Jamie asked the woman behind the desk where the wedding was and he could see her actually scanning the desk for a weapon. He looked down and saw blood on his hands and tried to explain that his father had run away but this didn’t make the woman relax. So he put on the voice he used with difficult clients and said, “My sister, Katie Hall, is getting married to Ray Phillips in this building right now and if I’m not there to witness it you will be hearing from my solicitor.”
My solicitor? Who the fuck was that?
She either believed him or was too frightened to tackle him alone, because when he strode off in search of the wedding, she stayed in her chair.
He stopped by the door at the end of the corridor and opened it a crack and saw a woman vaguely like Auntie Maureen and a cleavage which definitely belonged to Uncle Brian’s wife. So he slipped inside and the registrar said, “…constitute a formal and public pledge of your love for one another. I am now going to ask each of you in turn…”
His father was standing next to his mother smiling benignly, and Jamie felt a weird combination of excitement and anticlimax having spent the journey imagining he’d be the center of attention, then finding out he wasn’t, so instead of jumping up and down and telling someone about his ridiculous adventure he had to shut up and stand still.
Which was probably why he grinned and waved at Katie without thinking when he caught her eye, making her put the ring on the wrong finger, though thankfully it was funny more than anything. And when Jacob rushed forward to hug her, he couldn’t resist rushing forward to hug her, and the registrar seemed a little put out by this, but quite a few other people joined in, so she had to lump it.
They poured into the car park and a friend of Katie’s asked what he’d been doing to get himself in such a state and he said, “The car broke down. I had to take a short cut.” They both laughed and Jamie reckoned he could probably say he’d been attacked by a leopard and everyone would take it in their stride on account of the carnival atmosphere, though his mother was quite concerned that he spruce himself up at the earliest opportunity.
“How’s Dad?” he asked.
“He’s in excellent form,” she said, which alarmed Jamie slightly, because he couldn’t remember his mother saying something that positive about his father even when he was entirely sane.
So he accosted his father and asked how he was feeling, and his father said, “You have very strange hair,” which was technically correct, but not the answer Jamie was expecting.
Jamie asked if he’d been drinking.
“Took some Valium,” said his father. “From Dr. Barghoutian. Perfectly safe.”
“How much?”
“How much what?” asked his father.
“How much Valium?” asked Jamie.
“Eight, ten,” said his father. “Enough. Let’s put it like that.”
“Oh dear God,” said Jamie.
“I would very much like to meet your boyfriend,” said George. “How did that sound?”
“Are you planning to give a speech at the reception?”
“A speech?” said George.
“You’re bleeding,” said Jamie.
George held up his hand. There was blood dripping out of his sleeve. “Now that is odd.”