I had what most sisters would call a perfect life. A brand-new house, a new car, a good man at home, and a wedding that was less than six months away. Life was good. So why the hell was I waking up in a cheap motel in the arms of a man who’d walked out on me four years ago? I didn’t have a clue.
I rolled over on my side and Malek was staring at me, his face inches away. His full, soft lips gently touched mine. I closed my eyes and savored the taste of his kiss. Yeah, I had everything a woman could ever want waiting for me at home, but all I really wanted was for Malek to make love to me one more time.
“I was wondering when you was gonna wake up. We only got about thirty minutes left before our three hours is up.” He smiled as he slid on top of me, pushing his way inside me for the third time.
The first two times I had an excuse. I’d been high off weed. But this time I was sober, so there were no excuses. I just wanted to do it. I took one hand and held onto Malek’s firm, muscular ass while my other hand massaged the cornrows I’d braided a few hours earlier. Malek had been a terrible boyfriend and an even worse father, but I had to give him his props. He was an awesome lover. And every time he slid inside me I was reminded just how awesome he was.
“Whose pussy is this?” I felt him slide deeper.
“It’s yours, baby. It’s your pussy,” I shouted back instinctively.
“Whose pussy is it?” This time he asked louder.
“It’s yours, baby! It’s all yours! So tear it up, ’cause I’m about to come!”
He was moving inside me like a jackhammer that just met hard cement, and it didn’t take long before I was screaming so loud I’m sure everyone in the motel could hear me. I swear to God I ain’t come like that in years. And it only made it better that he started moaning like he was ready to come, too. When our little trip to heaven finally ended, Malek collapsed on top of me. I held him contentedly, savoring the phenomenal moment we’d just shared together. That is, until I felt his sperm run down my leg. That’s when I panicked.
“Oh, shit.” I reached down and felt the warm, sticky liquid oozing out of me. “Get off me, Malek.” I tried to wiggle free-from underneath him.
“What’s wrong?” He rolled off me and glared as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Don’t tell me you’re having regrets all of a sudden.”
“No, not regrets,” I told him a little more calmly. “But we should have used a condom.”
“What? You think I’m gonna give you somethin’?” He frowned.
“No, but I ain’t take my pill this morning or yesterday.”
He smiled, reaching across the bed to pat my stomach. “So what’s the problem? We make good-looking kids.”
“You know damn well what the problem is. I can’t get pregnant by you.” I shoved his hand away and reached for my bag. I was hoping that maybe if I took yesterday’s pill and today’s pill I might be all right.
“Why can’t you get pregnant by me?”
“’Cause I just had a baby with Travis, stupid.” I popped the pills in my mouth. “I’d look like a fool if I had a baby with you.”
“Why you gonna look like a fool? We already got a daughter together.”
“Yeah, but I don’t live with you, Malek. I live with Travis. Everybody and their brother knows we’re getting married in a few months. How’d I look having a baby with you ten months after I had my son?”
“What you saying?” He slammed his hand down on the night table, scaring the hell outta me. “You still gonna marry this fool even after we just made love?” He stood up, then looked down at his penis as if I’d insulted it. “I thought you said it was my pussy.”
“Jesus Christ! Why do you men take everything so literal?” I shook my head at his stupidity. “We were having sex, Malek! It was good. Real good. What did you expect me to say? ‘No it’s not your pussy, but I’m coming anyway?’ ”
“It woulda been better than lying to me. If you didn’t wanna be with me, why’d you give me some? Or did you just plan on playin’ me? Damn, I feel used.” He actually sounded hurt.
“Don’t you dare act like you’re the victim here. Ain’t nobody play you, and I damn sure ain’t use you. You know how I get when I smoke weed. That’s why you wanted to smoke with me in the first place, isn’t it?” My eyes never left his and he got quiet. “That’s what I thought. So don’t act like I played you, Malek. ’Cause if anyone played you, you played yourself.”
“Yeah, maybe I did play myself. But you played me, too.”
“Please, how’d I play you?” He was getting on my nerves now.
“If weed makes you so horny, why’d you smoke with me? You could’ve said no.”
Now it was my turn to be quiet, because he was right. I could have said no. Truth is, there was no good reason why I didn’t stop myself. I hadn’t smoked weed in years.
“You know why, Shorty. Because you wanted me to fuck you. You wanted it the whole time. You just needed an excuse to do it.” His words stung, but only because they were accurate.
“Maybe you’re right, Malek. Maybe I really did wanna go to bed with you. But I wasn’t tryin’a play you. And I damn sure don’t have no regrets.”
“If you don’t have no regrets, then why you still gonna be with him?” He looked so pathetic, I almost wanted to feel sorry for him. But I wasn’t about to let his little pout get in the way of my future with Travis.
“’Cause we have a family together. We have plans for the future. And more important, I love him, Malek. Don’t you understand that?”
“No! I don’t understand shit. If you loved him as much you say, you woulda never given me the pussy.” His stare challenged me. I didn’t know what to say. Maybe there was a little truth to what he was saying, but I wasn’t about to deal with that now.
“I know he doesn’t make love to you like I do, does he?”
“Why are you making this so difficult?”
“I’m not making shit difficult. You are. Now just answer the question. Does he make you feel like I do in bed?” Suddenly, Malek was regaining control of the situation.
“No, Malek!” I blurted out honestly, regretting it as soon as I said it. “Nobody makes me feel the way you do in the bedroom.”
“Then why the hell would you marry him?” He threw his hands in the air.
“Because sex ain’t everything, Malek. Sex don’t buy groceries. Sex don’t buy a big house in Chesterfield County, and sex don’t buy security. As good as you make me feel in bed, you don’t make me feel secure. You never did.” Admitting all of this to Malek and to myself was like a big weight lifted. “But Travis makes me feel secure, and that’s why I love him. So get this in your head. I’m not leaving Travis. Not for you or anyone else.”
“So you’re willing to sleep with me but not be with me, is that it?”
“That’s a good way to sum it up.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Look, Malek. We can hang out, maybe even screw once in a while. But we can’t be together. I got a man. So don’t be getting any mixed messages.”
“We belong together, Stephanie. You know it and I know it. So if you wanna waste your time with this guy, then be my guest.” He was full of confidence. “Because me and Mr. Johnson here will be waiting. It’s only a matter of time. Trust me.” He leaned over and kissed me passionately. I’m not gonna lie. Just the feel of his tongue in my mouth got me excited again, but I wasn’t about to give in to the passion. I had to show him I could be strong.
“You know what your problem is, Malek?” I moved to the edge of the bed and sat in front of him.
“What?”
“You and Mr. Johnson here worry too much about tomorrow instead of dealing with today.”
“Oh, yeah, what’s so great about today?”
“You got me here today, don’t you? And we never know what tomorrow might hold,” I reminded him.
“You got a point there,” he smiled. “Now, here’s something you can hold.” Malek guided my hand between his legs, where he was quickly growing erect. For a second I tried to resist, but I was weak when it came to Mr. Johnson. Besides, shouldn’t I follow my own advice and deal with what was in front of me today?
I gave him a wicked smile, then bent down and took Mr. Johnson in my mouth. Malek let out a satisfied moan and stroked my hair gently. But before I could really get started, the phone rang.
“Who the hell is that?” I lifted my head and whined.
“Probably the front desk trying to tell us our time is up.” He reached for the phone, but I wasn’t letting go of Mr. Johnson.
“Tell them we want another three hours,” I purred.
“We do?”
I bent over and gave him another French kiss as an answer.
“Mmmmmmm,” he moaned with newfound excitement. “I guess we do. I’ll be right back.” I let go of him and he grabbed his pants. On his way to the desk to pay for more time, he gave me a quick kiss and promised to hurry back.
That’s when I started to think about Travis and what Malek had said about me not being in love with him. Yeah, I still had feelings for Malek. There was no question about that. But I was in love with Travis. Wasn’t I? Jesus, after all these years I had better be. We just had a baby together. And I’d have to be one stupid woman to mess up the good thing I had with Travis. I mean, shoot, how many women can say their man bought them a house and a car? And we weren’t even married yet.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Malek’s wallet was on the dresser, so I figured he must have forgotten his money. I picked it up and went to the door.
“Let me guess. You forgot your money, didn’t you?” I opened the door and struck a pose. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Malek standing in front of me, getting an eyeful of my naked body. It was somebody I never would’ve expected.