Each day that Nicole spent in Rafe’s house was harder than the last. She’d thought it would get easier. It had to, she told herself every night and every morning, but it hadn’t. With a mixture of relief and sadness, she accepted her cousin Julia’s invitation to attend her baby’s christening. Julia had also asked Nicole to be the baby’s godmother. In light of how Nicole has messed up her current situation, she was thankful for Julia’s confidence in her.
“I’m going back to Atlanta next weekend,” she told Rafe that evening after another meal where he barely spoke to her.
He paused and looked at her. “For how long?”
“Just for the weekend. Julia’s baby is being christened.”
“Okay, but you won’t be taking Joel,” he said.
“I hadn’t planned on taking Joel,” she said, unable to keep a twinge of defensiveness from her tone. “I knew you wouldn’t want him to go. I know you don’t trust me.”
“On the contrary, I trust you very much when it comes to the care of my son, or you would be out of my house.”
His words shouldn’t have stabbed at her, but they did. Rising from the table, she met his gaze. “Well, I’ll be out of your house next weekend. Maybe that will do both of us some good,” she said, then turned to go.
She barely took a step before she felt his hand close around her wrist. “What do you mean by that?” he demanded.
She couldn’t make herself look at him. “I know you don’t understand how I could have made those back-up plans to protect Joel-”
“How you could take him away from his father, from his home,” he said, his voice full of emotion.
She closed her eyes to contain herself. “The reason you’ll never understand is because your father wasn’t abusive and you lost him and your home. That’s all you can see. I wish, for one moment, just one moment that you could pretend my father was your father and he’d abused you.”
Silence followed and Nicole felt herself tremble.
“It still doesn’t change-”
A crushing disappointment pushed down on her and she stepped away from Rafe, pulling her hand from his. “That’s what makes it so hard,” she said, forcing herself to look at him. “Nothing is going to change. And I did this other very stupid thing that I wish I could change, but it’s not happening.”
He frowned at her. “What other stupid thing?”
She gave a wry laugh that hid a sob. “In spite of all the warnings from Tabitha, from Maddie, from my father, I went and fell-” She broke off. “Do you know how hard it is to stay in this house married to you knowing that you hate me?” She shook her head. “I’m going to my room.”
“Nicole,” he said, catching her hand again and the warmth of his hand reminded her of all the warmth they’d begun to share, but lost.
She shook her head. “Let me go,” she said, wishing her voice wasn’t so obviously full of tears. “I’ve said too much.”
The following Friday evening, Nicole flew to Atlanta, leaving Rafe with Joel. Rafe noticed his son pacing to the front windows then back to the den where Joel’s favorite cartoon was on television.
“Everything okay?” Rafe asked, looking up from his newspaper.
Joel nodded, sitting on the sofa, but swinging his legs restlessly. “I wonder if Mom is with Aunt Julia and baby Sidney.”
Rafe glanced at his watch. Nicole had insisted on flying coach even though he’d offered the use of his jet. “Her plane was supposed to arrive thirty minutes ago, so I’m sure she’s on her way to your aunt’s house.”
“She said she’d call me when she gets there,” Joel said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“She will.”
“She’s gonna be a godmother to Sidney, but that’s not a real mother. She’ll still be my real mother,” Joel said.
“Always,” Rafe said. “Come here and sit with me,” he said.
Joel jumped off the couch and climbed into Rafe’s lap. Rafe felt a flood of love and protectiveness for his son. He was so young, so vulnerable. Rafe would do anything to keep his Joel safe.
He could tell that Joel missed Nicole. What surprised Rafe was his own sense that something was wrong in the house since she’d left. It was his house for Pete’s sake, so he should be fine with her not there. In fact, he should be relieved. Without her around, he wasn’t reminded of what she’d done. He wasn’t reminded of the fact that they were married in name only. He wasn’t reminded of her sexy sweetness and the way she’d once made him believe he could have what he’d always longed for with her and Joel.
In the two weeks since their wedding, he’d expected to see resentment in her eyes. Instead, he’d glimpsed her pain. Plus, she’d offered to give up all her rights, all the money he’d agreed to give her if they divorced. He’d thought it was a ploy. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Joel laid his head against Rafe’s chest and gave a heavy sigh. Thirty minutes later, his son was asleep. Rafe carefully shifted him in his arms and carried him upstairs. He considered putting him to bed without brushing his teeth, but knew Nicole would have his hide.
After Rafe helped Joel get ready for bed, his son pulled out a book about animal mommies. Halfway through the book, his cell rang. Checking the caller ID, he saw that it was Nicole and his heart stumbled oddly. “Hi,” he said.
“Hi. Thanks for picking up. I promised Joel I would call him.”
“Here he is,” Rafe said and held the phone against Joel’s ear. Joel chatted with her for a moment, asking about baby Sidney and Aunt Julia.
“Yes, I’ve been good. Daddy and I had pizza.” He paused a moment. “I love you, too, Mommy.”
“Let me talk to her once more,” Rafe said in a low voice.
“Here’s Daddy,” Joel said.
“I can still send my personal jet to bring you back,” Rafe offered.
“No. It’s really not necessary,” she said. “After all, it’s a direct flight. The chauffeur can pick me up.”
“Okay,” he said. “Take care of yourself.”
She paused. “You, too.”
Joel picked up the book again for Rafe to finish. “I have the best mom in the world,” he said, rubbing his eyes and slinking against Rafe. “She reads me lots of books and she plays games with me. She gives me hugs. She’s not very good at Wii, though.”
Rafe chuckled. “Nobody’s perfect.”
“She’s almost perfect,” Joel said and reached up to give Rafe a hug. “Are we gonna live here forever?”
Rafe sucked in a deep breath at the hope in his son’s eyes. “Do you like it here?”
Joel nodded. “I like the pool,” he said. “And you’re good at Wii.”
Rafe cradled his son against him. “I like having you here,” he muttered.
Joel sighed and yawned. “You give good hugs, too. G’night.”
“G’night,” Rafe echoed and turned off the bedside lamp. He glanced back at his son before he left the room and the second he stepped into the hall, he felt a shocking loneliness. When had it happened? When had his desire for Nicole turned to need? He’d been so angry he’d denied the possibility of feeling anything but betrayal.
It suddenly hit Rafe that despite her doubts and worries, she had done everything she possibly could to help Rafe forge a good relationship with his son. She had backed him with the social services specialist. She’d believed in him when she’d walked in on that ridiculous scene with Maddie, and she’d stayed with him despite all the terrible things her father had said about him. She could have left. A hundred times, she could have left, but she hadn’t.
As if someone washed the mud off his glasses, he saw things differently. Rafe realized that when he’d rejected Nicole, he had turned away the most precious thing in his life.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he searched for a way to repair the damage. She’d looked so broken this afternoon before she’d left. Resolved, but miserable.
He’d done that to her. What good had it done? In punishing her, he was punishing himself. Swearing under his breath, he wondered if he’d lost the chance of a lifetime.
Nicole took her seat in the front chapel pew as Julia held Sidney and her husband chatted with the chaplain at the front. A small group of family friends filled the small chapel.
Tears filled her eyes at the love Julia and her husband shared. Julia was so lucky. Nicole would never know that kind of love from her husband. She pulled a tissue from her purse, wishing she weren’t so emotional. If she remained married to Rafe, she’d probably never have another child. The thought stabbed at her like a hot coal.
She gave herself a stern kick in the butt. She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself. After all, she was honored that Julia had chosen her as Sidney’s godmother.
The sound of footsteps distracted her and she looked up to find Rafe and Joel walking toward her. Shock coursed through her and she stood. “Is everything okay?” she asked Rafe, glancing again at Joel. “Is he-”
“He’s fine,” Rafe said. “I just decided that you should have your husband and son by your side when you become a godmother.
She dropped her jaw. “How did you-”
“I have a jet,” he said, touching her arm and guiding her to sit down. “Remember?”
Joel rushed to give her a hug. “Why is Sidney’s dress so long?” he asked in a loud whisper.
“It’s called a christening gown. That’s what they look like,” she said and smiled. “I missed you.”
He gave her another hug and sat on the other side of her. She noticed Rafe extended his arm across the back of the pew, just touching her shoulders and wondered what was going on. “I don’t understand.”
“We’ll talk later,” he said.
She studied his gaze and for the first time in weeks, saw no anger. Her heart stuttered.
“Welcome to each of you,” the chaplain said. “We’re here to give thanks and celebrate our joy at the arrival of this precious child.”
Nicole focused on the ceremony, but was distracted by Rafe’s presence, the way he looked at her. She could almost think he wanted-She broke off the thought, afraid to hope.
Afterward, the small group adjourned to Julia and her husband’s home for a casual gathering with finger foods. Julia greeted Rafe. “I didn’t think you were coming. What a surprise.”
“Last-minute decision. I hope you don’t mind,” Rafe said.
“Not at all,” she said, her gaze bouncing between Rafe and Nicole. She glanced at Joel, who was building a LEGO castle with another child. “Joel looks occupied. I think I left a couple of gifts in the car. Would you two mind getting them for me?”
“Of course,” Nicole said and led the way to the driveway. She rubbed her hands over her arms, the cool temperature taking her by surprise.
Rafe replaced her hands with his, shocking the living daylights out of her. “You’ve already gotten used to the Miami warmth,” he said.
She nodded, her heart hammering against her ribcage. “I guess I have.”
“I’ve been wrong,” he said.
Nicole didn’t think he could have surprised her any further, but he just had. She sucked in a mind-clearing breath. “Excuse me?”
“I said I’ve been wrong.”
Nicole blinked. “I never even imagined those words coming out of your mouth.”
One side of his mouth lifted in a cryptic grin, but his eyes remained serious. “When I found out you’d made plans to take Joel out of the country-”
“Back-up plans,” she had to remind him, because she’d never imagined how she could go through with them.
He dipped his head. “Back-up plans. I was so angry,” he said. “Terrified.”
She made an audible gulp.
“I finally had what I’d wanted my whole life and it could have been gone like that. The possibility that you could take away everything important to me just-” He took a deep breath. “You haven’t just been Joel’s dream mom. You’ve been my dream woman.”
Nicole gasped and shook her head.
He nodded. “Your father was wrong,” he said. “You’re no replacement for Tabitha. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but you’re so much more. You’ve turned my life around in a good way.”
“Oh, I hope you mean that,” she said.
“I do.”
“Because I’ve fallen in love with you,” she said.
Rafe’s heart stopped. “Do you realize what you just said?” he asked.
She nodded. “It’s one of those things that was bursting to come out, but I was so afraid to say it. I know you don’t feel the same way, but-”
“Whoa,” he said. “How do you know I don’t feel the same way?”
She met his gaze then looked away. “You said you didn’t believe in love.”
“Give me a chance to recover from emotional whiplash, sweetheart. I’ve never met anyone like you. You make me want to be your only man, your protector, your everything.”
She sucked in a quick breath. “You are.”
He closed his eyes and twined his fingers through hers. “I never knew what love really was until you came into my life,” he said, then opened his eyes. “I love you, Nicole. I’ve wanted and needed you in my life before I even met you.”
Her eyes grew shiny with unshed tears. “I love you and I will do anything to protect you.”
He squeezed out a hoarse chuckle. When had any woman said she would protect him? “I’m the luckiest man in the world,” he said, lowering his lips to hers.
“You just made all my dreams come true,” she said, murmuring against his mouth.
“There’s more Nic,” he said. “So much more. And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.”
Three weeks later, Nicole shared a large, comfy chaise lounge with Rafe by the pool after Joel went to bed. With her back resting against his and her head tucked beneath his shoulder, she couldn’t imagine a better place in the world to be.
His hands wrapped around her, making her feel surrounded by him. She sighed, looking up at the stars.
“Happy?” he asked, his lips brushing her forehead.
She smiled and closed her eyes, savoring the moment. “Yes, and you?”
“More than I ever dreamed,” he said.
She turned to lift her lips for a kiss. She intended it to be a quick caress, but Rafe clearly wanted more. Nicole didn’t mind at all. When he pulled back, she looked into his eyes and shivered at how incredibly lucky she was.
Leaning back against his chest, she lifted his hand and stroked his wide palm. “As much as I love you and I know you love me, there’s still a lot we don’t know about each other.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Well, I want you to get enough time on your yacht in the ocean because I know it makes you feel better. How much time do you need?”
“Not as much as I used to,” he said, lifting his hand to play with her hair. “I feel better when I’m with you and Joel.”
She nodded. “And what about travel? What’s the maximum time you think you would be gone?”
“No more than a week,” he said. “Two, tops. In either case, I may just have to drag you and Joel along with me.”
“Did you ever have a pet as a child?” she asked, gradually working her way to the topic most important to her.
“We had a stray dog before my father died, but had to give it up when my mother let us go,” he told her.
Another loss, she thought and lifted his hand to her mouth to comfort him. “Did you help take care of it?”
“Yep. We took turns. Why? Does Joel want a dog? I’m okay with it,” he said.
“That’s good,” she said absently. “Have you ever changed a diaper?”
He paused. “Not that I can remember. Why?”
“Well, you know, I’m a godmother and Julia may want to leave Sidney with us sometime so she and her husband can take a little break.” She turned slightly to look up at him. “Would you be willing to help?”
“With diapers?” he asked.
She nodded. “And if she should get up in the night. And giving her a bath.”
He cleared his throat. “I may need some training, but hell, yeah. Why not?”
She smiled, lifting her head. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“The diaper thing may not be my favorite,” he said.
“But you’re still willing to help?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“That’s good,” she said. “Because I’m pregnant.”
He blinked. “What?”
“I’m pregnant,” she repeated.
“But I think we just had that one time without protection,” he said, staring at her in disbelief.
“Right, and you said something about people don’t necessarily get pregnant from just one time. Well, we did.”
He continued to stare at her for several seconds.
Nicole felt a ripple of nerves. “This is when you say, Sweetheart, this is great news. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”
He opened his mouth then shut it. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”
She gave him a soft punch. “Lame, lame, lame.”
He slid his hands through her hair and looked at her in amazement. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “Two e.p.t tests and I went to the doctor this morning.”
He closed his eyes then opened them. If she didn’t know better, she would say that her type A, tough-guy husband’s eyes had a sheen of moisture. “How do you feel about it?”
“I’m so happy I almost can’t stand it,” she whispered.
“I love you, Nicole. I can’t wait to be with you every step of the way through this. Every step, every day. You keep making my dreams come true.”