I laid my phone on the bar. Inside a second it started to ring.
Picked up, said, ‘Debs?’
‘Eh, no, it’s not Deborah, son.’
Was my mother, I’d never had a call from her on my mobi before, I felt a bit shocked. ‘What is it, Mam?’
I heard her snivelling on the other end of the line.
‘Mam, what is it?’
The snivelling gave way to full-on tears, then I heard the phone taken from her.
‘Hello, hello,’ I said.
‘Hi, Gus, Mam’s gone to sit down in the kitchen.’ It was my sister, Catherine.
‘What’s up? Why’s she calling?’
A pause, then: ‘It’s… Dad.’
I felt my lungs empty with a loud sigh, ‘Oh yeah? What’s it this time? Broke his hand on her again has he?’
‘Gus… he’s not well.’
‘Yeah, I heard.’
‘He’s sick, Gus.’
‘Oh, I know that. Should have heard him roaring at her when I was there a while ago… really, really sick he is.’
Cathy’s tone changed. ‘No, Angus he’s… dying.’
I searched for sympathy, found none in me.
‘Did you hear me?’
‘I heard.’
‘Well?’
‘Well what? I don’t perform miracles, you know.’
I heard her snap her teeth together. ‘The doctor says he won’t see out the night. Mam — your mother, remember her? — thought you’d want to see him.’
‘One last time, eh?’
‘Yes, before he goes.’
She made it sound like he was getting ready for a holiday. Like he’d be back, sunburned and gagging for a proper pint and chips with broon sauce. I couldn’t take her seriously. I’d blocked him out of my life for so long that the news he was finally dying made no impact on me.
‘Oh, but goes where?’ I said.
A long pause filled the line, I thought she’d hung up, but she’d only given me time to think about what I’d said. Families can do this, they know the buttons to push.
I said, ‘Who else is there with you?’
‘Everyone — the whole family. Look, I know you might not like the idea but it would mean a lot to Mam.’
‘Is that why you’re there?’
She didn’t answer.
‘Why should I, Cath?’
‘You know she wants you here, it would give her peace of mind.’
‘Peace of mind? She should be singing from the rooftops. Christ, she’ll be free of the bastard.’
Cathy let out a gasp. I’d been venting, but it was too soon for a remark like that.
She stormed me: ‘You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.’
Clunk.