“That was an accident,” I assured him, dodging just before he stomped down on the floorboards and sent a cuckoo clock crashing down on my head. “Ow!”
I shoved him hard, sending him sprawling into the living room and over the couch. He popped up and used his inhuman speed to jump across the room and throw me to the floor. I kicked down, crushing his toes with my heel. He yowled, hopping on one foot and toppling over next to me. I rolled over him, pulling at his shirt as I called him filthy, unrepeatable names.
He caught my wrists, rolling and pinning me to the floor. He panted and broke into a wide grin. I gasped, slapping at his shoulders. I pulled my shirt back into place and struggled to untangle myself from his legs. “You’re turned on right now, aren’t you?”
“No!” he insisted, looking all offended and righteous for a moment, until his poker face broke and he was forced to say, “Yes, yes, I am.”
I threw my head back and growled, shaking various bric-a-brac with the sound of my frustration.
Gabriel looked only slightly ashamed. “I can’t help it. You know I love it when you’re all spluttery and defensive and aggressive.”
“This is sick. Gabriel, we can’t keep doing this. We cannot resolve all of our problems with violent, dirty sex.”
Gabriel groaned, leaning his forehead against my shoulder. “Oh, we’re not going to go through this again, are we? Violent and dirty works for us, Jane.”
“Well, it’s not a healthy way to work things out. We need to learn to use our words. I’ll start us off. Who the hell is Jeanine?”
“It’s not what you think, Jane, I promise you. When the time is right, I’ll explain everything—” Zeb burst through the door, his head swathed in white gauze. He looked as if he’d just escaped from a scene in One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
I moaned and made use of several words. Obscene words, but at least I was using some.
Zeb was clearly disturbed by the sight of the two of us all wrapped up in each other, but he didn’t take a hint to turn around and leave. “Hey, Jolene wanted me to drop these bridal-party itineraries off, so you’ll be sure to be aware of your duties every minute of our wedding day.”
“Zeb, this isn’t a good time,” I told him.
Gabriel seemed grateful for an interruption, but he didn’t bother getting up or pulling his shirt back on. “Can we talk about the headgear?” He nodded to the gauze, which I now noticed was spotted with blood around his left ear.
“Everything’s fine,” he assured me as Gabriel and I disengaged and got to our feet. “It was just an accident.”
“Zeb, you’re wearing a sling around your head,” I said, inspecting the dandy bandaging work and earning a slap on the hand from the testy groom. “You just got out of the eye patch!”
He sighed. “I was fishing with Jolene’s family, and uncle Burt cast back—”
“You got a hook in the ear?” I cringed. “Oh, gross! Was the worm still on it?”
Zeb made a face. “No, but thanks for the silver lining. And news flash: the emergency room uses Super Glue instead of stitches now.”
“He knew you were standing right behind him, and he cast back anyway?”
“Yeah, in fact, before he did it, he leaned over to Luke and said, ‘Watch this,’ “ Zeb muttered. “I’m getting pretty sick of this crap. Jolene’s not doing anything about it. I’m starting to wonder … well, I just wish they would stop going for my head.”
“Out of all of this, that’s what you find disturbing?”
Zeb rolled his eyes at me. “No, I find it disturbing that Timothy Dalton ranks highest on your ‘Which James Bond Would You Do?’ list.”
“The Living Daylights is highly underrated.” I sulked when Gabriel gave me a surprised look.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Zeb said. “I don’t know if I can put up with her family. It’s never going to stop, and she’s never going to want to move away from them. I just don’t get why she wants to stay close to them.”
He looked up at me, and a film of unshed tears seemed to be obscuring his normally clear brown eyes. “Jane, isn’t there anything you want to tell me?”
“I’m sort of out of my element here, Zeb.” I looked up to Gabriel. “Will you please talk to him? Have some sort of man-to-man exchange?”
Gabriel cleared his throat and placed a fatherly hand on Zeb’s shoulder. “Loving family members do not aim for each other’s soft tissues.”
I made my angry-girlfriend face at him. He sighed and dug deeper into the wisdom well.
“Zeb, you’re dealing with a lot of dominant alpha-male personalities here. You’re going to have to do something to show them that you’re not a beta. You have to establish dominance. The next time the cousins are gathered, walk up to the biggest, strongest one and stare him right in the eye. And tell him to go fetch something for you. Use those exact words. ‘Fetch me a soda’ or ‘Fetch me that chair.’ And if he hesitates, keep staring at him until he folds … or he’ll beat you severely. Either way, it will improve the pack’s respect for you.”
“I thought that was what you were supposed to do the first day you go to prison,” I muttered.
“Jolene loves you,” Gabriel said. “No matter what happens with her family, you just have to focus on that.” He glanced up at me. “And remember that if she does things that don’t make any sense to you, she might be trying to do what’s best for you both.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. He shrugged.
Zeb was placated with more generic relationship advice and the promise that Gabriel would serve as his personal vampire bodyguard during the wedding festivities. We finally shoved him out the door, and I turned on Gabriel.
“I’m not done with you,” I told him.
He gave an easy grin. “Well, that’s nice to hear.”
I glared at him, and it was if he suddenly remembered that we were in the middle of a disagreement when Zeb burst in. “Oh.”
I threaded my fingers through his and locked eyes with him. “Do you want to be in a relationship with me?”
“I love you, Jane. More than I’ve loved anyone, I love you.”
I smiled at the warm feeling that spread through my chest at those words. It was like having a heartbeat again. “Then don’t keep things from me.”
“Just give me a little more time,” he begged. “I’ll explain everything when the time is right. Just wait a little while longer.”
I took a deep breath, looking deep into Gabriel’s eyes. If anyone had proven his devotion to me, it was Gabriel. Even if that devotion was destructive, it had a single focus, and that was me. I held his interest even when I was just my “annoying” human self. He didn’t consider my brain or personality something to overcome. He’d saved me. He’d killed for me. He’d loved me. And for all of that, I owed him a little bit of trust.
“I love you, too,” I said, cupping his face in my hands. I locked eyes with him, leveling him with my gaze. “So I’ll wait. I want you to tell me what’s causing you so much stress.
Maybe I can help. But I want you to do it in your own time. However, you should know that if that time doesn’t come soon—” He nodded. “You will threaten any number of my orifices. I understand.”
“Is it orifices or orifici?” I asked.
“I’m rather shocked that you don’t know,” he admitted.
The countdown to the wedding was two weeks. It was a slow night in the shop, and I had just given up on sorting through any old boxes after a traumatic incident in which Dick had to kill a rather large spider for me. I swear that thing chased me onto that chair.
When Dick returned, I had put the spider’s box in the alley and opened up my file of notes for what Zeb had termed “Operation Undead Gigolo.”
“What are you doing?” Dick asked, peering over my shoulder. “Oh, honey, this is worse than I thought. Normal, well-adjusted girls do not spend Friday nights looking through autopsy reports.”