Noah’s expression was wooden as he sat tensely in the hired carriage across from Matthew that following Sunday. He knew he would have to be his most cordial during the upcoming evening, but he was finding it difficult to control the anger he was still feeling over the complications in his life and the way things were turning out.
When Matt had come to him several days before with the invitation to join Faith and her mother for dinner, his first instinctive response had been to refuse. It had only been the realization that if he cut Faith and Ruth Hammond, he would be losing Matthew for all time that had forced him to accept.
Noah did not want to socialize with these colonials. He did not want to become personally involved with any of them. He only wanted to complete the arms sale and return to England, but fate seemed to be intervening at every turn, wreaking havoc on all his plans. Matt had fallen in love with Faith and proposed to her against his expressed wishes. That had been distressing enough, but it also turned out that her father, though now dead, had at one time been a member of the dissidents. Through Faith, Matt had now made contact with the rebels and was in the process of becoming more and more active in supporting their cause. Matt had truly become his own man, and Noah was helpless to deal with it in the logical ways he thought best, for he loved his brother too much to forbid him his heart’s desire.
When Matt had told him of Faith’s acceptance of his proposal that night, Noah had pointedly asked him how he planned to make a living to support his wife. He had expected Matt to relent on his claim that he didn’t want any of the money Noah controlled and pleaded with him to release his share. But Matt had remained steadfast to his principles, and it had been Noah who had backed down, telling his brother in the end that he would not withhold his fifty percent of the profits from their shipping ventures.
The moment had been perfect for a complete reconciliation between them, but Noah had refused to give any more ground or to show any happiness over Matt’s choice. He had kept his manner aloof and disapproving, never allowing Matt the chance to get close.
“Noah?” Matt’s voice cut through his thoughts as he stared out the window at the passing city.
“Yes?”
“There’s going to be another meeting at Faneuil Hall tomorrow night. Would you like to-” Matt got no further in his effort to interest Noah in the current colonial trouble.
“No.” His tone was flat and adamant. “You know I have no desire to become embroiled in any of this.”
“I had hoped that you might be seeing things differently now…”
“No, dear brother, I haven’t changed. From the very beginning I’ve wanted no part of the trouble here, and I still feel that way. My regret is that I haven’t been able to convince you of the insanity of the course you’ve set for yourself, but I will not try to stop you,” Noah told him, and Matt fell silent for the remainder of the trip to the Hammond house.
The coach drew to a stop outside the small home, and Matt descended first, leaving Noah to follow. Faith had been eagerly anticipating their arrival, and the moment he knocked, the door flew open and she was in his arms.
“I’m so glad you finally arrived!” she told him excitedly as she gave him a quick welcoming kiss on the lips before drawing away to greet Noah. “And you must be Noah…” Faith turned to him, and though she was very nervous at meeting him for the first time, she didn’t show it. “I’m Faith. Welcome to my home.”
Noah was caught totally off guard then when she stood on tiptoes to press a gentle kiss on his cheek. He found himself engulfed in the fragrant sweetness of her perfume and the warmth of her welcome. As he had watched her kiss Matt, Noah had felt a bit out of place witnessing their brief intimacy, but now he suddenly had found himself included in that special openheartedness. It was an awkward moment for him even as he found a part of himself responding to her.
“Thank you,” he returned a bit gruffly, not quite sure how to take this enthusiastic young woman. Faith was even more lovely than he remembered with her shining, ebony tresses and sparkling blue eyes. He found himself understanding much more clearly how his brother had happened to fall completely under her spell. She was enchanting.
“Please, come inside and meet my mother and Ben Hardwick. Ben’s a longtime family friend,” she confided as she took his arm and drew him into the house, giving Matt a quick, special smile over her shoulder as she did so. Matt followed along, closing the door behind them.
Matt was worried about how this first meeting between Noah and his future bride would go, and he was puzzled by Noah’s lack of animation, wondering if his brother was deliberately going to remain aloof to express his disapproval of the situation. Concerned that Noah in his disparagement might hurt Faith in some way, his nerves stretched taut. He would not allow anyone to harm the woman he loved, not even his brother.
“Matthew…you’re here…” Ruth came out of the parlor with Ben trailing behind her to find Faith surrounded by the two Kincade men. “And you must be Lord Kincade…” She addressed Noah, her gaze widening as she considered what a strikingly handsome man he was, so tall and regal.
“Noah, may I present Ruth Hammond and Ben Hardwick. Ruth and Ben, this is my brother, Noah.” Matt made the introductions quickly.
“Lord Kincade, I’m honored,” Ruth and Ben said, and Ruth flushed a little in excitement as Noah bent politely over her hand.
“My pleasure,” he replied, and while he smiled at them cordially, it was not a smile that reached his eyes. His gaze was guarded, as were his emotions. He did not want to find anything here that he liked. He did not want to think that Matthew would be able to find happiness without him. Logically, he knew his reactions were less than fair, but he didn’t care.
“Come in and let’s have a glass of wine before dinner,” Ruth said, ushering everyone into the sitting room. The money for the wine had been gleaned from the hard-earned savings she’d kept hidden away for just such a special occasion.
When they had settled into the small parlor and the wine had been served, Ben proposed a toast. “To Faith and Matthew; may they find the complete and lasting happiness they deserve.”
Noah stood near the mantel slightly apart from everyone as they drank to their future happiness. His intense regard was fathomless as he watched Matt with Faith. They sat together on the sofa seemingly oblivious to the world, their gazes locked, their expressions rapturous.
Though he was careful to keep his thoughts masked, Noah couldn’t help but feel left out of the entire situation. He had always anticipated that Matt would marry well and settle down on the lands at Kincade Hall, but now…the memory of the past and the frustration of the present filled Noah with the urge to throw the empty wineglass he held with all his might against the wall and watch it shatter into a million splintering pieces.
“Matthew’s told me so much about you, Noah, that I feel as if I know you already.” Faith spoke up boldly once she’d managed to tear her attention away from Matt. She had noticed that he was holding himself slightly aloof, and she wanted to make him feel welcome.
“Oh, really?” Noah arched a dark brow in consideration of her remark, and he wondered just how much Matt had told his fiancée about their business.
Faith studied the tall nobleman with open interest as she tried to engage him in conversation. She found Noah to be a very handsome, slightly taller, older version of Matthew, but that was where she felt the resemblance ended. Matthew was warm and open and honest, whereas Noah Kincade struck her as being a very private person, not given to revealing anything about himself to anyone. She wondered if he had always been like this or if their more recent difficulties had forced him to become so hardened.
“Yes, Matt tells me that you’re planning to return to England in the spring.”
Noah let his gaze slide to his brother and then back to Faith as he wondered just how much she knew about the state of their financial affairs.
“Yes, I’ll be returning as soon as the weather breaks in the spring,” he answered with polite indifference.
“Do you miss England?” Ruth asked, wanting to keep the conversation flowing.
“Yes” came his curt reply as his thoughts drifted back to his more carefree days when the pursuit of money was not a major factor in his life. “Yes, I do miss it. It will be good to return. I had hoped that Matthew would be coming with me, but he tells me that he’s decided to remain here in Boston.”
“This is where my future lies, Noah,” Matt answered firmly, defensively.
“The opportunities are unlimited for shipping and transport here in the colonies,” Ben joined in. “What with the rum trade and all…”
“Noah and I haven’t discussed the details of just how we’ll be handling the business from now on, but I’m certain we’ll have it worked out before he departs in the spring,” Matt put in. Then, addressing his brother directly, he added the idea he had been considering since he’d first decided to remain in Boston. “I see no reason why I couldn’t handle our business contracts on this end, since you’re choosing to return to England and remain there permanently.”
“It seems you’ve been giving this a lot of thought,” Noah remarked.
“Well, the wedding does take place in less than two weeks, and I wanted to have some idea of what my prospects are going to be before then,” he said simply.
“Have you two decided where you’re going to live after you’re married?” Ben asked.
“We’ve discussed it,” Faith answered, “and we thought it would be best if Matt moved in here with Mother and me for the time being. We’ll have our own room and enough privacy, I’m sure.”
Noah was astounded by the news. His brother, living here? The house was clean and neat, but atrociously small, and he wondered how Matt would possibly be able to contend with such limited living space. True, they had suffered through the weeks of living in cramped quarters on board the Lorelei and at the inn, but only because there had been no other alternative. Now Matt was deliberately choosing to live under such conditions for possibly a lengthy period of time, and Noah was mystified. What had possessed his brother?
The lilting sound of Faith’s laughter drew Noah’s attention then, and as he glanced at her, he knew the answer to his own question. Love had possessed his brother in the form of this lovely wisp of a woman whose devotion to Matthew was obvious. Her voice softened when she spoke to him and her eyes reflected the depth of her love for him.
A pang of envy seared Noah as he watched the open affection between Matt and Faith, and he suddenly felt very alone. Even calling upon his resolve to return to England to set things right did nothing for his somber mood. The goal he had been driven to achieve for so long now seemed somehow insignificant, and Noah willed himself to believe that this feeling of purposelessness was merely transitory. Surely, as soon as he got things settled with the Pride and was on his way back to London, he would be more himself.
His thoughts were interrupted as Ruth suggested they dine. While the dinner was not elegant, the food was certainly well prepared and plentiful.
“We’re going to be married at our church,” Faith explained as she spoke of the wedding preparations to Noah and Ben, “and then return here for a small party…just family and a few friends.” Her eyes were upon Noah as she spoke, for she was trying to judge his reaction to their plans. She felt certain that the Kincades were used to far more elegant fare than anything she and her mother could provide, and she was fearful of drawing his disapproval.
Noah met her gaze and sensed her fears. Though he had always hoped for the very best for his brother, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe, this time, the very best for Matt did not necessarily have to be the most expensive. Matt loved Faith. Why else would he have risked all…his livelihood…his inheritance…his future…to remain here with her? That knowledge was enough for Noah. His brother had grown up into a strong-willed, determined man who knew what he wanted and let nothing stand in his way. Noah realized with a bit of a start that he was proud of him for having stood firm in the face of his own opposition.
“It sounds fine,” he told Faith, giving her his first real, heartfelt smile of the night, “and as long as the two of you are happy, that’s all that matters.”
His words stunned Matt even as they pleased him, but he said nothing, not wanting Faith to be aware of the discord that had existed between them before regarding the wedding.
With all the arrangements made, the talk drifted to other subjects, and it was Ben who brought up the subject of the tea.
“I hope nothing further develops with the tea situation.”
“What’s happened?” Matt was instantly curious.
Ben was ready to answer openly when he realized that Noah might not share their beliefs, and he glanced in his direction questioningly.
“It’s all right, Ben. You can talk freely,” Matt assured him.
“Well…if you’re certain…”
“I am.”
“What my brother is trying to tell you, Ben, is that while I have no desire to become involved with your causes, I have no reason to run to the authorities with anything I might hear here tonight. Your opinions are safe with me.”
Ben gave a curt nod and continued. “There are two more ships due in port any day, and both are carrying more of the English tea! You know the uproar the Dartmouth’s arrival caused… Well, if the other two ships dock and the authorities try to unload, then there could be violence.”
“Things have gone that far?” Faith asked worriedly, concerned for both Ben’s and Matthew’s safety should they find themselves caught up in the protest.
“They have. I’ve heard talk that they might even try to dump it, should word come that it’s to be unloaded.”
“Dump it?” The others were amazed.
“That’s right. The Sons are willing to do whatever it takes to prevent the tea from being landed and sold. Emotions are running wild over the issue and I’m sure popular support would be with us.”
“But what about the authorities? Aren’t you concerned about what might happen? Certainly if you take such actions, there could be repercussions,” Noah pointed out.
“We are ready to fight, if it must come to that,” Ben answered stiffly.
Noah’s feelings were divided. He worried that Matt might somehow get involved in the fighting, and yet the news that the colonials were ready to take up arms for their cause gave him hope for the success of any future arms deals he might arrange. It was an emotional dilemma that left him troubled.
“What plans have been made?” Matt asked with great interest.
“From what I understand, they’ve petitioned the governor to send the ships back without unloading their cargo. If they leave, there will be no problem, but if Hutchinson insists that they stay and unload…well, there are some ideas as to how to go about it, but nothing definite yet.”
“I want to be involved,” Matt told him firmly. “You’ll keep me informed?”
“Of course,” Ben promised. “You know how much your support is needed. We need everyone’s help.” He looked to Noah, wondering at his loyalties. “Noah? Are you interested in attending any of the meetings?”
Matt glanced at Noah then, wishing that there were some way he could convince him to become involved. With the two ships they owned, they had the capability to do much good for the cause, but Noah had shown absolutely no sign of wavering in his pursuit of his original goal…to make a profit.
“I think not, Ben,” Noah declined, refusing to elaborate, but knowing that it would bode ill for him if any kind of open connection was made between himself and the rebels. All his dealings with them until this time had been accomplished with the utmost secrecy with only the innermost circle of the rebel group knowing of his part in the arms sale, and he wanted to keep it that way. The fewer people who knew about his business, the less likely he was to get into any kind of trouble with the Crown, and trouble was the one thing he wanted to avoid.
“That’s a pity. The opinion of an accomplished gentleman like yourself would carry a lot of weight,” Ben encouraged.
“That may be, but my brother seems to be the only one in the family with a mind for rebellion,” he drawled, his tone giving a double meaning to his words that only he and Matt understood.
“Well, perhaps with time I can change your mind.” Matt picked up on his response immediately.
Noah shrugged off any hope that Matt had that he would be converted. “Perhaps, but I doubt it. I have my own course set, and I do not see any reason to alter my plans.”
Frustrated, Matt let the topic drop, for he knew his brother well enough to realize that it would do no good to push it. Noah had already made far more concessions than Matt had ever imagined he would. He would allow himself to be satisfied with the way things were, at least for now.
The conversation strayed away from the troubles of the times then and on to other things. It was some time later when Noah found himself on his way back to the inn alone, Matt having elected to stay with Faith a little longer.
As the carriage rumbled over the uneven streets of Boston, Noah thought of the glowing love that existed in the Hammond house. There was a bond of unity there that no person or circumstance could shatter. Faith and Ruth had experienced the worst of times and yet were still close and happy.
Noah supposed it was the fact of their obviously contented happiness that gave him so much pause. Always in his life, his own happiness had been related to, not his family, but the unending quest for good times. His father had seemed to be completely wrapped up in the business and Matthew had been away at school, so he had primarily been alone and left at loose ends with well-lined pockets. He had enjoyed without thought the best that society had to offer…women, food, horses. He had assumed that that was what his life was supposed to be. Now, after having seen the Hammonds’ and Matthew’s utter contentment with their lifestyle, he was growing more confused.
Was happiness what he had believed it to be all along…unending funds and friends who wanted only the best things in life? Or was he seeing a new side of life previously hidden from him by that veneer of great wealth? Was happiness having money and spending it, or was happiness the inner peace that comes from knowing that you’re loved and accepted no matter what terrible things destiny may throw your way?
Noah scowled into the darkness. Being the man of firm resolve that he was, he did not like to question himself once he’d set himself upon a course of action, but the doubts that were arising within him refused to be dismissed. He had been wrong in his original estimation of Faith’s reasons for wanting Matthew, and it bothered him to consider that he might be wrong now.
A sudden, rough, jolting of the carriage that sent him almost tumbling from the seat reminded him, much to his disconcertion, of his encounter with CC, and his mood only grew more black. He had tried not to think of her since that fateful night, but she was always there in the back of his mind, stirring a mixture of emotions within him that defied understanding.
CC had caused him nothing but aggravation from the moment of their first meeting, first with her opinionated views on life, and then again when he’d discovered her involvement in political affairs that were directly related to his plans. He cursed himself silently for having given in to the impulse to sample her charms, but damn, she had been so tempting and had seemed, at the time, to know what she was about.
Still, if he had not allowed himself to take her there in the summerhouse, she would never have become such a fire in his blood. Noah realized to his dismay that he was unable to put the remembrance of her sleek supple body from him. Never before had any woman had such a hold on his thoughts. Something had happened between them that night that had left him confused and angered. He was haunted by CC…her loveliness…her scent…the brightness of her smile…
He frowned at that last thought, for it was seldom that she had ever smiled in his company. Their every encounter had seemed to be a confrontation, and Noah was still stunned to think that they had made love so spontaneously in the coach that night. True, it had ended with angry words, but the memory of her, willing for once, in his arms had the power to stir him even now.
Noah shifted uncomfortably in his seat and suddenly wished himself away from the blasted colonies and back in England. Even as he made that wish, he realized how very lonely a life it was going to be once he did return.
CC stared at Anna in disbelief. “John’s downstairs?”
“Yes, ma’am, and he asked to see you.”
She shook her head slightly in amazement, for she could not fathom what John could possibly have to say to her. It seemed their discussion during the meeting had said it all, and she was determined to have nothing more to do with him. His unexpected and unwanted visit, however, was forcing her to have to tell him the truth of her feelings.
Sighing slightly, she finally answered in reply to Anna’s summons, “Tell John that I’ll be down shortly.”
“Yes, Miss CC.” Anna headed from the bedroom.
Alone again, CC girded herself for the upcoming confrontation. She knew the depth of John’s feelings for her. Though she felt sympathy for him, she knew she could no longer tolerate his behavior. Checking in the mirror to be certain that she looked presentable, she took a deep breath and started from the room, anxious to get the entire scene over with.
John was standing at the window staring out at the night. He had been angry with CC after the way she had acted the night of the meeting and so had stayed away from her as long as he could, but today the need to see her had been so strong that he had thrown caution to the wind. Nerves on edge, he now waited to see her for the first time since she’d fled his company, and he wasn’t quite sure what to expect.
“Good evening, John.” CC came into the room and stood with formal intent just inside the parlor door, refusing to let him think that things were all right between them.
“CC…” John turned quickly to face her, his gaze searching her face for some sign of her mood.
“To what do I owe the honor of your visit?” she asked coolly, remaining where she was.
John’s heart sank at the standoffishness of her position and her tone. “I felt the need to see you… I wanted to explain about the other night…”
“I really don’t think there’s any explanation needed, John. We’ve been through this before and I thought you understood my feelings in the matter.”
“I…” John wasn’t sure what to say next. He had known that CC didn’t love him, but her behavior at their ball had given him hope that all that was changing. “I had thought that perhaps you had changed in your feelings for me”
CC was surprised and answered firmly, “I told you how I felt about you, John. Ours was a friendship.”
“But at the ball…you were with me most of the night… We were together, as I’d always hoped we’d be…”
“You were my escort, nothing more,” she supplied, squashing all of his fragile hopes.
“I see,” he said in a low voice as his gaze riveted on her, “and you took advantage of my friendship to disguise your tryst with the Englishman, is that it?”
Though she had not planned for what had happened with Noah the night of the ball, John’s words aptly described the situation she’d found herself in. CC felt a stain of color pinken her cheeks.
John swore violently under his breath. “When did you first meet him, CC? Here with your father? And the night of the meeting, when Kincade showed up to present his arms deal…you didn’t sneak out because you were afraid you’d be recognized, did you? You left to see him, alone, outside…didn’t you?” he charged furiously.
“You’re wrong, John,” she finally defended herself. He had guessed the bare facts, but he didn’t know the truth behind them.
He snorted in derision. “So you say, but everything I’ve seen tells me that I’m right.”
“I see no need why I should have to explain myself to you. As I told you before, you have no claim on me. No man does.”
“I bet you wouldn’t say that to your dear Lord Noah Kincade, would you?”
“You have pushed our friendship beyond its bounds, John. I see no reason to continue this discussion. Please leave,” she told him curtly.
John’s manner immediately changed as he realized that she was ready to cut him completely. “CC…” he pleaded, striding toward her, his arms outstretched in supplication. “CC, don’t you understand?”
“John…” She tried to warn him away, but he was too emotionally overwrought to listen.
“CC, darling, I love you. You’ve known that forever, it seems.” He took both of her hands in his even though she resisted his effort at first. “I came here to apologize for my behavior the other night, not to argue with you.” When he saw no lessening of her determination in her expression, he went on, “Don’t you understand what I’m feeling? Don’t you understand what it did to me to discover your involvement with Kincade? I love you. I want to make you my wife, and yet you spurn me at every turn.”
“John, I’ve told you before that I didn’t love you. Why do you continue to believe that I’ll change in my feelings for you? I like you as a friend, but obviously that’s not enough for you. For both of our sakes, I’m ending our association now. After tonight I think it would be best if we don’t see each other again.”
CC’s words pierced his heart in the most painful of ways. Unable to stop himself from one last, desperate effort to win her love, he swept her into his arms and kissed her.
CC stood perfectly still in his madly passionate embrace. She knew there was no point in struggling against him and that soon he would realize she wasn’t responding and release her.
Her prediction came true as John thrust CC from him in disgust. “So that’s the end of it…” His eyes bored into her, the agony of her final rejection mingling there with his anger at his own weakness for her.
“It has to be, John. There’s no other way. I’m sorry.”
In that moment in a flash of revelation CC saw her own situation mirrored in John’s emotions. He loved her just as she loved Noah…hopelessly, without a chance for any kind of future together.
“Good-bye, CC. I hope someday you find your true happiness.” With that he left the room, the closing of the front door giving testimony to his complete departure from her life.
CC lifted a trembling hand to her lips as she drew an unsteady breath. It was over. John was gone. The relief she felt was immense, but the sympathy she felt for him ran deep. How terrible it was to care for someone who could never return your feelings…
Noah had made it plain to her from the beginning that he had only been “taking what she was offering.” Instead of fighting him the other night in the carriage and insisting that his opinion of her was wrong, she had fallen into his arms without protest like a fool. She shook her head in despair as she realized that, like John, there could be no happy ending for her either. Lord Noah Kincade had used her, and she had allowed him to do it. He had felt no emotion for her but lust. When the spring came he would return to England, and she would never see him again.
The pain that that last thought brought was devastating and she sank down on the sofa, lost in a haze of loneliness that was so powerful it frightened her. She recognized now, as the agony of the truth of her feelings engulfed her, that she loved Noah. She hadn’t wanted to. She had fought it with all her might, but sometimes the heart just refused to follow the dictates of the mind.
“Miss CC?” Anna’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
“What?” She looked up, a bit startled to find her maid standing in the parlor doorway.
“Are you all right? You look a bit pale… Is there anything I can get for you?”
“I’ll be fine, Anna,” she answered, thinking that the one thing she really needed, she would never have…Noah Kincade’s love.
“If you’re sure, miss…”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Her tone was melancholy, and Anna could only guess at the cause as she left her mistress alone with her thoughts.