Alex left to go find a hotel room. We figured his name was the smartest to get the room under in case anyone went looking. I didn’t expect anything like that to happen, but I felt like I’d already let Bella down once by being a bit careless. I wasn’t going to overlook anything this time, no matter how unnecessary it seemed.
She found a couple of small roller bags and several old duffle bags. She was slow at first, moving around her room without any idea of what she was doing. I didn’t push and let her figure it out for herself. After awhile, she started pulling clothes out of her dresser and closet, stacking them in organized piles. She filled one of the rollers and two of the duffels, including things from the bathroom and several framed pictures of her and Jackson.
We moved to Jackson’s room and she was quicker in there, tossing his stuffed animals into one of the duffels, along with two blankets and his pillow. She emptied his dresser, filling the roller with all of his small clothing.
“We have to take the Legos,” she said, her voice firm.
I reached under his bed and pulled out the long plastic bins, stacking them on his bed. “No problem. I’ll make sure I’ve got enough room to take whatever he needs.”
She glanced around the room. “I’m tempted to take all of this, but then I think maybe just starting out new would be good. Give him a whole new room with all new stuff.”
“Not a bad idea.”
“Just not sure how I’m gonna afford it.”
“Don’t worry about money,” I said. “You’ll have money.”
“How do you know?”
“You’ll have money, Bella,” I said. “I’m not gonna get you out there and leave you high and dry. Trust me.”
She sat down on the edge of his bed and ran her hand along one of the Lego bins, her fingers playing with the rectangular latch.
“We’ll get him back, right?” She didn’t look at me.
“Yes.”
“And…” she hesitated. “I can trust Alex, right?”
“Yeah. You can trust him.”
“With Jackson, too?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
“He told me who he used to be,” she said.
I didn’t say anything.
“He didn’t have to,” she said. “But I think he wanted to. Like he didn’t want me wondering about him or finding out from someone else.”
“That’s good,” I said.
“I’m not used to honest people,” Bella said, fiddling with the latch. “First you, then Alex. I’m used to liars and fakes and frauds. I’m not sure I know what to do with you guys. I’m not sure I fit in.”
“You fit in just fine.”
“My entire life I’ve attracted liars,” she said, shaking her head. “People who just sucked. People who hurt me. And others. I’ve always thought I was a magnet, like I couldn’t escape them no matter what I did. I just accepted it, thought that was who I was supposed to be with, to surround myself with.” She un-clicked the latch on the container, then clicked it back shut. “And now you guys are here and I’m not sure I deserve any of this.”
“Bella,” I said.
She stared at the container.
“Bella,” I said. “Look at me.”
She finally moved her head toward me, her eyes shining with tears.
“You are going to be fine,” I said. “This isn’t about deserving. This is about pulling you out of a situation that you couldn’t get out of by yourself. This is about giving Jackson the life I think you want to give him.”
She nodded and wiped at her eyes. “I know. You’re right. I’m just not used to it. I don’t want to screw up. I feel like I already have, you know?”
“You won’t screw up,” I said. “We’ll help you.”
“I’m pretty good at screwing up,” she said, shaking her head. “Like, really good.”
“I don’t see that,” I said. “All I’ve seen is a mom who’s trying pretty hard to take care of her little boy. By herself. And doing a pretty damn good job.”
“I put him in danger,” she said. “This is my fault.”
“It isn’t anyone’s fault,” I said. “David Hanson took your son. And he’s going to be sorry he did.”
She nodded, her eyes damp and fierce. “Yes. He will be.”
“And when we get him back, you’re going to have a chance to leave all of this behind and start new. Close this chapter and start a new one.”
She stood from the bed and wiped her eyes. “I know. Sorry. Just having a woe-is-me moment.” She stared at me. “I won’t screw up. I won’t waste the opportunity you’re giving me. I promise.”
“Good,” I said. “I’m glad.”
She hugged me then, squeezing me around the neck. It was different than the previous time she’d tried to hug me. She didn’t fit herself to me, she didn’t caress me. She just gripped me tight. She was grateful and she wanted me to know.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome,” I said.
She pulled back and stared into my eyes. “And I hope David Hanson dies today.”