It was late, almost midnight. I couldn’t fall asleep because Travis had been rubbing his thing up against my butt for the past hour. I was trying to pretend I was asleep, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he got frustrated and started shaking me to wake up. Even worse, I was afraid he might try to get my panties down far enough so that he could slip himself inside me. Not that I could blame him if he did. I’d promised him this morning that I was gonna give him some tonight. He’d been back from maneuvers in the field for over a week, and with the kids sick with colds and both of us taking night classes, we just hadn’t had the time or opportunity to be intimate. Travis had let me know this morning that he couldn’t wait any longer. The bad thing about all this was that I had an itch that needed to be scratched myself, only I hadn’t waited for Travis to take care of it.
Earlier in the day, I stopped by Nana’s house to drop off some pictures of the kids and ran into Malek. The next thing I knew we were in bed together. You’d think after all the shit that happened with Jasmine and with Travis nearly losing his mind that I’d have enough common sense to leave Malek alone. But that wasn’t the case. Every time I looked at him I’d get weak and throw common sense to the wind.
“Steph? You awake?” Travis whispered as he kissed my neck.
“I am now,” I told him groggily, pulling the covers up around my neck. My neck was my weak spot and Travis knew it. If he kissed me there and I didn’t respond, he’d get the message.
“Baby, don’t go to sleep. I want some,” he pleaded as he gently shook me.
“You want some?” I sighed loudly.
I was tempted to just turn around and go down on him, but he always took so long to come that way. It’d be just my luck he’d get frustrated and tell me he wanted to put it inside me. And I’m sorry, I know I’m wrong, but after three rounds with Malek and his big dick, I was just too damn sore.
“Travis, do you know what time it is?” I was hoping the fact it was late might change his mind. No such luck.
“Yeah, I know what time it is, but I still want some. Come on, baby, I thought I told you this morning how much I want you. It’s been a long time.” He was whining like a teenager looking for his first piece of ass. I rolled over to face him.
“I know it’s been a while, boo. But I’ll give you some tomorrow, okay? I promise. I’m tired.” I closed my eyes and tried to snuggle up next to him, hoping that would satisfy him. He backed away, sucking his teeth. I could feel an argument coming on.
“That’s what you said last night and the night before,” he griped. “How come you’re always making excuses? You ain’t gave me none since I been home.”
“Look, Travis, I’m tired. I already told you tomorrow’s our night So go to sleep, all right, baby?” This was getting bad. I was gonna have to give him some soon or he was gonna drive me crazy.
“Come on, Steph.” He was trying his best to grind up against me. “All I want is a quickie. You don’t have to do anything. I’ll do all the work.”
“Damn it, Travis! How many times I gotta tell you I’m not in the mood?” He was starting to get on my nerves. “Now, you can go to sleep, take a cold shower, jerk off, or go out there and find you a piece of ass in the street. I really don’t care. Just let me get some sleep, okay?” I rolled over, my back to him. If he didn’t get the message now, he never would.
“You’re fucking him, aren’t you?” he huffed.
“What’d you say?” I hoped I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“I said, you’re fucking him, aren’t you?” he repeated loudly. “You’re fucking Malek.” It’s a good thing I had my back to him, because the look on my face would have been all the proof he needed. I couldn’t believe he’d figured it out.
“Are you crazy? Why would I fuck with Malek when I’ve got you?” I held my breath as I waited for his response.
“I don’t know. Why’d you lie to me about doing overtime last month?” I turned back over to face him with a huge sigh.
“Are you back to that shit? Didn’t Jasmine explain that to you?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I believed her. I had a lot of time to think out there in the field.”
“Too much time,” I groaned. “Where’s all this coming from, anyway?”
“It’s coming from you. You’ve been acting funny ever since Malek showed up Christmas Day. And it’s only gotten worse the last couple o’ weeks.” Damn, was I that obvious? Or maybe Jasmine had gone back on her word and put a bug in his ear. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I wasn’t admitting nothing. For all I knew, he was just guessing anyway.
“I’m not acting funny, and I damn sure ain’t fucking Malek. If this is about sex, I told you I’m gonna give you some tomorrow. If you thought you could get me hot tonight, you sure picked the wrong approach.”
“You expect me to believe that?” he said loudly. “You been saying that all week.”
“You act like I’ve been neglecting you or somethin’.” I sucked my teeth in mock indignation. In truth, I had been avoiding him for quite a while now. Hell, it was hard keeping two men satisfied.
“You have! You don’t spend time with me anymore. Shit, I tried to take you out to dinner and the movies before I went out in the field and you told me you had to go to the gym. The gym, for crying out loud! You hate the gym. But you’d rather be at the gym than with me.” He glared at me suspiciously. “Or were you with someone else?”
“No, I wasn’t with someone else. And you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion.”
“Am I, Steph? All I know is, you never used to lie to me. Now everything that comes out your mouth is a lie.”
“Oh, please! What have I lied about?”
“Where were you this afternoon before you came home?”
“I told you where I was…” I hesitated. “I was out getting my wedding dress fitted. Why, do you wanna call them?” I tried to laugh the situation off.
“Yeah, maybe I should. Where’s the number?” Damn! I didn’t think he’d take me seriously about checking my story.
“You know, Travis, maybe I should give you some right now, because this lack of sex is warping your brain.” I glared at him.
“You think so?” His tone was nasty. “Well, was something wrong with Maleka’s brain when she told me you took her to Malek’s house while I was in the field?” My jaw must’ve hit the ground. I’d told Malek that it wasn’t a good idea to bring Maleka over to see Nana. Now my fears had been confirmed. Maleka had told Travis about it even though I’d bribed her to keep quiet by promising her a new toy.
“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue? Or you trying to think of another lie?” That was right. I was trying to think of a good lie.
“I was gonna tell you about that, Travis. It just slipped my mind. It’s a good thing Maleka told you.” He rolled his eyes at my pathetic attempt to look innocent.
“Did it also slip your mind to tell me you dropped the parental rights case against him? And that I’m not going to be able to adopt Maleka?” My heart was in my mouth and my nightgown was becoming soaked with sweat. How did he know that?
“Who told you that?” I asked nervously.
“Does it really matter? You should have told me, Stephl” He got out of bed. I looked at him and saw tears glistening in his eyes. “You used to tell me everything, Stephanie. Now you only tell me lies.”
“Travis…” I had to stop myself. I didn’t know what to say to him.
“You know, I waited all week for you to tell me that you saw Malek and dropped the case. So don’t you dare try and tell me I’m blowing things out of proportion or that you don’t lie to me.” We stared at each other silently. “Are you fucking him, Steph? Are you fucking Malek?”
“No, Travis,” I protested weakly. “How could you think-”
He raised his hand to stop me. I knew it wasn’t worth it to make up another story. He wouldn’t believe me now anyway.
“How could I think that? Maybe because I don’t even know you anymore, Stephanie. You’re not the woman I fell in love with.”
He grabbed his pants and shirt off the back of a chair and shut himself in the bathroom. I ran behind him but I heard the click of the lock as I grabbed the doorknob. Suddenly, I felt a sense of insecurity I’d never felt before with Travis. I was losing him. I’d never before imagined he could leave me, but now I was afraid he would. It was finally becoming clear to me just how important he was in my life.
I sat down on the bed and stared at that bathroom door for a good ten minutes before I finally got up enough nerve to knock. Travis was fully dressed when he emerged. I was scared for our future together, but it was so easy for me to fall back into my old ways with him. I immediately took on an attitude to show him who was really in charge.
“Where you going?”
“I’m going out to get a piece of ass,” he smirked. “Isn’t that what you told me to do?”
“Look, Travis.” I softened my tone. It was time to take a new approach, since he didn’t seem to be playing by the old rules, when I was always allowed to win. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I dropped the case, but Malek came to my job offering to pay child support. Then he told me he was going to fight us every step of the way. We can’t afford that. And when I told the lawyer, he said we probably wouldn’t win. Ask him.” I grabbed his shirt.
“I don’t have to. I already spoke to him.” He slipped on his shoes and stood to face me. “You don’t get it. This isn’t about the lawyer. It’s really not even about Malek. It’s about you and me. It’s about how you keep lying to me, Stephanie. I can’t trust you anymore, so I don’t even know if I wanna marry you.”
“What?” My heart was in my stomach, and my eyes full of tears. “You can’t be serious. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Oh, I’m serious, all right. I might just pack up my shit and move back onto base tomorrow. Now, would you let me go?” He shrugged my hand off of his shirt.
I was so stunned. My arms dropped to my side and I stepped back. Maybe he’d expected me to put up more of a fight, because he drove the knife a little deeper to see if he could get a rise out of me.
“Don’t wait up. I might get lucky.” He winked.
“Are you serious? You’re gonna go sleep with another woman?” I was so hurt by how callously he’d said it. This was not the Travis I knew. He was supposed to worship the ground I walked on.
“I ain’t getting none here.” He walked out of the bedroom door. “And I’m sick of that shit.”
“Travis, don’t do this!” I called after him. “I’m sorry, baby. Please, don’t do this. Travis…” I was scared. He was mad enough to make good on his promise. And even after all the shit I’d done with Malek, I couldn’t bear the thought of Travis being with another woman.