RACHEL WAS BACK. I didn't ask her where she'd been, and she didn't offer any explanation.
"You want me to be a waitress?" she said.
"Beth needs us," I said.
"Beth, huh?"
"Yup."
"She's pretty," Rachel said.
"You think?"
"You know she is. Should I be worried?"
"Not for a minute."
"Just so you know," she said, "If I ever catch you cheating, I'll cut your dick off and feed it to a sea gull."
"It would have to be a helluva big sea gull," I said.
"In your dreams!"
I frowned.
"Maybe I'll just toss it in the air and let a flock of sea gulls fight over it," she said.
I winced at the visual.
"How long are we gonna do this?" she said.
"As long as it's fun for you."
"And the minute it's not?"
"We'll head to South Beach."
"Will you wear a big white chef's hat, like Chef Boyardee?"
"Not even to save my life," I said.
"In that case, I'll do it!"
Moments later she was telling Beth, "If I ever catch you fucking Kevin, I'll burn you up in your bed."
Beth gave me a look of horror and said, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
"Kevin is a gourmet cook," Rachel said.
I shrugged.
"Rachel," Beth said, "I'm about to go broke. Every nickel I own is tied up in this place. I loved-and still love-my husband. I have no interest in developing a romantic relationship with-"
She looked at me. "Is it Donovan or Kevin?"
I shrugged again.
She continued. "Charles loved this place, it was his dream. It's all I have left of the man I loved with all my heart. But Rachel?"
Rachel looked at her.
"-I don't want to have to worry that every time Kevin and I are in the same room you're going to think something's up."
"I'm only concerned about the fucking," Rachel said.
"Then you've got nothing to worry about," Beth said.
Rachel threw her arms around Beth and said, "I love you, Beth. And you'll see, I'm going to be the best waitress you ever had!"
Beth looked at me wide-eyed and mouthed the words, "Is she crazy?"
I mouthed back, "She loves you."