THE COnnecticut Psychiatric Hospital, fifteen miles north of Westport, was originally the estate of Wim Booker, a wealthy Dutchman, who built the house in 1910. The forty lush acres contained a large manor house, a workshop, stable and swimming pool. The state had bought the property in 1925 and had refitted the manor house to accommodate a hundred patients. A tall chain-link fence had been erected around the property, with a manned guard post at the entrance. Metal bars had been placed on all the windows, and one section of the house had been fortified as a security area to hold dangerous inmates.
In the office of Dr. Otto Lewison, head of the psychiatric clinic, a meeting was taking place. Dr. Gilbert Keller and Dr. Craig Poster were discussing a new patient who was about to arrive.
Gilbert Keller was a man in his forties, medium height, blond hair and intense gray eyes. He was a renowned expert on multiple personality disorder.
Otto Lewison, the superintendent of the Connecticut Psychiatric Hospital, was in his seventies, a neat, dapper little man with a full beard and pince-nez glasses.
Dr. Craig Foster had worked with Dr. Keller for years and was writing a book on multiple personality disorder. All were studying Ashley Patterson's records.
Otto Lewison said, "The lady has been busy. She's only twenty-eight and she's murdered five men." He glanced at the paper again. "She also tried to murder her attorney."
"Everyone's fantasy," Gilbert Keller said dryly.
Otto Lewison said, "We're going to keep her in security ward A until we can get a full evaluation."
"When is she arriving?" Dr. Keller asked.
The voice of Dr. Lewison's secretary came over the intercom. "Dr. Lewison, they're bringing Ashley Patterson in. Would you like to have them bring her into your office?"
"Yes, please." Lewison looked up. "Does that answer your question?"
The trip had been a nightmare. At the end of her trial, Ashley Patterson had been taken back to her cell and held there for three days while arrangements were made to fly her back east.
A prison bus had driven her to the airport in Oakland, where a plane was waiting for her. It was a converted DC-6, part of the huge National Prisoner Transportation System run by the U.S. Marshals Service. There were twenty-four prisoners aboard, all manacled and shackled.
Ashley was wearing handcuffs, and when she sat down, her feet were shackled to the bottom of the seat.
Why are they doing this to me? I'm not a dangerous criminal. I'm a normal woman. And a voice inside her said. Who murdered five innocent people?
The prisoners on the plane were hardened criminals, convicted of murder, rape, armed robbery and a dozen other crimes. They were on their way to top security prisons around the country. Ashley was the only woman on board.
One of the convicts looked at her and grinned. "Hi, baby. How would you like to come over and warm up my lap?"
"Cool it," a guard warned.
"Hey! Don't you have any romance in your soul? This bitch ain't going to get laid for—What's your sentence, baby?"
Another convict said, "Are you have any, honey? How about me movin' into the seat next to you and slippin' you—?"
Another convict was staring at Ashley. "Wait a minute!" he said. "That's the broad who killed five men and castrated them."
They were all looking at Ashley now.
That was the end of the badgering.
On the way to New York, the plane made two landings to discharge or pick up passengers. It was a long flight, the air was turbulent and by the time they landed at La Guardia Airport, Ashley was airsick.
Two uniformed police officers were waiting for her on the tarmac when the plane landed. She was unshackled from the plane seat and shackled again in die interior of a police van. She had never felt so humiliated. The fact that she felt so normal made it all the more unbearable. Did they think she was going to try to escape or murder someone? All that was over, in the past. Didn't they know that? She was sure it would never happen again. She wanted to be away from there. Anywhere.
Sometime during the long, dreary drive to Connecticut, she dozed off. She was awakened by a guard's voice.
"We're here."
They had reached the gates of the Connecticut Psychiatric Hospital.
When Ashley Patterson was ushered into Dr. Lewison's office, he said, "Welcome to Connecticut Psychiatric Hospital, Miss Patterson."
Ashley stood there, pale and silent.
Dr. Lewison made the introductions and held out a chair. "Sit down, please." He looked at the guard. "Take off the handcuffs and shackles."
The restraints were removed, and Ashley took a seat.
Dr. Foster said, "I know this must be very difficult for you. We're going to do everything we can to make it as easy as possible. Our goal is to see that one day you will leave this place, cured."
Ashley found her voice. "How—how long could that -take?"
Otto Lewison said, "It's too soon to answer that yet. If you can be cured, it could take five or six years."
Each word hit Ashley like a thunderbolt. '"If you can be cured, it could take five or six years...."
"The therapy is nonthreatening. It will consist of a combination of sessions with Dr. Keller—hypnotism, group therapy, art therapy. The important thing to remember is that we're not your enemies."
Gilbert Keller was studying her face. "We're here to help you, and we want you to help us do that."
There was nothing more to say.
Otto Lewison nodded to the attendant, and he walked over to Ashley and took her arm.
Craig Foster said, "He'll take you to your quarters now. We'll talk again later."
When Ashley had left the room, Otto Lewison turned to Gilbert Keller. "What do you think?"
"Well, there's one advantage. There are only two alters to work on."
Keller was trying to remember. "What's the most we've had?"
"The Beltrand woman—ninety alters."
Ashley had not known what to expect, but somehow she had envisioned a dark, dreary prison. The Connecticut Psychiatric Hospital was more like a pleasant clubhouse—with metal bars.
As the attendant escorted Ashley through the long, cheerful corridors, Ashley watched the inmates freely walking back and forth. There were people of every age, and all of them seemed normal. Why are they here? Some of them smiled at her and said, "Good morning," but Ashley was too bewildered to answer. Everything seemed surreal. She was in an insane asylum. Am I insane?
They reached a large steel door that closed off a part of the building. There was a male attendant behind the door. He pressed a red button and the huge door opened.
"This is Ashley Patterson."
The second attendant said, "Good morning, Miss Patterson." They made everything seem so normal. But nothing is normal anymore, Ashley thought. The world is upside down.
"This way. Miss Patterson." He walked her to another door and opened it. Ashley stepped inside. Instead of a cell, she was looking at a pleasant, medium-size room with pastel blue walls, a small couch and a comfortable-looking bed.
"This is where you'll be staying. They'll be bringing your things in a few minutes."
Ashley watched the guard leave and close the door behind him. This is where you'll be staying.
She began to feel claustrophobic. What if I don't want to stay? What if I want to get out of here?
She walked over to the door. It was locked. Ashley sat down on the couch, trying to organize her thoughts. She tried to concentrate on the positive. We're going to try to cure you.
We're going to try to cure you.
We're going to cure you.
Dr. Gilbert Keller was in charge of Ashley's therapy. His specialty was treating multiple personality disorder, and while he had had failures, his success rate was high. In cases like this, there were no easy answers. His first job was to get the patient to trust him, to feel comfortable with him, and then to bring out the alters, one by one, so that in the end they could communicate with one another and understand why they existed, and finally, why there was no more need for them. That was the moment of blending, when the personality states came together as a single entity.
We're a long way from that. Dr. Keller thought.
The following morning, Dr. Keller had Ashley brought to his office.
"Good morning, Ashley."
"Good morning. Dr. Keller."
"I want you to call me Gilbert. We're going to be friends. How do you feel?"
She looked at him and said, "They tell me I've killed five people. How should I feel?"
"Do you remember killing any of them?"
"No."
"I read the transcript of your trial, Ashley. You didn't kill them. One of your alters did. We're going to get acquainted with your alters, and in time, with your help we'll make them disappear."
"I—I hope you can—"
"I can. I'm here to help you, and that's what I'm going to do. The alters were created in your mind to save you from an unbearable pain. We have to find out what caused that pain. I need to find out when those alters were born and why."
"How—how do you do that?"
"We'll talk. Things will come to you. From time to time, we'll use hypnotism or Sodium Amytal. You've been hypnotized before, haven't you?"
"Yes."
"No one's going to pressure you. We're going to take our time." He added reassuringly, "And when we're through, you're going to be well."
They talked for almost an hour. At the end of that time, Ashley felt much more relaxed. Back in her room, she thought, I really think he can do it. And she said a little prayer.
Dr. Keller had a meeting with Otto Lewison. "We talked this morning," Dr. Keller said. "The good news is that Ashley admits she has a problem, and she's willing to be helped."
"That's a beginning. Keep me informed."
"I will, Otto."
Dr. Keller was looking forward to the challenge ahead of him. There was something very special about Ashley Patterson. He was determined to help her.
They talked every day, and a week after Ashley arrived, Dr. Keller said, "I want you to be comfortable and relaxed. I'm going to hypnotize you." He moved toward her.
"No! Wait!"
He looked at her, surprised. "What's the matter?"
A dozen terrible thoughts flashed through Ashley's head. He was going to bring out her alters. She was terrified of the idea. "Please," she said. "I—I don't want to meet them."
"You won't," Dr. Keller assured her. "Not yet."
She swallowed. "All right."
"Are you ready?"
She nodded. "Yes."
"Good. Here we go."
It took fifteen minutes to hypnotize her. When she was under, Gilbert Keller glanced at a piece of paper on his desk. Toni Prescott and Alette Peters. It was time for switching, the process of changing from one dominating personality state to another.
He looked at Ashley, asleep in her chair, then leaned forward. "Good morning, Tonni. Can you hear me?"
He watched Ashley's face transform, taken over by an entirely different personality. There was a sudden vivacity in her face. She began to sing:
"Half a pound of tupenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle,
Mix it up and make it nice,
Pop! goes the weasel..."
"That was very nice, Toni. I'm Gilbert Keller."
"I know who you are," Toni said.
"I'm glad to meet you. Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful singing voice?"
"Sod off."
"I mean it. Did you ever take singing lessons? I'll bet you did."
"No, I didn't. As a matter of fact, I wanted to, but my"—For God's sakes, will you stop that terrible noise! Whoever told you you could sing?—"never mind."
"Toni, I want to help you."
"No, you don't, Dockie baby. You want to lay me."
"Why do you think that, Toni?"
"That's all you bloody men ever want to do. Ta."
"Toni...? Toni...?"
Silence.
Gilbert Keller looked at Ashley's face again. It was serene. Dr. Keller leaned forward.
"Alette?" There was no change in Ashley's expression. "Alette...?"
Nothing.
"I want to speak to you, Alette."
Ashley began to stir uneasily.
"Come out, Alette."
Ashley took a deep breath, and then there was a sudden explosion of words spoken in Italian.
"C'i qualcuno che parla Italuaw?"
"Alette—"
"Non so dove mi trovo"
"Alette, listen to me. You're safe. I want you to relax."
"Mi sento stanca.... I'm tired."
"You've been through a terrible time, but all that is behind you. Your future is going to be very peaceful. Do you know where you are?"
His voice was white.
"Si. It's some kind of place for people who are pazzo." That's why you're here, Doctor. You're the crazy one.
"It's a place where you're going to be cored. Alette, when you close your eyes and visualize this place, what comes to your mind?"
"Hogarth. He painted insane asylums and scenes that are terrifying." You're too ignorant ever to have heard of him.
"I don't want you to think of this place as terrifying. Tell me about yourself, Alette. What do you like to do? What would you like to do while you're here?"
"I like to paint."
"We'll have to get you some paints."
"No!"
"Why?"
"I don't want to."
"What do you call that, child? It looks like an ugly blob to me."
Leave me alone.
"Alette?" Gilbert Keller watched Ashley's face change again.
Alette was gone. Dr. Keller awakened Ashley.
She opened her eyes and blinked. "Have you started?"
"We've finished."
"How did I do?"
"Toni and Alette talked to me. We've made a good beginning, Ashley."
The letter from David Singer read:
Dear Ashley,
Just a note to let you know that I'm thinking about you and hoping that you're making good progress. As a matter of fact, I think about you often. I feel as though we've gone through the wars together. It was a tough fight, but we won. And I have good news. I've been assured that the murder charges against you in Bedford and Quebec will be dropped. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know.
Warmest wishes,
David
The following morning, Dr. Keller was talking to Toni while Ashley was under hypnosis.
"What is it now, Dockie?"
"I just want to have a little chat with you. I'd like to help you."
"I don't need your bloody help. I'm doing fine."
"Well, I need your help, Toni. I want to ask you a question. What do you think of Ashley?"
"Miss Tight Ass? Don't get me started."
"You don't like her?"
"In spades."
"What don't you like about her?"
There was a pause. "She tries to keep everybody from having fun. If I didn't take over once in a while, our lives would be boring. Boring. She doesn't like to go to parties or travel or do any fun things."
"But you do?"
"You bet I do. That's what life's all about, isn't it, luv?"
"You were born in London, weren't you, Toni? Do you want to tell me about it?"
"I'll tell you one thing. I wish I were there now."
Silence.
"Toni...? Toni...?"
She was gone.
Gilbert Keller said to Ashley, "I'd like to speak to Alette." He watched the expression on Ashley's face change. He leaned forward and said softly, "Alette."
"Si."
"Did you hear my conversation with Toni?"
"Yes."
"Do you and Toni know each other?"
"Yes." 0f course we do, stupid.
"But Ashley doesn't know either of you?"
"No."
"Do you like Ashley?"
"She's all right." Why are you asking me all these foolish questions?
"Why don't you talk to her?"
"Toni does not want me to."
"Does Toni always tell you what to do?"
"Toni is my friend." It's none of your business.
"I want to be your friend, Alette. Tell me about yourself. Where were you born?"
"I was born in Rome."
"Did you like Rome?"
Gilbert Keller watched the expression on Ashley's face change, and she began to weep.
Why? Dr. Keller leaned forward and said soothingly, "It's all right. You're going to awaken now. Ashley...."
She opened her eyes.
"I talked to Toni and Alette. They're friends. I want you all to be friends."
While Ashley was at lunch, a male nurse walked into her room and saw a painting of a landscape on the floor. He studied it a moment, then took it to Dr. Keller's office.
There was a meeting in Dr. Lewison's office.
"How's it going, Gilbert?"
Dr. Keller said thoughtfully, "I've talked to the two alters. The dominant one is Toni. She has an English background and won't talk about it. The other one, Alette, was born in Rome, and she doesn't want to talk about it, either. So that's where I'm going to concentrate. That's where the traumas occurred. Toni is the more aggressive one. Alette is sensitive and withdrawn. She's interested in painting, but she's afraid to pursue it. I have to find out why."
"So you think Toni dominates Ashley?"
"Yes. Toni takes over. Ashley wasn't aware that she exists, or for that matter, that Alette existed. But Toni and Alette know each other. It's interesting. Toni has a lovely singing voice, and Alette is a talented painter." He held up the painting that the male nurse had brought him. "I think their talents may be the key to getting through to them."
Ashley received a letter from her father once a week. After she read them, she would sit in her room quietly, not wanting to talk to anyone.
"They're her only link to home," Dr. Keller said to Otto Lewison. "I think it increases her desire to get out of here and start leading a normal life. Every little bit helps...."
Ashley was becoming used to her surroundings. The patients seemed to walk about, although there were attendants at every door and in the corridors. The gates to the grounds were always locked. There was a recreation room where they could gather and watch television, a gymnasium where inmates could work out and a common dining room. There were many kinds of people there: Japanese, Chinese, French, Americans.... Every effort had been made to make the hospital as ordinary- looking as possible, but when Ashley went to her room, the doors were always locked behind her.
"This isn't a hospital," Toni complained to Alette. "It's a bloody prison."
"But Dr. Keller thinks he can cure Ashley. Then we can get out of here."
"Don't be stupid, Alette. Don't you see? The only way he can cure Ashley is to get rid of us, make us disappear. In other words, to cure her, we have to die. Well, I'm not going to let that happen."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to find a way for us to escape."
The following morning a male nurse was escorting Ashley back to her room. He said, "You seem different today."
"Do I, Bill?"
"Yeah. Almost like another person." Toni said softly, "That's because of you."
"What do you mean?"
"You make me feel different." She touched his arm and looked into his eyes. "You make me feel wonderful."
"Come on."
"I mean it. You're very sexy. Do you know that?"
"No."
"Well, you are. Are you married. Bill?"
"I was, once."
"Your wife was mad to ever let you go. How long have you worked here, Bill?"
"Five years."
"That's a long time. Do you ever feel you want to get out of here?"
"Sometimes, sure."
Toni lowered her voice. "You know there's nothing really wrong with me. I admit I had a little problem when I came in, but I'm cured now. I'd like to get out of here, too. I'll bet you could help me. The two of us could leave here together. We'd have a wonderful time."
He studied her a moment. "I don't know what to say."
"Yes, you do. Look how simple it would be. All you have to do is let me out of here one night when everyone's asleep, and we'll be on our way." She looked over at him and said softly, "I'll make it worth your while."
He nodded. "Let me think about it."
"You do that," Toni said confidently.
When Toni returned to the room, she said to Alette, "We're getting out of this place."
The following morning, Ashley was escorted into Dr. Keller's office.
"Good morning, Ashley."
"Good morning, Gilbert."
"We're going to try some Sodium Amytal this morning. Have you ever had it?"
"No."
"Well, you'll find it's very relaxing."
Ashley nodded. "All right. I'm ready."
Five minutes later. Dr. Keller was talking to Toni.
"Good morning, Toni."
"Hi, Dockie."
"Are you happy here, Toni?"
"It's funny you should ask that. To tell you the truth, I'm really beginning to like this place. I feel at home here."
"Then why do you want to escape?"
Toni's voice hardened. "What?"
"Bill tells me that you asked him to help you escape from here."
"That son of a bitch!" There was fury in her voice. She flew out of the chair, ran over to the desk, picked up a paperweight and flung it at Dr. Keller's head.
He ducked.
"I'll kill you, and I'll kill him!"
Dr. Keller grabbed her. "Toni—"
He watched the expression on Ashley's face change. Toni had gone. He found that his heart was pounding.
"Ashley!"
When Ashley awakened, she opened her eyes, looked around, puzzled, and said, "Is everything all right?"
"Toni attacked me. She was angry because I found out she was trying to escape."
"I—I'm sorry. I had a feeling that something bad was happening."
"It's all right. I want to bring you and Toni and Alette together."
"No!"
"Why not?"
"I'm afraid. I—I don't want to meet them. Don't you understand? They're not real. They're my imagination."
"Sooner or later, you're going to have to meet them, Ashley. You have to get to know one another. It's the only way you're going to be cured."
Ashley stood up. "I want to go back to my room."
When she was returned to her room, Ashley watched the attendant leave. She was filled with a deep sense of despair. She thought. I'm never going to get out of here. They're lying to me. They can't cure me. She could not face the reality that other personalities were living inside of her.... Because of them, people had been murdered, families destroyed. Why me, God? She began to weep. What did I ever do to you? She sat down on the bed and thought, I can't go on like this. There's only one way to end it. I have to do it now.
She got up and walked around the small room, looking for something sharp. There was nothing. The rooms had been carefully designed so that there was nothing in them that would allow the patients to harm themselves.
As her eyes darted around the room, she saw the paints and canvas and paintbrushes and walked over to them. The handles of the paintbrushes were wooden. Ashley snapped one in half, exposing sharp, jagged edges. Slowly, she took the sharp edge and placed it on her wrist. In one fast, deep movement, she cut into her veins and her blood began to pour out. Ashley placed the jagged edge on her other wrist and repeated the movement. She stood there, watching the blood stain the carpet. She began to feel cold. She dropped to the floor and curled up into a fetal position.
And then the room went dark.
When Dr. Gilbert Keller heard the news, he was shocked. He went to visit Ashley in the infirmary. Her wrists were heavily bandaged. Watching her lying there, Dr. Keller thought, I can't ever let this happen again.
"We almost lost you," he said. "It would have made me look bad."
Ashley managed a wry smile. "I'm sorry. But everything seems so—so hopeless."
"That's where you're wrong," Dr. Keller assured her. "Do you want to be helped, Ashley?"
"Yes."
"Then you have to believe in me. You have to work with me. I can't do it alone. What do you say?"
There was a long silence. "What do you want me to do?"
"First, I want a promise from you that you'll never try to harm yourself again."
"All right. I promise."
"I'm going to get the same promise now from Toni and Alette. I'm going to put you to sleep now."
A few minutes later. Dr. Keller was speaking to Toni.
"That selfish bitch tried to kill us all. She thinks only about herself. Do you see what I mean?"
"Toni—"
"Well, I'm not having it. I—"
"Will you be quiet and listen to me?"
"I'm listening."
"I want you to promise that you'll never harm Ashley."
"Why should I promise?"
"I'll tell you why. Because you're part of her. You were born out of her pain. I don't know yet what you've had to go through, Toni, but I know that it must have been terrible. But you have to realize that she went through the same thing, and Alette was born for the same reason as you. The three of you have a lot in common. You should help each other, not hate each other. Will you give me your word?"
Nothing.
"Toni?"
"I suppose so," she said grudgingly.
"Thank you. Do you want to talk about England now?"
"No."
"Alette. Are you there?"
"Yes." Where do you think I am, stupid?
"I want you to make me the same promise that Toni did. Promise never to harm Ashley."
That's the only one you care about, isn't it? Ashley,
Ashley, Ashley. What about us?
"Alette?"
"Yes. I promise."
The months were going by, and there were no signs of progress. Dr. Keller sat at his desk, reviewing notes, recalling sessions, trying to find a clue to what was wrong. He was taking care of half a dozen other patients, but he found that it was Ashley he was most concerned about. There was such an incredible chasm between her innocent vulnerability and the dark forces that were able to take over her life. Every time he talked to Ashley, he had an overpowering urge to try to protect her. She's like a daughter to me, he thought. Who am I kidding? I'm falling in love with her.
Dr. Keller went to see Otto Lewison. "I have a problem, Otto."
"I thought that was reserved for our patients."
"This involves one of our patients. Ashley Patterson."
"Oh?"
"I find that I'm—I'm very attracted to her."
"Reverse transference?"
"Yes."
"That could be very dangerous for both of you, Gilbert."
"I know."
"Well, as long as you're aware of it... Be careful."
"I intend to."
NOVEMBER.
I gave Ashley a diary this morning.
"I want you and Toni and Alette to use this, Ashley. You can keep it in your room. Anytime that any of you has any thoughts or ideas that you prefer to write down instead of talking to me, just put them down."
"All right, Gilbert."
A month later. Dr. Keller wrote in his diary:
DECEMBER
The treatment is at a standstill. Toni and Alette refuse to discuss the past. It is becoming more difficult to persuade Ashley to undergo hypnosis.
MARCH
The diary is still blank. I'm not sure whether the most resistance is coming from Ashley or Toni. When I do hypnotize Ashley, Toni and Alette come out very briefly. They are adamant about not discussing the past.
JUNE
I meet with Ashley regularly, but I feel there's no progress. The diary is still untouched. I have given Alette an easel and a set of paints. I am hoping that if she begins to paint, there may be a breakthrough.
JULY
Something happened, but I'm not sure if it's a sign of progress. Alette painted a beautiful picture of the hospital grounds. When I complimented her on it, she seemed pleased. That evening the painting was torn to shreds.
Dr. Keller and Otto Lewison were having coffee. "I think I'm going to try a little group therapy," Dr. Keller said. "Nothing else seems to be working."
"How many patients did you have in mind?"
"Not more than half a dozen. I want her to start interacting with other people. Right now she's living in a world of her own. I want her to break out of that."
"Good idea. It's worth a try."
Dr. Keller led Ashley into a small meeting room. There were six people in the room.
"I want you to meet some friends," Dr. Keller said.
He took Ashley around the room introducing them, but Ashley was too self-conscious to listen to their names. One name blurred into the next. There was Fat Woman, Bony Man, Bald Woman, Lame Man, Chinese Woman and Gentle Man. They all seemed very pleasant.
"Sit down," Bald Woman said. "Would you like some coffee?"
Ashley took a seat. "Thank you."
"We've heard about you," Gentle Man said. "You've been through a lot."
Ashley nodded.
Bony Man said, "I guess we've all been through a lot, but we're being helped. This place is wonderful."
"They have the best doctors in the world," Chinese Woman said.
They all seem so normal, Ashley thought.
Dr. Keller sat to one side, monitoring the conversations. Forty-five minutes later he rose. "I think it's time to go, Ashley."
Ashley stood up. "It was nice meeting all of you."
Lame Man walked up to her and whispered, "Don't drink the water here. It's poisoned. They want to kill us and still collect the money from the state."
Ashley gulped. "Thanks. I'll— I'll remember."
As Ashley and Dr. Keller walked down the corridor, she said, "What are their problems?"
"Paranoia, schizophrenia, MPD, compulsive disoders. But, Ashley, their improvement since they came here has been remarkable. Would you like to chat with them regularly?"
"No."
Dr. Keller walked into Otto Lewison's office.
"I'm not getting anywhere," he confessed. The group therapy didn't work, and the hypnotism sessions aren't working at all. I want to try something different."
"What?"
"I need your permission to take Ashley to dinner off the grounds."
"I don't think that's a good idea, Gilbert. It could be dangerous. She's already—"
"I know. But right now I'm the enemy. I want to become a friend."
"Her alter, Toni, tried to kill you once. What if she tries again?"
"I'll handle it."
Dr. Lewison thought about it. "All right. Do you want someone to go with you?"
"No. I'll be fine, Otto."
"When do you want to start this?"
"Tonight."
'You want to take me out to dinner?"
"Yes. I think it would be good for you to get away from this place for a while, Ashley. What do you say?"
"Yes."
* * *
Ashley was surprised at bow excited she was at the thought of going out to dinner with Gilbert Keller. It will be fun to get out of here for an evening, Ashley thought. But she knew that it was more than that. The thought of being with Gilbert Keller on a date was exhilarating.
They were having dinner at a Japanese restaurant called Otani Gardens, five miles from the hospital. Dr. Keller knew that he was taking a risk. At any moment, Toni or Alette could take over. He had been warned. It's more important that Ashley learns to trust me so that I can help her.
"It's funny, Gilbert," Ashley said, looking around the crowded restaurant.
"What is?"
"These people don't look any different from the people at the hospital."
"They aren't really different, Ashley. I'm sure they all have problems. The only difference is the people at the hospital aren't able to cope with them as well, so we help them."
"I didn't know I had any problems until— Well, you know."
"Do you know why, Ashley? Because you buried them. You couldn't face what happened to you, so you built the fences in your mind and shut the bad things away. To one degree or another, a lot of people do that." He deliberately changed the subject. "How's your steak?"
"Delicious, thank you."
From then on, Ashley and Dr. Keller had meals away from the hospital once a week. They had lunch at an excellent little Italian restaurant called Banducci's and dinners at The Palm, Eveleene's and The Gumbo Pot Neither Toni nor Alette made an appearance.
One night, Dr. Keller took Ashley dancing. It was at a small nightclub with a wonderful band.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked.
"Very much. Thank you." She looked at him and said, "You're not like other doctors."
"They don't dance?"
"You know what I mean."
He was holding her close, and both of them felt the urgency of the moment.
"That could be very dangerous for both of you, Gilbert...."
I know what the bloody hell you're trying to do, Dockie. You're trying to make Ashley think you're her friend."
"I am her friend, Toni, and yours."
"No, you're not. You think she's great, and I'm nothing."
"You're wrong. I respect you and Alette as much as I respect Ashley. You're all equally important to me."
"Is that true?"
"Yes. Toni, when I told you that you had a beautiful singing voice, I meant it. Do you play an instrument?"
"Piano."
"If I could arrange for you to use the piano in the recreation hall so you can play and sing, would you be interested?"
"I might be." She sounded excited.
Dr. Keller smiled. "Then I'll be happy to do it. It will be there for you to use."
"Thanks."
Dr. Keller arranged for Toni to have private access to the recreation room for one hour every afternoon. In the beginning, the doors were closed, but as other inmates heard the piano music and the singing from inside, they opened the door to listen. Soon, Toni was entertaining dozens of patients.
Dr. Keller was looking over his notes with Dr. Lewison.
Dr. Lewison said, "What about the other one—Alette?"
"I've set it up for her to paint in the garden every afternoon. She'll be watched, of course. I think it's going to be good therapy."
But Alette refused. In a session with her, Dr. Keller said, "You don't use the paints I gave you, Alette. It's a shame to let them go to waste. You're so talented."
How would you know?
"Don't you enjoy painting?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you do it?"
"Because I'm no good." Stop pestering me.
"Who told you that?"
"My—my mother."
"We haven't talked about your mother. Do you want to tell me about her?"
"There's nothing to tell."
"She died in an accident, didn't she?"
There was a long pause. "Yes. She died in an accident."
The following day, Alette started to paint. She enjoyed being in the garden with her canvas and brushes. When she painted, she was able to forget everything else. Some of the patients would gather around bar and watch. They talked in multicolored voices.
"Your paintings should be in a gallery." Black.
"You're really good." Yellow.
"Where did you learn to do that?" Black.
"Can you paint a picture of me sometime?" Orange.
"I wish I knew how to do that." Black.
She was always sorry when her time was up and she had to go back into the big building.
"I want you to meet someone, Ashley. This is Lisa Garrett." She was a woman in her fifties, small and wraithlike. "Lisa is going home today."
The woman beamed. "Isn't that wonderful? And I owe it all to Dr. Keller."
Gilbert Keller looked at Ashley and said, "Lisa suffered from MPD and had thirty alters."
"That's right, dear. And they're all gone."
Dr. Keller said pointedly, "She's the third MPD patient leaving us this year."
And Ashley felt a surge of hope.
Alette said, "Dr. Keller is sympathetic. He really seems to like us."
"You're bloody stupid," Toni scoffed. "Don't you see what's happening? I told you once. He's pretending to like us so we'll do what he wants us to do. And do you know what that is? He wants to bring us all together, luv, and then convince Ashley that she doesn't need us. And do you know what happens then? You and I die. Is that what you want? I don't."
"Well, no," Alette said hesitantly. "Then listen to me. We go along with the doctor. We make him believe that we're really trying to help him. We string him along. We're in no hurry. And I promise you that one day I'll get us out of here."
"Whatever you say, Toni."
"Good. So we'll let old Dockie think he's doing just great."
A letter arrived from David. In tile envelope was a photograph of a small boy. The letter read:
Dear Ashley,
I hope that you're coming along well and that the therapy is progressing. Everything's fine here. I'm working hard and enjoying it. Enclosed is a photograph of our two-year-old, Jeffrey. At the rate he's growing, in a few inmates, he'll be getting married. There's no real news to report. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you.
Sandra joins me in sending our warm regards,
David
Ashley studied the photograph. He's a beautiful little boy, she thought. I hope he has a happy life.
She went to lunch, and when she returned, the photograph was on the floor of her room, torn to bits.
June 15, 1:30 P.M.
Patient: Ashley Patterson. Therapy session using Sodium Amytal. Alter, Alette Peters.
"Tell me about Rome, Alette."
"It's the most beautiful city in the world. It's filled all the great museums. I used to visit all of them." What 'could you know about museums?
"And you wanted to be a painter?"
"Yes." What did you think I wanted to be, a firefighter?
"Did you study painting?"
"No, I didn't." Can't you go bother someone else?
"Why not? Because of what your mother told you?"
"Oh, no. I just decided that I wasn't good enough." Toni, get him away from me!
"Did you have any traumas during that period? Did any terrible things happen to you that you can recall?"
"No. I was very happy." Toni!
August 15, 9:00 A.M.
Patient: Ashley Patterson. Hypnotherapy session with alter, Toni Prescott.
"Do you want to talk about London, Toni?"
"Yes. I had a lovely time there. London is so civilized. There's so much to do there."
"Did you have any problems?"
"Problems? No. I was very happy in London."
"Nothing had happened there at all that you remember?"
"Of course not." What are you going to make of that, you willy?
Each session brought back memories to Ashley. When she went to bed at night, she dreamed that she was at Global Computer Graphics. Shane Miller was there, and he was complimenting her on some work she had done. "We couldn't get along without you, Ashley. We're going to keep you here forever." Then the scene shifted to a prison cell, and Shane Miller was saying, "Well, I hate to do this now, but under the circumstances, the company is terminating you. Naturally, we can't afford to be connected with anything like this. You understand, don't you? There's nothing personal in this."
In the morning, when Ashley awakened, her pillow I was wet with tears.
Alette was saddened by the therapy sessions. They reminded her of how much she missed Rome and how happy she had been with Richard Melton. We could have had such a happy life together, but now it is too late. Too late.
Toni hated the therapy sessions because they brought back too many bad memories for her, too. Everything she had done had been to protect Ashley and Alette. But did anybody appreciate her? No. She was locked away as though she were some kind of criminal. But I'll get out of here, Toni promised herself. I'll get out of here.
The pages of the calendar were wiped away by time, and another year came and went. Dr. Keller was getting more and more frustrated.
"I've read your latest report," Dr. Lewison told Gilbert Keller. "Do you think there's a genuine lacuna, or are they playing games?"
"They're playing games, Otto. It's as though they know what I'm trying to do, and they won't let me. I think Ashley genuinely wants to help, but they won't allow her to. Usually under hypnosis you can get through to them, but Toni is very strong. She takes complete control, and she's dangerous."
"Dangerous?"
"Yes. Imagine how much hatred she must have in her to murder and castrate five men."
The rest of the year went no better.
Dr. Keller was having success with his other patients, but Ashley, the one he was most concerned about, was making no progress. Dr. Keller had a feeling that Toni enjoyed playing games with him. She was determined that he was not going to succeed. And then, unexpectedly, there was a breakthrough.
It started with another letter from Dr. Patterson.
June 5
Dear Ashley,
I'm on my way to New York to take care of some business, and I would like very much to stop by and see you. I will call Dr. Lewison, and if there's no objection, you can expect me around the 25th.
Much love,
Father
Three weeks later, Dr. Patterson arrived with attractive, dark-haired woman in her early forties and three-year-old daughter, Katrina.
They were ushered into Dr. Lewison's office. He rose as they entered. "Dr. Patterson, I'm delighted to meet you."
"Thank you. This is Miss Victoria Aniston and her daughter, Katrina."
"How do you do, Miss Aniston? Katrina."
"I brought them along to meet Ashley."
"Wonderful. She's with Dr. Keller right now, but they should be finished soon."
Dr. Patterson said, "How is Ashley doing?"
Otto Lewison hesitated. "I wonder if I could speak to you alone for a few minutes?"
"Certainly."
Dr. Patterson turned to Victoria and Katrina. "It looks like there's a beautiful garden out there. Why don't you wait for me, and I'll join you with Ashley."
Victoria Aniston smiled. "Fine." She looked over at Otto Lewison. "It was nice to meet you, Doctor."
"Thank you, Miss Aniston."
Dr. Patterson watched the two of them leave. He turned to Otto Lewison. "Is there a problem?"
"I'll be frank with you, Dr. Patterson. We're not making as much progress as I had hoped we would. Ashley says she wants to be helped, but she's not cooperating with us. In fact, she's fighting the treatment."
Dr. Patterson was studying him, puzzled. "Why?"
"It's not that unusual. At some stage, patients with MPD are afraid of meeting their alters. It terrifies them. The very thought that other characters can be living in their mind and body and take over at will— Well, you can imagine how devastating that can be."
Dr. Patterson nodded. "Of course."
"There's something that puzzles us about Ashley's problem. Almost always, these problems start with a history of molestation when the patient is very young. We have no record of anything like that in Ashley's case, so we have no idea how or why this trauma began."
Dr. Patterson sat there silently for a moment. When he spoke, he said heavily, "I can help you." He took a deep breath. "I blame myself."
Otto Lewison was watching intently.
"It happened when Ashley was six. I had to go to England. My wife couldn't go. I took Ashley with me. My wife had an elderly cousin over there named John. I didn't realize it at the time, but John had... emotional problems. I had to leave to give a lecture one day, and John offered to baby-sit. When I got back that evening, he was gone. Ashley was in a state of complete hysteria. It took a long, long time to calm her down. After that, she wouldn't let anyone come near her, she became timid and withdrawn and a week later, John was arrested as a serial child molester." Dr. Patterson's face was filled with pain. "I never forgave myself. I never left Ashley alone with anyone after that."
There was a long silence. Otto Lewison said, "I'm terribly sorry. But I think you've given us the answer to what we've been looking for, Dr. Patterson. Now Dr. Keller will have something specific to work on."
"It's been too painful for me even to discuss before."
"I understand." Otto Lewison looked at his watch. "Ashley's going to be a little while. Why don't you join Miss Aniston in the garden, and I'll send Ashley out when she comes."
Dr. Patterson rose. "Thank you. I will."
Otto Lewison watched him leave. He could not wait to tell Dr. Keller what he had learned.
Victoria Aniston and Katrina were waiting for him. "Did you see Ashley?" Victoria asked.
"They'll send her out in a few minutes," Dr. Patterson said. He looked around the spacious grounds. "This is lovely, isn't it?"
Katrina ran up to him, "I want to go up to the sky again."
He smiled. "All right." He picked her up, threw her into the air and caught her as she came down.
"Higher!"
"Hang on. Here we go." He threw her up again and caught her, and she was screaming with delight.
"Again!"
Dr. Patterson's back was to the main building, so he did not see Ashley and Dr. Keller come out.
"Higher!" Katrina screamed.
Ashley stopped in the doorway, frozen. She watched her father playing with the little girl, and time seemed to fragment. Everything after that happened in slow motion.
There were flashes of a little girl being thrown into the air.... "Higher, Papa!"
"Hang on. Here we go."
And then the girl being tossed onto a bed...
A voice saying, "You'll like this...."
An image of the man getting into bed beside her. The little girl was screaming, "Stop it. No. Please, no."
The man was in the shadow. He was holding her down, and he was stroking her body. "Doesn't that feel good?"
And suddenly the shadow lifted, and Ashley could see the man's face. It was her father.
Looking at him now, in the garden, playing with the little girl, Ashley opened her mouth and began to scream, and could not stop.
Dr. Patterson, Victoria Aniston and Katrina turned around, startled.
Dr. Keller said quickly, "I'm terribly sorry. This is a bad day. Could you come back another time?" And he carried Ashley inside.
They had her in one of the emergency rooms.
"Her pulse is abnormally high," Dr. Keller said. "She's in a fugue state." He moved close to her and said, "Ashley, you have nothing to be frightened about. You're safe here. No one's going to hurt you. Just listen to my voice and relax... relax... relax...."
It took half an hour. "Ashley, tell me what happened. What upset you?"
"Father and the little girl..."
"What about them?"
It was Toni who answered. "She can't face it. She's afraid he's going to do to the little girl what he did to her."
Dr. Keller stared at her a moment. "What—what did he do to her?"
It was in London. She was in bed. He sat down next to her and said, "I'm going to make you very happy, baby," and began tickling her, and she was laughing. And then... he took her pajamas off, and he started playing with her. "Don't my hands feel good?" Ashley started screaming, "Stop it. Don't do that." But he wouldn't stop. He held her down and went on and on....
Dr. Keller asked, "Was that the first time it happened, Toni?"
"Yes."
"How old was Ashley?"
"She was six."
"And that's when you were born?"
"Yes. Ashley was too terrified to face it."
"What happened after that?"
Father came to her every night and got into bed with her." The words were pouring out now. "She couldn't stop him. When they got home, Ashley told Mother what happened, and Mother called her a lying little bitch.
"Ashley was afraid to go to sleep at night because she knew Papa was going to come to her room. He used to make her touch him and then play with himself. And he said to her, 'Don't tell anyone about this or I won't love you anymore.' She couldn't tell anyone. Mama and Papa were yelling at each other all the time, and Ashley thought it was her fault. She knew she had done something wrong, but she didn't know what. Mama hated her."
"How long did this go on?" Dr. Keller asked. "When I was eight..." Toni stopped. "Go on, Toni."
Ashley's face changed, and it was Alette sitting in the chair. She said, "We moved to Roma, where he did research at Policlinico Umberto Primo."
"And that's where you were born?"
"Yes. Ashley couldn't stand what happened one night, so I came to protect her."
"What happened, Alette?"
"Papa came into her room while she was asleep, and he was naked. And he crawled into her bed, and this time he forced himself inside her. She tried to stop him, but she couldn't. She begged him never to do it again, but he came to her every night. And he always said, "This is how a man shows a woman he loves her, and you're my woman, and I love you. You must never tell anyone about this.' And she could never tell anyone."
Ashley was sobbing, tears running down her cheeks.
It was all Gilbert Keller could do not to take her in his arms and hold her and tell her that he loved her and everything was going to be all right. But, of course, it was impossible. I'm her doctor.
When Dr. Keller returned to Dr. Lewison's office. Dr. Patterson, Victoria Aniston and Katrina had left.
"Well, this is what we've been waiting for," Dr. Keller told Otto Lewison. "We finally got a breakthrough. I know when Toni and Alette were born and why. We should see a big change from now on." Dr. Keller was right. Things began to move.
THE hypnotherapy session had begun. Once Ashley was under. Dr. Keller said, "Ashley, tell me about Jim Cleary."
"I loved Jim. We were going to run away together and get married."
"Yes...?"
"At the graduation party, Jim asked me if I would go to his house with him, and I... I said no. When he brought me home, my father was waiting up for us. He was furious. He told Jim to get out and stay out."
"What happened then?"
"I decided to go to Jim. I packed a suitcase and I started toward his house." She hesitated. "Halfway to his house, I changed my mind and I went back home. I-"
Ashley's expression started to change. She began to relax in her chair, and it was Toni sitting there. "Like hell she did. She went to his house, Dockie."
When she reached Jim Cleary's house, it was dark. "My folks will be away for the weekend." Ashley rang the doorbell. A few minutes later, Jim Cleary opened the door. He was in his pajamas.
"Ashley. " His face lit up in a grin. "You decided to come." He pulled her inside. "I came because I—"
"I don't care why you came. You're here." He put his arms around her and kissed her. "How about a drink?"
"No. Maybe some water." She was suddenly apprehensive.
"Sure. Come on. " He took her hand and led her into the kitchen. He poured a glass of water for her and watched her drink it. "You look nervous."
"I—I am."
"There's nothing to be nervous about. There's no chance that my folks will come back. Let's go upstairs."
"Jim, I don't think we should."
He came up behind her, his arms reaching for her breasts. She turned. "Jim..."
His lips were on hers, and he was forcing her against the kitchen counter.
"I'm going to make you happy, honey." It was her father saying, "I'm going to make you happy, honey."
She froze. She felt him pulling her clothes off and entering her as she stood there naked, silently screaming.
And the feral rage took over.
She saw the large butcher knife sticking out of a wooden block. She picked it up and began stabbing him in the chest, screaming, "Stop it, Father.... Stop it... Stop it... Stop it..."
She looked down, and Jim was tying on the floor, blood spurting out of him.
"You animal," she screamed. "You won't do this to anyone again. " She reached down and plunged the knife into his testicles.
At six o'clock in the morning, Ashley went to the railroad station to wait for Jim. There was no sign of him.
She was beginning to panic. What could have happened? Ashley heard the train whistle in the distance. She looked at her watch: 7:00. The train was pulling into the station. Ashley rose to her feet and looked around frantically. Something terrible has happened to him. A few minutes later, she stood there watching the train pull out of the station, taking her dreams with it.
She waited another half hour and then slowly headed home. That noon, Ashley and her father were on a plane to London....
The session was ending. Dr. Keller counted, "... four... five. You're awake now."
Ashley opened her eyes. "What happened?"
"Toni told me how she killed Jim Cleary. He was attacking you." Ashley's face went white. "I want to go to my room."
* * *
Dr. Keller reported to Otto Lewison. "We're really beginning to make some advances, Otto. Up to now, it's been a logjam, with each one of them afraid to make the first move. But they're getting more relaxed. We're going in the right direction, but Ashley is still afraid to face reality."
Dr. Lewison said, "She has no idea how these murders took place?"
"Absolutely none. She's completely blanked it out. Toni took over."
It was two days later. "Are you comfortable, Ashley?"
"Yes." Her voice sounded far away.
"I want us to talk about Dennis Tibble. Was he a friend of yours?"
"Dennis and I worked for the same company. We weren't really friends."
"The police report says that your fingerprints were found at his apartment."
"That's right. I went there because he wanted me to give him some advice."
"And what happened?"
"We talked for a few minutes, and he gave me a glass of wine with a drug in it."
"What's the next thing you remember?"
"I—I woke up in Chicago."
Ashley's expression began to change. In an instant, it was Toni talking to him. "Do you want to know what really happened...?"
"Tell me, Toni."
Dennis Tibble picked up the bottle of wine and said, "Let's get comfortable." He started leading her toward the bedroom. "Dennis, I don't want to—"
And they were in the bedroom, and he was taking off her clothes.
"I know what you want, baby. You want me to screw you. That's why you come up here."
She was fighting to get free. "Stop it, Dennis!"
"Not until I give you what you came here for. You're going to love it, baby. "
He pushed her onto the bed, holding her tightly, his hands moving down to her groin, it was her father's voice. "You're going to love it, baby." And he was forcing himself into her, again and again, and she was silently screaming, "No, Father. Stop" And then the unspeakable fury took over. She saw the wine bottle. She reached for it, smashed it against the edge of the table and jammed the ragged edge of the bottle into his back. He screamed and tried to get up, but she held him tightly while she kept ramming the broken bottle into him. She watched him roll onto the floor.
"Stop it," he whimpered.
"Do you promise to never do that again? Well, we'll make sure." She picked up the broken glass and reached for his groin."
Dr. Keller let a moment of silence pass. "What did you do after that, Toni?"
"I decided I'd better get out of there before the police came. I have to admit I was pretty excited. I wanted to get away from Ashley's boring life for a while, and I had a friend in Chicago, so I decided to go there. It turned out he wasn't home, so I did a little shopping, hit some of the bars and bad a good time."
"And what happened next?"
"I checked into a hotel and fell asleep." She shrugged. "From then on it was Ashley's party."
She awakened slowly, knowing something was wrong, terribly wrong. She felt as though she had been drugged. Ashley looked around the room and began to panic. She was tying in bed, naked, in some cheap hotel room. She had no idea where she was or how she had gotten there. She managed to sit up, and her head started to pound.
She got out of bed, walked into the tiny bathroom and stepped into the shower. She let the stream of hot water pound against her body, trying to wash away whatever terrible, dirty things had happened to her. What if he had gotten her pregnant? The thought of having his child was sickening. Ashley got out of the shower, dried herself and walked over to the closet. Her clothes were missing. The only things inside the closet were a black leather miniskirt, a cheap-looking tube top and a pair of spiked high-heeled shoes. She was repelled by the thought of putting the clothes on, but she had no choice. She dressed quickly and glanced in the mirror. She looked like a prostitute.
"Father. I—"
"What's wrong?"
"I'm in Chicago and—"
"What are you doing in Chicago?"
"I can't go into it now. I need on airline ticket to San Jose. I don't have any money with me. Can you help me?"
"Of course. Hold on.... There's an American Airlines plane leaving 0'Hare at ten-forty AM.. Flight 407. There will be a ticket waiting for you at the check-in counter."
"Alette, can you hear me? Alette."
"I'm here. Dr. Keller."
"I want us to talk about Richard Melton. He was a friend of yours, wasn't he?"
"Yes. He was very... simp'atico. I was in love with him."
"Was he in love with you?"
"I think so, yes. He was an artist. We would go to museums together and look at all of the wonderful paintings. When I was with Richard I felt... alive. I think if someone had not killed him, then one day we would have been married."
"Tell me about the last time you were together."
"When we were walking out of a museum, Richard said, 'My roommate is at a party tonight. Why don't we stop at my place? I have some paintings I'd like to show you.' "
" 'Not yet, Richard.' "
" 'Whatever you say. I'll see you next weekend?' "
" 'Yes' "
"I drove away," Alette said. "And that was the last time I— "
Dr. Keller watched her face begin to take on Toni's animation.
"That's what she wants to think," Toni said. "That's not what happened."
"What did happen?" Dr. Keller asked.
She went to his apartment on Fell Street. It was small, but Richard's paintings made it look beautiful.
"It makes the room come alive, Richard."
"Thank you, Alette. "He took her in his arms. "I want to make love to you. You're beautiful."
"You're beautiful," her father said. And she froze. Because she knew the terrible thing that was going to happen. She was tying on the bed, naked, feeling the familiar pain of him entering her, tearing her apart.
And she was screaming, "No! Stop it, Father! Stop it!" And then the manic-depressive frenzy took over. She had no recollection of where she got the knife, but she was stabbing his body over and over, yelling at him, "I told you to stop it! Stop it!"
Ashley was writhing in her chair, screaming.
"It's all right, Ashley," Dr. Keller said. "You're safe. You're going to wake up now, at the count of five."
Ashley awoke, trembling. "Is everything all right?"
"Toni told me about Richard Melton. He made love to you. You thought it was your father, so you—"
She put her hands over her ears. "I don't want to hear any more!"
* * *
Dr. Keller went to see Otto Lewison.
"I think we're finally making the breakthrough. It's very traumatic for Ashley, but we're nearing the end. We still have two murders to retrieve."
"And then?"
"I'm going to bring Ashley, Toni and Alette together."
Toni? Toni, can you hear me?" Dr. Keller watched Ashley's expression change.
"I hear you, Dockie."
"Let's talk about Jean Claude Parent."
"I should have known he was too good to be true."
"What do you mean?"
"In the beginning, he seemed like a real gentleman. He took me out every day, and we really had a good time. I thought he was different, but he was like all the others. All he wanted was sex."
"I see."
"He gave me a beautiful ring, and I guess he thought that he owned me. I went with him to his house."
The house was a beautiful two-story, redbrick house filled with antiques.
"It's lovely."
"There's something special I want to show you upstairs in the bedroom." And he was taking her upstairs, and she was powerless to stop him. They were in the bedroom, and he took her in his arms and whispered, "Get undressed."
"I don't want to—"
"Yes, you do. We both want it." He undressed her quickly, then laid her down on the bed and got on top of her. She was moaning, "Don't. Please don't. Father!"
But he paid no attention. He kept plunging into her until suddenly he said, "Ah," and then stopped. "You 're wonderful, " he said.
And the malevolent explosion shook her. She grabbed the sharp letter opener from the desk and plunged it into his chest, up and down and up and down.
"You won't do that to anyone again." She reached for his groin.
Afterward, she took a leisurely shower, dressed and went back to the hotel.
"Ashley..." Ashley's face began to change. "Wake up now."
Ashley slowly came awake. She looked at Dr. Keller and said, "Toni again?"
"Yes. She met Jean Claude on the Internet. Ashley, when you were in Quebec, were there periods when you seemed to lose time? When suddenly it was hours later or a day later, and you didn't know where the time had gone?"
She nodded slowly. "Yes. It—it happened a lot."
"That's when Toni took over."
"And that's when... when she—?"
"Yes."
The next few months were uneventful. In the afternoons, Dr. Keller would listen to Toni play the piano and sing, and he would watch Alette painting in the garden. There was one more murder to discuss, but he wanted Ashley to be relaxed before he started talking about it.
It had been five years now since she had come to the hospital. She's almost cured. Dr. Keller thought.
On a Monday morning, he sent for Ashley and watched her walk into the office. She was pale, as though she knew what she was facing.
"Good morning, Ashley."
"Good morning, Gilbert."
"How are you feeling?"
"Nervous. This is the last one, isn't it?"
"Yes. Let's talk about deputy Sam Blake. What was he doing in your apartment?"
"I asked him to come. Someone had written on my bathroom mirror, 'You Will Die.' I didn't know what to do. I thought someone was trying to kill me. I called the police, and deputy Blake came over. He was very sympathetic."
"Did you ask him to stay with you?"
"Yes. I was afraid to be alone. He said that he would spend the night, and then in the morning, he would arrange for twenty-four-hour protection for me. I offered to sleep on the couch and let him sleep in the bedroom, but he said he would sleep on the couch. I remember he checked the windows to make sure they were locked, and then he double-bolted the door. His gun was on the table next to the couch. I said good night and went into the bedroom and closed the door."
"And then what happened?"
"I— The next thing I remember is being awakened by someone screaming in the alley. Then the sheriff came in to tell me that deputy Blake had been found dead." She stopped, her face pale.
"All right. I'm going to put you to sleep now. Just relax.... Close your eyes and relax...." It took ten minutes. Dr. Keller said, "Toni..."
"I'm here. You want to know what really happened, don't you? Ashley was a fool to invite Sam to stay at the apartment. I could have told her what he would do."
He heard a cry from the bedroom, quickly rose from the couch and scooped up his gun. He hurried over to the bedroom door and listened a moment. Silence. He had imagined it. As he started to turn away, he heard it again. He pushed the door open, gun in hand. Ashley was in bed, naked, asleep. There was no one else in the room. She was making little moaning sounds. He moved to her bedside. She looked beautiful tying there, curled up in a fetal position. She moaned again, trapped in some terrible dream. He meant only to comfort her, to take her in his arms and hold her. He lay down at her side and gently pulled her toward him, and he felt the heat of her body and began to be aroused. She was awakened by his voice saying, "It's all right now. You're safe." And his lips were on hers, and he was moving her legs apart and was inside her.
And she was screaming, "No, Father!"
And he moved faster and faster in a primal urgency, and then the savage revenge took over. She grabbed the knife from the dresser drawer at her bedside and began to slash into his body.
"What happened after you killed him?"
"She wrapped his body in the sheets and dragged him to the elevator and then through the garage to the alley in back."
"... and then," Dr. Keller told Ashley, "Toni wrapped his body in the sheets and dragged him into the elevator and through the garage to the alley in back."
Ashley sat there, her face dead white. "She's a mon— I'm a monster."
Gilbert Keller said, "No. Ashley, you must remember that Toni was born out of your pain, to protect you. The same is true of Alette. It's time to bring this to a closure. I want you to meet them. It's the next step to your getting well."
Ashley's eyes were tightly shut. "All right. When do we... do this?"
"Tomorrow morning."
Ashley was in a deep hypnotic state. Dr. Keller started with Toni.
"Toni, I want you and Alette to talk to Ashley."
"What makes you think she can handle us?"
"I think she can."
"All right, Dockie. Whatever you say."
"Alette, are you ready to meet Ashley?"
"If Toni says it's all right."
"Sure, Alette. It's about time."
Dr. Keller took a deep breath and said, "Ashley, I want you to say hello to Toni."
There was a long silence. Then, a timid, "Hello, Toni..."
"Hello."
"Ashley, say hello to Alette."
"Hello, Alette..."
"Hello, Ashley..."
Dr. Keller breathed a deep sigh of relief. "I want you all to get to know one another. You've suffered through the same terrible traumas. They've separated you from one another. But there's no reason for that separation anymore. You're going to become one whole, healthy person. It's a long journey, but you've begun it. I promise you, the most difficult part is over."
From that point on, Ashley's treatment moved swiftly. Ashley and her two alters talked to one another every day.
"I had to protect you," Toni explained. "I suppose every time I killed one of those men, I was killing Father for what he had done to you."
"I tried to protect you, too," Alette said. "I—I appreciate that. I'm grateful to both of you."
Ashley turned to Dr. Keller and said wryly, "It's really all me, isn't it? I'm talking to myself."
"You're talking to two other parts of yourself," he corrected her gently. "It's time for all of you to unify and become one again."
Ashley looked at him and smiled. "I'm ready."
That afternoon. Dr. Keller went to see Otto Lewison.
Dr. Lewison said, "I hear good reports, Gilbert."
Dr. Keller nodded. "Ashley's made remarkable progress. In another few months, I think she can be released and go on with her treatment as an outpatient."
"That's wonderful news. Congratulations."
I'll miss her. Dr. Keller thought. I'll miss her terribly.
"Dr. Salem is on line two for you, Mr. Singer."
"Right." David reached for the phone, puzzled. Why would Dr. Salem be calling? It had been years since the two men had talked. "Royce?"
"Good morning, David. I have some interesting information for you. It's about Ashley Patterson."
David felt a sudden sense of alarm. "What about her?"
"Do you remember how hard we tried to find the trauma that had caused her condition, and we failed?"
David remembered it well. It had been a major weakness in their case. "Yes."
"Well, I just learned the answer. My friend, Dr. Lewison, who's head of the Connecticut Psychiatric Hospital, just called. The missing piece of the puzzle is Dr. Steven Patterson. He's the one who molested Ashley when she was a child."
David asked incredulously, "What?"
"Dr. Lewison just learned about it."
David sat listening as Dr. Salem went on, but his mind was elsewhere. He was recalling Dr. Patterson's words. "You're the only one I trust, David. My daughter means everything in the world to me. You're going to save her life.... I want you to defend Ashley, and I won't have anyone else involved in this case...."
And David suddenly realized why Dr. Patterson had been so insistent on his representing Ashley alone. The doctor was sure that if David had ever discovered what he had done, he would have protected him. Dr. Patterson had had to decide between his daughter and his reputation, and he had chosen his reputation. The son of a bitch!
"Thanks, Royce."
That afternoon, as Ashley passed the recreation room, she saw a copy of the Westport News that someone had left there. On the front page of the newspaper was a photograph of her father with Victoria Aniston and Katrina. The beginning of the story read, "Dr. Steven Patterson is to be married to socialite Victoria Aniston, who has a three-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Dr. Patterson is joining the staff of St. John's Hospital in Manhattan, and he and his future wife have bought a house on Long Island...."
Ashley stopped and her face contorted into a mask of rage. "I'll kill the son of a bitch," Toni screamed. "I'll kill him!"
She was completely out of control. They had to put her in a padded room where she could not hurt herself, restrained by handcuffs and leg-irons. When the attendants came to feed her, she tried to grab them, and they had to be careful not to get too close to her. Toni had taken total possession of Ashley.
When she saw Dr. Keller, she screamed, "Let me out of here, you bastard. Now!"
"We're going to let you out of here," Dr. Keller said soothingly, "but first you have to calm down."
"I'm calm," Toni yelled. "Let me go!" Dr. Keller sat on the floor beside her and said, "Toni, when you saw that picture of your father, you said you were going to hurt him, and—"
"You're a liar! I said I was going to kill him!"
"There's been enough killing. You don't want to stab anyone else."
"I'm not going to stab him. Have you heard of hydrochloric acid? It will eat through anything, including skin. Wait until I—"
"I don't want you to think like that."
"You're right. Arson! Arson is better. He won't have to wait until hell to burn to death. I can do it so they'll never catch me if—"
"Toni, forget about this."
"All right. I can think of some other ways that are even better."
He studied her a moment, frustrated. "Why are you so angry?"
"Don't you know? I thought you were supposed to be such a great doctor. He's marrying a woman with a teen-year-old daughter. What's going to happen to that little girl, Mr. Famous Doctor? I'll tell you what. The same thing that happened to us. Well, I'm going to stop it!"
"I'd hoped we'd gotten rid of all that hate."
"Hate? You want to hear about hate?"
It was raining, a steady downpour of raindrops flitting the roof of the speeding car. She looked at her mother sitting at the wheel, squinting at the road ahead, and she smiled, in a happy mood. She began to sing:
"All around the mulberry bush,
The monkey chased—"
Her mother turned to her and screamed, "Shut up. I told you I detest that song. You make me sick, you miserable little—"
After that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The curve ahead, the car skidding off the road, the tree. The crash flung her out of the car. She was shaken, but unhurt. She got to her feet. She could hear her mother, trapped in the car, screaming, "Get me out of here. Help me! Help me!"
And she stood there watching until the car finally exploded.
"Hate? Do you want to hear more?"
Walter Manning said, "This has to be a unanimous decision. My daughter's a professional artist, not a dilettante. She did this as a favor. We can't turn her down.... This has to be unanimous. We're either giving him my daughter's painting or we don't give him anything at all."
She was parked at the curb, with the motor running. She watched Walter Manning cross the street, headed for the garage where he kept his car. She put the car in gear and slammed her foot down on the accelerator. At the last moment, he heard the sound of the car coming toward him, and he turned. She watched the expression on his face as the car smashed into him and then hurled his broken body aside. She kept driving. There were no witnesses. God was on her side.
"That's hate, Dockie! That's real hate!"
Gilbert Keller listened to her recital, appalled, shaken by the cold-blooded viciousness of it. He canceled the rest of his appointments for the day. He needed to be alone.
The following morning when Dr. Keller walked into the padded cell, Alette had taken over.
"Why are you doing this to me. Dr. Keller?" Alette asked. "Let me out of here."
"I will," Dr. Keller assured her. "Tell me about Toni. What has she told you?"
"She said we have to escape from here and kill Father."
Toni took over. "Morning, Dockie. We're fine now. Why don't you let us go?"
Dr. Keller looked into her eyes. There was cold-blooded murder there.
* * *
Dr. Otto Lewison sighed. "I'm terribly sorry about what's happened, Gilbert. Everything was going so well."
"Right now, I can't even reach Ashley."
"I suppose this means having to start the treatment all over."
Dr. Keller was thoughtful. "Not really, Otto. We've arrived at the point where the three alters have gotten to know one another. That was a big breakthrough. The next step was to get them to integrate. I have to find a way to do that."
"That damned article—"
"It's fortunate for us that Toni saw that article."
Otto Lewison looked at him in surprise. "Fortunate?"
"Yes. Because there's that residual hate in Toni. Now that we know it's there, we can work on it. I want to try an experiment. If it works, we'll be in good shape. If it doesn't"—he paused and added quietly—"then I think Ashley may have to be confined here for the rest of her life."
"What do you want to do?"
"I think it's a bad idea for Ashley's father to see her again, but I want to hire a national clipping service, and I want them to send me every article that appears about Dr. Patterson."
Otto Lewison blinked. "What's the point?"
"I'm going to show them all to Toni. Eventually, her hate has to bum itself out. That way I can monitor it and try to control it."
"It may take a long time, Gilbert."
"At least a year, maybe longer. But it's the only chance Ashley has."
Five days later Ashley had taken over.
When Dr. Keller walked into the padded cell, Ashley said, "Good morning, Gilbert. I'm sorry that all this happened."
"I'm glad it did, Ashley. We're going to get all of our feelings oat in the open." He nodded to the guard to remove the leg-irons and handcuffs.
Ashley stood up and rubbed her wrists. "That wasn't very comfortable," she said. They walked out into the corridor. "Toni's very angry."
"Yes, but she's going to get over it. Here's my plan...."
There were three or four articles about Dr. Steven Pat-terson every month. One read: "Dr. Steven Patterson is to wed Victoria Aniston in an elaborate wedding ceremony on Long Island this Friday. Dr. Patterson's colleagues will fly in to attend..."
Toni was hysterical when Dr. Keller showed the story to her.
"That marriage isn't going to last long."
"Why do you say that, Toni?"
"Because he's going to be dead."
"Dr. Steven Patterson has resigned from St. John's Hospital and will head the cardiac staff at Manhattan Methodist Hospital...."
"So he can rape all the little girls there," Toni screamed.
"Dr. Steven Patterson received the Lasker Award for his work in medicine and is being honored at the White House...."
"They should hang the bastard!" Toni yelled.
Gilbert Keller saw to it that Toni received all the articles written about her father. And as time went by, with each new item, Toni's rage seemed to be diminishing. It was as though her emotions had been worn out. She went from hatred to anger and, finally, to a resigned acceptance.
There was a mention in the real estate section. "Dr. Steven Patterson and his new bride have moved into a home in Manhattan, but they plan to purchase a second home in the Hamptons and will be spending their summers there with their daughter, Katrina."
Toni started sobbing. "How could he do that to us?"
"Do you feel that that little girl has taken your place, Toni?"
"I don't know. I'm—I'm confused."
Another year went by. Ashley had therapy sessions three times a week. Alette painted almost every day, but Toni refused to sing or play the piano.
At Christmas, Dr. Keller showed Toni a new clipping. There was a picture of her father and Victoria and Katrina.
The caption read: THE PATTERSONS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS IN THE HAMPTONS.
Toni said wistfully, "We used to spend Christmases together. He always gave me wonderful gifts." She looked at Dr. Keller. "He wasn't all bad. Aside from the—you know—he was a good father. I think he really loved me."
It was the first sign of a new breakthrough.
One day, as Dr. Keller passed the recreation room, he heard Toni singing and playing the piano. Surprised, he stepped into the room and watched her. She was completely absorbed in the music.
The next day, Dr. Keller had a session with Toni.
"Your father's getting older, Toni. How do you think you'll feel when he dies?"
"I—I don't want him to die. I know I said a lot of stupid things, but I said them because I was angry with him."
"You're not angry anymore?"
She thought about it. "I'm not angry, I'm hurt. I think you were right. I did feel that the little girl was taking my place." She looked up at Dr. Keller and said, "I was confused. But my father has a right to get on with his life, and Ashley has a right to get on with hers."
Dr. Keller smiled. We're back on track.
The three of them talked to one another freely now.
Dr. Keller said, "Ashley, you needed Toni and Alette because you couldn't stand the pain. How do you feel about your father now?"
There was a brief silence. She said slowly, "I can never forget what he did to me, but I can forgive him. I want to put the past behind me and start my future."
"To do that, we must make you all one again. How do you feel about that, Alette?"
Alette said, "If I'm Ashley, can I still go on painting?"
"Of course you can."
"Well, then, all right."
"Toni?"
"Will I still be able to sing and play the piano?"
"Yes," he said. "Then, why not?"
"Ashley?"
"I'm ready for all of us to be one. I—I want to thank them for helping me when I needed them."
"My pleasure, luv."
"Anche il mio," Alette said.
It was time for the final step: integration.
"All right I'm going to hypnotize you now, Ashley. I want you to say good-bye to Toni and Alette."
Ashley took a deep breath. "Good-bye, Toni. Goodbye, Alette."
"Good-bye, Ashley."
"Take care of yourself, Ashley."
Ten minutes later, Ashley was in a deep hypnotic state. "Ashley, there's nothing more to be afraid of. All your problems are behind you. You don't need anyone to protect you anymore. You're able to handle your life without help, without shutting out any bad experiences.
You're able to face whatever happens. Do you agree with me?"
"Yes, I do. I'm ready to face the future."
"Good. Toni?"
There was no answer.
"Toni?"
There was no answer.
"Alette?"
Silence.
"Alette?"
Silence.
"They're gone, Ashley. You're whole now and you're cured."
He watched Ashley's face light up.
"You'll awaken at the count of three. One... two... three..."
Ashley opened her eyes and a beatific smile lit her face. "It—it happened, didn't it?"
He nodded. "Yes."
She was ecstatic. "I'm free. Oh, thank you, Gilbert! I feel—I feel as though a terrible dark curtain has been taken away."
Dr. Keller took her hand. "I can't tell you how pleased I am. We'll be doing some more tests over the next few months, but if they turn out as I think they will, well, we'll be sending you home. I'll arrange for some outpatient treatment for you wherever you are." Ashley nodded, too overcome with emotion to speak.
OVER the next few months, Otto Lewison had three psychiatrists examine Ashley. They used hypnotherapy and Sodium Amytal.
"Hello, Ashley. I'm Dr. Montfort, and I need to ask you some questions. How do you feel about yourself?"
"I feel wonderful, Doctor. It's as though I've just gotten over a long illness."
"Do you think you're a bad person?"
"No. I know some bad things have happened, but I don't believe I'm responsible for them."
"Do you hate anyone?"
"No."
"What about your father? Do you hate him?"
"I did. I don't hate him anymore. I don't think he could help what he did. I just hope he's all right now."
"Would you like to see him again?"
"I think it would be better if I didn't. He has his life. I want to start a new life for myself."
"Ashley?"
"Yes."
"I'm Dr. Vaughn. I'd like to have a little chat with you."
"All right."
"Do you remember Toni and Alette?"
"Of course. But they're gone."
"How do you feel about them?"
"In the beginning, I was terrified, but now I know I needed them. I'm grateful to them."
"Do you sleep well at night?"
"Now I do, yes."
"Tell Me Your Dreams."
"I used to have terrible dreams; something was always chasing me. I thought I was going to be murdered."
"Do you still have those dreams?"
"Not anymore. My dreams are very peaceful. I see bright colors and smiling people. Last night, I dreamed I was at a ski resort, flying down the slopes. It was wonderful. I don't mind cold weather at all anymore."
"How do you feel about your father?"
"I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy."
"Ashley?"
"Yes."
"I'm Dr. Hoelterhoff."
"How do you do, Doctor?"
"They didn't tell me how beautiful you were. Do you think you're beautiful?"
"I think I'm attractive...."
"I hear that you have a lovely voice. Do you think you do?"
"It's not a trained voice, but, yes"—she laughed— "I do manage to sing on key."
"And they tell me you paint. Are you good?"
"For an amateur, I think I'm quite good. Yes."
He was studying her thoughtfully. "Do you have any problems that you would like to discuss with me?"
"I can't think of any. I'm treated very well here."
"How do you feel about leaving here and getting out into the world?"
"I've thought a lot about it. It's scary, but at the same time it's exciting."
"Do you think you would be afraid out there?"
"No. I want to build a new life. I'm good with computers. I can't go back to the company I worked for, but I'm sure I can get a job at another company."
Dr. Hoelterhoff nodded. "Thank you, Ashley. It was a pleasure talking to you."
Dr. Montfort, Dr. Vaughn, Dr. Hoelterhoff and Dr. Keller were gathered in Otto Lewison's office. He was studying their reports. When he finished, he looked up at Dr. Keller and smiled.
"Congratulations," he said. "These reports are all positive. You've done a wonderful job."
"She's a wonderful woman. Very special, Otto. I'm glad she's going to have her life back again."
"Has she agreed to outpatient treatment when she leaves here?"
"Absolutely."
Otto Lewison nodded. "Very well. I'll have the release papers drawn up." He turned to the other doctors. "Thank you, gentlemen. I appreciate your help."
Two days later, she was called into Dr. Lewison's office. Dr. Keller was there. Ashley was to be discharged and would return to her home in Cupertino, where regular therapy and evaluation sessions had been arranged with a court approved psychiatrist.
Dr. Lewison said, "Well, today's the day. Are you excited?"
Ashley said, "I'm excited. I'm frightened. I'm—I don't know. I feel like a bird that's just been set free. I feel like I'm flying." Her face was glowing.
"I'm glad you're leaving, but I'm—I'm going to miss you," Dr. Keller said.
Ashley took his hand and said warmly, "I'm going to miss you, too. I don't know how I... how I can ever thank you." Her eyes filled with tears. "You've given me my life back."
She turned to Dr. Lewison. "When I'm back in California, I'll get a job at one of the computer plants there. I'll let you know how it works out and how I get on with the outpatient therapy. I want to make sure that what happened before never happens to me again."
"I don't think you have anything to worry about," Dr. Lewison assured her.
When she left. Dr. Lewison turned to Gilbert Keller. "This makes up for a lot of the ones that didn't succeed, doesn't it, Gilbert?"
It was a sunny June day, and as she walked down Madison Avenue in New York City, her radiant smile made people turn back to look at her. She had never been so happy. She thought of the wonderful life ahead of her, and all that she was going to do. There could have been a terrible ending for her, she thought, but this was the happy ending she had prayed for.
She walked into Pennsylvania Station. It was the busiest train station in America, a charmless maze of airless rooms and passages. The station was crowded with people. And each person has an interesting story to tell, she thought. They're all going to different places, living their own lives, and now. I'm going to live my own life.
She purchased a ticket from one of the machines. Her train was just pulling in. Serendipity, she thought.
She boarded the train and took a seat. She was filled with excitement at what was about to happen. The train gave a jerk and then started picking up speed. I'm on my way at last. And as the train headed toward the Hamptons, she began to sing softly:
"All around the mulberry bush,
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought 'twas oil in fun,
Pop! goes the weasel...."