It was a little after four o’clock by the time I finished with my shower, hair, and makeup and I was ready to get into costume. As I pulled the short jean skirt on, I didn’t feel the same way I always felt when dressing like someone else. I almost felt a sense of self that I hadn’t experienced since I was little like I was actually doing something just for me and not just for a client. I quickly shook these thoughts from my head, however, knowing they led to dangerous territory that my future college education couldn’t afford to explore.
Looking myself over in the mirror I had to admit I actually looked pretty good. With my blonde curly hair and the neat, dark makeup, I looked like a mix between a ’50s actress and a rock star. The effect was nice, and I gave myself a mental pat on the back. As much as I wanted to whip out my paint set and get to work on a very round, very pink, colorful expressionist piece, I refrained, deciding that I didn’t want to show up for the date looking like something Jackson Pollock had gotten a hold of.
With three hours to go until the blessed event began, I went over some ideas in my head. I figured I could talk to him for a bit, strictly for professional purposes of course, before getting to Claire. I could ask why they broke up, put some doubts into his head about his decision, suggest that maybe she missed him a little, and even plant the idea of getting them back together right in his subconscious. It shouldn’t really be that difficult, in all reality. It was the job I normally did, just in reverse.
With that obstacle out of the way, I tackled another difficult decision. Should I eat before I went on the date? Eight o’clock was a bit late for dinner, but what if he waited to eat so he could take me out somewhere? Or even worse, what if he didn’t, and my growling stomach gave away my pathetic assumption that we would be getting dinner? What on earth would we do if we didn’t get dinner? Why were we starting this date so late? Did dates normally start at eight o’clock?
My head was swimming with questions, and I didn’t have the desire to answer any of them. All I wanted to do was get this date over with and accomplish my goal so I wouldn’t have to be confused about my feelings or my future in this career anymore. It seemed as though things had been going downhill ever since I’d taken on this new job. It was almost like someone was trying to sabotage what I did for a living. Of course, that was probably just the paranoia talking. The paranoia and the hunger.
I don’t really remember what I did for those three long hours while I waited for David to appear on my doorstep, but I’m pretty sure it involved alphabetizing all of the CDs clients had given to me and then categorizing them by genre. I had a vague determination to make my life easier and thought that this would be the perfect way to get into character quickly for my various jobs.
At eight o’clock sharp, the doorbell rang. I let out a little gasp, the kind you emit when you watch a scary movie and you just know something is going to pop out of that dark alley and yet it gets you every time. I had actually been watching the clock, and it was a welcome shock when the doorbell sounded just as eight o’clock flickered to life on the digital screen. I stood up quickly and looked myself over in the mirror to make sure my makeup hadn’t migrated down my face into a pool of black under my eyes. Everything seemed to be in order, and I looked just as good as I had three hours earlier when the epic CD organizing had begun.
I snatched my black leather purse from my bed and headed down the hallway to the front door. We didn’t have one of those front doors with glass in them so that the people outside can awkwardly see you approaching from a distance, and right now, I was happy for that. For all David knew, I was taking my sweet time because I wasn’t really that interested. I tiptoed to the peephole so that it wouldn’t sound like I had walked up to the door, only to stop for some odd amount of time. Looking through the little opening, I saw him standing there in all his glory. The porch light shone down on him, making him look like an angel, which I’m sure is a pretty cheesy comparison, but at that moment it worked quite nicely. He ran his fingers through his hair like he had when I’d been sitting next to him. There was just something about guys doing that-it gave them some sort of unspoken confidence in my eyes, like they were on top of the world and had everything. It seemed like the only thing they could think of to complete their perfection was running their fingers through their hair. (Because that logic makes complete sense.)
Finally, after what may have actually been an hour of peering at David through this little hole and seriously considering turning right around and going back to my room, I opened the door. He looked mildly surprised, but proud of himself. I assumed the pride was for finding my address and my phone number when I didn’t have any friends. He looked me up and down for a moment with a look on his face that I really couldn’t decipher, and believe me; I’ve seen many different looks on boy’s faces when they look at me. I waited for the inevitable “You look nice” or “I like that skirt on you” or even the more frequent but less acceptable “You look hot,” but instead he simply said, “Ready?”
I nodded dumbly at his question, a little hurt that he didn’t comment at all on my appearance, and a little happy that he might have actually been interested in something other than that. I did, however, have to quickly remind myself that he couldn’t have possibly been interested in my personality since I tragically didn’t have one. Or at least, I didn’t have one of my own. I had whatever personality my clients wanted me to have.
I followed David outside to his car, which was an old little blue thing. I had no idea what kind of car it was, just that it was slightly rusty, which I found a bit shocking. David seemed very well put together and clean, and I couldn’t imagine him driving something that wasn’t as spotless as his sweaters. He opened my door, which was always a good sign, and then took his spot in the driver’s seat. After he had started the car and begun driving in the general direction of the school, I finally spoke, breaking the long silence between us.
“So where exactly are we going tonight?” He looked over at me as if just noticing I was there and smiled.
“I thought we’d grab some dinner. Unless, of course, you’ve already eaten. I mean, it is eight o’clock and everything.” Well at least he wasn’t a complete weirdo. He knew that dinner should definitely be eaten earlier than eight. My stomach growled right on cue, answering his question without me saying a word. “So what kind of food do you like?” he asked me, keeping his eyes trained ahead on the road. That question was completely pointless. He would have been much better off asking what kind of food I didn’t like, because that list was much smaller.
“I like any food that’s edible,” I replied with a grin.
“So no seafood then?” he asked, the smallest of smiles creeping onto his strong features.
“I take it you’re not a fan?” I asked. He pulled a face at my question, scrunching his nose up in disgust.
“All right, no seafood then. What about Italian? Pasta is good at any time of the day.” In fact, I had a particular love of pasta for breakfast, but we didn’t need to let David see my little oddities when this date wasn’t even mine to jeopardize.
“Italian it is,” he said with a small nod. I was half surprised when he kept going straight instead of turning on the road to go to our school. I was definitely on autopilot. This little shock only reminded me of how much I didn’t get out of the house, increasing this date’s potential by a few notches.
“Nice hair, by the way,” David said after a few moments of silence.
“What?” I asked, completely puzzled by his statement. It didn’t dawn on me until after my brilliant response that I had dyed my hair since I’d last seen him. For me it was typical to look in the mirror and see a different hair color every few days, and my mom had long since gotten used to it, but to normal people it must be quite a shock when my hair constantly changed at a breakneck pace.
“It’s blonde,” he pointed out, as if this little fact had possibly escaped my notice. Maybe he thought I had been ambushed in the middle of the night by the hair-dye fairy and the result had simply floated right by my scope of understanding.
“Yeah… I get bored easily,” I mumbled, hoping this explanation would save me from any further questions.
“I like it,” he said finally. All right, so he was a blonde guy. Maybe if I could get Claire to change her hair color it would be easier for me to get them back together. This thought only made me realize how weird my job really is. Most of my date thus far had consisted of me covering up my job and thinking about how I could get my date back together with his ex-girlfriend, who I’d tried to get him to break up with originally. Good thing I had a psychology class, or I might need some serious therapy from all of this.
After a few more lies and some close calls on my part, we pulled into the parking lot of a small Italian restaurant. I could smell the breadsticks before we even entered the little building. The interior was dimly lit by fake candles with soft mood music maintaining the atmosphere. The host seated us in a cozy booth surprisingly close to the kitchen. I could hear the clattering of dishes and calling out of food orders from my seat. We looked at our menus, ordered drinks, and then were faced with the awkward silence first dates are famous for causing. This time in a date was normally just fine for me, because I would be strategically planning out how to get rid of the guy for good, while my date would be nervously contemplating my silence, wondering if it meant I didn’t like him, or if I was feeling bad that he had just broken up with his girlfriend.
This date, however, was different. My half of the silence was spent in nervous anticipation. I knew there was nothing for me to be excited about, because the sole reason I was here was to manipulate this boy without his knowledge. But still, I couldn’t help but feel that this date was a small reward for my years of work. Maybe this boy actually liked me and things could somehow work out. Of course, like all good dreams, these thoughts were instantly stifled by reality.
“So, Amelia, do you work?” I nearly choked on my soda at his question, and I actually had to take a minute to recover from the coughing fit this unexpected turn in the conversation brought on. He looked at me with mild amusement, which was slightly disconcerting since I was, in fact, choking. Well, perhaps I wasn’t choking, but I was sure coughing enough to cause other diners alarm. And here was my date, sitting there smirking at me like some cruel model from a clothing advertisement. After I regained my composure and patted my face with my maroon cloth napkin, I shook my head.
“No, I don’t work,” I said hoarsely, my voice still a bit scratchy from the violent coughing from a moment ago. I was amazed at how easy it was for me to lie. Not just to this boy, but to everyone. It seemed like a natural talent that I possessed, though I wasn’t sure if that was really something I should be proud of. David raised an eyebrow. Then after a moment of what I figured was contemplation over this, his face softened and he reacted, however late, to my distress.
“Are you all right?” His face still held the smirk but his voice held a certain amount of compassion now. I looked at him incredulously. Not only had he practically been laughing as I choked on my soda, but he was now asking if I was all right after we’d moved on from my little drinking attack. This was something that I had to deal with in only my most socially inept clients; I hadn’t expected this level of odd timing from David.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answered, sounding almost suspicious. Maybe he was trying to make me think he was some social outcast so I wouldn’t be so obviously pathetic about my interest in him. Then again, maybe he was just concerned and couldn’t ask once I’d stopped choking because I’d blurted out my answer to his question as if it were a matter of life and death.
“Perhaps next time you should try drinking instead of inhaling,” he commented dryly. I was about to shoot him an annoyed look when I caught the rueful gleam in his eye, signaling to me that it was a joke. I smiled back at him, and he broke into a soft laugh. Maybe this date wasn’t going as disastrously as it seemed.
“So what about you?” I asked, taking a bite out of a warm breadstick and savoring the garlic taste. “Do you have some sort of job after school?”
“No official job really. I do write for the school newspaper, though. I don’t get paid or anything, but I figure it’s close enough to job training, so it counts. Occasionally I’ll submit a piece for the local paper.”
“Oh, wow, so do you want to be a journalist?” I suppose the answer to that should have been fairly obvious, but I was being slightly less than observant tonight. He laughed softly again, a sound I was quickly beginning to like.
“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to write for a newspaper. My brother makes fun of me because I got the idea of being a newspaper writer from Lois Lane.”
“Wait, the girl from Superman?” I asked, amusement creeping into my voice.
“Yeah,” he mumbled, looking down at his napkin. He had obviously been through this discussion before. “My brother always says I’ll be the best Lois Lane at the paper.” He rolled his eyes at the memory, and I tried to stifle a laugh.
“Well, when you get your first official job, I’ll get you some heels that’ll make the green in your eyes just pop,” I said, putting on the best overly feminine voice I could muster. He shot me a playful death glare just as the waitress came to take our order.
I ordered spaghetti, a nice generic meal that wouldn’t cause anyone to pass judgment. I was used to being generic. I had conditioned myself so well to order only things that wouldn’t draw any attention to my real personality (if it even existed) that it had become a habit. I had never had a problem with who I was, or wasn’t, before this. I didn’t have a personality and that was fine because I didn’t need one to get by. I didn’t need friends or hobbies, likes or dislikes-all I needed was something I was good at, and that thing was molding myself into whomever I needed to be. So why was it such a big deal now that I was the way I was?
I didn’t hear what David ordered because I was too caught up in my own psychoanalysis. In fact, I hadn’t even noticed that he was saying my name, possibly repeating it because I hadn’t heard it the first time. His voice had that tone you use when you’re trying to snap someone out of a daydream and it isn’t working. I finally looked up at him with a puzzled expression glued to my face.
“Huh?” I said, sounding very intelligent, I’m sure.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked, taking note of my dazed expression.
“Spaghetti,” I said automatically, then mentally slapped myself on the wrist. The oddest things just seemed to pop out of my mouth around David. I really needed to concentrate and rein in all of my weirdness before he realized I really wasn’t a “cool” person. Maybe this was it. Maybe David brought out my real personality and my real personality just happened to be a loser.
“All right, I’m just not going to ask then,” he said, his mouth forming a thin-lipped smile as he shook his head, apparently amused. He looked down at his water glass for a moment, giving me enough time to compose myself and get back into what I was really supposed to be doing.
“So I talked to Claire today,” I said cautiously, trying to nonchalantly play with the sugar packets on the table so that I didn’t seem interested in the conversation.
“Oh, yeah?” he replied, and I could automatically tell he was using the same carefully-not-interested tone as me. “How is she?”
“She sounded a little down,” I said with the slightest glance in his direction. He was staring at me intently, which caught me off guard. With his voice so distant and disinterested, I’d been expecting him to be doing some useless, distracting thing with his hands. Or I figured he would be looking at his placemat like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Instead, here he was, watching me. It made me nervous, instantly putting me on my guard so that I was doubly careful of my tone and expression. I returned my gaze to the sugar packed and pressed on. “I know this is personal but I thought you guys were really cute together. Why did you break up in the first place?”
On a normal date this would have been completely unacceptable territory to have stepped into, but I figured that by this point we both knew this wasn’t a normal date-he with his odd reactions to my behavior and me… well, just me in general. He kept his gaze focused on me as a slight grin crept over his lips.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he answered. And with that the subject was closed. For now. I figured I could just bring it up again later on, maybe once we got back into the car so that he wouldn’t have an escape from the situation. I nodded in understanding and pushed the sugar packet around the tabletop with my finger intently. “Since we’re talking about relationships though,” he began, instantly grabbing my attention. This couldn’t be going anywhere good. “How has your dating life been? I mean other than right now, of course? You said you just moved here from Pennsylvania, right? So I’m assuming you really haven’t dated much since getting here.”
I was beginning to wonder if David somehow knew what I did for a living. It seemed like every question he aimed at me was meant specifically to tear down my nerves until I broke down and spilled the truth to him. Unless these really were normal first-date questions and I was just way out of the loop.
“No I haven’t. I don’t really like to date. In fact, I’d rather be alone most of the time.” That’s right; I was going to cut this thing off before it got any worse. I’d just show him how unavailable I was, then suggest Claire again and get the heck out of there. “I’m kind of a social recluse.” I smiled brightly at him, daring him to ask any more questions that would hint at the real reason I was there. Surprisingly, he didn’t make a snide remark or try to ask me anymore unanswerable questions. Instead he put up his hands in surrender and smiled.
After he had graciously backed off, an awkward silence fell over us. Though this kind of thing normally didn’t bother me, I decided to give him a break since he had just done that for me. “So what kind of stuff do you submit to the local paper?”
He looked up at me as if he were surprised by my question but quickly composed himself and shrugged his shoulders. “A lot of different stuff, I guess,” he said noncommittally. “I’ve done some human interest pieces, and some opinion pieces… a few others but that’s about it.”
“That’s funny, because I would have pegged you for more of the ‘bearer of bad news’ type-obituaries, accidents, children getting little puppies stolen away from them-that sort of thing.” I grinned at him, feeling pretty proud of myself for my clever joke until I saw the look his face had taken on. His lazy smile instantly melted into that look that women get when you ask them if they’re pregnant when they’re definitely not. I couldn’t understand this reaction, and I was desperately hoping that he would crack a smile any minute and say “Gotcha!” but that didn’t happen. He just continued to look at me as if I had run over his dog until I couldn’t take his gaze anymore. I let my eyes drop to the pattern on the table, cleared my throat awkwardly, and muttered a quick “Sorry,” under my breath, though I had no idea what I was sorry about.
The rest of our time in the restaurant went the way most dates do. We got our food and I tried desperately not to splash red sauce all over myself. He asked about my favorite color and my favorite movie, both of which I lied about, since I didn’t really have a favorite anything. I asked him the same generic questions back, and when the bill came I offered to pay for myself even though I had no intention of actually doing that. I wasn’t even sure if I had my wallet with me. But he chivalrously paid and we left.
In the car it looked like he was heading back to my house, cutting our date short. I guess that meant I had at least succeeded in making myself unappealing to him, so that threat was out of the way. Now I just had to work on getting him back together with Claire, and I had a whole fifteen-minute car ride for that.
“Hey, David?” I started sheepishly, actually a bit wary of the conversation we were about to have. I didn’t want to have to do this, and I hadn’t really come up with some brilliantly subtle way of saying it, so it was going to be rocky.
“Yeah?” he said, turning a radiant smile in my direction. I ignored the fact that I actually wanted that smile to be for me and pressed on with my tactless plea.
“Will you please just do me a favor and call Claire? Just talk to her? I know it would make her really happy.” I was begging and I knew it. It wasn’t just the fifty dollars that I didn’t want to give up, it was my pride. If I couldn’t finish this job properly, it would be my first official failure. I didn’t think I could handle that label. I kept my eyes trained out the front windshield, afraid to see his reaction. There was a long moment of silence before I heard him sigh.
“Yeah, I’ll call her,” he promised quietly. I tried to keep my face smooth as the relief and happiness washed over me, mixing with the jealousy and anger that I was actually forcing this boy out of my life. The need to have him there was, I had to admit, completely shallow. I really didn’t know much about him except that he liked to write and he was extremely good looking. I didn’t even like blonds most of the time but his sandy hair looked beautiful when he constantly shook it away from his green eyes.
“Thanks,” I replied sullenly. He caught the unhappiness in my tone and looked over at me inquiringly, but I just let out a small laugh and waved away his unspoken question with my hand. When he got to my house I hastily got out of the car and said a quick, “Thanks for dinner,” over my shoulder. If I didn’t get right out and go right up to my house, I would probably do something else stupid, like tell him that I changed my mind and that he shouldn’t call Claire. Wasn’t I leading him back into an inevitably painful relationship with Claire just to save my pride? It was the exact same thing Claire was about to do to him. I began walking quickly to my door when I felt a hand close around my elbow and a figure appeared beside me. David smiled winningly at me and began the trek to my doorstep.
“I can’t very well let you walk yourself to the doorstep, now can I? That wouldn’t make me a gentleman.” I swallowed back the anxiety that was building somewhere inside me and nodded dumbly. I was sure it was a bad idea with my complete lack of censor today, but I figured that as long as I kept my mouth shut I’d be fine.
At the door I pulled my keys from my purse and smiled awkwardly at David. “Well, thanks. That was fun,” I said quickly, making it clear I just wanted to get inside and away from all of this confusion.
“No problem. We’ll have to do it again,” he said smoothly. I swiftly put the keys in the lock and turned them, hearing the click as the deadbolt slid back. I turned back to David to give him a little wave when he suddenly slid his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. The utter shock on my face didn’t seem to deter him at all. He was set on a purpose, and nothing was going to interfere, not even my clumsy half-formed question.
“David, what-?” I began, before he pressed his lips firmly against mine. I inhaled sharply, not quite sure how to react to this. For all of the relationships I’d been involved in ending, I’d never actually been in one myself, and it struck me in this moment that this was my first kiss. I felt a little pathetic, but I let that feeling slip away quickly and simply enjoyed everything about it-his warm breath against my lips as he pulled me closer to him, the way his hand rested on the small of my back, the soft pressure of his nose nudging my cheek with each persuasive kiss.
When he finally pulled back after what had to be nearly five minutes, I realized that my arms were circled around his neck. When had that happened? Embarrassed, I pulled them away and looked at the ground. What were you supposed to say after your first kiss? Thank you? That seemed a bit lame, but I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do to break the silence. Did I just walk right into my house without a word? Maybe just a friendly reminder to call Claire? And tell her what? That he’d just kissed Amelia Bedford, the amazing breakup artist? I finally dared to look up at David and found acute confusion lining his features. Well, that couldn’t be a good sign. There really wasn’t a whole lot confusing about kissing. It was a pretty basic thing. I mean, even I had done pretty well for my first time, I’d say.
“I’m going to go now,” he said distantly, distractedly. I nodded silently, afraid that if I spoke I’d ruin the moment even more than he was ruining it, which would be quite a feat. It only took seconds for him to get into his car and drive away, and I stood on my front porch, completely shaken.
I had just had my first kiss. And it wasn’t a little peck of a first kiss. It was a major, earthshaking, intense, passionate first kiss. With a client. I turned that thought over in my head for a while, trying to decide what exactly that meant. I definitely had to give the money back, because there was no way things were going to work out now that I’d seduced the client. Or was it the other way around? I was pretty sure the client had just seduced me. I wasn’t the one who threw myself into the kiss in the first place.
I sighed deeply, not even wanting to think of the mess I’d just gotten myself into. My brow was creased with anxiety as I made my way to my bedroom. I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I’d never let a client walk me to the door before, because that only led to bad things, like kissing your impossibly cute paycheck. Ugh. What was wrong with me? I’d broken up with cuter boys for people before, but as much as I wanted to think it was just his looks that interested me, I knew it wasn’t true. There were a lot of little things, even after the short amount of time I’d spent with him. It was the way he always raised his right eyebrow at me when I said weird things or the way only half of his mouth curved into a smile when he was trying not to make me feel uncomfortable.
But then again, there were a few red flags that I had been purposefully ignoring. He had asked some pointed questions that suggested he knew exactly what I was up to. Of course, that had to be crazy talk. He couldn’t possibly know what I did for a living. My clients were all sworn to secrecy, not so much out of loyalty to me, but more out of an unspoken knowledge that if they told someone about my secret they’d have to start fighting their own battles because my business would be no more. So it had to be sheer paranoia talking. He had no idea what I did. He was just another boy I’d lured in with my good looks, and this time my pre-prom loneliness had gotten the better of me. I’d just have to work on controlling my emotions better in the future. Besides, now that I’d failed one client, at least I wouldn’t have my perfect record hanging over my head. It wouldn’t be such a shock on the day I failed another client. It was like never missing a day of school and then suddenly getting the flu. It was a situation completely out of my control, so I should just try not to fret over it.
I told myself that same explanation over and over again that night, and I eventually fell asleep, filled with an acute sadness that I couldn’t quite seem to place. I ignored my thoughts of David and resolved to make it right on Monday. I’d straighten things out with Claire and give her the money back. Then I’d finish up my jock client and things could go back to normal. Perfect plan.