I was sitting on the wooden floor of the church social hall when a tough girl named Pua, which is Hawaiian for flower, led the first couple of kids in. I jumped up and greeted her with a big hug. Hanging a little behind her was chubby Frankie, with sleek black hair pulled into a ponytail. He wore mascara around his eyes, which made him look like a raccoon, and I hugged him, too.
“Like old times,” I said. “All we need is Jimmy and Lolo.” I hadn’t expected Jimmy Ah Wong, now that he was comfortably settled at UH, but I wondered about Lolo, a tough boy who used to hang out with Frankie and Pua.
“Lolo’s dead,” Pua said. She reached over and squeezed Frankie’s hand. “He got into ice about a year ago, and then he OD’d.”
“What a shame. Poor guy.”
About a dozen kids showed up, and I had everybody lie down on the floor on their backs. I led them through some relaxation exercises and then a couple of yoga postures, to get them in touch with their bodies and into a good space mentally. Then I got Frankie to help me demonstrate a couple of self-defense moves, and after that we sat around in a circle and talked.
“Where have you been?” Frankie asked me. “We missed you a lot.”
“I’m sorry. I went through some tough times and I just didn’t feel like being out among people.” Kids have built-in shit detectors, and I could see that neither Frankie nor Pua was buying that. It was to be my day for confessions. “You guys remember the fireman I was dating for a while?”
Frankie nodded. “He was hot!”
Pua laughed and punched him.
“Yeah, he was. He was also deep in the closet, and you know being in the closet can make you do dumb things. He cheated on me and we broke up, and I was in a pretty bad place for a while.” I smiled at them. “But I’m back, and I’m sorry that I bailed on you guys. I want you to know that I’ll try not to do that again, and any time any of you have a problem, I hope you’ll come and talk to me.”
As Pua and Frankie were getting ready to leave, I said, “Hey, guys, can I ask you something about a case?”
“Sure, Kimo,” Frankie said.
“Frankie thinks he might want to be a policeman,” Pua said.
“That’s great. We need more gay cops. You’ve got to finish high school first, though.”
“I’m a senior. Me and Pua, both. Sometimes it’s tough, but I’m not letting anybody keep me from getting educated.”
“Good for you.” I hesitated, hating to bring up bad memories, especially when Frankie was so proud of his achievements, but I had to ask. “Listen, I know you and Lolo used to hang out at Ala Moana Beach Park, and I’m looking for information on a guy who hung there, too.” I pulled out the picture of Lucas.
He looked peaceful, though clearly dead. There was no blood or gore, but there’d been some settling of those handsome features. The cosmetologist at the morgue had done a nice job with him, trimming and styling his hair. If you tried, you could imagine he was just asleep-but you had to try pretty hard.
“You know him?” I asked.
“Lucas,” Frankie said, nearly spitting the name. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he turned away.
“Lucas is the guy who turned Lolo on to ice,” Pua said, putting her arm around Frankie’s shoulders. “He was a real bastard.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Somebody shot him about a month ago.”
“He was older than us, like maybe twenty-two or twenty-three, but he liked hanging around with kids,” Pua said. “Like it made him feel superior to be able to lord things over us.”
She squeezed Frankie’s shoulders, and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “He always bragged about the guys he fucked,” she continued. “He’d talk about guys who were supposed to be important or powerful, like bank presidents and shit, and when we didn’t recognize their names he’d get all pissy.”
I felt like I’d gotten a shot of adrenaline to the heart. Had Lucas bragged about me? I knew he’d given my name to Vice. What if he’d told other tricks?
“I didn’t believe him most of the time,” Frankie said. “I mean, he had a huge dick, and I guess he was kind of cute. But towards the end, he was just this skanky ice whore. I didn’t see how any rich guy would want to fuck him.”
“You don’t know anything more about him? Like where he lived, or other guys he hung around with?”
Pua and Frankie looked at each other. Pua said, “Maybe Jimmy would know.”
“Jimmy Ah Wong? I thought he wasn’t…you know…hanging around the park anymore.”
Jimmy had been a hustler for a short while, after his dad found out he was gay and kicked him out of the house. But when I’d seen him at Aunt Mei-Mei’s house, he’d seemed happy, and I knew she paid his tuition and gave him spending money. “He’s not hustling,” Frankie said. “He’s, like, helping guys.”
Pua said, “He belongs to this gay-straight alliance at UH. They collect condoms and safe sex literature up at the campus, and then they take it down to the park and hand it out. After Lolo died, Jimmy was trying to help Lucas.”
I thanked them, told them I’d see them in two weeks, and started back to my apartment. I needed to get tested again-something I’d been putting off. I had always tried to be careful, but sometimes my guard slipped, especially when Mr. Hu was involved. Discovering that Lucas had syphilis gave me a new incentive.
A flock of orange-billed myna birds startled me, swooping down from the trees and right over the heads of a clutch of Japanese tourists crossing Kuhio Avenue. Once again, my dick had gotten me into trouble. Was I ever going to learn from my mistakes? Had I gotten syphilis, or something else, from Lucas or one of the other semi-anonymous tricks I’d fooled around with while Mike and I were apart? What if word got around the station that I had been involved with a dead ice whore?
Cops and firemen love to give each other shit. I knew cops who teased other straight guys with jokes about ass-fucking and dick size. Just a few days ago I’d heard one cop ask another, “What island you from, brah? Ho-Molokai?”
I was sure other cops talked stink about me behind my back. But I have a short temper and a strong right jab, so most guys knew not to go too far. I’d once kneed another cop in the groin when he suggested a gay man who had been beaten by a trick had been asking for it, and I’d head-butted a lard ass who told me I wasn’t fit to wear a badge because I sucked dick.
Since I came out, I’ve worked hard to be just another cop, reining in any behavior that might seem flamboyant, laughing at the fag jokes, even teasing a few guys myself when I caught them in over-bright aloha shirts or very fresh haircuts. Most of the time, I felt like other cops were able to look beyond my sexual orientation and see me, Kimo.
I admired Jimmy Ah Wong for turning his life around, and more for his outreach to the hustlers who congregated around Ala Moana Beach Park, gay and straight. He was going back to the place where he’d been at his lowest, and using his experience to help others.
While I’d tried to do the same thing, I wasn’t always successful. But all you can do is keep trying, right? I called Jimmy’s cell phone and offered to buy him lunch the next day. “I’ve got a test tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “I’ve got to cram. Can we make it Friday?”
“Sure. But while I have you on the phone-I understand you’ve been going down to Ala Moana Beach Park with kids from the GSA.”
“Yeah.”
“You ever run into a hustler named Lucas there?”
“Is he in trouble?”
“He’s dead. I’m trying to track what he’s been up to. He ever say anything about who he worked for, how he got his clients, that sort of thing?”
“There was some private website where he posted his pictures, and you needed a password to get on and contact him. It was all like a big secret. He said he had these important clients, very discreet.”
“You remember the name of the website?”
“It was something funny,” he said. “Like a pun on the name Hawai’i.”
“MenSayHi? That’s a public site.”
“Yeah, that’s it. He said there was some kind of private part you needed a password for.”
“Thanks, Jimmy. I’ll look into the website. And I’ll pick you up in front of Hamilton Library at noon on Friday.”
I logged on to MenSayHi when I got home. I’d spent a long time on the site during the year after my breakup with Mike, but I’d never signed up for the full membership. For free, they let you chat and send and receive messages, and that had been enough for me.
But after talking to Jimmy, I clicked on the link that read “Members Only.” A box popped up which read, “You are entering the premium area of MenSayHi. Please enter your premium user ID or click here to set up premium access.”
I followed the instructions. For your $9.95 a month, you got full-length videos, extensive photo galleries, webcams, and the ability to private message the actors in the webcams. I filled in my credit card information and clicked Submit.
The button reminded me of my experiences with Mr. Hu, where I’d definitely submitted to his will. I wondered if he owned the site, or was simply one of its primary users.
A window popped up asking me to wait while my information was verified, and then when it closed the screen behind it read “Welcome, Premium Member.” My dick stiffened as I saw the cornucopia of sex spread out before me. The screen was broken up into three categories: Galleries, Videos, and Webcams.
There were a dozen still shots of handsome men, of all types, under the Galleries heading. You could click on each guy to see a series of shots of him in various positions. The stocky black guy with close-cropped hair was jerking off in frame after frame, getting closer to orgasm in each one. The dude with greasy black hair and a football jersey was stripping down to a white jockstrap, showing his ass and then his dick.
The photos were better quality and more explicit than what was available for free. They were posed photo sessions with professional photographers, not some horny dude with a digital camera shooting himself getting off.
The last gallery I clicked on surprised the shit out of me. Not only did I know the guy, I’d fucked him. It was Sergei Baranov, my sister-in-law Tatiana’s brother.
I was so shocked that I jumped out of the galleries and went back to the home page. Was Sergei a video star, too? I clicked on the first video, and once again I was surprised and titillated. The quality was good and the guys were sexy and built. Two blond dudes got it on next to a swimming pool, the one in the pool occasionally taking a mouthful of water and shooting it into his partner’s ass.
Two jocks were fucking in the locker room when the coach walked in, first yelling, then joining in the fun. Two skiers traipsed into a living room with a roaring fire, stripping down and massaging each other’s tired muscles. A guy with a stopped-up sink volunteered to suck off the plumber who was flat on his kitchen floor.
I didn’t find any videos featuring Sergei, and I had to remind myself that I was looking for clues in my case. How had Lucas participated in this site? I went back to the photo galleries and found a series of shots of him in action.
His photo set displayed his chief attraction, that ten-inch donkey dick. I’d only seen it briefly in person, though of course I’d felt it shearing me in two. I opened up one picture in Photoshop and zoomed in. Man, he was big, and thick. No wonder he’d hurt me so much.
I went back to the photo set. There were more shots of Lucas in action, though in all cases you couldn’t see the face of the guy working on him. Some of the men sucking him were clearly older, from the occasional gray hairs I spotted and the jowls of a mouth spread wide open.
The last shots were of Lucas fucking guys. Some men were on all fours on beds, others lying next to him with one leg raised. The last few were men cuffed against a wall as Lucas fucked them. The scene looked familiar, and I realized that these photos had been taken in the living room of the mansion at Black Point.
It’s difficult to recognize yourself from behind, especially when half your body is obscured by another man, and the camera is focused on the sight of his huge dick getting ready to slam into your butt. But the guy in shot 34 had a small half-moon scar behind his right calf, just like the one I had from a wipeout when I was a teenager. Add in my general body type, and my black hair, grown a little shaggy at that time, and you had a definite match.
My erection wilted, and I went back to the home page. At the bottom of the screen were a half dozen windows that represented live webcams of naked guys. Below each window was a chat frame where I could initiate a conversation with the blond twink who looked like he hadn’t started shaving yet, the hefty Asian who was a few calories away from sumo wrestler, the brunet with tribal tattoos, or the black guy whose body was as ripped as a Mr. World contestant.
I wondered if they were all in Hawai’i, or if these cams were linked to dozens of sites around the country-maybe around the world. Was there a night shift of guys in Australia, a morning shift in Europe? Had Lucas been one of these guys? Could you chat one of them up and then make arrangements to meet in person?
I didn’t have the enthusiasm to pursue the site anymore, so I clicked off, then sat there on my bed wondering what I’d gotten myself into.