His arms were crossed over his chest and his hair was wet, like he’d just showered, as he lounged against my front door. I had a bad feeling that if I got too close I’d smell that fresh Ivory and aftershave mix that had me sniffing my futon cushions like a bloodhound last night.
I told myself not to breathe any of it in as I got out of my Jeep. I’d pretend that he had no effect on me. He didn’t. So what if he’d seduced me, met my family and then used me to get to Richard. I was not going to lose it. I was not an emotional girly girl. I was tough. I was Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. I was Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. I was cool. Calm. In control.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi? Hi!? Don’t you dare ‘hi’ me. You arrested my boyfriend! After feeling me up. And you have the nerve to make my grandmother like you. You know how long I’m going to have to hear her ask about that nice Catholic boy now? So don’t you dare ‘hi’ me, you… you… pig!” Cool, in control Maddie. Yep, that’s me. Ugh.
“I had a warrant.” His voice was infuriatingly calm. Which of course made mine rise that much more.
“You used me!”
“Me? Maddie I’m not the one who got you pregnant then ditched you for a flea trap in Riverside.”
“Look, I know you think Richard did this, but I’ve been looking into Greenway’s past-”
Ramirez rolled his eyes. “Jesus, didn’t I tell you to leave this alone?”
I gritted my teeth and ignored him. “Do you want to know what I found out or not?”
“Fine. Can we go inside first?”
I gave him the evil eye, but had to agree that Richard’s status as a felon was not high on the list of things I wanted to share with my neighbors. I unlocked the door to my apartment, marching in ahead of him and laying my new EPT on the kitchen counter. Ramirez didn’t wait for an invitation before following me in. He leaned against the door frame counter, arms still crossed over his chest, one eyebrow raised in anticipation.
“So? Let’s hear it,” he said with a this-oughta-be-good expression on his face.
I ignored the look, instead sharing my brilliant mistress theory and filling him in on my chats with Greenway’s string of big breasted girlfriends. “And all three are blonde and might own stilettos,” I finished. “I’m not sure. I haven’t gotten access to their closets yet.”
Ramirez rolled his eyes again. “Wonderful. The great shoe detective.”
“Hey, you were the one who told me about the shoe clue.” Okay, put like that it did sound like it belonged in a Scooby-Doo episode. But I stood my ground, putting my hands on my hips and doing my best don’t-mess-with-me face.
“So, you want me to believe there’s some mysterious thong wearing woman going around killing people?”
“Not people, just Greenway. And maybe his wife.”
Ramirez shook his head. “This is ridiculous. The investigation is closed.”
“How can it be closed? You don’t even have a murder weapon yet.”
Ramirez went silent.
I felt that lead weight settle in my belly again. “Do you have a murder weapon?”
“The report came back from ballistics. Greenway was shot with a.22, the same caliber weapon Richard bought for his wife last year. She says he asked to borrow it before he left town and now it’s missing.”
I bit my lip. “That doesn’t mean Richard pulled the trigger.”
Ramirez threw his hands up. “I don’t understand how you can possibly think this guy’s innocent.”
“What makes you so sure he’s not?” I countered, my voice starting to rise again.
“Because he’s an asshole! He lied to you, Maddie. He lied to the police, he lied to his wife. He’s a criminal.”
“But he’s not a murderer.”
“What, because some porn star found a thong?”
“Hey, if you’d get your head out of your macho man ass for two seconds, you’d see that there were other people with plenty of motive to want Greenway dead. You were the one who said there was a stiletto impression and blonde hairs in the room.”
“For God’s sakes, Greenway probably had a hooker in his room.”
“Metallica said we were the only hookers he saw.”
“Great, so your witnesses are a porn star and a stoner. Gee, you’re really building a case, Nancy Drew.”
“Hey, I don’t appreciate your tone of voice.”
“I don’t appreciate you sticking your nose into my investigation.”
“I thought you said your investigation was closed.”
“It is!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
We paused for a breath, both our nostrils flaring, glaring like two prize fighters about to start round three.
Then Ramirez glanced down at the kitchen counter. “Taken that test yet?”
“Get out!” I pointed a straight arm at the front door. “Get out, get out, get out!” Okay, so I’d become a scene out of Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. But he was hitting below the belt now.
“Fine,” he yelled one more time before Bad Cop turned and slammed the door behind him.
I picked up the new EPT and threw it across the room at the closed front door. It bounced on the floor with a little plop. Which wasn’t nearly satisfying enough. So, I picked it up and jumped up and down on it a few times. My heel hit the little plastic window with a satisfying crunch. Apparently “virtually indestructible” didn’t take into consideration a pissed off woman with spiky heels.
I stared at the ruined pile of plastic. Damn. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t take a simple pregnancy test without becoming Calamity Jane? Did everything I touched have to fall to pieces? That’s it. I seriously needed therapy.
Ice cream therapy.
I got back in my Jeep, drove straight to the nearest Ben and Jerry’s shop and ordered a pint of Chunky Monkey. I sat in the parking lot and ate the entire thing.
Unfortunately, as I licked bananas and chocolate from my plastic spoon, I realized part of what Ramirez had said was true. Richard was a liar. He’d kept his marriage secret from me. And that was a hell of an omission. But part of me still hoped he had a reasonable explanation. Granted it was a very small part. Smaller even than my bite-of-bug boobs. But it was still there, itching at the back of my mind. Urging me to polish off the last of my ice cream therapy and point my Jeep in the direction of Richard’s office. I wasn’t sure where Ramirez’s cop friends were keeping Richard, but I knew someone at Dewy, Cheatum and Howe would. And it was time to have a little chat with my boyfriend.
I took the 10 into downtown, parking across the street from the law offices as I wasn’t in any sort of mood to walk the two blocks from the garage. Especially since I could feel the afternoon heat creeping into the high nineties again. Instead, I anteed up the change for the meter and gratefully rode the air conditioned elevator up to the fourth floor.
As usual, Jasmine was standing sentinel at her desk. She looked up and quickly closed whatever screen she’d been working on. I suspected another highly productive solitaire game.
“You again,” she said. “You’re not getting past me this time.” She wagged an acrylic nail at me in scolding.
“Relax, Receptionist Barbie. I’m here to see about Richard.”
She gave me a big, toothy smile, which I could swear actually said kiss-off-bitch. “Richard is indisposed, as you may have heard.”
“I know. I want to speak to whoever is handling his case.”
“Do you have an appointment?”
I gritted my teeth. I counted to ten. I promised myself another pint of B &J’s if I made it out of here without strangling her. “No. I don’t have an appointment.”
She smirked. I think she lived for people who didn’t have appointments. “Please have a seat and I’ll let Mr. Chesterton know you’re here. But,” she added with obvious glee in her eyes, “it could be awhile. Mr. Chesterton’s very busy right now.”
I matched her kiss-off-bitch smile with one of my own. “I’ll wait.”
I sat down in a leather chair near the door as Miss PP dialed Mr. Chesterton’s extension. She spoke to him for a few minutes, then hung up. “He’ll be with you in a moment,” she said. Which of course by the satisfied gleam in her eyes translated to: Get comfy. It could be awhile.
I held my tongue, instead watching as she opened her computer screen again, her eyes intent on what I guessed was a very difficult card game for a woman whose head was filled with silicon. Her evil Barbie sense must have felt my eyes on her as she turned around and caught me staring.
“What?” she asked, one hand on her hip.
“Nothing. I’m just amazed at how much you get done around here.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Sarcasm isn’t a very attractive trait.”
“Neither is bitchiness.”
Jasmine scowled at me. At least, she tried to scowl. Her eyebrows just kind of just twitched.
“Your eyebrows are twitching.”
Jasmine’s hands immediately went to her forehead and I had a moment of glee myself as she self-consciously pulled out a compact.
“For you information I’m frowning at you. It’s the Botox. Dr. Bradley says I can’t frown for another three days.”
Ugh. Mental forehead slap.
“Well, you look very placid.”
Jasmine snapped her compact shut again. “Thank you.”
I refrained from pointing out that it wasn’t a compliment.
I was spared further conversation about Jasmine’s cosmetic procedure number five thousand and one as the frosted doors opened and Mr. Chesterton ambled up to me.
“Miss Springer, we’re so sorry to hear about Richard’s legal troubles,” he said, taking one of my hands in both of his. Mr. Chesterton reminded me of an over sized teddy bear, tall with fuzzy cheeks and large hairy hands. He had a loud, deep voice that sounded like Raymond Burr, which, I’m told, he used to full advantage in front of a jury. I felt a little better knowing he was in charge of Richard’s defense.
Right behind him was Althea, looking especially dowdy today in a checked cardigan, corduroy A-line that reached mid calf and low heeled loafers. Her eyes never strayed higher than knee level as she stood meekly beside her employer.
“I can’t tell you how eager we all are to get this whole unpleasantness cleared up,” Chesterton continued. “We’re sparing no expense on Richard’s account.”
Althea nodded beside him like a bobble head.
“Thank you,” I said. “I feel better knowing someone’s on Richard’s side. I was kind of worried that the police aren’t looking at any other suspects now.”
Mr. Chesterton tilted his head. “Other suspects?”
“Well, if Richard didn’t do it, someone else had to,” I reasoned.
Mr. Chesterton gave me a blank look. Like the thought of Richard’s innocence hadn’t even occurred to him. Or, perhaps closer to the mark, just didn’t interest him. Dewy, Cheatum and Howe, like most attorneys outside of a television sound stage, had no time for such trivial matters as guilt and innocence. It was all about probable cause, technicalities, loopholes, and very large retainers.
Trying my best to appeal to Mr. Chesterton’s human side, (Some lawyers have those, right?) I quickly outlined my mistress theory. I admit, after the less than appreciative reception it had just gotten with Ramirez, I was a little reluctant, especially with Jasmine hanging on my every word, but at this point, I didn’t have much to lose. I was so not doing visitations at San Quentin.
Only when I finished, Mr. Chesterton’s blank face gave way to the kind of patient smile one wore with whiney children or small, disobedient dogs. “That’s all very… interesting. But I’ll tell you what, why don’t you just let me worry about how to get Richard out of this jam.”
It was that leave-it-to-the-big-boys speech again. I was really beginning to get tired of all these big boys screwing with my life.
“I want to help,” I insisted.
Mr. Chesterton put on a placating smile. “Well, honey, you know what you could do that would really help Richard the most?” he asked.
I bit my lip. “What?” So help me God, if he said go home and knit I was going to lose it.
“Be Richard’s moral support in all this. He needs someone in his corner. A cheerleader, if you will.”
I’m proud to say I didn’t laugh out loud. Not even a little snicker.
“Should I go buy pompoms, too?”
Luckily my sarcasm was lost on Chesterton. “You just leave everything to me. We’ll get Richard home soon.”
I gave up. It was clear Mr. Chesterton cared even less than Ramirez about the growing list of women with a grudge against Greenway. And I’d had enough arguing with pigheaded men for one day. Instead I listened in silence while Chesterton informed me that Richard was being arraigned this morning and asking for bail. Unfortunately, since Richard had already run, it was more likely he’d remain in the custody of the State until trial.
He all but patted me on the head as he sent me on my way and disappeared into the back offices again. I resisted the urge to flip him the bird as he walked away. Men!
Althea lingered behind, biting her lip as she edged a little closer to me. “You really think maybe one of Greenway’s girlfriends killed him?” she asked, her voice hushed as if just talking about murder might endanger her.
I sighed, watching Jasmine type away out of the corner of my eye. Despite her attempts at looking uninterested, I’d bet my favorite Gucci boots she’d been careful to overhear every word. “I don’t know. Maybe. I know Greenway was careless where women were concerned.”
“Have you gone to the police with this yet?”
I cringed, remembering Ramirez’s mocking tone. “As far as they’re concerned the investigation is closed.”
“Poor Mr. Howe.” Althea’s eyes dropped to the maroon carpeting and I swear they looked misty behind her coke bottle lenses. I had a feeling Althea might be the only other person on the planet who didn’t think Richard was capable of shooting someone. I made a mental note to take her for a cut and color at Fernando’s when this was all over.
“Don’t worry,” I said, surprising even myself. “I know he didn’t do this. And one way or another, we’ll prove it.” I gave Althea a reassuring smile.
She sniffed, nodding. “Right. Well, I’ll make sure Mr. Chesterton sets up a visitation with Richard for you. It will probably be sometime tomorrow. Is that okay?”
I nodded, thanking Althea even as visions of Richard in prison garb threatened morning sickness again. As I rode the elevator back down to my Jeep, I tried to feel reassured that Chesterton was doing all he could to free Richard. But all I felt was an overwhelming sense of pressure. If I didn’t find Greenway’s killer soon, Richard would stand trial for murder. I really hoped Carol Carter owned a.22. Because I was running out of options.
At exactly four-o-two I was circling the block between Fairfax and LaBrea on Hollywood Boulevard for a parking place that wasn’t too blister producingly far from the Platt Agency. I got lucky on my third try and parked between the Happy Time Go cleaners and Phat Chan’s Hollywood souvenir shop. After reluctantly feeding the meter I clubbed my steering wheel and walked around the corner to the small, white building that housed the Platt Agency. Blissful air conditioning greeted me as I swung through the front doors and took in the décor. The reception room was done in a vintage theme a la Doris Day meets Rock Hudson. Big plastic flowers on the wall, retro square sofa and chairs, and olive green area rugs in geometric patterns on the polished floors. The nostalgia theme was reinforced by the occupants of the room. No less than half a dozen Marilyn Monroe look-alikes. I blinked, taking in the range from Seven Year Itch Marilyn to Happy Birthday Mr. President Marilyn. Yikes. That was a lot of peroxide.
Two folding tables were set up along one wall, stacks of headshots on one and coffee, styrofoam cups and untouched doughnuts on the other. In the center of the room was a kidney shaped reception desk. Behind it sat a dark haired woman in tortoise shell glasses and the bored expression of someone who didn’t appreciate having to work on a Sunday.
“Excuse me?” I said, wading through the sea of blonde bombshells.
She looked up, giving me the once over. “Are you here for the audition?” she asked in a voice with a New York edge to it.
“Me? No. Actually, I’m here to see Carol Carter. I understand she’s a client of yours?”
“She is,” the receptionist said. “But she’s not here.”
“Maybe you could give me her number?”
“Uh, hold on a sec,” the receptionist gave the one finger universal wait sign as a Marilyn in a pink sweater and pumps pushed her way to the desk.
“I’m here for the-” the breathy blonde started.
Bored Receptionist cut her off. “I know, I know. The Lifetime movie. Sign in on the table, the sides are next to the sign in sheet. Leave your headshot on the pile.” She shook her head as Marilyn tottered off on two-inch heels. Then mumbled something that sounded like, “I need a raise.”
She turned back to me. “I’m sorry, who did you say you were?”
I took a deep breath, pulling out the speech I’d prepared in the car on the way over here. “I’m with Springer Productions. We saw Carol Carter’s headshot and think she’s perfect for our latest film. Do you think I could get her number from you?”
“I’m sorry,” the receptionist informed me. “Miss Carter is on location in Toronto. She’s there shooting a pilot for FOX.”
“Canada? How long has she been in Canada?”
“Since last Wednesday.”
I tried not to let my disappointment show. If Carol Carter had been out of the country all week she couldn’t very well have put the hole in Greenway’s head. I was beginning to feel like I was on a wild goose chase.
“Would you like me to set something up for next week?” the receptionist asked, looking past me as another Marilyn came through the door.
“Uh, no, that’s okay. We’ll check back then.”
“Excuse me,” the new Marilyn said, brushing up beside me in saddle shoes, a pencil skirt, and a pink polka dotted blouse that was two sizes too small. “I’m here for the Goodbye Norma Jean audition, and I…” Newbie Marilyn trailed off as she trained her eyes on me.
It took me a second to realize why, but as I stared at those big blue eyes, then lower to those big round implants, recognition hit me like a smack in the head. Bunny.
“You!” she breathed, pointing at me. “What are you doing here?”
“Uh-” Again with the stumped thing. Irrationally I looked to the receptionist, who seemed to have perked up. Apparently her day was becoming more interesting.
Bunny planted her hands on her hips. “I hung around the studio all day yesterday and your photographer never showed up.”
“Huh. Go figure.” I tried to edge toward the door, but Bunny and her double D’s were suddenly blocking my way.
“You know what I think?” she said.
I shook my head, glancing around the sea of blond bombshells for an escape route.
“I think you’re not even a real reporter.”
“Reporter?” Slightly Less Bored Receptionist narrowed her eyes at me behind her frames. “I thought you said you were with Springer Productions?”
“Uh…” I looked from Marilyn to the receptionist. Wondering why my cell phone never rang at times like this? Now would be an excellent time for Mom to call with a wedding emergency or for Dana to need break-up therapy. I looked down at my purse. Silent. Damn.
“Look, here’s the truth,” I said, breaking under the pressure of two pairs of glaring eyes, “I’m looking into the murder of Devon Greenway. And, from what I understand, both you,” I gestured to Bunny, “and Carol Carter dated Greenway.”
“So?” Bunny challenged. “Devon dated lots of women.”
“Which makes for lots of people with reasons to want him dead.”
Bunny narrowed her eyes at me. “You think I killed Devon?”
I shrugged.
“This is better than Desperate Housewives
“Look, Devon may have been an ass,” Bunny conceded. “But there’s no way you’re pinning his murder on me. Besides, didn’t they arrest his lawyer?”
I cringed. “Sort of. But the police are still investigating.”
Bunny put her hands on her hips, her implants jutting towards me, the buttons on her blouse straining against the pressure. “Are you the police?”
I bit my lip. “No.”
“Then I don’t have to answer anything.”
“She’s right,” the receptionist said. “I saw it on Law & Order. She doesn’t have to answer you.”
“In fact,” Bunny went on, advancing on me, “I think maybe it’s time you answered some questions. Who are you, anyway?”
“Me? I’m, uh…” I’m cornered.
Thinking fast, I reached into my purse and flipped my Motorola open. “Sorry I have to take this.” I pretended to push the “on” button and held it to my ear. “Hello?” I said into the silence.
“I didn’t hear it ring,” Helpful Receptionist said.
Bunny crossed her arms over her chest. “Me neither.”
“Vibrate,” I mouthed to them as I nodded and made appropriate listening noises. “Uh huh… sure… right…”
I’d like to think my acting skills would have been pretty convincing if my phone hadn’t picked that moment to start ringing the William Tell overture.
Bunny smirked. “I think your phone is ringing.”
Damn. Note to self: I sucked at undercover work. “Uh, I gotta go.” I made a break for it, through the front doors and down the street. All the while being serenaded by the William Tell Overture still trilling from the cell in my hand. I rounded the corner and made it to my Jeep, quickly locking the doors against any killer Marilyn Monroes before I picked up my call.
“Hello?” I breathed into the phone, the unexpected sprint causing me to pant like a golden retriever.
“Hey, it’s me,” Dana’s voice came through. “Listen, I just remembered something else about Carol Carter.”
“What?”
“She’s on location in Canada right now.”
Does my friend have timing or what? “Yeah, I just found that out.”
“Oh. Sorry. Well, listen, I got a call for an audition tomorrow and I was wondering if I could come over in the morning and borrow something to wear. It’s a campy sixties thing, kinda modern Mod Squad and none of my clothes are right for the part.”
“Sure. Mi closet es su closet.”
“Thank, hon. Oh, Sasha’s calling me, gotta go.” And Dana hung up.
I flipped my phone shut and took a moment to get my breathing under control again before hopping back on the 10 toward Santa Monica. Unfortunately, my day had been a bust and I was no closer to knowing who killed Greenway than Ramirez was. All I’d accomplished was alienate a pissy porn star and discover that Richard’s lawyer was an old-school chauvinist. I wasn’t even fully prepared to cross Carol Carter off my list of evil girlfriends. Sure she had an alibi, but what if she’d hired someone to bump Greenway off? I know, I was grasping now, but I was desperate.
I stopped at Von’s on the way home to pick up a frozen pizza and another liter of Diet Coke. Then somehow a dozen Krispy Kremes jumped into my cart, along with another pint of Chunk Monkey. I didn’t fight it. I figured my dismal encounter at the Platt Agency called for major calorie comfort.
It was dark before I pulled up to my studio. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed not to see Ramirez’s SUV gracing my driveway again. As much as I hated the fact we fought over everything I did, at least it beat the silence I knew was waiting for me inside.
I opened my door and flipped on the lights. Then tripped over something on the floor.
“What the-?” I looked down. It was the crushed EPT.
God I hated that thing. That thing had started this whole mess. I had a married ex(ish)-boyfriend sitting in jail, a sexy cop showing up at my apartment at all hours, a killer Barbie running around shooting people, and I had to deal with a freaking pregnancy test!
And the worst part was, I still didn’t even know how I felt about it. A baby. I mean, I guess I wanted a baby someday. Who didn’t like babies, right? Babies were cute, soft, cuddly. I mean, I’d be a monster not to want a baby, right?
The awful thing was, I kind of did want a baby. I got this warm Florence Henderson feeling when I thought about it that scared the crap out of me. But Florence had had a loving husband, a house in the suburbs, and Alice. I didn’t have any of those things. I wasn’t sure I could do family right now. At least, not alone.
For some odd reason, the image of Ramirez’s family popped into my head. The big backyard filled with laughing children. Mama’s soft, smiling face. The battered piñata hanging from a tree limb. Ramirez, holding his little niece on his lap, his pants sticky with lollipop fingerprints. The air thick with the scent of empanadas and sugar cookies. Then music. And dancing. And the feel of Ramirez’s body against mine as we close danced…
I groaned. I picked up the EPT and threw it in the trash can under my sink. There. One less thing to think about.
I was just contemplating whether or not I should take the can out to the dumpster in the back of the building, when the phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered.
There was a pause on the other end, but I heard breathing.
“Hello?” I tried again, envisioning Richard trying to make a call while rapists and murderers breathed down his neck.
Only the voice I heard wasn’t Richard’s. It was a woman's.
“Greenway deserved what he got. Leave it alone. Or the next bullet’s for you.”