Mariko had given her notorious sweet tooth full rein.
Lex stared at the table of food and could already feel the sugar eating cavities into her enamel. Banana nut bread, sesame-crusted Chinese doughnuts, almond cookies, fruit cocktail and almond custard, steamed egg cake, even honey walnut prawns. On the non-Asian side was rum cake, blueberry pecan muffins, strawberry almond rolls, and croissants. The radioactive coffee Lex had bought that morning from Tran’s Nuclear Coffee Shop burbled in her stomach.
“Not hungry?” Lex’s cousin Tiki fluttered impossibly long lashes as she bit into a chocolate croissant.
Okay, one, what Asian had eyelashes that long and curly? They had to be fake. And two, how did this size-zero chick get away with eating a chocolate croissant with gusto? Tiki even had a son.
“So, Lex, I heard Mariko has a surprise for you.”
Lex peered down her nose at Tiki. “She’s wasting her time.”
Her cat-eyes glittered with mirth. “Oh? And why is that?”
“I don’t need a man when I’ve got Byron Harvey.” Only the points leader on the Sacramento Kings’s roster.
Tiki blinked. Her face had a vacant look that matched her brain capacity. “That’s… nice.”
Lex pursed her lips. “Uh… I’m trying decide between Byron and Geoff German.”
Tiki’s plucked brows wrinkled. “Who?”
“German. The new pitcher for the Oakland A’s?”
Her brow cleared. “Oh. Baseball.” She said it the way she’d say toilet.
Lex’s diaphragm dropped like a trapdoor. These dodos didn’t know any of her sports heroes. A professional athlete as a date to Mariko’s wedding would be like a Pulitzer Prize winner at an Illiteracy Dinner.
“Tavi’s crying.” Tiki flounced away to soothe her shrieking baby.
Lex’s shoulders sagged. Well, at least she didn’t have to suck up to the UCLA alumni association rep in order to get Byron’s number. She probably couldn’t have convinced Grandma it was true love anyway.
“Okay, everybody, let’s start the games.” Mariko stood in the middle of the living room as perky as a cheerleader.
Tiki sidled up to Mariko, bouncing her crying one-year-old.
“Where’s Burt? He’s supposed to be here to babysit.”
Mariko shushed her with a hiss.
The door opened.
Mr. Babysitter had the coloring, build, and look of Russell Crowe as he entered the Colosseum to fight the gladiators. Shoulders back, chin up, firm jaw, eyes stern and ready for warfare.
“There you are!” Tiki mobbed him, shoving baby Tavi into his arms. “See, Tavi-wavvie? Here’s Uncle Burt.” She danced back to Mariko’s side. “Okay, we can start now.”
“Burt, sit there.” Mariko stabbed a lacquered nail at one of two chairs sitting side by side. “Lex, you sit – ”
“Yeah, yeah.” Lex plopped down next to him.
He jiggled baby Tavi like a jackhammer, brushing her arm with his elbow.
She hopped her chair a few inches further away.
“Okay, everybody, take five clothespins.” Tiki passed them out. “Stick them somewhere on you.”
Lex stuck them out from her blouse sleeves like a porcupine.
“Okay, if someone catches you saying the word ‘wedding,’ they can take a clothespin. Whoever has the most pins at the end wins!”
Tiki clapped her hands and bounced on her toes as if this were the most clever game ever invented.
Lex unclipped herself and handed all five clothespins to Mr. Babysitter. “Here. Wedding.”
“Lex!” Tiki’s face matched her pinky lipstick. “Can’t you even try to get into the spirit of things?”
“Nope.” Lex said the word with relish.
Mr. Babysitter shifted the now-hiccoughing Tavi to one arm and grabbed Lex’s pins. “Thanks. I’m not saying another word all afternoon.”
“Okay, everyone, now take some toilet paper. However much you like.” Mariko giggled as she passed around the toilet paper rolls. Several of the other women also started giggling and pulling off wads and wads of paper. Lex tore off one sheet.
“We’re separating you into two teams. You guys are team one – ”
Mariko pointed to three Barbies (Lex didn’t remember their names), Lex, Mr. Babysitter, and baby Tavi. “The rest are team two. Now, pick a model and make her a bridal gown from the toilet paper!”
You have got to be kidding me. Why did Mariko cheer? It would be hard to find an older or dumber bridal shower game in history.
“Lex, you’re our model.” Tall girl with fried blonde hair.
“Because we know how to make a good dress.” Asian girl with green contact lenses, making her look rather alien-like.
“No. Way.” Lex crossed her arms.
“Oh, come on.” Buxom girl with short hair held out her length of TP. “The less you fight, the faster this will be over.”
She had a point. It wasn’t as if Lex was going to help them make the dress, and Mr. Babysitter had his hands full. “Fine.” She flung out her arms and clipped Green Contacts’s nose.
Mariko should have set a time limit. The Three Stooges dithered over where to put every single length of TP.
“Over her shoulder?”
“No, then it won’t drape for a nice train.”
“How about dipping down in front?”
“No, that’ll upset the lines.”
Lines? It was a TP dress, for crying out loud. And did they need to touch her so much? “Just put it on!” Lex swiveled so she could give all three her hottest glare. Mr. Babysitter sat apart from them, holding baby Tavi a little like a football.
The doorbell rang. Since Lex’s group was the only one in line of sight with the door, Buxom Girl darted to open it.
Lex twisted around. “No!” She looked ridiculous. She didn’t want anyone to see -
Too late. The door swung open. “Got a package. I need a signature.” A UPS deliveryman stood there in his brown uniform. He did a double-take at seeing Lex mummified, with Fried Blonde wrapping her head in more TP for a veil.
Lex’s glare lanced right through him. “What are you looking at?”
He jumped. “Nothing, ma’am.” He grabbed the electronic pad from Buxom Girl before she could scrawl more than an initial and raced away.
They finally finished, and Lex stood glowering while the girls laughed at her – no way would she believe they were laughing at the dress instead – until Mariko nodded, and she could tear it off her body.
“Oh! Be careful!” Green Contacts tried to save their creation.
Lex stuck her face close enough to see her pupils shrink. “It’s toilet paper. ”
“Okay, next game is Guess That Lingerie!” Tiki trilled a sadistic laugh. “We asked everybody to bring some sexy lingerie for Mariko -they’re all laid out here – so now each of you will guess who brought which outfit!”
Was Tiki dropped on her head as a child? What kind of inane game was this?
Baby Tavi let out a particularly shrieking wail – man, that kid had cried nonstop so far – and Mariko glanced in Lex’s direction. “Lex, you go first.”
“No way.” Lex thrust out her jaw.
Mariko’s eyes spit daggers at her.
Lex burned holes in her Shiseido face with her laser-beam vision.
Mariko took a step toward her.
Rrrrring!
Saved by the cell phone. Lex would even welcome a call from one of Grandma’s friends’ sons right now.
Maybe it was… the number looked familiar, but she couldn’t place it. “Hello?”
“Lex, it’s Aiden.”
Lex flashed a brilliant smile at Mariko. “Sorry, I have to take this.” She escaped into the kitchen.
“Hey, Aiden, what’s up?” She peeked into the refrigerator. Maybe Mariko had some carrot sticks…
“You have my cell phone.”
Lex straightened, clipping her forehead on the edge of a shelf. “What do you mean? You’re talking to me.” She rubbed her raw skin.
“From your cell phone.”
Lex peered at the phone. Oh. “When did this happen?”
“Last night at volleyball. Remember? We both answered our phones.”
“Oh, yeah.” She’d tossed hers down without answering. She hadn’t even noticed it when she put her phone away.
“Where are you now?” Aiden asked.
“Cupertino.”
“I’m in the area. Want me to come by so we can switch phones?”
“Yes!” Whoa, easy there, Rover. “I mean, that would be fine.”
“Give me your address.”
Lex recited Mariko’s address with the gusto of the kids in Sunday school. “Need directions?”
“No, I’ll MapQuest it. I’ll call if I get lost.”
She hung out in the kitchen, munching on an apple until the mortifying lingerie game had finished. She took her seat next to Mr.Babysitter, who was trying to juggle a squirming Tavi and a cup of syrupy punch someone had given to him.
He held out his cup to her. “Can you hold this for a sec?”
“Sure.” She grabbed it.
Mr. Babysitter changed to a weird stiff-armed bouncing thing with the squalling baby. Tavi had crescendoed to a piercing howl.
Mr. Babysitter’s eyes held pure panic as he turned to her. “Know anything about babies?”
“No.” He couldn’t pay Lex enough to lay a finger on Tiki’s spoiled brat.
Baby Tavi paused his wide-mouthed crying to burp. A drop of cloudy drool trickled down his chin.
Ew. Lex flipped her eyes away faster than Dad with the remote control. Mariko bustled past her, wafting some sickly sweet scent her way. Lex’s abused stomach rumbled, then stilled.
Baby Tavi had quieted to sniffles, snorts, and hiccoughs, all of which started to sound very wet and slurpy and gross. He now had a large spot of ochre-colored drool on his bib. Don’t think about the color! Lex tried to shut one eye so she couldn’t see him.
She breathed a shallow breath in through her nose, but then caught a whiff of something distinctly urp-smelling. She gagged.
“Mariko, I’m not feeling well.”
Mariko tilted her head down as she glared at Lex. She propped a hand on her hip, making her bangles jingle like chains. “You stay right where you are.”
“I’m serious, Mariko.”
A pink glitter extension aimed at her. “Stay put.”
Lex’s stomach heaved again. Maybe if she didn’t move, it would settle down.
A gushing liquidy sound. Warmth dripping on her hand, soaking through her slacks.
Don’t look, don’t look, don’t -
The smell of regurgitated carrots assailed her. Her eyes flew open in shock.
Orange-yellow splattered on her hand, her forearm, all over her leg. Lucky her. Tavi had the projectile thing going.
Her stomach rose to boiling. She clapped her hand over her mouth and nose, trying to think cool, calming thoughts while her gut roiled.
Unfortunately, she forgot about the cup of syrupy juice in her hand. It spilled all over the source of her misery.
Well, she got most of it on Tavi’s bib. And his head. And Mr.Babysitter’s pants. And Mariko’s floor.
“Aaaaiiiiieeeee! ” Mariko’s piercing shriek sent a jolt through Lex’s body.
Lex couldn’t move. She stared at Tavi’s red-orange grinning face and pressed a shaking hand to her midsection.
Tiki rushed to Tavi’s side, but then stood there flapping her arms canary-style when Mr. Babysitter shoved the newly anointed baby at her. “Ew… ugh… er…”
“Lex, how could you?” Green Contacts circled them, but she also kept out of reach of Tavi’s flinging arms. “He’s just a baby.”
“He started it.” Lex tried to wipe the baby urp from her hand onto Mr. Babysitter’s pants.
“Hey!” He shifted away from her.
“Your pants are already dirty.”
“So are yours.”
Hmm. Good point. Oh, no. Lex’s stomach started boiling again. “I’m going to be sick.”
The circle around them expanded faster than a balloon. Mr. Babysitter’s dismayed gaze passed over each of the women. “Somebody take the kid!”
Lex gagged in Mr. Babysitter’s direction.
“Aim at your own pants!”
The doorbell rang.
Green Contacts waggled a finger at Lex. “Put your head between your legs.”
Lex tried to glare at her through the tears gathering in her eyes.
Rats. Being sick always made her cry. Not now, not in front of these people…
“Is Lex Sakai -?”
Aiden.
He stood in the open doorway, the sunlight bright behind him. Her knight in shining armor.
“Save me,” she croaked.
He felt like a knight in shining armor.
Lex looked paler than mochi rice-dumplings. Tears streaked down her face, and she held her orange-colored hand out from her, as if in denial that it belonged to her.
Aiden strode to the refreshment table and grabbed the entire stack of cocktail napkins. He had to use half the napkins on her hand, the other half on her pants. “What’s wrong? Dizzy?”
She shook her head. She kept her eyes screwed shut, her mouth pinched closed.
“Nauseated?”
She nodded.
The women chattered around him, as intelligible as a flock of pigeons. He ignored all advice, questions, innuendoes, and flirting.
A girl who looked a little like Lex sank her talons into his upper arm so she could hiss in his ear. “Get her out of here.”
Lex rose on shaky legs. Aiden held her elbow as he guided her to the door. One of the women slung Lex’s purse over her shoulder.
Mr. Babysitter had sat there while the women cleaned up the baby with wipes, then mopped up his pants. As Lex headed toward the door, he rose to his feet and faced her, looking like a bulldog. “These were Giovannis. I should make you buy me new ones.”
Aiden expected a blazing hot answer from her, but Lex just peered at him, her eyes dazed.
The guy slanted his beady eyes at her. “I might be more forgiving if you can get me Giants’ tickets.”
Lex inhaled a raspy breath and swallowed hard before answering.
“It’s only college games, you doofus.” She turned toward the door.
Aiden put a steadying hand on her waist, but a jolt of tension tightened her entire abdomen at his touch. He immediately removed his hand.
She didn’t seem to mind his grasp of her elbow. Her weight sagged against his hand. He shuffled her out the door, and someone slammed it behind them.
When he opened the door to his SUV, she flinched away from his leather seats. “My pants.”
Where had he put those extra T-shirts? Trunk? No, backseat. He spread them over the leather and let her climb in gingerly.
He got behind the wheel. “Home?”
“Blossom Hill and 85.” She sat with eyes closed.
The tears spilled down her face. She wouldn’t open her eyes. He wondered if she wanted to shut out the world.
Somehow he knew it wasn’t sickness. Her entire body had seemed to shrivel where she sat. How many people had ever seen her weak and vulnerable? Her hand clutched the door handle, knuckles white.
Some knight you are. Catching her at her worst. I’m sure she’s thrilled about that. He caught the tremble in her lower lip before she drew them tight.
“It’s okay. I’ll take back roads and drive slow.”
A small smile appeared on her face. His heart expanded.
He punched it down immediately. Dummy. She was Trish’s cousin and a Christian. Wasn’t Trish’s hypocrisy enough?
“Drmmmnn.”
“What?”
She reached down for her backpack purse at her feet. “Drm-mmnn.” She fumbled inside, then pulled out a foil packet of tablets.
Lex looked at him, finally, as she held out the packet. Her bleary gaze captured his eyes, pleading, but somehow calm. Trusting.
He pulled over and took the medicine from her. “Dramamine?”
He popped out an orange tablet.
“For the nausea.” She bit down on the tablet, then pulled a bottle of water out of her purse.
Aiden drove on, listening to her directions. Her voice started to slur, her eyes drooping with sleepiness. “It’s the medicine. Makes me tired.” She yawned. “Follow Santa Teresa all the way down. A few miles.” She sighed. Then sighed again. “I’m so sorry, Aiden.”
Knight in Shining Armor. “It’s okay.”
“I’m so glad you came.”
“Well, I needed my phone.”
“Forgot about that. You’re so nice to come pick it up.” She yawned with a little sound at the back of her throat. “You don’t make me feel bad. Not like those girls.”
“They made you feel bad?” He shouldn’t be encouraging her to talk, not with her disoriented like this.
She snuggled back into the leather seat, eyes closed. “They snipe. You don’t. You don’t fuss either.”
She fell into a restless doze. She roused with a slurred, “Wedding cake.”
“Dreaming about a wedding?”
She smiled but didn’t open her eyes. “Mm-hm. You’re not a bad guy.”
“I’m glad you think that.”
“Really. I could like you.” She turned her head toward the window and sank deeper into the seat.
“Huh?”
She gave an enormous yawn and mumbled something that sounded like, “Will you marry me and save me from Grandma?”
He jerked the wheel back before he crashed the truck.