The airport was pretty busy and there were lots of people milling around the departure lounge. Some wore sun hats and bright colours and others smart business suits and serious expressions. I wove through a big group of kids in matching yellow tracksuits, then checked in my suitcase.
‘Did you pack this yourself?’
I nodded, remembering the scramble to get everything ready. I wasn’t even sure what was in it. I’d packed so quickly it was a complete mess. The envelope with the three remaining photographs was in there though, I was certain of that. It might have been weird to bring it on holiday, but it didn’t feel right to leave it behind. It was almost overwhelming to think that I still had to help another three missing women, not to mention the fact that Matt thought a serial killer might be involved. But I was looking forward to it. Like Ger had said, a unique path had been chosen for me. I knew the journey wasn’t over yet.
As I joined the queue for security, I realized how relieved I was to be leaving Ireland, even if it was just for a little while. I was sure there would be huge interest surrounding Libby and Hazel’s arrests, and I was glad I wouldn’t be there for it. Even thinking about Hazel made me feel sick, so I definitely didn’t want to see her face every time I turned on my TV. There was something wrong with that girl, something seriously wrong. I shuddered as I remembered sitting across from her in the bar, the indifference in her eyes as she told me everything. I didn’t regret it though. Kayla had moved on, she’d found peace – that was the most important thing.
I reached the top of the queue, took off my shoes and put them in the grey box along with my handbag and jewellery and the spare change from my pocket, then placed them on the security belt.
I looked up at the screen. GO TO GATE 406 flashed beside my flight number. As I walked through the metal detector, I actually started to get excited. I’d been so busy just trying to get to the airport that it hadn’t really sunk in before. I was going to New York City. A magnet for songwriting genius, the birthplace of punk rock, home of the Chelsea Hotel. I’d always imagined it as an incredibly cool place, where the music is loud and the lights are bright and anything is possible. And I was going there with my best friend in the world, even if he didn’t know it yet. Luckily Colin had kept emailing me updates of the travel arrangements over the last few months, in the hope that I would eventually cave, so I knew we were going to be on the same flight.
I picked up my stuff, put my shoes back on and headed for the gate. As I power-walked down the corridor, fear started to mix in with my excitement. What if Colin was still mad at me? I wouldn’t be surprised if he was. If so, it was going to be a very long trip.
‘Enjoy your flight!’ said the attendant as she took my boarding pass. I couldn’t believe I’d actually made it. Against all odds I was on my way – I was going to be at Lydia’s wedding after all. How had I thought that hanging around Avarna with Nick all summer would be better than that?
I walked up the aisle, looking out for Colin. I could hear his parents chatting, and then I saw Colin’s bright red hair in the seat behind them, about halfway up the plane. I was so happy to be there, but I was also scared. I really wasn’t sure what his reaction was going to be. I took my handbag off my shoulder and walked slowly towards his seat. I opened the hand-luggage compartment above his head, but he didn’t look up, he was too busy talking to the woman sitting next to him.
‘You see, I always try to be positive,’ he said, sounding deflated. ‘And although she’s not even talking to me any more, I really thought it would work out. I felt it, you know? I was so sure.’
I put my bag in the compartment, moving a jacket aside so that it would fit. Colin kept talking to the woman, who was trying to read her in-flight magazine.
‘Sometimes you put stuff out into the universe and it doesn’t happen for a reason. Like, there’s an actual explanation for it, and that’s OK. But I was so sure she would be coming to New York. What’s good about your best friend not coming to New York? How is that meant to be?’
The woman shrugged. At least it sounded like I hadn’t done irreparable damage. If he was still describing me as his best friend, then maybe he’d forgiven me.
‘I mean, I would have bet my life on it.’ Colin went silent for a few seconds. ‘Oh my god,’ he said. ‘I’m pretty sure I said that at some stage. I actually said I’d bet my life on it. Is there any way to take that back?’
‘I’m sure you’ll be fine,’ said the woman, her tone suggesting she deeply regretted her choice of seat.
‘I bet my life on it,’ said Colin, getting even more agitated. ‘And now I’m going on a transatlantic flight… Oh my god…’
‘Your life jacket’s under your seat,’ I said.
Colin turned round slowly, spotted me and then shrieked.
‘Jacki!’
He clambered out past the woman and threw his arms round me.
‘How did you… But where did you… I don’t understand!’
‘I came into some money,’ I said, when he loosened his grip. ‘Unexpectedly.’
‘So you’re coming then? You’re actually coming to New York?’
‘Yep.’
‘This is so exciting! I knew it. I knew you’d make it!’
‘Would you like to swap seats with me?’ said the woman, who must have had enough of Colin’s dramatics.
‘Oh, cool, thanks,’ I said.
She smiled at me and I showed her where my seat was, then I sat down next to Colin.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. ‘I’m so sorry for what I said.’
I hated remembering that night. I was so ashamed of how I’d acted.
‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘People say things they regret when they’re angry. I’m sorry too.’
I was so relieved, so glad that Colin wasn’t going to hold it against me. As I sat beside him now, it was like we’d never even had the fight. That was the great thing about best friends, you could just go back to the way things were before. It wasn’t that easy with boyfriends. You gave them something else, a part of yourself that you didn’t give to other people, a part that wasn’t so easy to repair when it had been taken for granted.
‘How’s James?’ I said hesitantly.
‘He’s good,’ said Colin. ‘We’re still not officially going out, but I don’t mind.’
I could tell he did mind, but I didn’t dare say anything about it. I wasn’t going to risk upsetting him again.
‘How did you afford the ticket?’ asked Colin. ‘Where did you get the money?’
‘The Gardai,’ I said.
‘So you solved Kayla’s murder?’
‘Yeah… it was Libby,’ I whispered. ‘Hazel helped her cover it up.’
‘What the f-’
‘I know, it’s crazy. And it gets crazier. But I can’t really talk about it here.’
‘OK,’ he said. ‘Let’s talk about New York!’
‘Welcome to Aer Lingus flight EI105…’
The seat-belt sign came on and I clipped mine closed. As Colin happily listed off all the galleries he wanted to visit, I took my phone out to turn it off. There were two messages. The first one was from Nick. My heart started to beat rapidly. It said,
I need to talk to you.
I quickly texted him back.
About what?
I need to talk to you in person, can we meet up soon? he texted back.
I saw the flight attendant coming down the aisle of the plane, her eyes on my phone. I realized I only had time to do one more thing – reply to Nick or read Dillon’s text.
I smiled, instinctively knowing what I wanted to do – and pressed the button.
82 days and counting.
I smiled again as the flight attendant arrived at my side.
‘Sorry, miss, you’re going to have to turn off your phone,’ she said.
‘Jeez, Jacki, turn off your phone!’ said Colin. ‘You know I’m a nervous flyer!’
The plane began to move down the runway. Colin started humming ‘New York, New York’ and I hummed along with him. I was going to stop thinking about boys and I was going to stop analysing everything. I’d concentrate on music and Operation Trail and I’d have lots of fun at the wedding. Maybe it was for the best anyway, the fact that I couldn’t reply to Nick now. I’d waited a whole week for that message; he could wait a few hours for my response. Dillon’s text had made me happy and I deserved that after everything that had happened. I didn’t know if he’d be able to hang on for seventy-nine more days – perhaps I’d lose my chance. But I wasn’t going to think about that.
Last month I met eighteen people.
Now I was going to concentrate on me.