I opened the doors to the balcony. Fired up a Marlboro. Hod followed with two fresh bottles of Stella. Neither of us said anything, just stared out at the city, lit up like a fair. A taxi sounded its horn below and two young girls ran out from the flats across the street. The clack of their heels drowned out their giggles as they tried to dodge puddles.
‘Look at them,’ said Hod.
‘Just daft wee lassies.’
‘That’s it, though — so they should be.’
I knew what he was trying to say, I didn’t need to hear the exact words. The girls looked little older than the one we’d just seen with Cardownie. They had their whole lives in front of them, and every right to enjoy them. Somehow they no longer seemed half as annoying as the rest of their age group.
‘So what now, Gus?’
Quite a question. I wondered myself. I didn’t buy it that Billy had been working to the same set of principles as myself and Hod. I sure as hell knew that Col didn’t have a good word to say for his son. Billy had planned to take off; he wasn’t thinking about blowing the whistle, shutting the operation down. He wanted to make his pile and shove off, probably take some new skills to another manor and put them to good use. I felt sick to my stomach with everything I had seen: with Nadja, Billy, Zalinskas and all his outfit. But more than any of them Cardownie sickened me.
‘Do you remember how I lost my job, Hod?’
‘Which one?’
‘The last one. Only one I’d ever had worth shit.’
‘The sauce, wasn’t it?’
‘Okay, well you could say that. But the actual incident which caused me to get the boot.’
‘Oh yeah. The night you were on the news, you nutted a politician.’
‘Not hard enough.’
Hod turned from the view, put his elbows on the rail. ‘It wasn’t him, was it?’
‘The very same.’
‘Gus, I’d say you have a score to settle.’
‘Fuck that. It’s in the past now. I wouldn’t want that job back as a gift.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really. Are you trying to say something, Hod?’
‘Me? No, never. So what are you going to do?’
I pointed out towards the city. ‘Look out there, so much going on. So many people, all trying to screw each other over. Do you think it’s possible to plan anything?’
‘Hannibal thought it was.’
I looked at Hod, it was the first time I’d ever heard him even approach something approximating sense, learning.
‘Crossing the Alps?’
‘Must have missed that one.’
‘What one?’
‘When they were in the Alps — The A-Team.’
‘Christ, you’re talking about that Hannibal.’
‘Yeah. “I love it when a plan comes together!” Who did you think I was talking about?’
I shook my head at him, wanted to say ‘I pity the fool’, but went for ‘Never mind.’
I turned to go inside.
Hod followed and put his beer bottle down on the table. He left the room, came back carrying a container about the size of a shoebox.
‘Eh, Gus, I don’t suppose there’s a good time to do this, so I’ll just let you have it now.’
I looked at the box he was holding out to me. ‘What is it?’
‘It’s from the funeral… your friend’s ashes.’
My breathing slowed, then quickened. ‘Milo.’
‘I, eh, don’t know… should I say something?’
‘It’s okay.’ I reached out, shook his hand. ‘Thanks for doing that, Hod.’
He turned away again, sat.
‘Was it a good… do?’
‘We did what you said, gave him a proper send off.’
‘Was there any… family?’ It was a stupid question. I realised at once I wouldn’t be holding Milo’s ashes if his family had shown up.
Hod shook his head. ‘Just myself and Amy… a chick from social work.’
It sounded a sombre affair. Not something to circle on your calendar. But, God, the guilt. I’d been the only person this man knew at the end of his life and I hadn’t even made his funeral.
‘You all right, Gus?’
‘Yeah, oh yeah — just a bit, you know, gutted.’
‘Amy was in floods. She said she never even met the guy but, well, it was a funeral, wasn’t it?’
‘She’s got a sensitive soul.’
‘You’re right there.’
Hod had an eye on me for a reaction.
‘I know. I know. I’ll have to let her down gently.’