Aiden took a deep breath, then knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
He felt like an interloper as he entered. “Pastor, we met – ”
“I remember.” The pastor waved Aiden inside.
No cheesy smiles, nothing even remotely resembling a salesman selling something. The pastor gestured to the chair in front of his desk.
“I’m Aiden.” No last name. “I came to see the mural again.”
“Go ahead.”
It kicked Aiden in the gut, just like before, actual physical pain. He never expected it from a mere picture. “Who painted it?”
“Another church commissioned an artist to paint it for their sanctuary, but the result was… a little too shocking. So I bought it.”
“Why?”
“You know why.” The pastor’s matter-of-fact voice remained neutral. “You’re the one who came back to look at it.”
Aiden couldn’t stop. He shuffled his feet. “I – ”
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I don’t mind if you want to just look at it again.”
Sincerity in this man’s eyes. Aiden suddenly realized how different that was. He always felt closed. Controlled. “What do you feel when you look at it? Do you get used to it?”
The man’s eyes saddened as he looked at the picture. “I don’t get used to it. I pray I never do.”
Aiden didn’t say anything. He reached out a hand to trace a nail biting into his flesh.
“Christ’s pain should always be my pain. I should never forget. I never want to. I want to keep reaching out to other people in pain.” He sighed. “It doesn’t always work that way. I fail more than I succeed.”
“Why try?”
“Because I can’t afford not to. Look at Him.” He stretched out his hands as if beseeching the picture. “He wouldn’t give up.”
Aiden shook his head. “He doesn’t make sense to me.”
The pastor shrugged. “He does when you believe. That’s all I can tell you.”
“That makes even less sense.”
He sat back down in his chair. “Take a couple days and think about it. Come back and tell me what you think.”
“You’ll just argue with me.”
“I won’t.” And he hadn’t, not the entire time Aiden had stood in his tiny office.
“Maybe.” Aiden twisted the doorknob.
“You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. I’ll even leave the office if that’ll make you more comfortable.” He wasn’t eager or pushy.
He was matter-of-fact. He met Aiden with clear eyes.
Aiden had never been as transparent as that. He almost wished he could be. “No, I’ve seen enough. Thanks.” He shut the door behind him and headed out to the church lobby. Maybe he’d come back.
“Lindsay, sweetie.”
Ike’s voice stopped Aiden before he erupted into the front lobby.He peeked around the corner.
Ike held Lindsay in a loose embrace. His murmured words didn’t carry to Aiden, but they clearly pleased Lindsay.
Aiden had seen Ike flirting with Lex the other day at PT.
He wasn’t surprised. He had overheard Ike enough at the gym, in the men’s locker room. He knew Ike flitted from girl to girl. He loved whatever girl he happened to be with, no matter how much he flew back and forth.
Lindsay today. Lex tomorrow? Not cool.
Except Lex wasn’t Aiden’s to protect. If she made a bad choice in men, what was it to him?
Ike took Lindsay’s hand and led her out the side door.
Bile left a bitter taste in Aiden’s mouth. He forced his jaw to relax and stop clenching his teeth together.
Lex didn’t deserve to be played.
You don’t feel this protective of Lindsay.
Lex wasn’t his, but she was a friend.
She would never want you to interfere with her life.
She’d never find out.
The Goodwill guys had put it in her car for her – even if it did stick out the back a little – but who would bring it into her apartment?
Lex frowned and stared at her new/used exercise bike. It wasn’t nearly as nice as the ones at PT, but it would do the job. If she could cycle a couple times a day, the swelling would stay down in her knee.
Assuming she could get it into her apartment. And assuming she could find someplace to put it. Well, the CPM machine had been returned long ago, so she really should rearrange the boxes.
Maybe somebody would come by. Or maybe she could call someone. She’d leave the bike in the car until then.
Lex walked slowly over the cracked walkway to her apartment.
She still didn’t feel very stable without her brace. The doctor assured her she’d get stronger once she got used to not having it on.
What was that on her door? Lex pulled the yellow sheet of paper from her peeling paint.
The apartment building was being sold. Lex had four weeks to move out.
A hammer sent blows to her breastbone and her stomach at the same time. She gripped the doorframe to keep from falling.
This couldn’t be happening.
She needed ice cream.
Lex jammed her key in the lock.
“Rex?”
She turned. “Oh, hi Mrs. Chang.”
Her cheerful round face had turned into a weepy moon. She held her own notice.
“Oh, Mrs. Chang. Do you understand what that says?” Lex pointed at the paper.
Mrs. Chang nodded. “I call nephew, he read.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shook her head while another fat tear dropped from her downcast eyes. She gave a rather loud, wet sniff, then a hacking sound from the back of her throat.
Okay, that was just gross.
“I live wit’ nephew. He help.”
Lex awkwardly patted Mrs. Chang’s round shoulder. She nodded, then waddled away.
What would happen to her? Would her nephew find her another place or take her in? It sounded like he knew his duty – he’d take care of his aging relative in some way. Lex had never been so relieved at the old cultural obligations. She’d stop hacking at them after this.
She needed ice cream.
She pushed into her studio. The unnatural silence confused her.
What was missing?
The hum of the refrigerator.
Lex dashed to the kitchenette and saw the drips of water from the tiny freezer, all the way down the front.
She wanted to cry. No ice cream.
She had just finished cleaning out her spoiled food and slurping down some melted ice cream when her cell phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hi, it’s Aiden. I’m in your area – I’m meeting some friends for dinner. Want to join us?”
Not a date, then. Lex wasn’t disappointed, not really. “Your timing is perfect. My fridge is broken.”
“Hooray for old appliances.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I’ll pick you up in ten minutes.”
He arrived in eight minutes, actually. She opened the door before he rang the bell. “Where are we going?”
“Chinese?”
“Excellent.”
Aiden kept tapping the steering wheel as he drove. Even Lex, as unobservant as she tended to be, noticed his uncharacteristic nervousness. “Are you okay?”
“I’m just hungry.”
“Not that I’m complaining, but what made you call me for dinner with you and your friends?”
Aiden’s face seemed smoother than glass. It seemed almost as if he were hiding something. No, that was ridiculous. “You did say you wanted to meet more guys, right?”
“Oh.” She had said that. “Right.”
“One guy is Christian, I think. At least, he says he is.”
His cynicism pricked her. “There are sincere Christians, you know.”
He grew quiet. “Yes, I know.” His voice thrummed low and thoughtful.
They pulled into the parking lot. “Is that them?” Lex saw two figures half-hidden in the dark.
Something made her pause before opening her door.
It couldn’t be Aiden’s friends – it was a couple. The man kissed the woman in the dark, a romantic picture. The woman’s light-colored hair shimmered almost silver.
That looked like Ike. And Lindsay.
The man lifted his head.
“Ike?” She didn’t recognize the croaking voice. Was that her? She swallowed. A wadded up ball of tape stuck in her throat.
The man smiled. It was Ike.
Aiden hadn’t gotten out either. He stared hard at the couple.
Lex swallowed. “Can we not -?”
“Sure.” He started up the engine again, no questions.
“Please just take me home.” She wasn’t hungry anymore.
They drove out of the parking lot. As they passed Ike and Lindsay, Lex felt only a twinge like a snapped rubber band in her chest.
Well, at least she wouldn’t have to kiss him now.
She glanced at Aiden. She’d like to kiss him -Look, but don’t touch.
Rats.
THIRTY-THREE
Aiden thought sitting in the front pew with Spenser would make him a target for the full force of the pastor’s sermon, but the man barely glanced at him.
The message aimed at hearts more than minds. It contrasted with the talks Aiden had with him the past couple weeks, where Aiden asked and the pastor responded with logic.
“God gives us freedom.” He studied his notes and sipped some water before continuing. “But freedom isn’t the same for everybody. Freedom could be from physical prisons or mental prisons. Freedom from inadequacy and hiding.”
Aiden wondered if that was a message to him. They’d talked about his tendency to hide behind his impassive mask, to always seem calm and in control.
From the pulpit, he swept a pointing finger at the congregation. “God wants to free you. He cares about each of you, individually.”
Aiden had a hard time believing that. The pastor had told him to set out a fleece, but Aiden wasn’t sure how.
One thing the pastor had said still resonated in his mind. Aiden, you don’t need to have all the answers before you step out in faith.
Listening to him now, Aiden struggled with the fact that he didn’t have enough to go by, and that that’s what faith was.
Okay. He sat back. He wasn’t sure how to open a channel to God, but he assumed He’d hear him. Okay. Prove Yourself to me. I’m not promising to believe, but I’ ll listen, for a change.
That’s it.
No thundering revelation. No fireworks, no surge of emotion.
Well? He didn’t feel any different. Was he supposed to?
The pastor suddenly glanced at Aiden, paused in his sermon. Then he picked up his sentence and continued.
That seemed odd.
Spenser turned in his seat, gave him a long look. He turned back around.
Hmmm.
Then Spenser leaned sideways. “Let’s go fishing after ser vice.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve been talking to your pastor.” Aiden cast his line into Calero Reservoir. The hot day didn’t say much for their chances of catching anything.
“He’s a nice guy.” Spenser cast out his line and moved a step farther away.
“I like the picture on his wall.”
“Me too.”
Aiden’s lure stuck on something. “Aw, man.” He tugged, but no dice.
“Stuck?”
“Yeah.”
Aiden cut his line. It had been a cheap lure anyway. He selected another one and started stringing it. “I’m starting to understand this Christian ity stuff.” He didn’t look up at Spenser.
“Great.” Spenser didn’t say anything more, just kept jibbing his lure. Aiden looked at him.
Spenser smiled. It wasn’t brilliant, or startled, or even different from normal. But something about it… Aiden somehow felt that now he knew Spenser better than he ever had before.
He cast his lure. Yeah, maybe this was right.
“So this snooty guy comes up and says, ‘Welcome to Green Pastures Church. Are you a visitor today?’ And I was like, ‘Well, duh.’
And then he asked me if I was a Christian, if I went to Bible study, blah, blah, blah. And then he started harping about how I needed to learn Greek. Greek!” Lex shoved at the leg press so hard, her foot caught air.
She could tell Aiden tried hard not to be amused. “Greek is a worthy study.”
“Oh, don’t start. So then I told him – ”
“Hey, Aiden, where were you, man?” Ike walked up to Lex’s leg press. “Hi there, Lex.”
She stifled the urge to knock him to the mat, the two-timing flirt. “Hi, Ike.”
“So, Aiden, me and Lindsay waited twenty minutes for you, and then we just went inside to order.”
Aiden had gone still – so subtle, Lex almost didn’t notice it. He shrugged. “Sorry. I tried calling you, but my cell phone died.”
“No prob, no prob. Next time. That Chinese restaurant was great.”
Lex almost didn’t pick up on Ike’s words except that Aiden’s mask had subtly shifted at “Chinese restaurant.”
“When were you guys supposed to meet?” She paused at the top of her rep.
Aiden cleared his throat. “This past week.”
He was never vague. Lex’s eyes narrowed.
“I think it was Wednesday, right?” Ike patted his stomach. “That restaurant on Bascom.”
“You set me up!” Lex swung off the machine. The weights crashed down.
“Whoa, whoa!” Ike backed off. Lex ignored him, advancing on Aiden. His face had become fluid, flowing from shock to calculating, from guilt to regret.
“You wanted me to see Ike with Lindsay.”
“You saw us? What?” Ike paled to paste. “Oh, man.”
“You – ” She whirled and advanced a step at Ike, who backed into the freeweights shelves – “are a dork. You never had a chance. And you – ” She turned to stalk Aiden – “are just as bad as Grandma.”
She stood there, nursing a strong urge to knock him to the mat instead of Ike. She had never thought Aiden would trick her. Aiden was the one person she had thought she could trust to be honest.
Wasn’t that one of her original points on her Ephesians list? Honest?
Not manipulative?
“It’s true, I did know Ike and Lindsay would be there, and I took you to see them. But I didn’t make them start macking.”
“You saw that?” Ike plopped onto a gym bench. “Oh, man.”
“You had to have known what he’d do with a pretty female in a dark parking lot.”
Aiden’s mask dropped and shattered. “Do you really want to date someone like that?” He flung his arm at Ike.
Lex had never seen Aiden upset like this – even on the volleyball court, she’d never seen him so mad – but anger fired through her veins too. “It’s not your business. You took that choice away from me.”
“You don’t like not being in control of everything.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“Guys.” Ike stepped between them and extended an arm to each.
“Now, you’re just getting snipey. Let’s try to keep communication open – ”
“Shut up!” “Stuff it.”
“Okay.” Hands up, he backed away. “I can see I’m not wanted.”
“I don’t like being manipulated.” Lex wanted to grab something and brain Aiden, but the weights were a little too lethal.
“You’d rather be manipulated by the player over there? I was trying to protect you.”
“I – ” Lex ground her teeth. That was actually kind of nice, but she wasn’t in a mood to appreciate it. “You just keep out of my life.”
She marched down the ramp and turned left to the waiting area.
She ruined her exit by coming back to get her purse from the women’s locker room. She gave Aiden a heated glare when she passed him the second time.
With nose pointed straight up in the air, Lex stormed out.