Max and 99 dashed from the hotel and ran up the street to the railroad station. Just as they reached it, they saw the conductor get aboard the train, then enter a car. Max and 99 jumped aboard, too. Max, with 99 right behind him, threw open the door of the car. Facing him, smiling cordially, was the conductor, who was pointing a pistol at him.
“Sorry,” Max said briskly, “but I’ve got to keep up the momentum. If I slow down, I’ll miss the beat, and then I’ll have to start at the beginning again-dum, dum, de, dum, dum, dum!”
On the final “dum,” Max swung his arm and delivered a karate chop to the wrist of the conductor. The gun clattered to the floor. As the conductor reached for it, Max dum, dum, de, dum, dum, dummed once more, and, at the same time, drove a knee into the conductor’s chest, flipping him over backwards. The conductor landed on his back-flat. From that position, he peered at Max Wearily, while Max picked up the pistol.
“Sorry, again,” Max said.
“Don’t apologize,” the conductor replied. “It was worth it to hear a great sound like that.” Then he collapsed, unconscious.
“Where to now, Max?” 99 asked.
“To find Arbuthnot,” Max answered, moving forward along the aisle, now in possession of the gun.
“But, Max, it’s a long train,” 99 said, following him again. “And we don’t know where he is.”
“Logic will take us to him, 99,” Max said. “We know he’s just concluded a grueling few days. This seminar has probably sapped every ounce of physical and mental energy he had. So, now, he’ll be resting. Or, as the railroad men say, lounging. Consequently, I’m fairly positive that we’ll find him in the lounge car.”
“Max, I think you’re probably right. But. . why are we going this way?”
Max halted. “To the lounge car, 99. I just explained that. Remember the part about every sap being grueled after all- No, I mean about-”
“Max, I know,” 99 broke in. “What I meant was, the lounge car is located in the other direction. You’re heading toward the engine.”
“Logic only tells where, it doesn’t tell how to get there, 99,” Max said. Then he turned and led the way in the other direction. “Now, when we get there and find Arbuthnot relaxing alone in the lounge car,” Max said, “I’ll rush in and overpower him and-”
“Max, you have a pistol now,” 99 pointed out.
“Oh.” He looked at the gun in his hand. “Yes, that’s right, I do. All right, then, I’ll saunter in and get the drop on him. Then I’ll order him to summon all the other KAOS assassins, and we’ll keep them prisoner in the lounge car until we get back to Washington. How does that sound to you, 99?”
“Who’ll drive the train, Max?”
“The train driver.”
“But he’s a KAOS agent, Max. Won’t he-”
“All right, I’ll drive the train, 99. It couldn’t be too difficult. I mean, there are those tracks to follow. And the route is probably very well marked.”
“But who will keep the KAOS assassins prisoner?”
“You will, 99. I’ll give you the gun and you- Oh-oh, here we are, 99. This next car is the lounge car. Stay here-I’ll go peek in and make sure Arbuthnot is in there.” Leaving 99, Max crept forward. When he reached the door of the lounge car he opened it a crack and looked in. Then he closed it and returned to where 99 was waiting. “This is going better than I expected,” he said. “We won’t have to get Arbuthnot to summon all the KAOS assassins to the lounge car. They’re all in there now.”
“Max! All of them? That’s an awful lot of KAOS assassins for just two of us to handle.”
“99, don’t worry. We’ve got the momentum going. Just keep up the rhythm and we can’t fail. Now. . ready? Dum, dum, de, dum, dum, dum!”
Max and 99 advanced to the door of the lounge car. Max repeated the beat-dum, dum, de, dum, dum, dum-then he flung open the door and he and 99 rushed in, catching Arbuthnot completely by surprise.
“Dum, dum, dum, de- Ooops! Uh, dum, de, dum- No, it goes, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum-”
Max had lost the momentum.
“Get ’em!” Arbuthnot commanded.
A KAOS assassin threw a block at Max, hit him across the mid-section, and drove him all the way out the door and several cars back. Recovering, Max threw a block at the KAOS assassin, hitting him more-or-less in the mid-section (around the ankles) and driving him all the way back to the lounge car. When they arrived, Max saw that 99 had been overpowered. So, alone, he tackled the entire group of KAOS assassins.
It was a short battle, however. Max raised an arm to karate chop Arbuthnot, hoping to gain a psychological advantage by putting the leader out of action. But at that same moment, hoping to gain an actual advantage, one of the KAOS assassins popped him on the back of the skull with the butt of a pistol, dropping him in the aisle. Surrendering to the logic of the situation, Max became immediately unconscious.
A few moments later, when Max recovered, he saw Arbuthnot standing over him, holding a gun on him. Max thought fast. “Watch out! That’s the gun I had!” he shouted at Arbuthnot. “All my germs are crawling on it!”
Arbuthnot stared at the pistol in horror for a second. Then he screeched and threw it into the air and ran to the KAOS assassin who was in charge of the spray bottle. “Spray me! Spray me!” he ordered frantically.
Max, meanwhile, leaped to his feet. He snatched the gun from the air. And by the time Arbuthnot had been disinfected, Max had taken charge, covering the KAOS assassins with the pistol.
“Max, that was marvelous!” 99 cried delightedly, breaking away from the KAOS agent who had been holding her.
“That’s very frank of you, 99,” Max replied. “Now, I’m sure these assassins have some tape or some rope around here somewhere. If you’ll just-”
There was a hissing sound from the front end of the train. Then the whole string of cars was suddenly jolted. Max and 99 and the KAOS assassins were all thrown off balance. The gun that Max had managed to regain went flying. Max and 99 and all the KAOS assassins scrambled after it.
“No! Don’t! Don’t touch it!” Arbuthnot screeched. “It’s full of germs!”
They all drew back, leaving the pistol in the middle of the aisle.
“Max, what are we doing?” 99 said. “We’re not afraid of germs!”
By then, however, it was too late. The KAOS assassins had all drawn their own guns. And all of the guns were pointed at Max and 99.
“I suppose you’re wondering where that jerk came from,” Arbuthnot said to Max and 99. “That was my engineer.”
“He certainly is,” Max replied grumpily.
“He was practicing,” Arbuthnot went on. “Fortunately-for us-he always starts off with a jerk.”
“He certainly is,” Max said again.
Arbuthnot addressed one of the other KAOS assassins. “I’ll have a disinfected gun,” he said.
The assassin handed him a pistol.
“And now,” Arbuthnot said, speaking to all the assassins, “I will show you the one assassination method that I did not mention during the seminar. Normally, I wouldn’t be caught dead using it. It’s too crude. . too. . too. . uhhhhh! But, it does have two advantages-it’s simple and it’s quick.”
“He’s talking about just walking up to the victim and shooting him between the eyes,” Max explained to the KAOS assassins. “He’s right-it’s crude. But, if done well, it can be fascinating to watch.” He turned to Arbuthnot. “You do it well, I suppose.”
“Superbly.”
“Then, watch this very carefully,” Max said to the other assassins. “It will be worth seeing.”
“Max! You sound as if you’re looking forward to it!” 99 said.
“I always enjoy watching an expert at work.”
Arbuthnot raised the pistol and pointed it at Max, sighting straight between the eyes. “On the count of three,” he said. “One. . two. .-”
There was a distant rambling sound.
Arbuthnot frowned, and, lowering the pistol, said, “What was that?”
“Thunder, I think,” Max said. “Gee, I hope it doesn’t rain.”
“No. . it wasn’t thunder,” Arbuthnot said. He went to the door of the lounge car and opened it and looked out-then screamed. “Oh, no!”
The rumbling became a thundering. Then the burly girls who had been on the train earlier came stomping into the car. They set upon the KAOS agents, attacking them with fury and abandon.
Max grabbed 99 by the hand and they dived behind a lounge chair. From there, they watched as the lady wrestlers mauled the assassins. KAOS agents were everywhere, flying through the air, skidding up the aisle on their noses, necks, ears and other parts. KAOS agents crashed through windows and were hurled through doorways. KAOS agents were kicked, bitten, pinched, punched, and pulled and pummeled.
“Fortunately for us, they’re wrestlers first and ladies last,” Max said to 99.
“Max, where did they come from? Why are they so outraged?”
“I think we’ll soon find out, 99. They seem to be running out of KAOS assassins to kick, bite, pinch, punch, pull and pummel.”
The lounge car suddenly became quiet. KAOS assassins were sprawled everywhere, unconscious.
Max and 99 raised up from behind the lounge chair.
Several burly girls started after them.
“Stop!” the leader of the wrestlers commanded. “We’re in enough trouble as it is, ladies,” she said, looking suddenly worried.
“Trouble?” Max said.
“This is always happening,” the lady wrestler replied. “We get a little peeved at somebody, and we break all their arms and legs. And, it seems, in a riled up world like the world we live in today, nobody’s got any sense of humor any more. They get mad at us for breaking their arms and legs and sue us for damages and threaten to put us in jail and all like that there.”
“I think I have some rather pleasant news for you,” Max said. “You may not get many laughs out of this mayhem you committed today, but, on the other hand, you may get a medal.”
Max then explained that he and 99 were Control agents and that the men the ladies had mauled were KAOS assassins. The lady wrestlers were delighted by the news. They wanted to kick the assassins a few more times for good measure while they were unconscious. But Max felt that would be adding injury to injury, and he restrained them.
“What baffles me,” Max said, “is why you weren’t all killed when you were dropped off the train through that false door in the dining car.”
“Why, it was just a normal fall for us,” the leader of the lady wrestlers replied. “In our profession, we’re used to falls.”
“Yes. . I can see that,” Max nodded. “How did you find us, though, here in this ghost town?”
“No problem,” the lady wrestler replied. “It’s not hard to follow a train, you know. It leaves tracks.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that,” Max nodded. “Well,” he said, “that seems to wrap up the case fairly neatly. I’ll just trot up to the engine and overpower the engineer, then I’ll drive the train back to Washington, and we’ll deliver all these KAOS assassins to the proper authorities.”
“Let us!” the leader of the lady wrestlers begged.
“Let you what?”
“Overpower the engineer,” she replied. “If we’re not going to get sued for this, we can really let go. We kind of need the relaxation. We’ve been jogging for days to catch up with this train.”
“Well. .”
“And we’ll drive the train back to Washington, too,” the leader of the burly girls said. “You probably want a rest yourself.”
“As a matter of fact-”
“Come on, Max, before they change their minds,” 99 said. She took him by the hand and drew him out of the lounge car and along the aisle toward their compartment. “We’ve worked hard,” she said. “We deserve a few hours off.”
“I suppose you’re right, 99.”
They reached the compartment and entered. Then sat down in the seats, facing each other. A few moments later, the sound of screaming came from the front of the train.
“I think we’re changing engineers,” Max commented.
99 nodded. “I feel so secure with those lady wrestlers in charge,” she said.
“Yes,” Max began, “I think from here on out, 99, it will be smooth-”
There was a sound like a puff of air. Then Max suddenly found a mule in his lap.
“99!” he shouted, shoving Madame DuBarry. “This animal got away from its keeper.”
“No, he didn’t!” the voice of the old prospector replied. “Here I am, right over here.”
“He’s on my lap, Max!” 99 reported.
“If you’re going to ride in this compartment, you’ll have to sit in the seats!” Max insisted. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
The old prospector and Madame DuBarry moved from Max’s and 99’s laps. The prospector sat alongside 99. The mule lay down on the floor between the seats. At the same moment, the train started moving.
“All ashore who’s going ashore!” Max said. “It was very nice of you to come to the train to see us off, but you better leave now. This train is on its way to Washington.”
“Yup!” the old prospector said. “Us, too. Me and Madame DuBarry.”
“Oh, no!” Max said glumly.
“Yup!” the old prospector said again. “After all these centuries-”
“Decades,” 99 corrected.
“No, it hasn’t been that long,” the old prospector said. “It’s seemed like it, though, sometimes. Anyway, as I was saying, after all these centuries of living the lonely life, searching for that long lost gold, we decided to kick up our heels and do a little livin’. So, we’re moving to the city.”
“There’ll be a lot of problems of adjustment,” Max said, trying to discourage them.
“We figure we’ll just stick by you and do what you do,” the old prospector said. “ ’Till we get the hang of it, that is.”
“And where will you stay?” Max said. “There aren’t many landladies in Washington who will rent to a ghost and a mule. Now, if you had an elephant with you- But a mule, these days, uh-huh.”
“That won’t be no problem,” the old prospector replied. “We figure we’ll just bunk with you. You got a place, haven’t you?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“Tit for tat,” the old prospector said. “We shared our long lost mine with you, so we figure you’ll be just as happy as all get-out to share your home with us. ’Cause you’re folks.”
“Well, yes, I guess we are, but-”
“Oh, Max!” 99 said. “It’s not the best way to start married life, sharing an apartment with an old prospector and a mule, both ghosts.”
“Look on the bright side, 99. It could be worse.”
“How, Max?”
“It could be a relative.”
99 tried hard not to look the way she felt.