Thursday, June 2
The phone rang just as Alex was halfway out the door on his way to Vincent de Paul. His heart pounding with fear and excitement, he bounded across the living room and got to the phone on the second ring.
"Luis? This is apartment three J. My bathroom sink is leaking again. You need to put in a new washer."
Die, you old bruja, Alex thought, slamming the phone down without saying a word.
Friday, June 3
"I have an idea about Mami," Bri said with nervous pride as she, Alex, and Julie began a supper of spaghetti and red clam sauce. "About why she hasn't called."
"Maybe the phones aren't working where she is," Julie said. "Lauren says sometimes the phones work and sometimes they don't. Maybe Mami only calls when the phones aren't working."
"Who's Lauren?" Alex asked, trying not to take too much spaghetti. They still had food in the house, but their supplies were dwindling and he wasn't sure when they'd be able to replenish them or how. They all had lunch at school every day, but with the weekend coming, and the end of the school year not that far off, he wasn't sure how they'd manage.
"She's my best friend," Julie said, and oblivious to any food shortage, helped herself to seconds.
"I don't think it's the telephone," Briana said. "I don't know if phones are working all the time or not, but that's not why we haven't heard from Mami."
"Why, then?" Julie asked. "It's not like she doesn't know our number."
"That's it, exactly!" Bri said, looking happier and more excited than she had in weeks. "Maybe Mami has amnesia."
"Amnesia?" Julie said sarcastically.
Bri either didn't hear or didn't mind Julie's skepticism. "She could have got hit on the head that night," she said. "Or maybe seeing all the awful things shocked her. I don't know. But people do get amnesia. It happens on the soaps all the time. So Mami's all right, she isn't hurt, but she can't remember who she is or where she lives or anything. You can't call home when you have amnesia, and that's why we haven't heard from her. But one day she'll get her memory back. Maybe someone will hypnotize her or maybe she'll get hit on the head again, or she could be at Bellevue and someone from St. John of God will be there and recognize her, and then we'll hear from her. It could happen, couldn't it, Alex?"
Alex looked at Bri and couldn't bring himself to argue. "It would be a miracle," he said.
"But miracles do happen," Bri said. "So that's what I'm praying for. I'm praying to la madre and to St. Jude for Mami to have amnesia and regain her memory and come home."
"I'm praying to Joan of Arc," Julie said. "Don't we have any more spaghetti? I'm still hungry."
"That's it for tonight," Alex said. "You've had your fair share and then some."
"There's still a little left on my plate," Bri said. "You can have it, Julie."
"No," Alex said. "Eat what's there, Bri. So Julie, why are you praying to Joan of Arc?"
"She's a saint, too," Julie grumbled. "If Bri isn't hungry, why can't I have her food?"
Because you didn't take enough from the bodega! Alex wanted to shout. Because Bri can't be expected to starve herself just so you don't feel a hunger pang.
"Because you already had seconds," he said instead. "I never thought about amnesia, Bri. Probably a lot of people are wandering around New York right now, shocked from what's happened. Like shell-shocked soldiers in World War One. St. Jude must be very busy right now, interceding for everyone who's been praying to him, so it might take a while for a miracle. But the important thing is to stay strong and not give up hope."
"St. Jude must be way too busy to hear everyone's prayers," Julie said. "I think Joan of Arc is a much better saint to pray to."
"But St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes," Bri replied. "And Mami's lost, so he must be especially interested in her. In all the people like her. People with amnesia and shell shock."
"Joan of Arc is the patron saint of soldiers," Julie said. "I did a report on her last year. I bet she's the saint you pray to if you have shell shock."
"But Mami doesn't have shell shock," Bri said. "She has amnesia."
Alex felt a wave of guilt for finding a heartfelt discussion about saints to be so stupid. "Julie, clear the table," he said. "Then you and Bri do the dishes. I'm going to my room."
"What will you be doing?" Julie asked.
"Praying," Alex replied, leaving the room rapidly so he wouldn't have to tell his sisters he'd be praying for strength to cope with them and forgiveness for not wanting to.
Saturday, June 4
The electricity was off again, but even in the basement apartment there was enough late-afternoon sunlight so that no candles or flashlights were needed. Bri and Julie sat on the sofa looking at a magazine while Alex sat in the easy chair, the transistor radio broadcasting the news. Lower Manhattan, up to Houston Street, had been evacuated because of constant flooding. The bodies of 112 men, women, and children had been found in a church in Northridge, California, the third apparent mass suicide in and around Los Angeles in the past week. Food riots in Tokyo had claimed at least eight lives, and there were rumors of a revolution in Russia.
"Do you really like him?" Bri asked Julie. "You really think he's cute?"
Julie nodded. "I thought you did, too," she said. "I remember when we saw him on TV and you liked him a lot."
"Not that much," Bri said. "Besides, I was a lot younger then."
"What?" Julie said, her voice rising. "You saying I'm a baby: You saying only babies like him?"
"Do you mind?" Alex said. "I'm trying to listen to the radio."
"I do mind!" Julie shouted. "I mind a lot. Why do you have to keep listening all the time? I hate the radio. I hate it." She stormed off to her room.
"What?" Alex said as Bri gave him a look.
"Nothing," she said. "It's just it upsets Julie to hear what's going on in the world. I don't mind so much because I know someday God will return Mami and Papi to us. But Julie doesn't feel that way. She doesn't want you to know, but she's scared. She's been having awful dreams lately."
It seemed to Alex that Julie was a lot more upset by Bri's not liking some actor than she was over food riots and revolutions. "It's important that I know what's going on," he said.
"Why?" Bri asked.
Alex wasn't sure he could explain. When everything had started, he'd been just as happy not to know what was going on. But lately he felt a desperate need to know, and right then the radio was his only means of finding things out. The bulletin board at St. Margaret's only reported on things in New York. But there was a world out there, a world Alex had dreamed of exploring.
Even if he could explain his feelings to Bri, she'd think protecting Julie was more important. She might even be right.
"Fine," he said. "I'll only listen to the radio at night in my room."
"We can hear it when you do," Bri said. "I know you don't have it on very loud, but the sound comes through the wall."
"Great," Alex muttered.
"Maybe there are earphones," Bri said. "I could look for them if you want."
Alex nodded. "You do that," he said. "I'll go talk to Julie." He left Bri searching through the kitchen drawers and went into his sisters' bedroom.
Julie was sitting cross-legged on her bunk bed. "You Come to hit me again?" she asked.
"No, of course not," Alex said, fighting the temptation to do just that. "I didn't know the radio bothered you so much. You never told me."
"You wouldn't care," Julie said. "No one cares what I want except Carlos, and he isn't here."
"Bri cares," Alex said. "She says you've been having bad dreams."
"Aren't you?" Julie asked. "Isn't everyone?"
Alex burst out laughing. "Only sane people," he said. "Okay, maybe not Bri. But everyone else is."
"Are things going to get better?" Julie asked. "Is that why you listen to the news all the time, because someday things are going to get better?"
Alex shook his head. "That's not why I listen," he replied. "That's why I pray but not why I listen."
"Do you think God listens?" she asked.
"Bri thinks so," Alex said. "Father Franco thinks so."
"All those people killing themselves," Julie said. "And in a church."
"I need to know what's going on," Alex said. "For all our sakes. Bri's looking for the earphones. If she finds them, I'll use them whenever I listen."
"And you won't tell me what's happening?" Julie asked.
"Not unless you want me to," Alex said.
Bri came into the bedroom. "I haven't found them," she said. "But the radio has a place to plug them in, so they've got to be somewhere."
"Come on, Julie," Alex said. "If we all look, we'll find them that much sooner."
Tuesday, June 7
"The government knew," Kevin Daley said. "They must have. They just kept it to themselves, how bad things were going to be."
"But why not give people time to prepare?" fames Flaherty asked. "No, I think it was a true act of God and the scientists were taken by surprise, same as everyone else."
Alex sat between his two companions at the cafeteria table and listened while they argued the same argument he'd heard almost daily for the three weeks. At this point what difference did it make? Alex gratefully finished each bite of the lunch Vincent de Paul provided for him, a lunch he'd noticed that Kevin and James complained about. They must still have food in their homes, he thought. Otherwise they'd be grateful, same as he was, for anything nourishing.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up to see Father Mulrooney standing there. All the boys at his table rose.
"Sit down," Father Mulrooney said. "Mr. Morales, I have a message for you from Father Franco at St. Margaret's. He asked you to come see him at his office as soon as possible."
"I'll go now," Alex said, his stomach twisting. Father Franco must have heard something about Puerto Rico, about Milagro del Mar. It was good for Alex to learn the news first. That way he could figure out just how to break it to his sisters.
Father Mulrooney raised his eyebrows. "Do you have permission to leave school:" he asked.
"No sir," Alex said. "But I'm leaving anyway."
Kevin snickered.
"I do not care for the attitude some of you are taking," Father Mulrooney declared. "This is a school, not a social club. You cannot come and go as you please."
"I'm very sorry," Alex said, "but I have to go. I'll come back if I can. Now if you'll excuse me." He grabbed his books and walked out of the cafeteria, aware that the eyes of the other students were on him. Alex Morales, who had never missed a day of school, who had never talked back to a teacher, let alone a priest, had just defied the headmaster. Well, let them look. What did they understand? Even Father Mulrooney, who knew about Mami, had no knowledge about Papi being gone as well.
Alex rammed his books into his locker, then left the school building and began running to St. Margaret's. He paid no mind to the traffic lights, since there were hardly any cars on the streets. It had been an unusually hot spring, and Alex was sweating by the time he reached the church, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that Father Franco knew something. After three weeks, there was finally word.
As always there were a half dozen people sitting in the outer office, waiting for their chance to speak with the father. Alex took his place resentfully. If what Father Franco had to tell him was so urgent, why did he have to wait for an hour to hear what it was?
He should have looked at the bulletin board first, he told himself. If he got up now, he'd lose his place and add a half hour or more to his wait. He should have brought at least one schoolbook with him, since he had nothing to distract himself with except looking at the suffering faces of those who sat with him. Distraction would have been welcome, because he found he was beginning to hope. Maybe Milagro del Mar had been spared the tidal waves and Papi was all right.
Or maybe Bri was right and Mami had suffered some kind of accident and only now was able to tell people who she was and where she lived.
Or maybe Father Franco had gotten word about Carlos, through his Marine chaplain. There were as many good possibilities as bad ones, but Alex knew the good ones were more dangerous. It was one thing to say "Don't give up hope." It was another to have hope dashed time after time.
Eventually his turn came. He prayed for the strength to hear what Father Franco had to tell him.
"Alex," he said. "I thought you'd come after school."
"Father Mulrooney said I should come as soon as I could," Alex replied, sitting down. He'd seen Father Franco at Mass just two days earlier, but already the priest looked years older. "Have you heard something?"
"Yes," Father Franco said. "Oh, you mean about your father. No, son, I'm afraid not. Nothing new, at least. There is some communication now between San Juan and the mainland, but the fate of the little villages still isn't known. No, that's not why I asked you to come."
Alex waited for the next body blow, that his mother's body had been identified. But Father Franco surprised him.
"It's about your sister, Briana," he said instead. "Good news for a change."
Alex tried to smile. "I'd like good news," he said.
"There's a small convent in upstate New York," Father Franco said. "Really quite a remarkable place. There are six sisters and they have a working farm. They've decided to invite ten Catholic high school girls to stay at the convent indefinitely. The girls will work on the farm, but they'll also be educated by the sisters, sort of a summer camp turned into boarding school. Most of the girls they've invited come from families who have connections to the convent, but I happen to know one of the sisters, and I told her I know a perfect candidate. I wasn't positive how old Briana is, but I said fifteen and going into her sophomore year of high school."
"She'll be fifteen next month," Alex said, trying to take it all in. "And yes, she'll be a sophomore."
Father Franco looked quite pleased with himself. "The sisters are only inviting girls who attend Catholic schools, but that should be no problem," he said. "Briana goes to Holy Angels, doesn't she?"
Alex nodded.
"Excellent," Father Franco said. "I'm very pleased for you, for your family, and most of all, for Briana. I know what a devout girl she is, and perhaps growing up in the atmosphere of a convent, she'll find she has a vocation. But even if she doesn't, she'll still have a safe place to stay, and you and your family won't have to worry about her."
"Just Briana?" Alex said, suddenly realizing that with Bri gone, he'd be left alone with Julie. "Couldn't they take Julie also?"
Father Franco shook his head. "I asked," he said. "But Sister Grace said the girls must be teenagers. Besides, they're only taking one girl from each family. Briana is the perfect fit."
"Thank you, Father," Alex said. "I'm very grateful." It would be good to know Bri at least was someplace safe.
Father Franco smiled. Alex couldn't remember the last time the priest had looked so satisfied. "The bus leaves for the convent on Thursday afternoon," he said. "Briana needs to be at St. Benedict's Church, Madison and 112th, by one. She'll need her baptismal certificate, her most recent report card, and a recent canceled check to Holy Angels. Can you find all that:"
"Yes, I think so," Alex said. "Do you mean this Thursday?"
"The sooner the better," Father Franco replied. "Imagine Briana in the fresh country air, eating eggs and drinking milk. Now here's the information about the convent, its address and phone number. Sister Grace said that for the first month you shouldn't call, since it's natural for the girls to be homesick and it will be easier for them if they're not reminded of what they've left behind. But I assure you, Briana will be in the best possible hands. When you see her next, she'll be plump as a kitten." He stood and extended his hand for Alex to shake. "Your family is in my prayers," he said. "But I like to think one prayer has been answered."
"Yes, Father," Alex said. "Thank you for everything." He left the office, then went to the nave, genuflected at the crucifix, then knelt in prayer.
Heavenly Father, teach me to accept all my losses, he prayed. And show me how to live in peace with Julie.
Wednesday, June 8
Alex watched his sisters leave for Holy Angels, then went to his parents' bedroom to search for the papers Bri would need. there'd been no electricity the night before and he was uncomfortable enough with the idea of rifling through his parents' possessions without wanting to do it by flashlight. Besides, he didn't dare risk having Bri or Julie wake up. Better to do it Wednesday morning and get to school late. He wouldn't even mind detention. The less time he spent with Bri the better, since seeing her and thinking about how long it might be before he saw her again upset him fiercely.
It's for the best, he told himself. Their food supplies were running low. Even if they skipped more meals, there was hardly enough left for two weeks. As it was, they no longer ate breakfast. With the school year coming to an end, Alex had no idea how they'd survive. This way, at least, Bri would have food, and what little remained at home would last that much longer.
Alex gritted his teeth and began going through his parents' chest of drawers. He hoped he'd find a report card, since the sisters would be impressed with Bri's grades.
The scent of his parents' clothing nearly made him sick with longing. Three weeks ago, they'd been a family. Now Alex was exiling Bri, the sweetest of them all. Would he ever see her again?
It's for the best, he reminded himself. He had to be strong, the way Papi or Carlos would be.
No report cards, no baptism certificates in the chest of drawers. He went into the kitchen and got the step stool so he could go through the shoe boxes on the top shelf of their closet. The boxes weren't labeled, but eventually he found their report cards and Bri's baptism certificate. He put the boxes back, carried the step stool back to the kitchen, and located the bank statements in a kitchen drawer. Then he took the papers to his room, hiding them under the top bunk mattress. He doubted the girls would ever go through his things, but there was no point taking chances.
Knowing he'd found the needed documents made him realize he was actually going to send Bri away.
Who died and made me boss? he asked himself. Not wanting to know the answer, he gathered his schoolbooks and decided facing the wrath of Father Mulrooney would be a welcome diversion.
Thursday, June 9
Alex had waited to tell Father Mulrooney that he'd be gone from school all day until after he'd served detention for being late the day before. Father Mulrooney had given him a ten-minute lecture on the importance of education in troubled times, but at least Alex didn't have a guilty conscience about cutting classes.
He went through his closet until he found Carlos's old duffel bag. It still had that faint smell of sweat and aftershave Alex associated with Carlos, but he doubted Bri would mind.
Alex wished he had a list of what Bri was going to need, but he hadn't been given one. This kind of packing was best done by Mami, he thought. She'd done it for their Fresh Air Fund summers. She knew how to pack, just as she knew how to cook and clean and do all kinds of things no one had ever felt the need to teach Alex. And yet here he was, going through Bri's most private things, trying to decide what she would need to have with her and what the sisters would provide.
She'd be working on a farm, he told himself, so she should have work clothes. It promised to be a hot summer, so T-shirts and shorts were good ideas. He added a couple of pairs of jeans and the oversized Vincent de Paul sweatshirt he'd given her for Christmas two years ago. Nights got cold in the country.
The girls might be expected to dress for dinner and they'd certainly have to for church, so Alex carefully packed a skirt and two blouses, as well as Bri's best dress. She had her uniform on, so that was an extra blouse and skirt. She was wearing a pair of shoes, but she'd need something more practical for farmwork, so Alex dug out a pair of sneakers he was reasonably sure were Bri's. Next came nightgowns and la ropa intima. Alex grimaced at the thought of handling Bri's most personal clothing, but it had to be done. He pulled open the top drawer in the bureau, and trying hard not to think about it, threw an assortment of undergarments into the duffel bag. Nightgowns were a little less awkward, and he felt a sense of relief when he remembered that Bri would need socks, slippers, and a robe as well. He knew which robe and slippers were hers, so that was easy. Any socks would do, just as long as he left enough for Julie.
Next came the bathroom items. The nuns would certainly have toothpaste and soap, but Bri would want her own toothbrush. The only problem was Alex had no idea which brush was hers. He knew his, but Bri's could have been any of the others. Not knowing what else to do, Alex threw all except his into the duffel bag. He could always find another one for Julie, he supposed, somewhere in New York, and if Mami or Papi came back, he'd find toothbrushes for them, too. As far as anything else a girl might need, he decided the nuns could handle it.
He found Bri's diary and put it in the duffel bag. He looked around her room for something that she loved and would want to have with her. Most of the pictures she'd Scotch-taped to the walls were of TV stars, good-looking guys that Alex was pretty sure wouldn't be welcomed at a convent, no matter how open-minded the sisters might be. But the postcard of the van Gogh painting Starry Night Bri had gotten because it reminded her of the night skies in the country should be acceptable, so he peeled it off the wall and slipped it into the bag.
What else? A photograph of the family, he decided, but that was in Mami and Papi's room. A sweater. He found one in the closet and threw it in. A jacket? A coat? If Bri stayed at the convent past the summer, she'd need a coat. Alex felt his throat constrict at the idea that Bri might never leave the convent, that he might be sending her away from home forever. He told himself that whatever happened, Bri would be safe and healthy and he couldn't guarantee that in New York. It was best for Bri to be gone. And he'd always know where she was. It wasn't the same kind of gone as Mami and Papi. It was more like Carlos, only better, since the church would know just where Bri was and he'd be able to get in touch with her in an emergency. And she'd be on a farm, with other girls like her, protected by the sisters. It was the best thing that could possibly happen.
He rolled up Bri's raincoat and put it in. There wasn't room in there for her winter coat. He knew he should carry it but couldn't make himself. If Bri stayed on into the winter, he'd find a way of getting the coat to her, he decided. Besides, the sisters probably were prepared with coats for the girls, just in case.
Bri's rosary beads! No matter that the sisters would have extras; Bri had to have her own. They were on top of the bureau, and Alex packed them, then went to his parents' bedroom and took the framed picture of the six of them that Mami kept by her bedside. Uncle Jimmy had taken it at Christmas, right before Carlos enlisted. Alex looked at it carefully before packing it. They all looked so much younger. Had it been less than six months ago?
There might have been other things Bri would want or need, but Alex couldn't figure out what they might be. Besides, he had to get Bri to St. Benedict's before the bus left for the convent, and it would be a long walk there from the school. He went back to Bri and Julie's bedroom, gave it a quick appraisal, decided enough was enough, then went to his bedroom, and pulled the documents out from under the mattress.
He walked to Holy Angels and went into the school office. He didn't know what to expect, but things seemed reasonably normal there, busier than at Vincent de Paul.
"I'm Alex Morales," he said to a woman sitting at a desk. "Briana Morales's brother. I'm here to take her to St. Benedict's for the bus."
The woman looked at him blankly. "What grade is she in?" she asked.
"Ninth," Alex replied.
"Room 144," the woman said. "If she isn't there, try Room 142."
Alex thanked her, walked down the hallway, and located Room 144. Bri was sitting at her desk, scribbling madly in her notebook.
Alex walked into the classroom and approached the teacher, sitting at her desk. "I'm Briana Morales's brother," he said. "I've come to take her away."
The girls all looked up, Bri clearly puzzled to see him.
The teacher didn't seem all that surprised. Judging from the number of empty desks, Alex guessed Bri wasn't the first kid in class to be mysteriously called away lately.
"Will Briana be coming back?" her teacher asked.
"No," Alex whispered.
"We'll miss her," the teacher said. "Very well. Briana, get your things, and go with your brother."
Alex thanked her, and walked over to Bri. "Come on," he whispered. "We have to get going."
"Is it Mami?" Bri asked. "Or Papi? Are they home?"
"No," Alex said. "Come on, Bri. Don't worry about your textbooks."
"I don't understand," she said.
"I'll explain later," he said. "Just follow me."
Bri did as she was told. They left the classroom, and then the school. "We have a bit of a walk," Alex said. "All the way to Madison Avenue and 112th. We'll cross the park at 96th. Are your shoes comfortable? You can switch to your sneakers if you want."
"I'm okay," Bri said. "But what's going on? Where are we going? Where's Julie?"
"Still in school," Alex said. He paused for a moment. "Bri, something great's happened, thanks to Father Franco. There's a convent upstate that's taking teenage girls. Julie's too young, but you're the right age, so you can go there."
"To be a nun?" Bri asked. "Alex, I'm too young."
Alex pretended to laugh. "Not to be a nun," he said. "It's a convent but it's also a working farm, and the sisters decided to open it up to good Catholic girls. You'll be working on the farm, but it'll also be a school. And because it's a farm, there'll be plenty of food. You like the country. You always had great times with your Fresh Air Fund family. This'll be like that, only better, because there'll be other girls your age there, and the nuns."
Bri stood absolutely still. "Is it an orphanage?" she asked. "Are you sending me to an orphanage?"
"No, of course not," Alex said. "Come on, Bri. We can't miss the van. If it was an orphanage, wouldn't I be sending Julie instead?"
"I don't know," Briana said. "Are you sending her someplace else? Or is it just me?"
"Just you because you're the right age," Alex replied. "Stop acting like it's forever and you're some kind of martyr. I wish there was a place I could go, where I'd be guaranteed three meals a day."
"There is," Bri said. "Join the Marines."
"Very funny," Alex said. "Now come on. We still have the park to cross."
Briana was silent for a while. Alex was relieved not to have to answer any more questions, and to sec what passed for normal activity in Central Park. There were plenty of people riding bikes and others walking, enjoying the hot June day. No cars, but at times Central Park was closed to cars anyway. Even the cops riding horseback added to the sense of normalcy, the clop-clop-clop of the horses' hooves making a soothing noise.
"If I hate it, can I come home?" Briana asked.
"You won't hate it," Alex said.
"But what if I do?" Bri persisted. "What if they're mean to me? What if everyone's nasty?"
"We're lucky this place exists," Alex said. "The nuns will look after you, and you'll make lots of friends. The important thing is you'll be safe. I don't know how much longer New York'll be okay. It is now but things are getting worse. We may not talk about that, but you've got to know. And yeah, if I can find a safe place for Julie, I'll send her there. I'm responsible for the two of you, at least until Papi or Mami come back. Don't you think they'd want you to be with the sisters, out of harm's way?"
Briana remained silent.
"Answer that," Alex said. "Don't you think Mami and Papi would want you to be safe, at a convent with holy sisters looking after you?"
"Yes, Alex," Bri said.
"Good," he said.
"Does Julie know?" Bri asked. "Did you tell her and not me?"
"No, of course not," Alex said.
"She'll be angry when she finds out," Bri said.
"That's her problem," Alex said. "Besides, she won't be angry for long. Not when she realizes it's best for you. The way we have."
"I wish I could have said good-bye to her," Bri said.
Alex pictured what that would have been like. "It's better this way," he said. "I'll tell her all about the convent tonight."
They walked in silence for a while longer, Alex trying not to think about how Julie would react.
"Where are we going, anyway?" Bri finally asked.
"To St. Benedict's Church," Alex replied. "They're sending a van there to take all the girls to the convent."
"Will you wait with me until it comes?" Briana asked. "Please, Alex."
Alex nodded. "If they'll let me," he said.
"And you'll write?" she asked. "You and Julie?"
"Of course we will," he replied. "And you'll write to us. The post office is crazy these days, so I don't know how often you'll get mail, but we'll write. I promise."
"I guess it will be like the Fresh Air Fund," Briana said. "I was always scared when I left home each summer, but I had a nice time once I got used to it."
"I packed your things," Alex said. "I put in that picture of all of us that Mami had and your rosary beads and your diary and the Starry Night postcard."
"Thank you," Briana said. "How long have you known I'd be going?"
"Just a couple of days," Alex said.
"I hope I'll come home someday," she said. "I think I'll die if I don't ever see you and Julie again."
"You aren't going to die," Alex said. "And you'll see us again. Now come on. We still have to get to Madison and then walk uptown."
"Are you tired?" she asked. "Do you want me to carry the duffel bag for a while?"
"No, of course not," Alex said. "Just walk faster."
Briana picked up her pace, and the two of them walked more swiftly, resting only at street corners before crossing. The faster they walked, the less Alex thought about how much he was going to miss her.
By 108th Street, they could see the church up ahead. It was older than St. Margaret's hut every bit as imposing. Alex was glad. It made little sense, but it was a relief to see the church look so respectable.
As they got closer, they saw a girl about Bri's age accompanied by her mother. Alex picked up the pace, and Bri followed his lead. "Are you off to the farm?" Alex asked.
"Yes," the mother said.
Alex noticed the girl was weeping.
"She's homesick already," the mother said. "It's scary for her."
"I'm Briana," Bri said to the girl. "What's your name?"
"Ashley," the girl replied.
"I have a friend named Ashley," Bri said. "She looks a little like you. Have you ever been on a farm?"
"No," Ashley mumbled.
"I have," Bri said. "Farms are really nice. Where do you go to school?"
"Mother of Mercy High School," Ashley said. "I'm a sophomore."
"I go to Holy Angels," Bri said. "I'm in ninth grade."
Ashley's mother looked gratefully at Alex. "This has been so hard," she whispered. "But I don't know what else to do."
"I know," Alex said. "I've been telling Briana how lucky she is."
They walked into the church together, and found a sign telling them to wait in the basement. When they got there, they found the room filled with girls and their families. A lot of people were crying, and Ashley began weeping again. Alex found two seats for himself and Briana. He held her hand, but she didn't cry.
"You're being very brave," he told her. "I'm proud of you."
"I don't want to cry," she said. "Alex, I've been thinking. I need you to promise me something."
"If I can," he said.
"No," she said. "You have to promise me this. It's like a holy vow. If you don't, I'm going to get up and leave right now."
Alex thought about Bri, how few scenes she made compared to Julie's endless whining or Aunt Lorraine's dramatics. "There are things I can't promise," he said. "I can't promise the moon will return to its place, that things will ever be normal again."
"I know," she said. "And I know you can't promise me that Papi and Mami will come home. But you have to vow to me that you and Julie won't leave the apartment, that you won't disappear on me. You have to vow that you'll stay at home, so I'll always know where you are, so when Papi and Mami and Carlos come home, they'll know where you are and you can tell them where I am and I can come home then. Promise me that, Alex. I can't have you gone like they are."
"I promise," he said, hoping that if he and Julie ever did have to leave, they'd have time to let Bri know. "We'll stay there for you and Papi and Mami and Carlos."
"All right," Briana said. "You can go now. You need to get back so Julie will know what's going on."
"No," Alex said, surprising himself with his vehemence. "I can't just leave you. I have to stay to make sure you get on the van."
"I told you I would," Bri said. "You can trust me."
"It's not that," Alex said. He didn't want to tell Bri what he just realized, that if he left without seeing her get on the van, she'd be one of the gone and he couldn't bear that. "I have papers they need. I have to stay until the van gets here."
"All right," Briana said. "I just thought you might want to go."
"Bri, I don't like this, either," Alex said. "But it's for the best. For you, and for Julie and me. More food for us. And we won't worry, since we'll know you're being fed and taken care of."
Briana nodded. "I think I'd like to pray now," she said. "I think the holy madre will make me feel better."
It was almost three before the van arrived. When it did, the sniffles turned to sobs, and even Alex had to fight tears. Briana was weeping openly as she hugged her brother farewell.
Alex showed the nun Bri's baptism certificate, report card, and the canceled check. She was older than Alex had expected but she looked kind, and she smiled at Bri and welcomed her aboard. Alex loaded the duffel bag onto the overhead rack. The girls crowded in, and Alex noted that Briana sat next to Ashley. She'd already begun making friends, he thought, feeling proud. Her courage and her faith would be an example for all the other girls.
It was too late to go back to Holy Angels and find Julie, he realized as he began the walk back. Better to go straight to the apartment. He'd been avoiding thinking about Julie and how she'd feel, since the important thing was taking care of Briana, getting her to a place of safety. He knew Julie loved Bri, but he couldn't help thinking there was a part of her that would be glad to be the only girl in the household.
It would be hard for him, having Julie without Bri serving as a buffer. But Julie would learn to respect his decisions. She wasn't a bad kid, just spoiled and treated like a baby for too long. Her baby days were over. The world had no more room for twelve-year-old babies.
They'd start tonight, he decided. From now on, Julie would be making supper. She'd get to decide what they'd eat. Bri had been doing the cooking, such as it was, but now Julie would. It would mean more work for her, but more responsibility as well. And she wouldn't be able to complain about the choices if she was the one doing the choosing.
Alex felt proud of himself. He was doing everything he had to do. It was hard for him, hard for all of them, but he pictured Bri and how brave she was, and he felt a new surge of pride. Carlos would say Bri was brave because she was the sister of a Marine, but Alex was learning there were a lot of different ways of being a fighter. Even Papi would be proud of Alex. When he came back, he'd treat Alex with a newfound respect.
He was sweaty, tired, and hungry by the time he unlocked the door to the apartment. It no longer mattered to him what Julie chose to make for their supper, just as long as she prepared it immediately.
But Julie was in no state to make supper. She ran straight at Alex, and instead of greeting him with a hug, began pummeling his chest with her fists.
"Where were you?" she screamed. "Where's Bri: What have you done with Bri? I thought you were both gone forever, that you'd left me behind. I hate you! I hate you!"
Alex grabbed her wrists and held them tightly. "Stop it," he said. "You know we would never leave you behind. Stop acting like a baby."
"You're hurting me," she said.
"You hurt me," he said. "Punching me like that. Would you ever do that to Papi?"
"You're not Papi," Julie said.
"I'm in charge," Alex said. "Until Papi comes home, and you'll respect me like you respect him. Now if you'll behave yourself, I'll tell you where Bri is."
Julie glared at him, but she kept quiet.
"Father Franco told me about a convent upstate that has its own farm," Alex said. "The sisters decided to open the convent to teenage Catholic girls. Bri is old enough so she got to go. You're too young so you're staying here. That's all. No one's disappeared on you. I would have picked you up at Holy Angels, but the van to the convent came late and I didn't have the chance."
"Is she coming back:" Julie asked.
"Not tonight," Alex said. "It's like camp, or school. Maybe she'll like it so much, she'll become a nun. You should be happy for her, that she's someplace safe, where she'll make friends and have food to eat. And I'll take care of you. But you have to obey me just like you obey Papi, because that's what he and Mami would expect of you. Do you feel better now? Do you have any other questions?"
Julie continued to look sullen. "Are you going to send me away?" she asked. "Like you sent Bri?"
"I'm going to do what's best for you," Alex said. "You're my responsibility, and I'll make sure you're safe. Maybe you'll stay with me or maybe you'll go someplace else. Either way, I expect you to be as brave as Bri. She prayed to our Holy Mother for strength, and Mary granted it to her. Bri comforted another girl who was crying. A girl older than her. Do you think you can be that brave?"
"Promise me you won't leave without telling me," Julie said. "Alex, I was so scared. Promise me that."
"I promise," Alex said. "Now how about making supper for us. I don't know about you, but even a can of spinach sounds good to me right now."
"Okay," Julie said. "Do you want some salmon with that? I think we still have a can left."
"It's up to you," Alex said. "From now on, you're in charge of the kitchen." He realized what the consequences of that might be. "But don't use up our food too fast," he added. "Maybe just the spinach for tonight."
"All right," Julie said. "I'll be careful. I promise I will be. And I'll be good. Just don't leave me again."
"I won't," Alex said. "I promise." Half a can of spinach, he thought. No breakfast, no lunch, and a half a can of spinach for supper. He could only hope that Bri would be eating more than that at the convent.