Cini was just opening her second box of Good n' Plentys when the phone rang in her apartment.
'Hi, honey. We were just wondering how you were doing.'
Oh great, just what she needed. Mom and Dad. Much as she loved them, she hated the way they constantly called to see what she was up to. She'd once overheard them refer to her to a next door neighbor as their 'problem child.' And she'd resented them ever since.
'I'm doing fine.'
'You sound funny.'
'I do?'
'Like you're eating something.'
'Oh. Right. Yes, I've got something in my mouth.'
'Your mouth?'
'A Good n' Plenty.'
'A Good n' Plenty? I didn't think you ate things like that anymore. You remember what Dr Steiner said.'
'''Well-balanced food cuts down on the craving for junk food, Cini." And Dr Steiner didn't say it, you did.'
'I really don't appreciate that tone of voice, Cini. I am, after all, your mother. And the man standing next to me is, after all, your father.'
'Yes, and I am, after all, your daughter.'
'I don't appreciate being mocked, either. I'm going to put your father on the line.'
Ultimate threat. At least, when Cini was growing up: I'm going to put your father on the line.
Her father came on the line.
'Is everything all right, honey?'
Oh yes, Daddy, everything's just fine. I had oral sex with a man just so I could get into a commercial, and now I'm starting to pig out again. Everything's just fine. Oh, and I almost forgot: I saw that same man get murdered tonight.
'Everything's fine.'
'I really don't appreciate it when you upset your mother.'
Cini sighed. 'I'm having a hard time right now, Daddy, that's all.'
'Then for God's sake, Cini, when you're having a hard time, why don't you call us and tell us about it?' Pause. 'What're you eating?'
'A Good n' Plenty.'
He inflected it just as her mother had done. 'A Good n' Plenty?'
'A pink one.'
'Honey, Good n' Plentys aren't exactly what Dr Steiner had in mind when he put you on that maintenance diet after your accident.'
'I'm only eating one.'
'Scout's Honor?' God, that was so Daddy, asking Scout's Honor, the way he used to when she was eight.
'Two, then.'
'Two?'
'I've had three, Daddy. But I'm crumpling up the box and throwing the rest away. Can you hear me crumpling the box?' She put the Good n' Plenty box next to the receiver and started twisting and mashing it. 'Can you hear that?'
'I just don't want to see you start overeating again. You were so happy there for such a long time. And you looked so good.'
'I won't start again,' Cini said, feeling sorry for him. That was the weird thing, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't feel sorry for her mother. But Daddy she could feel sorry for all the time. 'I really won't, Daddy.'
'I'm taking you at your word, honey.'
'You should.'
'I want to put your mother on now and I want you to apologize to her.'
'I didn't do anything to apologize for, Daddy.'
But she could picture him. He'd be looking furtively at his wife and smiling, pretending that everything was just fine on the phone, pretending that Cini just couldn't wait to apologize and be all smiles again.
Cini smiled at this sad but endearing image of her father. 'All right, Dad. Put her on.'
She could hear her mother whispering protesting in the background. She didn't want to talk to Cini anymore than Cini wanted to talk to her. Finally, she took the phone. 'You know how it upsets your father when we argue.'
This was about as close as her mother would ever come to apologizing.
'I'm sorry, Mom. I'm just feeling down, I guess.'
'Any reason in particular? Is it Michael?'
'I think Michael and I are all through.'
'He didn't look like a very serious young man to me, Cini.'
'I know, Mom. You told me that many times.'
'And whatever's making you depressed, Good n' Plentys aren't going to help.'
'I know that, Mom.' She decided to tell a whopping big lie, one that would make them all feel better and get her mother off the phone very quickly. 'This talk has helped a lot.'
'It has?'
'Uh-huh.'
'So you're really going to throw those Good n' Plentys away?'
'Uh-huh.'
'And get back on that diet Dr Steiner put you on?'
'Uh-huh.'
'That makes me feel much better, Cini.'
'Me, too, Mom.'
'Your father and I love you very much.'
'I know you do.'
'Now you sleep tight.'
'And don't let the bedbugs bite. That's what you always used to say.'
'G'night, Cini.'
'G'night, Mom.'
Soon as she'd hung up the phone, Cini tore into the Good n' Plentys. Then she started on a pint of the Haagen Daz strawberry ice cream. She had a long way to go before she finished eating everything she'd bought earlier tonight.