As I walked back to the car, my heart was fluttering. Ariana had moved to the front passenger seat and was staring blankly out the windscreen.
We drove for a while in silence, then she gave a rueful little laugh. "I don't usually have this much to drink. It was stupid of me."
"French champers is hard to resist."
She glanced across at me. "I noticed you didn't drink much."
"It's from working in a pub. It's like being in a chocolate factory. It's everywhere, and you lose interest."
The winding, narrow streets of the Hollywood Hills no longer confused me. Her house was perched on a cliff, overlooking the city. I drove into the area at the back, parked the car, and turned off the engine.
"Thank you," she said, opening her door.
"I'm coming in."
She paused. "There's no need."
"I want to."
Everything hung on one moment of decision. Ariana said, "Gussie will bark, until she recognizes you." Gussie was her gorgeous German shepherd.
Oh, God, I thought, looking at the back of Ariana's neck as she opened the door, I want to hold you.
Gussie, once she'd checked me out, was delighted to greet Ariana. She was a beautiful dog, bright and intelligent and handsome, as only a German shepherd can be.
"Shall I take Gussie outside for a few moments? She's been locked in all evening."
She nodded. "Thank you."
When Gussie and I returned, Ariana was just coming out of the bathroom. Her hair was down and she'd washed the makeup off her face. She looked younger, and less formidable, although that might have been a trick of the light.
"Do you want coffee?" I asked.
"I simply want to go to bed."
"So do I."
Ariana looked at me for what seemed a long time. "Kylie, I don't think…" She made a helpless gesture, the first I'd ever seen her make.
I seemed to move through water. It was such a long way to her. And she watched me with her blue, blue eyes. When she shut them, it was as if a light had gone out.
I reached her, halted, thought my heart would burst, thought she'd reject me at this last moment.
But she didn't. I slid into her arms. We kissed, slowly, quite tenderly. I could taste her toothpaste.
I thought then she might draw back, say this was a bad idea, but Ariana was committed, it seemed. She took my trembling fingers and led me into her bedroom.
I'd never seen her bedroom before-I barely saw it now. I was just conscious of wide windows looking out to the lights of Los Angeles spread far below.
We undressed, me with fingers made clumsy with haste, Ariana with assurance, slipping off her clothes with economical grace. Was that how she'd make love? Coolly, competently, never quite involved? I'd take her any way she came. Whatever she wanted to do, I'd do.
Her body was slim and strong and took the breath from me. I watched in a dream as she removed her signet ring and her sapphire earrings and put them in the drawer of the bedside table. Then she flicked off the light. Moonlight flooded the room.
I intended to be gentle, to coax her body into willingness, but it was as though she flipped a switch and in one moment removed all restraint. She was desperate, ravenous, so unlike the Ariana I thought I knew that I was startled, almost shocked.
She was on fire, her skin hot against mine, her need so ferocious that I despaired I could ever meet it. And then I caught her passion like a sweet contagion, and surged to match it. "Ariana!"
"Don't say a word."
We were fused together, our passion molten as the sun. With wild joy I felt her body respond beneath my hands, my mouth. She arched, quivering, on the brink, then plunged into a release that wrenched a long cry from her.
I held her tightly, willing her to say my name, but she turned in my arms and drove every thought from my head except for the raw, insatiable need to have her touch me anywhere, everywhere.
In the early morning light, I lay beside Ariana gazing into her unguarded face, gentled by sleep. I'd never made love before like this, been so totally consumed by another person. I'd believed I knew what love was. I'd been wrong.
It sounded so trite when put it in words, but I did love Ariana completely-body, mind, and spirit. And I feared I could never risk telling her that I did.