Elvis rocked me over to AJ’s with Glen Campbell’s “Gentle on My Mind.” There was never any use in trying to convince anyone that Elvis could make a goofy Glen Campbell cool, so I didn’t even bother. Besides, with the unfolding series of events running through my head, there wasn’t really anything being gentle on my mind.
Thank God there was no bicycled ninja ready to confront me at AJ’s front door, but that didn’t mean I was going to be able to slip right into a bar stool next to Kelley to give him the lowdown. The brain trust was busy problem solving and I got sucked in.
“I’m telling you, you can get high on nutmeg,” Jerry Number Two said.
“So how come we don’t see guys in back alleys trying to smoke egg nog?” TC said.
“I hate egg nog. I puked on egg nog once,” Jerry Number One said.
“Actually, if you’re trying to get high on nutmeg, you’re likely to get sick to your stomach first,” Jerry Number Two said.
“Talk about your bad trips,” Jerry Number One said.
“What about banana peels?” Rocco asked.
“What about them? Cartoon guys are always slipping on them, and in my whole life I’ve never come across a banana peel that made me trip,” TC said.
“You weren’t using them right,” Jerry Number Two said.
“Huh?” TC said.
“If you didn’t trip then you obviously weren’t doing them right,” Jerry Number Two said.
“What the hell are you talking about? Why would I want to trip on a banana peel?” TC said.
“To alter your consciousness,” Jerry Number Two said.
“By banging my head? No thanks, I’ll stick to the B amp;B,” TC said.
“Ask Duff. He works with dope fiends,” Rocco said.
“Duff, can you trip on a banana peel or nutmeg and do they make you puke?” TC said.
“In college I got drunk and tripped in a guy’s puke. It was disgusting,” Jerry Number Two said.
“I think you can on nutmeg but not on banana peels,” I said.
“There,” Rocco said.
“There what?” TC said.
Kelley was watching one of those strongman contests. Two guys were racing while carrying the engine block of a Ford van, and both of their huge heads looked like they were ready to explode.
“Talk about altering consciousness…,” I said, nodding at the strongmen.
“I’d have to smoke a lot of nutmeg before I tried something like that,” Kelley said.
“Bananas. You eat the nutmeg, you smoke the bananas.”
Kelley gave me a look and I decided that I didn’t need to explain any further.
“Hey, you know what I heard?” I said.
“What?”
“That those karate guys down at the Y are dealing steroids.”
“Wouldn’t surprise me. That shit’s all over.”
“Do you guys ever go after steroid dealers?”
“It’s a low priority. It doesn’t have the same ramifications of, say, crack.”
“I think the shrink from work is on it. He works out with those guys.”
“Could be. You’d be surprised how many people are on the juice.”
Kelley finished off his Coors and slid the empty in front of him. AJ had a new one in front of him without a word.
“I was talking to the Caretaker and-,” I said before Kelley interrupted.
“You what? What are you doing with that scumbag?”
“He was telling me that the guy dealing drugs at McDonough is a preacher or a priest or something.”
Kelley just shook his head and watched the TV. The strong guys were now trying to bend perfectly good iron bars.
“You have any idea who he’s talking about?” I asked.
“You’re the private eye. You figure it out,” Kelley said without taking his eyes off the strongmen.
That was my cue to change the subject or, in Kelley’s case, move on to no subject at all. We watched in silence as the strong guys put harnesses on and got prepared to try to move an eighteen-wheeler twenty feet before they herniated their nuts all over the pavement. I settled up with AJ before that happened and headed home.
The next morning I took a ride over to the high school. I wasn’t sure why I was going or what I was trying to accomplish, but I thought if I immersed myself in the school atmosphere I might get a better feel for what’s going on. Call it wanting to feel the school spirit.
I parked the Eldorado and walked around the block to the front of the school. There were cops on every corner scanning the playground and keeping an eye on everyone coming and going. I noticed there were far fewer kids mulling around and everything was much quieter than I had been accustomed to. I didn’t feel like being labeled a suspicious person of interest, so after a cop looked me up and down from a half block distance I decided not to try to talk to any kids or go in the school. Instead I just observed what was going on and tried to make sense of it.
I was thinking back to when I went to McDonough and how being a teenager really sucked. Oh, you’ll hear people tell you it’s the best time of your life, but I think that’s a bunch of horseshit. I had a face like a pizza, I was terrified of girls, my armpits were soaked by nine fifteen every morning, and I went through the day with one boner after another. No wonder kids do drugs.
I was almost back to the car when I saw a familiar SUV pull into the faculty lot. It took me a few seconds to place, but then I realized it was Dr. Abadon. Since the steroid thing, I wasn’t sure what to make of him. I mean, he was a clinical psychologist, an expert in human behavior, and a devout Christian, and he was into steroids-it didn’t fit. The fact that he even associated with the karate guys didn’t register with me either. There was no question that Mitchell and Harter were assholes, and for that matter not real bright, and I couldn’t understand why they would become friends. It seemed to me that Abadon’s education and religiosity should put him on a higher plane, but the more I thought about that the more I reasoned that there was no real reason that had to be true. Maybe it was something simpler-like he liked Mitchell and Harter’s workout equipment.
Regardless, I had some work to do. The last time I saw the doctor I threw a cup of coffee at his head and that wasn’t right. Sure, I didn’t need to hear the shit about being knocked out, but my response was out of proportion.
“Doctor, hey wait up,” I yelled. He froze for a second and then turned toward me. He looked braced for something.
“Look, Doc, I want to apologize for the other day. I was way out of line.” I extended my hand.
He looked down at my hand and half smiled. Then, he paused for what seemed like a long time.
“The Lord tells us to forgive others as we will want to be forgiven,” he said, and he finally shook my hand. He smiled with his mouth but not with his eyes.
“Yeah, well, like I said, I was out of line,” I said.
“Yes.” He continued to smile with his mouth while his eyes looked through me.
“What are you doing here, Doc?”
“I do a weekly consultation and supervision with the social work staff. As you might imagine, there’s been more work to do lately.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
There was an awkward silence while neither of us said anything.
“How do you like working with teenagers?” I said for no other reason than to break the awkward silence.
“Teenagers are in the midst of God’s development. It’s imperative that they get set in the right direction,” he said.
“Yeah, I guess. Look, Doc, I gotta run.”
Abadon just nodded. As I walked away, I noticed that he had the cross pin on his tweed suit coat.
I’m not sure what I accomplished, but I know I didn’t feel right in that way that is tough to identify. It feels a little dirty, a little guilty, and a lot confused. I decided to do my best not to think at all and threw in Elvis. I headed back past the high school and thought how wrong it is that the police would have to guard a school to this degree. I thought about the fear the kids and the parents must be living with, and I thought something had to be done.
Elvis was into the chorus of “One Night of Sin” when I made the left up Albany Street and headed toward 9R.