I bought lunch. In open defiance of the imperial foodstall rules, dish of the day at the Dolphin was a hot fish stew. It should have been pulses but the waiter had a line over the harbour wall; fish were free. Portus was awash with officials, from the corn-supply aediles to the tax beetles to the harbour master, the lighthouse staff and the watchmen; this should have been a completely regulated area. No chance. In ports disobedience is as common as silt. I was mopping my bowl with a lump of rustic bread when who should I see come trotting back to the Damson Flower but Lemnus. His bandy Cretan legs were still kicking up dust like a house slave in a flaming temper. With a furtive glance over his shoulder, he scampered inside the brothel. A minute later so did I. The male bouncer had gone off to lunch. A short, round gloomy girl was now guarding the door. You again!" she greeted me.
I love to be so memorable, where's Lemnus?"
Mind it."
Listen, fatty-chops, take me to the Cretan, fast!"
Or what?" She was expecting a threat so I showed her a half denarius.
Or I won't give you this." I was not intending to give her that much money whatever she did, but she was less than bright and she fell for it. With what she thought was an alluring smile, she led me along the corridor. She was about as alluring as a pregnant duck, and she only looked about fourteen. Bad enough to be overweight and miserable at that age if you have a decent life; working in a brothel as well must have been deadly. Lemnus was sitting in a cell by himself.
Now then, little man from Paphos, what are you doing back here?"
Hadn't finished." Petro's men had already established that under questioning Lemnus whimpered. He only showed his real style when he was out of reach. Then the curses flew as fast as his bent little legs.
Since you are in here on your own, the jokes are obvious and crude, Lemnus. Has he paid?" I demanded of the girl from the door, who was still hanging around in the hope of the coin.
He has a slate." She tossed her hair derisively, which caused a mist of dandruff and cheap scent. I let her see me put away the coin I had offered, so she went back to her duties. Time-waster!" she muttered, scowling.
I assume that's you," I told Lemnus cheerily, just as he stopped being a timid weasel, flicked open a folding knife, and lashed out at me. I had expected trouble. I elbowed his arm up and just escaped slashing. Lemnus barged out of the cell past me, but I had my boot out at ankle level. He crashed to the floor. I would have disarmed and overpowered him, but the doorkeeper had turned back and jumped on me. She was still after that half-denarius, and prepared to fight dirty for it. I freed myself from being choked and gave her a kneejerk that doubled her up, squealing. The Cretan had legged it again at top speed. As I followed, women appeared from all directions. The madam had been right. they were all highly trained, trained to get in my way. I shouldered aside a desert princess, squashed her pale friend against a doorpost, deflected one fury with my hip and another with my forearm. Lemnus had bolted out of doors and when I burst back on to the quay he had vanished from view. However, men were staring towards a public latrine as if a fugitive might have rushed in there, so I raced inside too. There were five men taking philosophy breaks, all strangers, all immersed in their tasks. No sign of Lemnus. No other exit. It would have been rude to run in, then run straight out again. I took a seat. Enthroned on a spare spot, I recovered my breath, growling quietly. Nobody took any notice. There is always one loser who talks to himself. At least there was a benefit in chasing a suspect in a high grade imperial area. since Claudius and his successors might be caught short while inspecting harbour facilities, the twenty-seater latrine was fit for an emperor. The five-to-a-side seating benches were marble-clad, with the smoothest possible edges on their beautifully designed holes. The room was an airy rectangle, with windows on two sides so passers-by could look in and spot their friends; if Lemnus did come in here, maybe he had vaulted out of a window. The cleansing water ran in channels that never flooded. The sponges on sticks were plentiful. A slave mopped up drips and splashes. What's more, he wore a neat tunic and was discreet about expecting tips. The conversation among the porters and negotiators was banal, but after a long morning out I had better things to do than chat. Informers normally have to manage without relief. In an empire that prides itself on high class hygiene, bodily retention forms the main challenge for men in my profession. Slugging it out in fights or making your tax declaration creative is a cinch by comparison. I sat lost in thought about the bad aspects of my work, the traditional musings of a man who has entered a lavatory alone. A couple of people left. Two new ones entered. Suddenly I heard my name. Why hello, Falco," This was the other traditional drawback. the idiot who insists he must talk to you. I looked up to see a white haired, elderly fusspot, being very particular about checking that his seat was clean and dry. Caninus. It was natural to run into the sea biscuit at Portus, though of course I felt annoyed. When navy men have the opportunity to enjoy decent facilities on firm ground, instead of being hung out over the stern of a prancing ship in a fierce wind, they tend to take their time. Caninus now looked set in here for days, and I was stuck with him. In latrine etiquette, the others present were now able to relapse into private contemplation, while they pitied me for being spotted. I was forced to be pleasant. Caninus! Hail."
Not your usual drop-in, Falco?" I shook my head. Just passing through." This is an old army joke, but the navy seemed to know it too.
So!" breezed the nautical menace with a meaningful glare. Were you involved in that activity at the Damson Flower this morning, Falco?"
Confidential," I warned, to no avail.
Yes, I thought you must have been. A ransom that went wrong, I hear?"
You must have your narks in all the right places."
Was it connected with that case you mentioned? The missing scribe?"
Diocles is supposedly up for ransom." I saw no harm in the admission, even though the four other men present were now listening intently while pretending not to. I think it was a try-on; nobody has kidnapped him. I just wonder how the speculators knew he had disappeared, and that people were sufficiently anxious about him to respond to a demand for money."
You were asking me about Cilicians," said Caninus. Traditional behaviour. They sit in taverns and brothels, on the look out. Exactly how pirates used to work. picking up news of ships with decent cargoes that they would subsequently follow out of harbour and assail."
Now the bastards stand at bar counters, listening out for recently landed rich men, who have wives or daughters with them," I agreed. As a professional courtesy I lowered my voice. You didn't tell me, last time we met, that you were in port to follow up this racket."
Oh, didn't I?" Caninus was offhand. You never said it impinged on your missing scribe."
I didn't know." We fell silent. The change of pace in our conversation allowed two of the other men to finish off and leave. The remaining two, who presumably knew one another, began a conversation about racehorses. Caninus was being very friendly. By the way, Falco, somebody pointed out a fellow recently who is supposed to be an uncle of yours." I was surprised to find myself known as a character around Portus – or to hear that my family tree provided wharfside gossip. Are you sure you don't mean my father, Didius Geminus? Everyone knows him for a rogue." " The auctioneer?" I was right. Everyone knew Pa, including naval investigators. It was no surprise. Geminus had shaken hands on plenty of dodgy deals. In fact, one of the men talking about horses cast a very quick glance at me then made his escape; maybe he had been involved in one of Pa's murky art purchases. The endless supply of Greek athlete statues that Pa sold off in Pompey's Portico were knocked out for him by a repro marble specialist down in Campania, but he had told me some rhytons and alabastrons which he supplied as cheap old" vases to interior designers came in by sea. According to Pa they were genuinely Greek and almost certainly old, it was the source he preferred not to discuss. No, I'm sure it was your uncle," Caninus persisted.
Fulvius," I conceded. Until last week I hadn't seen him since I was a child… Why the interest?"
I thought you might be working with him."
With Fulviusr
You were seen drinking with him and your father. Geminus came down here to look for Theopompus, didn't he?"
For heavens" sake!" I was amazed and indignant. I had a quiet drink with some relatives at a Forum bar; we only met by chance. Yet it got reported to you, and you decide we are an organised team? One that might tread on your toes, presumably?"
Oh…" Caninus could see it was ridiculous now, and backed off quickly. I was just in discussion with a fellow who thought he might have known your uncle abroad."
I don't even know where he has been," I said bluntly. He is most famous for setting off to Pessinus and getting on the wrong boat. That was years ago. As far as I know, it wasn't a boat to Cilicia." If it sounded as though I was telling Caninus it was none of his damn business, then fine.
Pessinus?" Caninus looked puzzled.
Ancient shrine of the Great Mother," I confirmed. I kept my tone solemn. He wanted to modify himself. Uncle Fulvius takes religion all the way."
I thought it was illegal for a citizen to mutilate his…
Yes, it is."
Or to dress up and dance about in women's robes?"
Yes. Fortunately, Fulvius hates dancing. But as you may know, citizens are allowed to give money to the cult. Uncle Fulvius is so charitable, he could not bear to wait for the annual festival in Rome. He just wanted to contribute to the upkeep of the eunuch priests as quickly as possible." I was inventing freely, unable to take it seriously, but Caninus lapped it up. He sounds intriguing."
With his lack of geography when booking a sea passage? No, I could not have had a more interesting uncle." Ma would have been proud of me.
And has he really cut off his whatsit with a piece of flint?"
Not as far as I know." Even if I thought Fulvius had done it, self castration was an offence and he was still my relative. I was not going to give the navy an excuse to lift his tunic and inspect him. They could get their thrills elsewhere. I stared at the attache, wondering just why my long-lost uncle so fascinated him. The fourth stranger, an unobtrusive man in his forties, was busying himself with a sponge. Caninus glanced at him then decided it was safe to continue. Without changing his tone or his expression, he told me the point. The word on the docks is that your Uncle Fulvius came back here after living in Illyria."
That's news to me," I retorted in annoyance. Last I heard, Uncle Fulvius was shark-fishing." I saw no reason to make polite excuses. I stood up and left.