James took Bill Calder’s keys but he didn’t shoot him like he’d wanted. This was no time to add vigilantism to his resume. He’d shot a cop and a high school football coach and he didn’t know if he’d killed them both. And he knew what they did when someone shot a cop, even if it was someone like Dawkins. If they don’t kill you themselves they’ll catch you and you’ll stand trial. And by the time your chance for parole comes up you’ll no longer see the point in getting out.
As soon as he started the Subaru he was blasted by FM Country. Bill and the others just stood watching him drive away, afraid that if they moved too soon he would turn around and come back. He watched Bill’s face in his rearview mirror until he turned off. Saw the surprise still working his face. Wondered if Bill’s family would be wishing James had gone a little farther off the deep end.
Farther up into the mountains there were downed trees everywhere. James had to lever down the window of the Subaru so he could navigate. The night air was redolent of sawdust. Many of the trees he saw appeared to have been trimmed in a hurry and pulled to the side.
The suitcase of money sat next to him. A bullet had passed through it to the other side and he could see a hint of green at the edges. He wanted to open it but he needed both thumbs to unsnap the locks. When he saw that the highway was going to straighten for a few miles he pulled off the hoodie and draped it over the suitcase. He would have to look at the contents again later. When he checked into a motel or pulled over onto some back road for a few minutes of sleep.
As he drove he struggled to focus. His thoughts kept getting tangled up with Ann and the men he’d shot. He wasn’t any good at turning off the switch. Not like the guys he’d met in Mexico who worked in the drug trade. You didn’t mess around with them, kept your past off limits, didn’t even allow yourself to dream about it because they had people who worked for them who would find out about it. He’d made it clear right away that he had no interest in their business, that he was only living there because he needed a place to be alone and think.
Ann’s going to be fine. It’s not going to matter if she hates you for what you did. She’ll get over it faster that way. Besides, you weren’t even back for very long. You’re never going to see each other again so close the door and move on.
He glanced over at the suitcase to make sure it hadn’t gone anywhere. Like the first night he had his new truck and Ann had sat next to him in the cab. For a moment he’d felt like the luckiest man in the world and he’d kept turning his head to see if she was still there and he would’ve hit a deer had she not seen it and let him know.
It wasn’t easy to imagine what it was going be like. But in a few days he was going to wake up as another person in another town with all the identification to prove it. How long could he go before he had to look for a job, he wondered. People are going to notice eventually. It kind of defeats the purpose then. You have all this money and you’re still not free.