After Tessa and I left Balboa Park we returned to the hotel, and I invited her to take a short walk with me along the beach. Obviously she wasn’t going to bring up her tattoo, so I would have to. The day was sunny, but my mood had turned overcast.
“So Tessa, tell me about your afternoon yesterday, after we left the aquarium.”
“I don’t know. I walked around for a while. I visited some shops and stuff.”
“I thought you hate shopping?”
“Well, I do, but I was just curious, you know, exploring stuff downtown.”
I gave her a chance to say more, but she didn’t take it. “What about last night? Where’d you have supper?”
“I just ate here at the hotel and then I wrote for a little while, read some stuff, and went to bed.”
I waited, wishing she would just tell me. I wanted to hear it from her. “So that’s all you did, then?”
“What is this? Like, an interrogation?” Her voice was becoming surly. “I told you. That’s it.”
I took a tense breath. “Can I at least see the tattoo?”
Confusion ghosting across her face. “What?”
“The tattoo on your arm. I’d like to see it.” I felt my anger rising, not so much that she’d gotten a tattoo-I’d been expecting that for months-but I was getting fed up with her half truths and evasions and disobedience. “You got your nose pierced without asking me. You got your eyebrow pierced without asking me. And now you get a tattoo, which is, by the way, illegal in this state unless you’re eighteen-and not only did you not ask me, just now you lied to me.” “I didn’t lie to you!”
“You told me you just went walking around.”
Her eyes flashed with resolve. Independence. “Oh, so I get it.
It was a setup, huh? Your nice little questions about what I did yesterday. Silly me, I thought you were actually interested in my life. Well, I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Stop it, Tessa. It wasn’t a setup. I was giving you the opportunity to tell me the truth. To be straight with me.”
“Oh. An opportunity. Is that what you call it? And how do you know I went to a tattoo place anyhow?”
“I was worried about you after that deal at the aquarium-”
“I told you that those sharks ate this fish and I went looking for you! Why won’t you believe me? All I knew was that you were in the back somewhere and I was scared.”
“So I decided to check on you,” I continued. “To monitor where you were.”
“To monitor me? Ex cuse me. Am I two years old?” She paused to regroup. To catch her breath. She only needed a moment. “Oh!”
Then, she smacked her satchel into my side, sending her personal items scattering across the sand. “You had me followed!”
“No, Tessa. I didn’t have you followed. Nothing like that.” I bent down to help her gather her things, but she pushed me away.
“Oh, you didn’t have me followed? Then how did you…” As she was sliding her things back into her purse, her hand fell on her cell phone. “Oh… You didn’t… Tell me you did not… Yes, you did-you tracked my cell. The GPS!”
“I wanted to make sure you were OK.”
“You didn’t trust me. I cannot believe you!”
“Trust you? Why should I trust you? You wander around in places I specifically tell you not to go in. You sneak off to get a tattoo. You don’t tell me where you are. You don’t return my phone calls. I’m concerned about you. Don’t you understand? You’re my responsibility.”
“I am not your responsibility!” She snatched up her satchel. “I’m my own responsibility, OK? I grew up without having any dad around to tell me what to do or where to go or whether or not I could get my nose pierced or get a tattoo or whatever. I did fine without a dad before, and I can do fine without-”
“Don’t even say it. Do not say it, Tessa. I thought we were trying to rebuild a family here, and a family depends on trust.”
“But you don’t trust me!”
“Because you haven’t earned it.”
The air bristled between us. She grabbed her sleeve, yanked it up to her shoulder. “You want to see my tattoo? OK, here it is. I got a raven, OK? I got a raven because you sometimes call me Raven and I like it, ‘cause it makes me feel special-or at least it used to.
But now, you know what?” Her words were filled with so many kinds of pain. “I wish I would have gotten something else.”
My heart felt like it was going to explode and wither at the same time. “Tessa, I’m sending you back to Denver this afternoon.” The words felt like acid against my teeth.
“What?”
“I already talked to my parents. They’ll pick you up at the airport.
I’ll fly home at the end of the week, and we’ll deal with all this then.
I can’t leave today. I would if I could, but I have to complete my obligations on this case, and I can’t do that with you here in San Diego if I can’t trust you.”
“Oh, really?” She swung her satchel over her shoulder and set her jaw. “Well, you know what? I’m glad you want me to go back to Denver because I’d rather go there than spend another minute here with you.” Then she spun and stormed off.
And my heart broke to splinters.
And I was thankful she didn’t turn around.
Because that way she couldn’t see the hot tear sliding down my cheek.