been good there. But that was just a distant future that died long before it had a chance to live.
“You’ve always been a part of my family,” she disagreed.
My teeth made a grinding sound. “That’s a crap answer.”
“What’s a good one?”
“How about, ‘Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain.’”
I felt her flinch.
“You’d like that better?” she whispered.
“It’s easier, at least. I could wrap my head around it. I could deal with it.”
I looked back down at her face then, so close to mine. Her eyes were shut and she was frowning. “We got off track, Jake. Out of balance. You’re supposed to be part of my life—I can feel that, and so can you.” She paused for a second without opening her eyes—like she was waiting for me to deny it. When I didn’t say anything, she went on. “But not like this. We did something wrong. No. I did. I did something wrong, and we got off track. . . .”
Her voice trailed off, and the frown on her face relaxed until it was just a little pucker at the corner of her lips. I waited for her to pour some more lemon juice into my paper cuts, but then a soft snore came from the back of her throat.
“She’s exhausted,” Edward murmured. “It’s been a long day. A hard day. I think she would have gone to sleep earlier, but she was waiting for you.”
I didn’t look at him.
“Seth said it broke another of her ribs.”
“Yes. It’s making it hard for her to breathe.”
“Great.”
“Let me know when she gets hot again.”
“Yeah.”
She still had goose bumps on the arm that wasn’t touching mine. I’d barely raised my head to look for a blanket when Edward snagged one draped over the arm of the sofa and flung it out so that it settled over her.
Occasionally, the mind-reading thing saved time. For example, maybe I wouldn’t have to make a big production out of the accusation about what was going on with Charlie. That mess. Edward would just hear exactly how furious—
“Yes,” he agreed. “It’s not a good idea.”
“Then why?” Why was Bella telling her father she was on the mend when it would only make him more miserable?
“She can’t bear his anxiety.”
“So it’s better—”
“No. It’s not better. But I’m not going to force her to do anything that makes her unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes her feel better. I’ll deal with the rest afterward.”
That didn’t sound right. Bella wouldn’t just shuffle Charlie’s pain off to some later date, for someone else to face. Even dying. That wasn’t her. If I knew Bella, she had to have some other plan.
“She’s very sure she’s going to live,” Edward said.
“But not human,” I protested.
“No, not human. But she hopes to see Charlie again, anyway.”
Oh, this just got better and better.
“See. Charlie.” I finally looked at him, my eyes bugging. “Afterwards. See Charlie when she’s all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I’m not a bloodsucker, so maybe I’m missing something, but Charlie seems like kind of a strange choice for her first meal.”
Edward sighed. “She knows she won’t be able to be near him for at least a year. She thinks she can stall. Tell Charlie she has to go to a special hospital on the other side of the world. Keep in contact through phone calls. . . .”
“That’s insane.”
“Yes.”
“Charlie’s not stupid. Even if she doesn’t kill him, he’s going to notice a difference.”
“She’s sort of banking on that.”
I continued to stare, waiting for him to explain.
“She wouldn’t be aging, of course, so that would set a time limit, even if Charlie accepted whatever excuse she comes up with for the changes.” He smiled faintly. “Do you remember when you tried to tell her about your transformation? How you made her guess?”
My free hand flexed into a fist. “She told you about that?”
“Yes. She was explaining her… idea. You see, she’s not allowed to tell Charlie the truth—it would be very dangerous for him. But he’s a smart, practical man. She thinks he’ll come up with his own explanation. She assumes he’ll get it wrong.” Edward snorted. “After all, we hardly adhere to vampire canon. He’ll make some wrong assumption about us, like she did in the beginning, and we’ll go along with it. She thinks she’ll be able to see him… from time to time.”
“Insane,” I repeated.
“Yes,” he agreed again.
It was weak of him to let her get her way on this, just to keep her happy now. It wouldn’t turn out well.
Which made me think that he probably wasn’t expecting her to live to try out her crazy plan. Placating her, so that she could be happy for a little while longer.
Like four more days.
“I’ll deal with whatever comes,” he whispered, and he turned his face down and away so that I couldn’t even read his reflection. “I won’t cause her pain now.”
“Four days?” I asked.
He didn’t look up. “Approximately.”
“Then what?”
“What do you mean, exactly?”
I thought about what Bella had said. About the thing being wrapped up nice and tight in something strong, something like vampire skin. So how did that work? How did it get out?
“From what little research we’ve been able to do, it would appear the creatures use their own teeth to escape the womb,” he whispered.
I had to pause to swallow back the bile.
“Research?” I asked weakly.
“That’s why you haven’t seen Jasper and Emmett around. That’s what Carlisle is doing now. Trying to decipher ancient stories and myths, as much as we can with what we have to work with here, looking for anything that might help us predict the creature’s behavior.”
Stories? If there were myths, then…
“Then is this thing not the first of its kind?” Edward asked, anticipating my question. “Maybe. It’s all very sketchy. The myths could easily be the products of fear and imagination. Though . . .”—he hesitated—“your myths are true, are they not? Perhaps these are, too. They do seem to be localized, linked. . . .”
“How did you find… ?”
“There was a woman we encountered in South America. She’d been raised in the traditions of her people. She’d heard warnings about such creatures, old stories that had been passed down.”
“What were the warnings?” I whispered.
“That the creature must be killed immediately. Before it could gain too much strength.”
Just like Sam thought. Was he right?
“Of course, their legends say the same of us. That we must be destroyed. That we are soulless murderers.”
Two for two.
Edward laughed one hard chuckle.
“What did their stories say about the… mothers?”
Agony ripped across his face, and, as I flinched away from his pain, I knew he wasn’t going to give me an answer. I doubted he could talk.
It was Rosalie—who’d been so still and quiet since Bella’d fallen asleep that I’d nearly forgotten her—who answered.
She made a scornful noise in the back of her throat. “Of course there were no survivors,” she said. No survivors, blunt and uncaring. “Giving birth in the middle of a disease-infested swamp with a medicine man smearing sloth spit across your face to drive out the evil spirits was never the safest method. Even the normal births went badly half the time. None of them had what this baby has—caregivers with an idea of what the baby needs, who try to meet those needs. A doctor with a totally unique knowledge of vampire nature. A plan in place to deliver the baby as safely as possible. Venom that will repair anything that goes wrong. The baby will be fine. And those other mothers would probably have survived if they’d had that—if they even existed in the first place. Something I am not convinced of.” She sniffed disdainfully.
The baby, the baby. Like that was all that mattered. Bella’s life was a minor detail to her—easy to blow off.
Edward’s face went white as snow. His hands curved into claws. Totally egotistical and indifferent, Rosalie twisted in her chair so that her back was to him. He leaned forward, shifting into a crouch.
Allow me, I suggested.
He paused, raising one eyebrow.
Silently, I lifted my doggy bowl off the floor. Then, with a quick, powerful flip of my wrist, I threw it into the back of Blondie’s head so hard that—with an earsplitting bang—it smashed flat before it ricocheted across the room and snapped the round top piece off the thick newel post at the foot of the stairs.
Bella twitched but didn’t wake up.
“Dumb blonde,” I muttered.
Rosalie turned her head slowly, and her eyes were blazing.
“You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.”
That did it.
I busted up. I pulled away from Bella so that I wouldn’t shake her, and laughed so hard that tears ran down my face. From behind the couch, I heard Alice’s tinkling laugh join in.
I wondered why Rosalie didn’t spring. I sort of expected it. But then I realized that my laughing had woken Bella up, though she’d slept right through the real noise.
“What’s so funny?” she mumbled.
“I got food in her hair,” I told her, chortling again.
“I’m not going to forget this, dog,” Rosalie hissed.
“S’not so hard to erase a blonde’s memory,” I countered. “Just blow in her ear.”
“Get some new jokes,” she snapped.
“C’mon, Jake. Leave Rose alo—” Bella broke off mid-sentence and sucked in a sharp breath. In the same second, Edward was leaning over the top of me, ripping the blanket out of the way. She seemed to convulse, her back arching off the sofa.
“He’s just,” she panted, “stretching.”
Her lips were white, and she had her teeth locked together like she was trying to hold back a scream.
Edward put both hands on either side of her face.
“Carlisle?” he called in a tense, low voice.
“Right here,” the doctor said. I hadn’t heard him come in.
“Okay,” Bella said, still breathing hard and shallow. “Think it’s over. Poor kid doesn’t have enough room, that’s all. He’s getting so big.”
It was really hard to take, that adoring tone she used to describe the thing that was tearing her up. Especially after Rosalie’s callousness. Made me wish I could throw something at Bella, too.
She didn’t pick up on my mood. “You know, he reminds me of you, Jake,” she said—affectionate tone—still gasping.
“Do not compare me to that thing,” I spit out through my teeth.
“I just meant your growth spurt,” she said, looking like I’d hurt her feelings. Good. “You shot right up. I could watch you getting taller by the minute. He’s like that, too. Growing so fast.”
I bit my tongue to keep from saying what I wanted to say—hard enough that I tasted blood in my mouth. Of course, it would heal before I could swallow. That’s what Bella needed. To be strong like me, to be able to heal.…
She took an easier breath and then relaxed back into the sofa, her body going limp.
“Hmm,” Carlisle murmured. I looked up, and his eyes were on me.
“What?” I demanded.
Edward’s head leaned to one side as he reflected on whatever was in Carlisle’s head.
“You know that I was wondering about the fetus’s genetic makeup, Jacob. About his chromosomes.”
“What of it?”
“Well, taking your similarities into consideration—”
“Similarities?” I growled, not appreciating the plural.
“The accelerated growth, and the fact that Alice cannot see either of you.”
I felt my face go blank. I’d forgotten about that other one.
“Well, I wonder if that means that we have an answer. If the similarities are gene-deep.”
“Twenty-four pairs,” Edward muttered under his breath.
“You don’t know that.”
“No. But it’s interesting to speculate,” Carlisle said in a soothing voice.
“Yeah. Just fascinating.”
Bella’s light snore started up again, accenting my sarcasm nicely.
They got into it then, quickly taking the genetics conversation to a point where the only words I could understand were the the’s and the and’s. And my own name, of course. Alice joined in, commenting now and then in her chirpy bird voice.
Even though they were talking about me, I didn’t try to figure out the conclusions they were drawing. I had other things on my mind, a few facts I was trying to reconcile.
Fact one, Bella’d said that the creature was protected by something as strong as vampire skin, something that was too impenetrable for ultrasounds, too tough for needles. Fact two, Rosalie’d said they had a plan to deliver the creature safely. Fact three, Edward’d said that—in myths—other monsters like this one would chew their way out of their own mothers.
I shuddered.
And that made a sick kind of sense, because, fact four, not many things could cut through something as strong as vampire skin. The half-creature’s teeth—according to myth—were strong enough. My teeth were strong enough.
And vampire teeth were strong enough.
It was hard to miss the obvious, but I sure wished I could. Because I had a pretty good idea exactly how Rosalie planned to get that thing “safely” out.
I took off early, long before sunrise was due. I’d gotten just a little bit of uneasy sleep leaning against the side of the sofa. Edward woke me when Bella’s face was flushed, and he took my spot to cool her back down. I stretched and decided I was rested enough to get some work done.
“Thank you,” Edward said quietly, seeing my plans. “If the route is clear, they’ll go today.”
“I’ll let you know.”
It felt good to get back to my animal self. I was stiff from sitting still for so long. I extended my stride, working out the kinks.
Morning, Jacob, Leah greeted me.
Good, you’re up. How long’s Seth been out?
Not out yet, Seth thought sleepily. Almost there. What do you need?
You think you got another hour in you?
Sure thing. No problem. Seth got to his feet right away, shaking out his fur.
Let’s make the deep run, I told Leah. Seth, take the perimeter.
Gotcha. Seth broke into an easy jog.
Off on another vampire errand, Leah grumbled.
You got a problem with that?
Of coursenot. I just loveto coddle those darling leeches.
Good. Let’s see how fast we can run.
Okay, I’m definitely up for that!
Leah was on the far western rim of the perimeter. Rather than cut close to the Cullens’ house, she stuck to the circle as she raced around to meet me. I sprinted off straight east, knowing that even with the head start, she’d be passing me soon if I took it easy for even a second.
Nose to the ground, Leah. This isn’t a race, it’s a reconnaissance mission.
I can do both and still kick your butt.
I gave her that one. I know.
She laughed.
We took a winding path through the eastern mountains. It was a familiar route. We’d run these mountains when the vampires had left a year ago, making it part of our patrol route to better protect the people here. Then we’d pulled back the lines when the Cullens returned. This was their treaty land.
But that fact would probably mean nothing to Sam now. The treaty was dead. The question today was how thin he was willing to spread his force. Was he looking for stray Cullens to poach on their land or not? Had Jared spoken the truth or taken advantage of the silence between us?
We got deeper and deeper into the mountains without finding any trace of the pack. Fading vampire trails were everywhere, but the scents were familiar now. I was breathing them in all day long.
I found a heavy, somewhat recent concentration on one particular trail—all of them coming and going here except for Edward. Some reason for gathering that must have been forgotten when Edward brought his dying pregnant wife home. I gritted my teeth. Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me.
Leah didn’t push herself past me, though she could have now. I was paying more attention to each new scent than I was to the speed contest. She kept to my right side, running with me rather than racing against me.
We’re getting pretty far out here, she commented.
Yeah. If Sam was hunting strays, we should have crossed his trail by now.
Makes more sense right now for him to bunker down in La Push, Leah thought.He knows we’re giving the bloodsuckers three extra sets of eyes and legs. He’s not going to be able to surprise them.
This was just a precaution, really.
Wouldn’t want our precious parasites taking unnecessary chances.
Nope, I agreed, ignoring the sarcasm.
You’ve changed so much, Jacob. Talk about one-eighties.
You’re not exactly the same Leah I’ve always known and loved, either.
True. Am I less annoying than Paul now?
Amazingly… yes.
Ah, sweet success.
Congrats.
We ran in silence again then. It was probably time to turn around, but neither of us wanted to. It felt nice to run like this. We’d been staring at the same small circle of a trail for too long. It felt good to stretch our muscles and take the rugged terrain. We weren’t in a huge hurry, so I thought maybe we should hunt on the way back. Leah was pretty hungry.
Yum, yum, she thought sourly.
It’s all in your head, I told her. That’s the way wolves eat. It’s natural. It tastes fine. If you didn’t think about it from a human perspective—
Forget the pep talk, Jacob. I’ll hunt. I don’t have to like it.
Sure, sure, I agreed easily. It wasn’t my business if she wanted to make things harder for herself.
She didn’t add anything for a few minutes; I started thinking about turning back.
Thank you, Leah suddenly told me in a much different tone.
For?
For letting me be. For letting me stay. You’ve been nicer than I had any right to expect, Jacob.
Er, no problem. Actually, I mean that. I don’t mind having you here like I thought I would.
She snorted, but it was a playful sound. What a glowing commendation!
Don’t let it go to your head.
Okay—if you don’t let this go to yours. She paused for a second. I think you make a good Alpha. Not in the same way Sam does, but in your own way. You’re worth following, Jacob.
My mind went blank with surprise. It took me a second to recover enough to respond.
Er, thanks. Not totally sure I’ll be able to stop that one from going to my head, though. Where did that come from?
She didn’t answer right away, and I followed the wordless direction of her thoughts. She was thinking about the future—about what I’d said to Jared the other morning. About how the time would be up soon, and then I’d go back to the forest. About how I’d promised that she and Seth would return to the pack when the Cullens were gone. . . .
I want to stay with you, she told me.
The shock shot through my legs, locking my joints. She blew past me and then put on the brakes. Slowly, she walked back to where I was frozen in place.
I won’t be a pain, I swear. I won’t follow you around. You can go wherever you want, and I’ll go where I want. You’ll only have to put up with me when we’re both wolves. She paced back and forth in front of me, swishing her long gray tail nervously. And, as I’m planning on quitting as soon as I can manage it… maybe that won’t be so often.
I didn’t know what to say.
I’m happier now, as a part of your pack, than I have been in years.
I want to stay, too, Seth thought quietly. I hadn’t realized he’d been paying much attention to us as he ran the perimeter. I like this pack.
Hey, now! Seth, this isn’t going to be a pack much longer. I tried to put my thoughts together so they would convince him. We’ve got a purpose now, but when… after that’s over, I’m just going to go wolf. Seth, you need a purpose. You’re a good kid. You’re the kind of person who always has a crusade. And there’s no way you’re leaving La Push now. You’re going to graduate from high school and do something with your life. You’re going to take care of Sue. My issues are not going to mess up your future.
But—
Jacob is right, Leah seconded.
You’re agreeing with me?
Of course. But none of that applies to me. I was on my way out, anyway. I’ll get a job somewhere away from La Push. Maybe take some courses at a community college. Get into yoga and meditation to work on my temper issues.… And stay a part of this pack for the sake of my mental well-being. Jacob—you can see how that makes sense, right? I won’t bother you, you won’t bother me, everyone is happy.
I turned back and started loping slowly toward the west.
This is a bit much to deal with, Leah. Let me think about it, ’kay?
Sure. Take your time.
It took us longer to make the run back. I wasn’t trying for speed. I was just trying to concentrate enough that I wouldn’t plow headfirst into a tree. Seth was grumbling a little bit in the back of my head, but I was able to ignore him. He knew I was right. He wasn’t going to abandon his mom. He would go back to La Push and protect the tribe like he should.
But I couldn’t see Leah doing that. And that was just plain scary.
A pack of the two of us? No matter the physical distance, I couldn’t imagine the… the intimacy of that situation. I wondered if she’d really thought it through, or if she was just desperate to stay free.
Leah didn’t say anything as I chewed it over. It was like she was trying to prove how easy it would be if it was just us.
We ran into a herd of black-tailed deer just as the sun was coming up, brightening the clouds a little bit behind us. Leah sighed internally but didn’t hesitate. Her lunge was clean and efficient—graceful, even. She took down the largest one, the buck, before the startled animal fully understood the danger.
Not to be outdone, I swooped down on the next largest deer, snapping her neck between my jaws quickly, so she wouldn’t feel unnecessary pain. I could feel Leah’s disgust warring with her hunger, and I tried to make it easier for her by letting the wolf in me have my head. I’d lived all-wolf for long enough that I knew how to be the animal completely, to see his way and think his way. I let the practical instincts take over, letting her feel that, too. She hesitated for a second, but then, tentatively, she seemed to reach out with her mind and try to see my way. It felt very strange—our minds were more closely linked than they had ever been before, because we both were trying to think together.
Strange, but it helped her. Her teeth cut through the fur and skin of her kill’s shoulder, tearing away a thick slab of streaming flesh. Rather than wince away as her human thoughts wanted to, she let her wolf-self react instinctively. It was kind of a numbing thing, a thoughtless thing. It let her eat in peace.
It was easy for me to do the same. And I was glad I hadn’t forgotten this. This would be my life again soon.
Was Leah going to be a part of that life? A week ago, I would’ve found that idea beyond horrifying. I wouldn’t’ve been able to stand it. But I knew her better now. And, relieved from the constant pain, she wasn’t the same wolf. Not the same girl.
We ate together until we both were full.
Thanks, she told me later as she was cleaning her muzzle and paws against the wet grass. I didn’t bother; it had just started to drizzle and we had to swim the river again on our way back. I’d get clean enough. That wasn’t so bad, thinking your way.
You’re welcome.
Seth was dragging when we hit the perimeter. I told him to get some sleep; Leah and I would take over the patrol. Seth’s mind faded into unconsciousness just seconds later.
You headed back to the bloodsuckers? Leah asked.
Maybe.
It’s hard for you to be there, but hard to stay away, too. I know how that feels.
You know, Leah, you might want to think a little bit about the future, about what you really want to do. My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And you’ll have to suffer right along with me.
She thought about how to answer me. Wow, this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.
Fair enough.
I know it’s going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that—maybe better than you think. I don’t like her, but… she’s your Sam. She’s everything you want and everything you can’t have.
I couldn’t answer.
I know it’s worse for you. At least Sam is happy. At least he’s alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have what’s best for him. She sighed. I just don’t want to stick around to watch.
Do we need to talk about this?
I think we do. Because I want you to know that I won’t make it worse for you. Hell, maybe I’ll even help. I wasn’t borna compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know.
My memory doesn’t go that far back.
We both laughed once.
I’m sorry about this, Jacob. I’m sorry you’re in pain. I’m sorry it’s getting worse and not better.
Thanks, Leah.
She thought about the things that were worse, the black pictures in my head, while I tried to tune her out without much success. She was able to look at them with some distance, some perspective, and I had to admit that this was helpful. I could imagine that maybe I would be able to see it that way, too, in a few years.
She saw the funny side of the daily irritations that came from hanging out around vampires. She liked my ragging on Rosalie, chuckling internally and even running through a few blonde jokes in her mind that I might be able to work in. But then her thoughts turned serious, lingering on Rosalie’s face in a way that confused me.
You know what’s crazy? she asked.
Well, almost everything is crazy right now. But what do you mean?
That blond vampire you hate so much—I totally get her perspective.
For a second I thought she was making a joke that was in very poor taste. And then, when I realized she was serious, the fury that ripped through me was hard to control. It was a good thing we’d spread out to run our watch. If she’d been within biting distance…
Hold up! Let me explain!
Don’t want to hear it. I’m outta here.
Wait! Wait! she pleaded as I tried to calm myself enough to phase back. C’mon, Jake!
Leah, this isn’t really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future.
Yeesh! What an overreaction. You don’t even know what I’m talking about.
So what areyou talking about?
And then she was suddenly the pain-hardened Leah from before. I’m talking about being a genetic dead end, Jacob.
The vicious edge to her words left me floundering. I hadn’t expected to have my anger trumped.
I don’t understand.
You would, if you weren’t just like the rest of them. If my “female stuff”—she thought the words with a hard, sarcastic tone—didn’t send you running for cover just like any stupid male, so you could actually pay attention to what it all means.
Oh.
Yeah, so none of us like to think about that stuff with her. Who would? Of course I remembered Leah’s panic that first month after she joined the pack—and I remembered cringing away from it just like everyone else. Because she couldn’t be pregnant—not unless there was some really freaky religious immaculate crap going on. She hadn’t been with anyone since Sam. And then, when the weeks dragged on and nothing turned into more nothing, she’d realized that her body wasn’t following the normal patterns anymore. The horror—what was she now? Had her body changed because she’d become a werewolf? Or had she become a werewolf because her body was wrong? The only female werewolf in the history of forever. Was that because she wasn’t as female as she should be?
None of us had wanted to deal with that breakdown. Obviously, it wasn’t like we could empathize.
You know why Sam thinks we imprint, she thought, calmer now.
Sure. To carry on the line.
Right. To make a bunch of new little werewolves. Survival of the species, genetic override. You’re drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.
I waited for her to tell me where she was going with this.
If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn to me.
Her pain was enough that I broke stride under it.
But I’m not. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines. So I become a freak—the girlie-wolf—good for nothing else. I’m a genetic dead end and we both know it.
We do not, I argued with her. That’s just Sam’s theory. Imprinting happens, but we don’t know why. Billy thinks it’s something else.
I know, I know. He thinks you’re imprinting to make strongerwolves. Because you and Sam are such humongous monsters—bigger than our fathers. But either way, I’m still not a candidate. I’m… I’m menopausal. I’m twenty years old and I’m menopausal.
Ugh. I so didn’t want to have this conversation. You don’t know that, Leah. It’s probably just the whole frozen-in-time thing. When you quit your wolf and start getting older again, I’m sure things will… er… pick right back up.
I mightthink that—except that no one’s imprinting on me, notwithstanding my impressive pedigree. You know, she added thoughtfully, if you weren’t around, Seth would probably have the best claim to being Alpha—through his blood, at least. Of course, no one would ever consider me. . . .
You really wantto imprint, or be imprinted on, or whichever? I demanded.What’s wrong with going out and falling in love like a normal person, Leah? Imprinting is just another way of getting your choices taken away from you.
Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil… they don’t seem to mind.
None of them havea mind of their own.
You don’t want to imprint?
Hell, no!
That’s just because you’re already in love with her. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn’t have to hurt over her anymore.
Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?
She deliberated for a moment. I think I do.
I sighed. She was in a healthier place than I was.
But back to my original point, Jacob. I understand why your blond vampire is so cold—in the figurative sense. She’s focused. She’s got her eyes on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.
Youwould act like Rosalie? Youwould murder someone—because that’s what she’s doing, making sure no one interferes with Bella’s death—you would do that to have a baby? Since when are you a breeder?
I just want the options I don’t have, Jacob. Maybe, if there was nothing wrong with me, I would never give it a thought.
You would kill for that? I demanded, not letting her escape my question.
That’s not what she’s doing. I think it’s more like she’s living vicariously. And… if Bella asked meto help her with this… She paused, considering. Even though I don’t think too much of her, I’d probably do the same as the bloodsucker.
A loud snarl ripped through my teeth.
Because, if it was turned around, I’d want Bella to do that for me. And so would Rosalie. We’d both do it her way.
Ugh! You’re as bad as they are!
That’s the funny thing about knowing you can’t have something. It makes you desperate.
And… that’s my limit. Right there. This conversation is over.
Fine.
It wasn’t enough that she’d agreed to stop. I wanted a stronger termination than that.
I was only about a mile from where I’d left my clothes, so I phased back to human and walked. I didn’t think about our conversation. Not because there wasn’t anything to think about, but because I couldn’t stand it. I would not see it that way—but it was harder to keep from doing that when Leah had put the thoughts and emotions straight into my head.
Yeah, I wasn’t running with her when this was finished. She could go be miserable in La Push. One little Alpha command before I left for good wasn’t going to kill anybody.
It was real early when I got to the house. Bella was probably still asleep. I figured I’d poke my head in, see what was going on, give ’em the green light to go hunting, and then find a patch of grass soft enough to sleep on while human. I wasn’t phasing back until Leah was asleep.
But there was a lot of low mumbling going on inside the house, so maybe Bella wasn’t sleeping. And then I heard the machinery sound from upstairs again—the X-ray? Great. It looked like day four on the countdown was starting off with a bang.
Alice opened the door for me before I could walk in.
She nodded. “Hey, wolf.”
“Hey, shortie. What’s going on upstairs?” The big room was empty—all the murmurs were on the second floor.
She shrugged her pointy little shoulders. “Maybe another break.” She tried to say the words casually, but I could see the flames in the very back of her eyes. Edward and I weren’t the only ones who were burning over this. Alice loved Bella, too.
“Another rib?” I asked hoarsely.
“No. Pelvis this time.”
Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised? Each new disaster seemed kinda obvious in hindsight.
Alice was staring at my hands, watching them tremble.
Then we were listening to Rosalie’s voice upstairs.
“See, I told you I didn’t hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward.”
There was no answer.
Alice made a face. “Edward’s going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think. I’m surprised she doesn’t see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him.”
“I’ll take Emmett,” I offered. “You can help Edward with the ripping part.”
Alice half-smiled.
The procession came down the stairs then—Edward had Bella this time. She was gripping her cup of blood in both hands, and her face was white. I could see that, though he compensated for every tiny movement of his body to keep from jostling her, she was hurting.
“Jake,” she whispered, and she smiled through the pain.
I stared at her, saying nothing.
Edward placed Bella carefully on her couch and sat on the floor by her head. I wondered briefly why they didn’t leave her upstairs, and then decided at once that it must be Bella’s idea. She’d want to act like things were normal, avoid the hospital setup. And he was humoring her. Naturally.
Carlisle came down slowly, the last one, his face creased with worry. It made him look old enough to be a doctor for once.
“Carlisle,” I said. “We went halfway to Seattle. There’s no sign of the pack. You’re good to go.”
“Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There’s much that we need.” His black eyes flickered to the cup that Bella was holding so tight.
“Honestly, I think you’re safe to take more than three. I’m pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push.”
Carlisle nodded in agreement. It surprised me how willingly he took my advice. “If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa—”
“Not a chance,” Rosalie hissed. “Emmett can go with you now.”
“You should hunt,” Carlisle said in a gentle voice.
His tone didn’t soften hers. “I’ll hunt when he does,” she growled, jerking her head toward Edward and then flipping her hair back.
Carlisle sighed.
Jasper and Emmett were down the stairs in a flash, and Alice joined them by the glass back door in the same second. Esme flitted to Alice’s side.
Carlisle put his hand on my arm. The icy touch did not feel good, but I didn’t jerk away. I held still, half in surprise, and half because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Thank you,” he said again, and then he darted out the door with the other four. My eyes followed them as they flew across the lawn and then disappeared before I took another breath. Their needs must have been more urgent than I’d imagined.
There was no sound for a minute. I could feel someone glaring at me, and I knew who it would be. I’d been planning to take off and get some Z’s, but the chance to ruin Rosalie’s morning seemed too good to pass up.
So I sauntered over to the armchair next to the one Rosalie had and settled in, sprawling out so that my head was tilted toward Bella and my left foot was near Rosalie’s face.
“Ew. Someone put the dog out,” she murmured, wrinkling her nose.
“Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde’s brain cells die?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Well?” I asked. “Do you know the punch line or not?”
She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.
“Has she heard it?” I asked Edward.
There was no humor on his tense face—he didn’t move his eyes from Bella. But he said, “No.”
“Awesome. So you’ll enjoy this, bloodsucker—a blonde’s brain cells die alone.”
Rosalie still didn’t look at me. “I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don’t forget that.”
“Someday, Beauty Queen, you’re going to get tired of just threatening me. I’m really looking forward to that.”
“Enough, Jacob,” Bella said.
I looked down, and she was scowling at me. It looked like yesterday’s good mood was long gone.
Well, I didn’t want to bug her. “You want me to take off?” I offered.
Before I could hope—or fear—that she’d finally gotten tired of me, she blinked, and her frown disappeared. She seemed totally shocked that I would come to that conclusion. “No! Of course not.”
I sighed, and I heard Edward sigh very quietly, too. I knew he wished she’d get over me, too. Too bad he’d never ask her to do anything that might make her unhappy.
“You look tired,” Bella commented.
“Dead beat,” I admitted.
“I’d like to beat you dead,” Rosalie muttered, too low for Bella to hear.
I just slumped deeper into the chair, getting comfortable. My bare foot dangled closer to Rosalie, and she stiffened. After a few minutes Bella asked Rosalie for a refill. I felt the wind as Rosalie blew upstairs to get her some more blood. It was really quiet. Might as well take a nap, I figured.
And then Edward said, “Did you say something?” in a puzzled tone. Strange. Because no one had said anything, and because Edward’s hearing was as good as mine, and he should have known that.
He was staring at Bella, and she was staring back. They both looked confused.
“Me?” she asked after a second. “I didn’t say anything.”
He moved onto his knees, leaning forward over her, his expression suddenly intense in a whole different way. His black eyes focused on her face.
“What are you thinking about right now?”
She stared at him blankly. “Nothing. What’s going on?”
“What were you thinking about a minute ago?” he asked.
“Just… Esme’s island. And feathers.”
Sounded like total gibberish to me, but then she blushed, and I figured I was better off not knowing.
“Say something else,” he whispered.
“Like what? Edward, what’s going on?”
His face changed again, and he did something that made my mouth fall open with a pop. I heard a gasp behind me, and I knew that Rosalie was back, and just as flabbergasted as I was.
Edward, very lightly, put both of his hands against her huge, round stomach.
“The f—” He swallowed. “It… the baby likes the sound of your voice.”
There was one short beat of total silence. I could not move a muscle, even to blink. Then—
“Holy crow, you can hear him!” Bella shouted. In the next second, she winced.
Edward’s hand moved to the top peak of her belly and gently rubbed the spot where it must have kicked her.
“Shh,” he murmured. “You startled it… him.”
Her eyes got all wide and full of wonder. She patted the side of her stomach. “Sorry, baby.”
Edward was listening hard, his head tilted toward the bulge.
“What’s he thinking now?” she demanded eagerly.
“It… he or she, is . . .” He paused and looked up into her eyes. His eyes were filled with a similar awe—only his were more careful and grudging. “He’s happy,” Edward said in an incredulous voice.
Her breath caught, and it was impossible not to see the fanatical gleam in her eyes. The adoration and the devotion. Big, fat tears overflowed her eyes and ran silently down her face and over her smiling lips.
As he stared at her, his face was not frightened or angry or burning or any of the other expressions he’d worn since their return. He was marveling with her.
“Of course you’re happy, pretty baby, of course you are,” she crooned, rubbing her stomach while the tears washed her cheeks. “How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you’re happy.”
“What did you call him?” Edward asked curiously.
She blushed again. “I sort of named him. I didn’t think you would want… well, you know.”
“EJ?”
“Your father’s name was Edward, too.”
“Yes, it was. What—?” He paused and then said, “Hmm.”
“What?”
“He likes my voice, too.”
“Of course he does.” Her tone was almost gloating now. “You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn’t love it?”
“Do you have a backup plan?” Rosalie asked then, leaning over the back of the sofa with the same wondering, gloating look on her face that was on Bella’s. “What if he’s a she?”
Bella wiped the back of her hand under her wet eyes. “I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme. I was thinking… Ruh-nez-may.”
“Ruhnezmay?”
“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?”
“No, I like it,” Rosalie assured her. Their heads were close together, gold and mahogany. “It’s beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits.”
“I still think he’s an Edward.”
Edward was staring off into space, his face blank as he listened.
“What?” Bella asked, her face just glowing away. “What’s he thinking now?”
At first he didn’t answer, and then—shocking all the rest of us again, three distinct and separate gasps—he laid his ear tenderly against her belly.
“He loves you,” Edward whispered, sounding dazed. “He absolutely adores you.”
In that moment, I knew that I was alone. All alone.
I wanted to kick myself when I realized how much I’d been counting on that loathsome vampire. How stupid—as if you could ever trust a leech! Of course he would betray me in the end.
I’d counted on him to be on my side. I’d counted on him to suffer more than I suffered. And, most of all, I’d counted on him to hate that revolting thing killing Bella more than I hated it.
I’d trusted him with that.
Yet now they were together, the two of them bent over the budding, invisible monster with their eyes lit up like a happy family.
And I was all alone with my hatred and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades. Pain so bad you’d take death with a smile just to get away from it.
The heat unlocked my frozen muscles, and I was on my feet.
All three of their heads snapped up, and I watched my pain ripple across Edward’s face as he trespassed in my head again.
“Ahh,” he choked.
I didn’t know what I was doing; I stood there, trembling, ready to bolt for the very first escape that I could think of.
Moving like the strike of a snake, Edward darted to a small end table and ripped something from the drawer there. He tossed it at me, and I caught the object reflexively.
“Go, Jacob. Get away from here.” He didn’t say it harshly—he threw the words at me like they were a life preserver. He was helping me find the escape I was dying for.
The object in my hand was a set of car keys.
I sort of had a plan as I ran to the Cullens’ garage. The second part of it was totaling the bloodsucker’s car on my way back.
So I was at a loss when I mashed the button on the keyless remote, and it was not his Volvo that beeped and flashed its lights for me. It was another car—a standout even in the long line of vehicles that were mostly all drool-worthy in their own ways.
Did he actually mean to give me the keys to an Aston Martin Vanquish, or was that an accident?
I didn’t pause to think about it, or if this would change that second part of my plan. I just threw myself into the silky leather seat and cranked the engine while my knees were still crunched up under the steering wheel. The sound of the motor’s purr might have made me moan another day, but right now it was all I could do to concentrate enough to put it in drive.
I found the seat release and shoved myself back as my foot rammed the pedal down. The car felt almost airborne as it leaped forward.
It only took seconds to race through the tight, winding drive. The car responded to me like my thoughts were steering rather than my hands. As I blew out of the green tunnel and onto the highway, I caught a fleeting glimpse of Leah’s gray face peering uneasily through the ferns.
For half a second, I wondered what she’d think, and then I realized that I didn’t care.
I turned south, because I had no patience today for ferries or traffic or anything else that meant I might have to lift my foot off the pedal.
In a sick way, it was my lucky day. If by lucky you meant taking a well-traveled highway at two hundred without so much as seeing one cop, even in the thirty-mile-an-hour speed-trap towns. What a letdown. A little chase action might have been nice, not to mention that the license plate info would bring the heat down on the leech. Sure, he’d buy his way out of it, but it might have been just a little inconvenient for him.
The only sign of surveillance I came across was just a hint of dark brown fur flitting through the woods, running parallel to me for a few miles on the south side of Forks. Quil, it looked like. He must have seen me, too, because he disappeared after a minute without raising an alarm. Again, I almost wondered what his story would be before I remembered that I didn’t care.
I raced around the long U-shaped highway, heading for the biggest city I could find. That was the first part of my plan.
It seemed to take forever, probably because I was still on the razor blades, but it actually didn’t even take two hours before I was driving north into the undefined sprawl that was part Tacoma and part Seattle. I slowed down then, because I really wasn’t trying to kill any innocent bystanders.
This was a stupid plan. It wasn’t going to work. But, as I’d searched my head for any way at all to get away from the pain, what Leah’d said today had popped in there.
That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn’t have to hurt over her anymore.
Seemed like maybe getting your choices taken away from you wasn’t the very worst thing in the world. Maybe feeling like this was the very worst thing in the world.
But I’d seen all the girls in La Push and up on the Makah rez and in Forks. I needed a wider hunting range.
So how do you look for a random soul mate in a crowd? Well, first, I needed a crowd. So I tooled around, looking for a likely spot. I passed a couple of malls, which probably would’ve been pretty good places to find girls my age, but I couldn’t make myself stop. Did I want to imprint on some girl who hung out in a mall all day?
I kept going north, and it got more and more crowded. Eventually, I found a big park full of kids and families and skateboards and bikes and kites and picnics and the whole bit. I hadn’t noticed till now—it was a nice day. Sun and all that. People were out celebrating the blue sky.
I parked across two handicapped spots—just begging for a ticket—and joined the crowd.
I walked around for what felt like hours. Long enough that the sun changed sides in the sky. I stared into the face of every girl who passed anywhere near me, making myself really look, noticing who was pretty and who had blue eyes and who looked good in braces and who had way too much makeup on. I tried to find something interesting about each face, so that I would know for sure that I’d really tried. Things like: This one had a really straight nose; that one should pull her hair out of her eyes; this one could do lipstick ads if the rest of her face was as perfect as her mouth. . . .
Sometimes they stared back. Sometimes they looked scared—like they were thinking, Who is this big freak glaring at me? Sometimes I thought they looked kind of interested, but maybe that was just my ego running wild.
Either way, nothing. Even when I met the eyes of the girl who was—no contest—the hottest girl in the park and probably in the city, and she stared right back with a speculation that looked like interest, I felt nothing. Just the same desperate drive to find a way out of the pain.
As time went on, I started noticing all the wrong things. Bella things. This one’s hair was the same color. That one’s eyes were sort of shaped the same. This one’s cheekbones cut across her face in just the same way. That one had the same little crease between her eyes—which made me wonder what she was worrying about. . . .
That was when I gave up. Because it was beyond stupid to think that I had picked exactly the right place and time and I was going to simply walk into my soul mate just because I was so desperate to.
It wouldn’t make sense to find her here, anyway. If Sam was right, the best place to find my genetic match would be in La Push. And, clearly, no one there fit the bill. If Billy was right, then who knew? What made for a stronger wolf?
I wandered back to the car and then slumped against the hood and played with the keys.
Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some kind of dead end that shouldn’t be passed on to another generation. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line.
“Hey, you okay? Hello? You there, with the stolen car.”
It took me a second to realize that the voice was talking to me, and then another second to decide to raise my head.
A familiar-looking girl was staring at me, her expression kind of anxious. I knew why I recognized her face—I’d already catalogued this one. Light red-gold hair, fair skin, a few gold-colored freckles sprinkled across her cheeks and nose, and eyes the color of cinnamon.
“If you’re feeling that remorseful over boosting the car,” she said, smiling so that a dimple popped out in her chin, “you could always turn yourself in.”
“It’s borrowed, not stolen,” I snapped. My voice sounded horrible—like I’d been crying or something. Embarrassing.
“Sure, that’ll hold up in court.”
I glowered. “You need something?”
“Not really. I was kidding about the car, you know. It’s just that… you look really upset about something. Oh, hey, I’m Lizzie.” She held out her hand.
I looked at it until she let it fall.
“Anyway…,” she said awkwardly, “I was just wondering if I could help. Seemed like you were looking for someone before.” She gestured toward the park and shrugged.
“Yeah.”
She waited.
I sighed. “I don’t need any help. She’s not here.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Me, too,” I muttered.
I looked at the girl again. Lizzie. She was pretty. Nice enough to try to help a grouchy stranger who must seem nuts. Why couldn’t she be the one? Why did everything have to be so freaking complicated? Nice girl, pretty, and sort of funny. Why not?
“This is a beautiful car,” she said. “It’s really a shame they’re not making them anymore. I mean, the Vantage’s body styling is gorgeous, too, but there’s just something about the Vanquish. . . .”
Nice girl who knew cars. Wow. I stared at her face harder, wishing I knew how to make it work. C’mon, Jake—imprint already.
“How’s it drive?” she asked.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” I told her.
She grinned her one-dimple smile, clearly pleased to have dragged a halfway civil response out of me, and I gave her a reluctant smile back.
But her smile did nothing about the sharp, cutting blades that raked up and down my body. No matter how much I wanted it to, my life was not going to come together like that.
I wasn’t in that healthier place where Leah was headed. I wasn’t going to be able to fall in love like a normal person. Not when I was bleeding over someone else. Maybe—if it was ten years from now and Bella’s heart was long dead and I’d hauled myself through the whole grieving process and come out in one piece again—maybe then I could offer Lizzie a ride in a fast car and talk makes and models and get to know something about her and see if I liked her as a person. But that wasn’t going to happen now.
Magic wasn’t going to save me. I was just going to have to take the torture like a man. Suck it up.
Lizzie waited, maybe hoping I was going to offer her that ride. Or maybe not.
“I’d better get this car back to the guy I borrowed it from,” I muttered.
She smiled again. “Glad to hear you’re going straight.”
“Yeah, you convinced me.”
She watched me get in the car, still sort of concerned. I probably looked like someone who was about to drive off a cliff. Which maybe I would’ve, if that kind of move’d work for a werewolf. She waved once, her eyes trailing after the car.
At first, I drove more sanely on the way back. I wasn’t in a rush. I didn’t want to go where I was going. Back to that house, back to that forest. Back to the pain I’d run from. Back to being absolutely alone with it.
Okay, that was melodramatic. I wouldn’t be all alone, but that was a bad thing. Leah and Seth would have to suffer with me. I was glad Seth wouldn’t have to suffer long. Kid didn’t deserve to have his peace of mind ruined. Leah didn’t, either, but at least it was something she understood. Nothing new about pain for Leah.
I sighed big as I thought about what Leah wanted from me, because I knew now that she was going to get it. I was still pissed at her, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that I could make her life easier. And—now that I knew her better—I thought she would probably do this for me, if our positions were reversed.
It would be interesting, at the very least, and strange, too, to have Leah as a companion—as a friend. We were going to get under each other’s skin a lot, that was for sure. She wouldn’t be one to let me wallow, but I thought that was a good thing. I’d probably need someone to kick my butt now and then. But when it came right down to it, she was really the only friend who had any chance of understanding what I was going through now.
I thought of the hunt this morning, and how close our minds had been for that one moment in time. It hadn’t been a bad thing. Different. A little scary, a little awkward. But also nice in a weird way.
I didn’t have to be all alone.
And I knew Leah was strong enough to face with me the months that were coming. Months and years. It made me tired to think about it. I felt like I was staring out across an ocean that I was going to have to swim from shore to shore before I could rest again.
So much time coming, and then so little time before it started. Before I was flung into that ocean. Three and a half more days, and here I was, wasting that little bit of time I had.
I started driving too fast again.
I saw Sam and Jared, one on either side of the road like sentinels, as I raced up the road toward Forks. They were well hidden in the thick branches, but I was expecting them, and I knew what to look for. I nodded as I blew past them, not bothering to wonder what they made of my day trip.
I nodded to Leah and Seth, too, as I cruised up the Cullens’ driveway. It was starting to get dark, and the clouds were thick on this side of the sound, but I saw their eyes glitter in the glow of the headlights. I would explain to them later. There’d be plenty of time for that.
It was a surprise to find Edward waiting for me in the garage. I hadn’t seen him away from Bella in days. I could tell from his face that nothing bad had happened to her. In fact, he looked more peaceful than before. My stomach tightened as I remembered where that peace came from.
It was too bad that—with all my brooding—I’d forgotten to wreck the car. Oh well. I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand hurting this car, anyway. Maybe he’d guessed as much, and that’s why he’d lent it to me in the first place.
“A few things, Jacob,” he said as soon as I cut the engine.
I took a deep breath and held it for a minute. Then, slowly, I got out of the car and threw the keys to him.
“Thanks for the loan,” I said sourly. Apparently, it would have to be repaid. “What do you want now?”
“Firstly… I know how averse you are to using your authority with your pack, but . . .”
I blinked, astonished that he would even dream of starting in on this one. “What?”
“If you can’t or won’t control Leah, then I—”
“Leah?” I interrupted, speaking through my teeth. “What happened?”
Edward’s face was hard. “She came up to see why you’d left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it might not have come out right.”
“What did she do?”
“She phased to her human form and—”
“Really?” I interrupted again, shocked this time. I couldn’t process that. Leah letting her guard down right in the mouth of the enemy’s lair?
“She wanted to… speak to Bella.”
“To Bella?”
Edward got all hissy then. “I won’t let Bella be upset like that again. I don’t care how justified Leah thinks she is! I didn’t hurt her—of course I wouldn’t—but I’ll throw her out of the house if it happens again. I’ll launch her right across the river—”
“Hold on. What did she say?” None of this was making any sense.
Edward took a deep breath, composing himself. “Leah was unnecessarily harsh. I’m not going to pretend that I understand why Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to hurt you. She suffers a great deal over the pain she’s inflicting on you, and on me, by asking you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bella’s been crying—”
“Wait—Leah was yelling at Bella about me?”
He nodded one sharp nod. “You were quite vehemently championed.”
Whoa. “I didn’t ask her to do that.”
“I know.”
I rolled my eyes. Of course he knew. He knew everything.
But that was really something about Leah. Who would have believed it? Leah walking into the bloodsuckers’ place human to complain about how I was being treated.
“I can’t promise to control Leah,” I told him. “I won’t do that. But I’ll talk to her, okay? And I don’t think there’ll be a repeat. Leah’s not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her chest today.”
“I would say so.”
“Anyway, I’ll talk to Bella about it, too. She doesn’t need to feel bad. This one’s on me.”
“I already told her that.”
“Of course you did. Is she okay?”
“She’s sleeping now. Rose is with her.”
So the psycho was “Rose” now. He’d completely crossed over to the dark side.
He ignored that thought, continuing with a more complete answer to my question. “She’s… better in some ways. Aside from Leah’s tirade and the resulting guilt.”
Better. Because Edward was hearing the monster and everything was all lovey-dovey now. Fantastic.
“It’s a bit more than that,” he murmured. “Now that I can make out the child’s thoughts, it’s apparent that he or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand us, to an extent.”
My mouth fell open. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He’s trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He… loves her. Already.”
I stared at Edward, feeling sort of like my eyes might pop out of their sockets. Underneath that disbelief, I could see right away that this was the critical factor. This was what had changed Edward—that the monster had convinced him of this love. He couldn’t hate what loved Bella. It was probably why he couldn’t hate me, either. There was a big difference, though. I wasn’t killing her.
Edward went on, acting like he hadn’t heard all that. “The progress, I believe, is more than we’d judged. When Carlisle returns—”
“They’re not back?” I cut in sharply. I thought of Sam and Jared, watching the road. Would they get curious as to what was going on?
“Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it wasn’t as much as he was hoping for—Bella will use up this supply in another day the way her appetite has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source. I don’t think that’s necessary now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality.”
“Why isn’t it necessary? If she needs more?”
I could tell he was watching and listening to my reaction carefully as he explained. “I’m trying to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back.”
“What?”
“The child seems to be attempting to avoid rough movements, but it’s difficult. He’s become too big. It’s madness to wait, when he’s clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed. Bella’s too fragile to delay.”
I kept getting my legs knocked out from under me. First, counting on Edward’s hatred of the thing so much. Now, I’d realized that I thought of those four days as a sure thing. I’d banked on them.
The endless ocean of grief that waited stretched out before me.
I tried to catch my breath.
Edward waited. I stared at his face while I recovered, recognizing another change there.
“You think she’s going to make it,” I whispered.
“Yes. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.”
I couldn’t say anything. After a minute, he went on.
“Yes,” he said again. “Waiting, as we have been, for the child to be ready, that was insanely dangerous. At any moment it could have been too late. But if we’re proactive about this, if we act quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the child’s mind is unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rose agree with me. Now that I’ve convinced them it’s safe for the child if we proceed, there’s nothing to keep this from working.”
“When will Carlisle be back?” I asked, still whispering. I hadn’t got my breath back yet.
“By noon tomorrow.”
My knees buckled. I had to grab the car to hold myself up. Edward reached out like he was offering support, but then he thought better of it and dropped his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob. Though you hate me, I must admit that I don’t feel the same about you. I think of you as a… a brother in many ways. A comrade in arms, at the very least. I regret your suffering more than you realize. But Bella is going to survive”—when he said that his voice was fierce, even violent—“and I know that’s what really matters to you.”
He was probably right. It was hard to tell. My head was spinning.
“So I hate to do this now, while you’re already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have to ask you for something—to beg, if I must.”
“I don’t have anything left,” I choked out.
He lifted his hand again, as if to put it on my shoulder, but then let it drop like before and sighed.
“I know how much you have given,” he said quietly. “But this is something you do have, and only you. I’m asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. I’m asking this of Ephraim’s heir.”
I was way past being able to respond.
“I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her life. You know I’ll do it anyway, but I don’t want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we don’t do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over.”
I tried to swallow. Sam, I thought. It’s Sam you want.
“No. Sam’s authority is assumed. It belongs to you. You’ll never take it from him, but no one can rightfully agree to what I’m asking except for you.”
It’s not my decision.
“It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me.”
I can’t think. I don’t know.
“We don’t have much time.” He glanced back toward the house.
No, there was no time. My few days had become a few hours.
I don’t know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?
“Yes.”
I started walking to the house, and he followed. Crazy how easy it was, walking through the dark with a vampire right beside me. It didn’t feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, really. It felt like walking next to anybody. Well, anybody who smelled bad.
There was a movement in the brush at the edge of the big lawn, and then a low whimper. Seth shrugged through the ferns and loped over to us.
“Hey, kid,” I muttered.
He dipped his head, and I patted his shoulder.
“S’all cool,” I lied. “I’ll tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that.”
He grinned at me.
“Hey, tell your sister to back off now, okay? Enough.”
Seth nodded once.
I shoved against his shoulder this time. “Get back to work. I’ll spell you in a bit.”
Seth leaned against me, shoving back, and then he galloped into the trees.
“He has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds I’ve ever heard,” Edward murmured when he was out of sight. “You’re lucky to have his thoughts to share.”
“I know that,” I grunted.
We started toward the house, and both of our heads snapped up when we heard the sound of someone sucking through a straw. Edward was in a hurry then. He darted up the porch stairs and was gone.
“Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping,” I heard him say. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have left.”
“Don’t worry. I just got so thirsty—it woke me up. It’s a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going to need it when he gets out of me.”
“True. That’s a good point.”
“I wonder if he’ll want anything else,” she mused.
“I suppose we’ll find out.”
I walked through the door.
Alice said, “Finally,” and Bella’s eyes flashed to me. That infuriating, irresistible smile broke across her face for one second. Then it faltered, and her face fell. Her lips puckered, like she was trying not to cry.
I wanted to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth.
“Hey, Bells,” I said quickly. “How ya doing?”
“I’m fine,” she said.
“Big day today, huh? Lots of new stuff.”
“You don’t have to do that, Jacob.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, going to sit on the arm of the sofa by her head. Edward had the floor there already.
She gave me a reproachful look. “I’m so s—” she started to say.
I pinched her lips together between my thumb and finger.
“Jake,” she mumbled, trying to pull my hand away. Her attempt was so weak it was hard to believe that she was really trying.
I shook my head. “You can talk when you’re not being stupid.”
“Fine, I won’t say it,” it sounded like she mumbled.
I pulled my hand away.
“Sorry!” she finished quickly, and then grinned.
I rolled my eyes and then smiled back at her.
When I stared into her eyes, I saw everything that I’d been looking for in the park.
Tomorrow, she’d be someone else. But hopefully alive, and that was what counted, right? She’d look at me with the same eyes, sort of. Smile with the same lips, almost. She’d still know me better than anyone who didn’t have full access to the inside of my head.
Leah might be an interesting companion, maybe even a true friend—someone who would stand up for me. But she wasn’t my best friend the way that Bella was. Aside from the impossible love I felt for Bella, there was also that other bond, and it ran bone deep.
Tomorrow, she’d be my enemy. Or she’d be my ally. And, apparently, that distinction was up to me.
I sighed.
Fine! I thought, giving up the very last thing I had to give. It made me feel hollow. Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraim’s heir, you have my permission, my word, that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were right—they can’t deny that it’s my right to agree to this.
“Thank you.” Edward’s whisper was low enough that Bella didn’t hear anything. But the words were so fervent that, from the corner of my eye, I saw the other vampires turning to stare.
“So,” Bella asked, working to be casual. “How was your day?”
“Great. Went for a drive. Hung out in the park.”
“Sounds nice.”
“Sure, sure.”
Suddenly, she made a face. “Rose?” she asked.
I heard Blondie chuckle. “Again?”
“I think I’ve drunk two gallons in the last hour,” Bella explained.
Edward and I both got out of the way while Rosalie came to lift Bella from the couch and take her to the bathroom.
“Can I walk?” Bella asked. “My legs are so stiff.”
“Are you sure?” Edward asked.
“Rose’ll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can’t see them.”
Rosalie set Bella carefully on her feet, keeping her hands right at Bella’s shoulders. Bella stretched her arms out in front of her, wincing a little.
“That feels good,” she sighed. “Ugh, but I’m huge.”
She really was. Her stomach was its own continent.
“One more day,” she said, and patted her stomach.
I couldn’t help the pain that shot through me in a sudden, stabbing burst, but I tried to keep it off my face. I could hide it for one more day, right?
“All righty, then. Whoops—oh, no!”
The cup Bella had left on the sofa tumbled to one side, the dark red blood spilling out onto the pale fabric.
Automatically, though three other hands beat her there, Bella bent over, reaching out to catch it.
There was the strangest, muffled ripping sound from the center of her body.
“Oh!” she gasped.
And then she went totally limp, slumping toward the floor. Rosalie caught her in the same instant, before she could fall. Edward was there, too, hands out, the mess on the sofa forgotten.
“Bella?” he asked, and then his eyes unfocused, and panic shot across his features.
A half second later, Bella screamed.
It was not just a scream, it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body twitched, arched in Rosalie’s arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.
Bella’s body, streaming with red, started to twitch, jerking around in Rosalie’s arms like she was being electrocuted. All the while, her face was blank—unconscious. It was the wild thrashing from inside the center of her body that moved her. As she convulsed, sharp snaps and cracks kept time with the spasms.
Rosalie and Edward were frozen for the shortest half second, and then they broke. Rosalie whipped Bella’s body into her arms, and, shouting so fast it was hard to separate the individual words, she and Edward shot up the staircase to the second floor.
I sprinted after them.
“Morphine!” Edward yelled at Rosalie.
“Alice—get Carlisle on the phone!” Rosalie screeched.
The room I followed them to looked like an emergency ward set up in the middle of a library. The lights were brilliant and white. Bella was on a table under the glare, skin ghostly in the spotlight. Her body flopped, a fish on the sand. Rosalie pinned Bella down, yanking and ripping her clothes out of the way, while Edward stabbed a syringe into her arm.
How many times had I imagined her naked? Now I couldn’t look. I was afraid to have these memories in my head.
“What’s happening, Edward?”
“He’s suffocating!”
“The placenta must have detached!”
Somewhere in this, Bella came around. She responded to their words with a shriek that clawed at my eardrums.
“Get him OUT!” she screamed. “He can’t BREATHE! Do it NOW!”
I saw the red spots pop out when her scream broke the blood vessels in her eyes.
“The morphine—,” Edward growled.
“NO! NOW—!” Another gush of blood choked off what she was shrieking. He held her head up, desperately trying to clear her mouth so that she could breathe again.
Alice darted into the room and clipped a little blue earpiece under Rosalie’s hair. Then Alice backed away, her gold eyes wide and burning, while Rosalie hissed frantically into the phone.
In the bright light, Bella’s skin seemed more purple and black than it was white. Deep red was seeping beneath the skin over the huge, shuddering bulge of her stomach. Rosalie’s hand came up with a scalpel.
“Let the morphine spread!” Edward shouted at her.
“There’s no time,” Rosalie hissed. “He’s dying!”
Her hand came down on Bella’s stomach, and vivid red spouted out from where she pierced the skin. It was like a bucket being turned over, a faucet twisted to full. Bella jerked, but didn’t scream. She was still choking.
And then Rosalie lost her focus. I saw the expression on her face shift, saw her lips pull back from her teeth and her black eyes glint with thirst.
“No, Rose!” Edward roared, but his hands were trapped, trying to prop Bella upright so she could breathe.
I launched myself at Rosalie, jumping across the table without bothering to phase. As I hit her stone body, knocking her toward the door, I felt the scalpel in her hand stab deep into my left arm. My right palm smashed against her face, locking her jaw and blocking her airways.
I used my grip on Rosalie’s face to swing her body out so that I could land a solid kick in her gut; it was like kicking concrete. She flew into the door frame, buckling one side of it. The little speaker in her ear crackled into pieces. Then Alice was there, yanking her by the throat to get her into the hall.
And I had to give it to Blondie—she didn’t put up an ounce of fight. She wanted us to win. She let me trash her like that, to save Bella. Well, to save the thing.
I ripped the blade out of my arm.
“Alice, get her out of here!” Edward shouted. “Take her to Jasper and keep her there! Jacob, I need you!”
I didn’t watch Alice finish the job. I wheeled back to the operating table, where Bella was turning blue, her eyes wide and staring.
“CPR?” Edward growled at me, fast and demanding.
“Yes!”
I judged his face swiftly, looking for any sign that he was going to react like Rosalie. There was nothing but single-minded ferocity.
“Get her breathing! I’ve got to get him out before—”
Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet, so loud that we both froze in shock waiting for her answering shriek. Nothing. Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.
“Her spine,” he choked in horror.
“Get it out of her!” I snarled, flinging the scalpel at him. “She won’t feel anything now!”
And then I bent over her head. Her mouth looked clear, so I pressed mine to hers and blew a lungful of air into it. I felt her twitching body expand, so there was nothing blocking her throat.
Her lips tasted like blood.
I could hear her heart, thumping unevenly. Keep it going, I thought fiercely at her, blowing another gust of air into her body. You promised. Keep your heart beating.
I heard the soft, wet sound of the scalpel across her stomach. More blood dripping to the floor.
The next sound jolted through me, unexpected, terrifying. Like metal being shredded apart. The sound brought back the fight in the clearing so many months ago, the tearing sound of the newborns being ripped apart. I glanced over to see Edward’s face pressed against the bulge. Vampire teeth—a surefire way to cut through vampire skin.
I shuddered as I blew more air into Bella.
She coughed back at me, her eyes blinking, rolling blindly.
“You stay with me now, Bella!” I yelled at her. “Do you hear me? Stay! You’re not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!”
Her eyes wheeled, looking for me, or him, but seeing nothing.
I stared into them anyway, keeping my gaze locked there.
And then her body was suddenly still under my hands, though her breathing picked up roughly and her heart continued to thud. I realized the stillness meant that it was over. The internal beating was over. It must be out of her.
It was.
Edward whispered, “Renesmee.”
So Bella’d been wrong. It wasn’t the boy she’d imagined. No big surprise there. What hadn’t she been wrong about?
I didn’t look away from her red-spotted eyes, but I felt her hands lift weakly.
“Let me…,” she croaked in a broken whisper. “Give her to me.”
I guess I should have known that he would always give her what she wanted, no matter how stupid her request might be. But I didn’t dream he would listen to her now. So I didn’t think to stop him.
Something warm touched my arm. That right there should have caught my attention. Nothing felt warm to me.
But I couldn’t look away from Bella’s face. She blinked and then stared, finally seeing something. She moaned out a strange, weak croon.
“Renes… mee. So… beautiful.”
And then she gasped—gasped in pain.
By the time I looked, it was too late. Edward had snatched the warm, bloody thing out of her limp arms. My eyes flickered across her skin. It was red with blood—the blood that had flowed from her mouth, the blood smeared all over the creature, and fresh blood welling out of a tiny double-crescent bite mark just over her left breast.
“No, Renesmee,” Edward murmured, like he was teaching the monster manners.
I didn’t look at him or it. I watched only Bella as her eyes rolled back into her head.
With a last dull ga-lump, her heart faltered and went silent.
She missed maybe half of one beat, and then my hands were on her chest, doing compressions. I counted in my head, trying to keep the rhythm steady. One. Two. Three. Four.
Breaking away for a second, I blew another lungful of air into her.
I couldn’t see anymore. My eyes were wet and blurry. But I was hyperaware of the sounds in the room. The unwilling glug-glug of her heart under my demanding hands, the pounding of my own heart, and another—a fluttering beat that was too fast, too light. I couldn’t place it.
I forced more air down Bella’s throat.
“What are you waiting for?” I choked out breathlessly, pumping her heart again. One. Two. Three. Four.
“Take the baby,” Edward said urgently.
“Throw it out the window.” One. Two. Three. Four.
“Give her to me,” a low voice chimed from the doorway.
Edward and I snarled at the same time.
One. Two. Three. Four.
“I’ve got it under control,” Rosalie promised. “Give me the baby, Edward. I’ll take care of her until Bella . . .”
I breathed for Bella again while the exchange took place. The fluttering thumpa-thumpa-thumpa faded away with distance.
“Move your hands, Jacob.”
I looked up from Bella’s white eyes, still pumping her heart for her. Edward had a syringe in his hand—all silver, like it was made from steel.
“What’s that?”
His stone hand knocked mine out of the way. There was a tiny crunch as his blow broke my little finger. In the same second, he shoved the needle straight into her heart.
“My venom,” he answered as he pushed the plunger down.
I heard the jolt in her heart, like he’d shocked her with paddles.
“Keep it moving,” he ordered. His voice was ice, was dead. Fierce and unthinking. Like he was a machine.
I ignored the healing ache in my finger and started pumping her heart again. It was harder, as if her blood was congealing there—thicker and slower. While I pushed the now-viscous blood through her arteries, I watched what he was doing.
It was like he was kissing her, brushing his lips at her throat, at her wrists, into the crease at the inside of her arm. But I could hear the lush tearing of her skin as his teeth bit through, again and again, forcing venom into her system at as many points as possible. I saw his pale tongue sweep along the bleeding gashes, but before this could make me either sick or angry, I realized what he was doing. Where his tongue washed the venom over her skin, it sealed shut. Holding the poison and the blood inside her body.
I blew more air into her mouth, but there was nothing there. Just the lifeless rise of her chest in response. I kept pumping her heart, counting, while he worked manically over her, trying to put her back together. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men…
But there was nothing there, just me, just him.
Working over a corpse.
Because that’s all that was left of the girl we both loved. This broken, bled-out, mangled corpse. We couldn’t put Bella together again.
I knew it was too late. I knew she was dead. I knew it for sure because the pull was gone. I didn’t feel any reason to be here beside her. She wasn’t here anymore. So this body had no more draw for me. The senseless need to be near her had vanished.
Or maybe moved was the better word. It seemed like I felt the pull from the opposite direction now. From down the stairs, out the door. The longing to get away from here and never, ever come back.
“Go, then,” he snapped, and he hit my hands out of the way again, taking my place this time. Three fingers broken, it felt like.
I straightened them numbly, not minding the throb of pain.
He pushed her dead heart faster than I had.
“She’s not dead,” he growled. “She’s going to be fine.”
I wasn’t sure he was talking to me anymore.
Turning away, leaving him with his dead, I walked slowly to the door. So slowly. I couldn’t make my feet move faster.
This was it, then. The ocean of pain. The other shore so far away across the boiling water that I couldn’t imagine it, much less see it.
I felt empty again, now that I’d lost my purpose. Saving Bella had been my fight for so long now. And she wouldn’t be saved. She’d willingly sacrificed herself to be torn apart by that monster’s young, and so the fight was lost. It was all over.
I shuddered at the sound coming from behind me as I plodded down the stairs—the sound of a dead heart being forced to thud.
I wanted to somehow pour bleach inside my head and let it fry my brain. To burn away the images left from Bella’s final minutes. I’d take the brain damage if I could get rid of that—the screaming, the bleeding, the unbearable crunching and snapping as the newborn monster tore through her from the inside out. . . .
I wanted to sprint away, to take the stairs ten at a time and race out the door, but my feet were heavy as iron and my body was more tired than it had ever been before. I shuffled down the stairs like a crippled old man.
I rested at the bottom step, gathering my strength to get out the door.
Rosalie was on the clean end of the white sofa, her back to me, cooing and murmuring to the blanket-wrapped thing in her arms. She must have heard me pause, but she ignored me, caught up in her moment of stolen motherhood. Maybe she would be happy now. Rosalie had what she wanted, and Bella would never come to take the creature from her. I wondered if that’s what the poisonous blonde had been hoping for all along.
She held something dark in her hands, and there was a greedy sucking sound coming from the tiny murderer she held.
The scent of blood in the air. Human blood. Rosalie was feeding it. Of course it would want blood. What else would you feed the kind of monster that would brutally mutilate its own mother? It might as well have been drinking Bella’s blood. Maybe it was.
My strength came back to me as I listened to the sound of the little executioner feeding.
Strength and hate and heat—red heat washing through my head, burning but erasing nothing. The images in my head were fuel, building up the inferno but refusing to be consumed. I felt the tremors rock me from head to toe, and I did not try to stop them.
Rosalie was totally absorbed in the creature, paying no attention to me at all. She wouldn’t be quick enough to stop me, distracted as she was.
Sam had been right. The thing was an aberration—its existence went against nature. A black, soulless demon. Something that had no right to be.
Something that had to be destroyed.
It seemed like the pull had not been leading to the door after all. I could feel it now, encouraging me, tugging me forward. Pushing me to finish this, to cleanse the world of this abomination.
Rosalie would try to kill me when the creature was dead, and I would fight back. I wasn’t sure if I would have time to finish her before the others came to help. Maybe, maybe not. I didn’t much care either way.
I didn’t care if the wolves, either set, avenged me or called the Cullens’ justice fair. None of that mattered. All I cared about was my own justice. My revenge. The thing that had killed Bella would not live another minute longer.
If Bella’d survived, she would have hated me for this. She would have wanted to kill me personally.
But I didn’t care. She didn’t care what she had done to me—letting herself be slaughtered like an animal. Why should I take her feelings into account?
And then there was Edward. He must be too busy now—too far gone in his insane denial, trying to reanimate a corpse—to listen to my plans.
So I wouldn’t get the chance to keep my promise to him, unless—and it was not a wager I’d put money on—I managed to win the fight against Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice, three on one. But even if I did win, I didn’t think I had it in me to kill Edward.
Because I didn’t have enough compassion for that. Why should I let him get away from what he’d done? Wouldn’t it be more fair—more satisfying—to let him live with nothing, nothing at all?
It made me almost smile, as filled with hate as I was, to imagine it. No Bella. No killer spawn. And also missing as many members of his family as I was able to take down. Of course, he could probably put those back together, since I wouldn’t be around to burn them. Unlike Bella, who would never be whole again.
I wondered if the creature could be put back together. I doubted it. It was part Bella, too—so it must have inherited some of her vulnerability. I could hear that in the tiny, thrumming beat of its heart.
Its heart was beating. Hers wasn’t.
Only a second had passed as I made these easy decisions.
The trembling was getting tighter and faster. I coiled myself, preparing to spring at the blond vampire and rip the murderous thing from her arms with my teeth.
Rosalie cooed at the creature again, setting the empty metal bottle-thing aside and lifting the creature into the air to nuzzle her face against its cheek.
Perfect. The new position was perfect for my strike. I leaned forward and felt the heat begin to change me while the pull toward the killer grew—it was stronger than I’d ever felt it before, so strong it reminded me of an Alpha’s command, like it would crush me if I didn’t obey.
This time I wanted to obey.
The murderer stared past Rosalie’s shoulder at me, its gaze more focused than any newborn creature’s gaze should be.
Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate—the exact same color that Bella’s had been.
My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat—not a burning.
It was a glowing.
Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was—my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space.
I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.
Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing—to the very center of the universe.
I could see that now—how the universe swirled around this one point. I’d never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.
The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.
It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now.
Renesmee.
From upstairs, there was a new sound. The only sound that could touch me in this endless instant.
A frantic pounding, a racing beat…
A changing heart.