“What the hell was that?”
“What?”
Bella smacked her hand on the steering wheel as we drove out of the neighborhood. “You can’t just do that shit with David, alright? He is gonna be furious. You have no idea what he’s capable of.”
“Relax,” I said.
“Relax? Are you serious?” She hit the wheel again. “He’s gonna come after me now. Guarantee you they’re calling him right now.”
“No, they aren’t.”
“How the hell do you know?”
“They just want their weed,” I said. “Right now, Paul is trying to piece his face back together. It’ll be awhile before they decide what to do. They’re too scared.”
She shook her head, exasperated. “You think you know, but you don’t.”
“You wanna know what I know?” I said.
“Yeah,” she said, not bothering to hide the sarcasm and anger. “Tell me what you know.”
I stared out the window at the aquamarine water. “I know that I’ve been shot at. I know that I’ve had the shit kicked out of me far worse than what David did. I know that I’ve seen people killed right in front of my eyes. I know that I’ve been in rooms with dealers who do about a hundred times the business David does. I know that I’ve been in jail. And I know what it’s like to kill someone.”
The car slowed and I could feel her eyes on me, even as I continued to stare at the water in the distance. She pulled over to the curb, but I was still going.
“So I know a helluva lot more than you do,” I said. “I know a small-time operation that wants to be big-time when I see it. I know arrogant pricks who are too stupid to expand their business when I see them. I know dumb ass college kids who need to sell weed in order to pay the rent and buy beer when I see them.” I swiveled my head toward her. “And I know you asked for my help.”
She held my gaze for a moment, then dipped her eyes.
“If you want my help, don’t question me,” I said. “This world you’re in, that seems so scary? It isn’t shit to me. This is a fucking amusement park compared to what I know. It’s not exactly something you put on a resume, but this is my wheelhouse. I am in my fucked up element.” I paused. “So I know what I’m doing. That’s what I know.”
Cars buzzed by as we sat there in silence. I hadn’t given her details, but I felt like I’d pulled back the curtain. I felt vulnerable and exposed, but also relieved. I was tired of not being me and regardless of how veiled the information was, a small part of me felt good about revealing myself.
“I’m sorry,” Bella finally said.
“It’s okay,” I said. “But you have to trust me if you want my help.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she said.
I turned from the water. Her eyes had softened, sympathy etched into the lines in her face, all directed at me.
“I meant that whatever happened to you,” she said, touching my arm. “Whatever hurt you. Whoever hurt you. I’m sorry.”
I nodded and turned back to the water. “I’m fine.”