"My Brucie's a headstrong boy," Aunt Millie announced as soon as I picked up the phone. I could visualize her short, stocky body and grim expression-she and Fran shared the same bleak outlook on life-as she added darkly, "I know only too well what the fleshpots of Hollywood have to offer a young, impressionable fellow like Brucie. I'm relying on you to keep him on the straight and narrow, Kylie."
"Fair go, Aunt Millie! I'm on a case, so I won't have time to keep an eye on Brucie."
Aunt Millie snorted scornfully. "A case? Looking up Dingo O'Rourke is a case?"
Obviously Mum had told her all about Harry and Gert's worries about their son. "I'm looking up Dingo as a favor," I said, "but that doesn't mean it won't take a bit of time to check things out."
That elicited another snort from my aunt-she had a nuanced scale of such sounds, running from mild disapproval to total outrage. I pegged this one as mid-range derision. "I can tell you exactly what's wrong with Dingo. He's an idiot, silly as a two-bob watch. But then, what would you expect, with a mother like Gert O'Rourke?"
There was a long-standing feud between Aunt Millie and Dingo's mum. The reasons were lost in time, but I dimly recalled it was something to do with a recipe for lemon meringue dessert and a blue-ribbon prize for cooking at the Wollegudgerie Harvest Fair.
"When does Brucie arrive in LA?" I asked in a conciliatory tone.
"Any day now. He went off to Sydney with some of his mates for a farewell bash before he hopped on the plane."
Sydney was quite a way from my hometown, and Cousin Brucie hadn't ever traveled far from Wollegudgerie before. "His mates didn't throw him a party at the 'Gudge?"
"They knew I'd have their guts for garters if they even tried. Brucie knows my feelings-I'm totally opposed to this wild plan of his to join your PI firm."
Crushing down a yelp of deep dismay at the very thought of Brucie working for Kendall & Creeling, I said as calmly as possible, "I'm totally opposed to it, too."
"I hope you stick to that, my girl. Brucie can be a bit of a charmer, you know."
I had to repress a laugh. My cousin a charmer? He was a noxious know-it-all with all the charisma of a warthog. "I'll resist his charm as best I can," I said.
There was a knock at the door. With pleasure I saw that it was Ariana Creeling, my business partner. I gestured her into the room as I said to Aunt Millie, "Sorry, but I have to go."
"Not until I have a firm undertaking from you that you'll make sure Brucie stays out of trouble."
"Aunt Millie-"
"I'm relying on you, Kylie. Brucie is your cousin."
"Cousin or not, you know Brucie and I don't get on. There's no way he'd listen to me."
This got a reluctant grunt from my aunt. "It's true you've been at each other's throats since you were kids. Very well, then, I'm asking you to do your best. Fair enough?"
"I'll do my best, for what it's worth."
"Hmmm…"
The sound of Aunt Millie musing almost always presaged something unfortunate. "What are you thinking?" I asked with trepidation.
"I'm thinking that notwithstanding my opposition to Brucie joining your PI business, you'd find it easy to keep an eye on him if you gave him some sort of temporary position."
"No way am I giving Brucie a job at Kendall & Creeling!"
Aunt Millie tut-tutted. "There's no call for you to use that tone with me."
"I'm sorry," I said, not really meaning it.
Before ringing off, Aunt Millie pointed out she would be expecting me to provide regular reports on Brucie's activities in Los Angeles. She brushed aside my protests with, "Brucie's family, Kylie, and don't you forget it."
After my second daunting call from Australia in the space of a couple of hours, it was a delight to turn to Ariana. She was her always-elegant self in black silk shirt, black pants and high-heeled boots. Her pale blond hair was pulled back to emphasize the cool beauty of her face. I felt the usual pleasant jolt from her electric blue eyes.
"Help!" I said. "Save me from my relatives."
Ariana smiled. "I gather Kendall & Creeling is not about to employ your cousin, Brucie?"
"Crikey, no!"
I gave her a rundown of my earlier conversation with Mum about Dingo O'Rourke and then the gist of my chat with my aunt. Ariana had met Aunt Millie, and inquired if her son took after her.
"You mean is he mega-pessimistic, like his mum? Not at all. Brucie's the life of the party."
Actually he was a pain in the neck, but maybe he'd be on his best behavior in a foreign country. One could hope.
Pushing aside the disheartening thought of Brucie on the loose in LA, I said, "You got my note about Norris Blainey? Lonnie says he's the developer from hell."
"He is that. Blainey's been accused of numerous illegalities and shady dealings over the years, but nothing's ever stuck."
"When I met him trespassing in our parking area, he told me he was planning to demolish every building in the block and put up offices and condominiums. I didn't take him all that him seriously."
Ariana leaned back in the chair, her expression grave. "This could be a real problem, Kylie. If Blainey's got plans for this area, he'll use any method, legit or not, to bulldoze the opposition."
"He's not getting his greedy little mitts on our building."
She nodded slowly. "I'm with you all the way, but I think we're in for a nasty fight. We need an attorney specializing in the field. If you agree, I'll contact Kenneth Smithson of Smithson & Wiley. He's had a lot of experience in the area, and has run into Blainey before."
"Right-oh." I smiled at her, thinking how she glowed against the somber tones of the room. This had been my father's office, and I hadn't liked to change the decor of charcoal carpet and dark gray metal furniture.
Glowed made me think of Lonnie. "Ariana, did you know Lonnie is dating a star wrangler who works for some mob called Glowing Bodies?"
"The event coordinators? Yes, I'm familiar with the company. We've done some security work for them in the past. Who's Lonnie dating?"
"Someone called Pauline Feeney. They met online."
Ariana chuckled. "Pauline's a total original and quite a handful for any man, let alone Lonnie. A few years back, she was involved in a stalking case."
"Who was stalking her?"
"No one. She was the stalker."
"Blimey," I said, "someone ought to warn him."
"I doubt he needs warning. At the very least he will have Googled Pauline Feeney's name. That'd bring up quite a few hits."
"He seems quite smitten," I said.
We were silent for a moment, considering the unprecedented concept of Lonnie in love. The thought dampened my mood considerably, since I was irresistibly reminded that I loved Ariana and she didn't love me.
Oh, she was fond of me, and we'd had a couple of quite spectacular sessions in bed, but that wasn't nearly enough. It was probably hopeless, but I wanted her to love me as I loved her, which was pretty well totally.
"I want the entire enchilada," I said.
Ariana raised an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"
Crikey! I'd done it again-absent-mindedly spoken my thoughts aloud. It was a habit I just had to break before it really got me into trouble. Like now.
"Dinner tonight," I said hastily, hoping my face wasn't red. "I'm thinking Mexican. Would you like to join me?"
"Sorry, Kylie, I'm not free tonight."
Not free? That made me even gloomier. Ariana was not free tonight, not free to love me…and maybe never would be.
"No worries," I said. "Julia Roberts can keep me company." It occurred to me that I hadn't seen her graceful feline self since I'd served her breakfast this morning. "You don't happen to know where Jules is, do you?"
"When I came in, Melodie mentioned she'd just seen a mouse in Lonnie's office, so she put Julia Roberts in there to catch it."
Lonnie was violently allergic to cats, so he avoided Julia Roberts whenever possible and had made it clear she was forever banned from his room. This, of course, only made Jules more determined to enter the forbidden area.
"It's a phantom mouse," I said with conviction, "created to punish Lonnie, because he laughed at Melodie when she said she had a glow about her."
"A glow?" said Ariana with a grin. "I won't ask." She got to her feet. "Let me know how you go with Dingo O'Rourke."
As she reached the door, I said, "Would you like to catch a movie this weekend?"
"Kylie…"
"Just a movie. I'm not asking for anything else."
She looked at me for a long moment, then said, "I'll get back to you."
Slightly heartened, since this wasn't an unequivocal no, I picked up the phone and tried Dingo's cell phone. He didn't pick up, so I left a brief message on his voicemail asking him to call me.
Then I went to collect Julia Roberts from Lonnie's office. Fortunately he wasn't there, as he would have been outraged at the sight of Jules comfortably ensconced in his chair, delicately balanced with one foot in the air as she washed her tawny nethers.
"Found the mouse?" I inquired.
She paused for a moment to cast me a look equivalent to an elegant shrug, then resumed her ablutions.
"You're right, Jules," I said, looking around the chaotic collection of items filling the room, "it's hopeless. There's enough cover for an entire battalion of mice. You're wasting your time here."
She protested as I scooped her into my arms and deposited her outside in the hallway. With her ears sideways in a peeved frown she watched me shut Lonnie's door, then she stalked off with an indignant snap of her tail.
Mentioning enchiladas to Ariana earlier had made me feel quite hungry, so I went up to the front desk to tell Melodie I'd spring for lunch for everyone if she'd order a delivery from the local Mexican restaurant. I found her completely absorbed, tapping away on a laptop.
Melodie hadn't noticed my approach. As she typed, her expression kept changing. One moment it was dreamy, the next vivacious. This was so intriguing I nipped up behind to get a gander at the screen.
"You love walking hand-in-hand along a beach at dusk?" I said. "And toasting marshmallows by a campfire? And dancing the night away?"
"Kylie! You gave me a fright!"
"Sorry."
Rather pink, Melodie said, "Just for a laugh, I was filling in a personality profile for a dating service. Like, everybody does it."
I peered at the laptop. Soulmate Discovery Service. Results Guaranteed! appeared at the top of the Web page. "Isn't that the dating service Lonnie used to meet Pauline Feeney?"
"Could be." Melodie's embarrassed expression changed to one of entreaty. "Kylie, don't tell Fran about this, will you? Or Lonnie. In fact, don't tell anybody, OK?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Because they wouldn't understand I was just fooling around." She spread her arms wide. "I mean, look at me. Do you think I'd need help getting dates?"
I surveyed her slim figure-she was much thinner than me- her long blond hair and wide green eyes. "I reckon not."
"Of course, I don't go out with just anyone. I mean, I'd never date just for the sake of dating, if you see what I mean."
"I see what you mean," I said obligingly.
"Like, I have my career to think about. Larry-my-agent says it's essential to be seen with the right people in the right places, and most vital of all-"
I never found out what this most vital thing was, because at this point the front door was flung open and a skeletal woman, accompanied by two unleashed standard poodles, one black and one white, strode in. She gestured with a hand weighed down by many rings, and the poodles obediently sat, one on either side of her.
The woman was, to say the least, an arresting figure. Her face was dead white, her lipstick brilliant red, her short hair midnight black. She had on a tight purple Spandex top and what I took to be a version of a brightly colored gypsy skirt, with many ruffles. On her feet were strappy purple sandals. Most notable of all, around her neck was a jeweled collar which exactly matched the jeweled collars her poodles wore.
"My man, Lonnie," she said in a surprisingly soft, sweet voice, "where is he?"
Melodie didn't miss a beat. "Lonnie stepped out for a moment. He'll be back soon." Flashing a dazzling smile with her perfect dental equipment, she added, "You must be Pauline Feeney of Glowing Bodies."
She nodded, then fixed Melodie with an intent gaze. "I never forget a face. I've seen you on the small screen. Refulgent Toothpaste, wasn't it?"
This was Melodie's great success story, and so far the only commercial in which she'd appeared. Melodie's smile grew even wider, exposing another couple of tooth veneers to the air. "Yes, that's right! I'm the Refulgent Girl in the Laundry."
"Your name?"
"Melodie Davenport," Melodie breathed. I happened to know her last name was Schultz, but as Melodie had pointed out, that was not the name of a star-to-be.
I came around the other side of the desk to check out the poodles. Much as I liked dogs, I did have Julia Roberts's welfare to consider. For all I knew, these two were inveterate cat chasers, and Jules could come around the corner any moment and create a nasty scene.
The white poodle was nearest to me. "G'day," I said. "How are you with superior felines?"
"That's Upton and this is Unity," Pauline Feeney said, indicating the black poodle. She added with a hint of asperity, "Both are highly trained, and are totally under my control. If they weren't, then I'd have them on leashes, wouldn't I?"
"Fair enough." I put out my hand. "Kylie Kendall," I volunteered helpfully. "You wouldn't know me from a bar of soap."
She shook my hand briefly, her very red lips curved in a faint smile. "You're too modest. You're Ariana's business partner. Brought up in some little outback town in Australia. You inherited a controlling interest in Kendall & Creeling when your father died."
Blimey, this sheila knew a lot more about me than was comfortable. Lonnie had obviously been gasbagging.
Almost as though my thoughts had materialized him, Lonnie came rushing through the door. Red and perspiring, he exclaimed, "Pauline! I saw your car, and realized you'd arrived early. So sorry I wasn't here."
"Well, you're here now," she said, taking his arm.
"Hold my calls, Melodie," said Lonnie in an authoritative tone as he and Pauline set off in the direction of his office, with Upton and Unity trotting along behind.
"Watch out for Julia Roberts," I called after them.
'"Hold my calls,' he says," muttered Melodie to herself. She gave a snort worthy of Aunt Millie. "Lonnie's just trying to impress her."
"I reckon she's going to be impressed by the state of Lonnie's office."
This thought cheered Melodie. But then her expression grew speculative. "Is it true what Pauline Feeney said-that you own more of Kendall & Creeling than Ariana does?"
"Forty-nine to fifty-one percent. Didn't you know that?"
"I never liked math," Melodie said with an airy gesture. She frowned. "No offense, but it's hard to believe you have more say than Ariana."
I knew exactly what she meant. Ariana radiated cool, controlled authority. I wasn't altogether sure what I radiated, but it wasn't that.
"What do you see when you look at me?" I asked.
Melodie frowned. "It's obvious, isn't it? I see you, Kylie."
"Imagine you were auditioning me. What would you see then?"
Melodie's expression cleared. "I get what you mean." She cocked her head, considering me. "Nice hair, much better styled than when you came, but you should consider color. I mean, dark brown is boring, don't you think? Good skin, but you've got no clue about makeup. And you have to drop some pounds. That's a definite. As for your clothes-"
Pandemonium broke out down the hallway. Shouts, barking, and then a series of frantic yelps were followed by the sight of Upton speeding towards us, Julia Roberts, her claws hooked into his curly white coat, grimly riding him like a jockey.