I walked into the house and collapsed on my couch. I was so tired, I felt like I was gonna pass out right then and there. Becky, Sabrina, and I had gone down to Petersburg to celebrate Dylan’s birthday, and I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun celebrating a birthday, including my own. Unfortunately, I was paying for it now. By the time we left the club and had breakfast at the Waffle House, it was almost seven o‘clock in the morning. I didn’t get home until seven-thirty, which left me barely enough time to take a shower and drag my ass to work. I should’ve called in sick like Becky and Sabrina, ’cause I can’t remember the last time I’d been this damn tired.
I felt like I was glued to my couch. Thankfully, Dylan was going outta town for the weekend. Usually, on Friday night we would go out to dinner and see a movie. Just the thought of getting up made me wanna cry. Of course, whoever started banging on my door didn’t care how damn tired I was. I tried to ignore it, but the knocking just got louder and louder.
“Who is it?” I finally whined from the couch.
“It’s me!” Sabrina let herself in, looking spry and energetic. I wanted to slap her. She probably slept all day.
“Damn, girl. Think you coulda waited for me to say ‘come in’ or something? I coulda been in here getting my groove on.” She didn’t have to know I didn’t have the strength to undo a zipper right about now.
“Gettin’ your groove on with who, yourself?” Sabrina shoved my feet aside and sat next to me.
“Very funny, Sabrina. I coulda had a man in here,” I protested.
“Please, Jasmine. I already know Dylan went outta town.”
“Why you always gotta bring up Dylan?” I tried to sound offended as I hid the grin on my face. “Like he’s my man or somethin’.”
“He is,” Sabrina said matter-of-factly as she lit a cigarette. “You know you luuuuuuuuv him.”
“Girl, please. He is just a friend. I got a man, remember?” I waved my hand, hoping to put an end to the conversation.
“How could I forget,” she mocked. “The almighty Derrick.” She exhaled her smoke. “So you don’t want Dylan, huh?”
“I told you. We’re just friends.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Jasmine.” Sabrina rolled her eyes. “And you sure wasn’t acting like you were just friends last night at the club. I was about to go upstairs and see about getting y’all a room.”
“Sabrina, you need to stop. We were just dancin’, that’s all,” I insisted.
“Just dancin’! Girl, you were all over that man. You two looked like Siamese twins joined at the hip. Y’all didn’t even separate on the fast songs.”
I blushed. She was right. We were dancing kinda close.
“Joe said you was shaking your ass so much you mighta been havin’ an orgasm,” Sabrina laughed.
“Oh, please. Joe needs to mind his business.” I turned my head, hoping she wouldn’t see my embarrassment. I wasn’t that lucky.
“Oh, my God! He did it, didn’t he?” Sabrina shouted, eyes wide with a grin from ear to ear. “He made you come on the dance floor, didn’t he?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Yes, he did.” Sabrina wasn’t giving up that easy.
“No, he didn’t. But…” I knew she wouldn’t let up until I confessed. “But there was a couple o’ times there that I came damn close to an orgasm. I had to stop myself.”
“You call a man who can do that to you ‘just a friend’?”
“Mmm-hmm.” I nodded. I know it sounded ridiculous, and Sabrina definitely felt the same.
“Girl, you crazy.” Sabrina took a long drag of her cigarette. “So tell me again why you don’t want him.”
“It’s not that I don’t want him. Believe me, I lose sleep at night thinking about that man.”
“Then what is it? It’s obvious he likes you, too. And don’t tell me you don’t wanna cheat on Derrick, ’cause girl, whether you like it or not, you crossed that line a long time ago.” Her words were true, and my conscience ached from the guilt I’d been struggling with ever since I met Dylan. Sabrina was not the one to worry about feeling bad or staying faithful.
“You might as well just go for it. Find out if he’s the one for you, before Derrick gets out,” was her advice. “Hell, as fine as Dylan is, you might fuck around and learn something new.”
The phone rang and I groaned. My body was sore from all the dancing, but I stretched to reach the phone. Even though it hurt to move, I was thankful for a break from Sabrina’s interrogation. I didn’t really mind her questions so much. Hell, that was the way me and my girls got down. I’d done the same thing to her and Becky many a night. What was bothering me was that she was right. My feelings for Dylan had crossed the line a long time ago, and everyone could see it wasn’t fooling anyone but myself.
“Hello?”
“This is the AT &T operator with a collect call from Derrick. Will you accept?”
I thought about hanging up the phone. This was just what I didn’t need right now. I was tired, frustrated, and, thanks to Sabrina, heavy with Dylan on my mind. The last thing I needed was to talk to Derrick.
“Miss, will you accept the call?”
“Yes, operator. I’ll accept.”
“Hey, baby, guess what?” Derrick didn’t waste any time with formalities. He sounded too excited for even a hello.
“What?” I stifled a yawn.
“I’m coming home on Sunday.”
“That’s not funny, Derrick.”
“I’m not joking. They’re releasing me early.” I found that hard to believe.
“But you got two months to go.” This news was so sudden. Maybe I was just overtired, but he wasn’t making much sense.
“Not anymore.” I could hear him smiling through the phone. “They said something about the prison being overcrowded. They need the beds. Everyone who’s on parole had their release date moved up two months,” he explained, his voice like a child on Christmas morning. “Baby, I’m coming home!”
“Oh, my God. You’re serious, aren’t you?” I wanted to be happy for him. For us. And before I had met Dylan, I would’ve been. This would have been the happiest day of my life. But now I had to watch my tone so I didn’t sound too disappointed. Or at least confused. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. I was still trying to figure out my feelings for Dylan, and I damn sure thought I was gonna have more than two days to do it. Life just wasn’t fair.
“Yeah, I’m serious, baby.” Derrick got quiet for a second. “God, I can’t believe I’m going home!”
“Neither can I,” I replied, not nearly as overjoyed as he was. “Neither can I.”
I talked to Derrick for about twenty more minutes. He’d done most of the talking, and thankfully, I don’t think he noticed how quiet I was. I just listened. My mind was too preoccupied. I was nervous about how his release would affect my relationship with Dylan. Derrick would never stand for it if he knew Dylan and I were friends. That much I was sure about. He was too jealous for that. Problem is, I don’t think I could stand not being able to talk to Dylan.
“Did I hear you right? Derrick’s coming home early?” Sabrina was staring at me as I hung up the phone.
“Sunday,” I mumbled. “He’s coming home Sunday. I’ve gotta pick him up at nine o’clock.”
“Damn. What are you gonna do about Dylan?” She waited for a reply, which, of course, I couldn’t give. I had some serious choices to make all of a sudden, but I had some serious thinking to do first.
“To be honest, Jasmine,” Sabrina offered her opinion, “I think Dylan’s the one for you. I just wish you could see how you two look when you’re together.”
I laughed, “That’s exactly what Big Momma said.”
“Well, you know what they say. Old people are wise people when it comes to the ways of love.” She patted my leg, then stood to leave. “Ultimately, you gotta do what’s best for you. ’Cause whatever decision you make, you’re the one who’s gotta live with it. You can’t have both of them.”
“I know. I just wish I knew what I was gonna do. I love them both.”
“Well, then, girlfriend, you got a problem.”
I fell asleep on the couch right after Becky left, but I wasn’t asleep more than an hour before I heard a knock on the door. I was still totally exhausted, so I damn sure wasn’t in the mood for company. I figured it was Sabrina, back with relationship advice for me, so I just ignored it. But unfortunately, the knocking didn’t stop and Sabrina didn’t let herself in again, so I finally got off the couch and went to the door.
“Who?” I shouted.
“Wendy” I looked through the peephole, and there was Derrick’s ex, standing at my door with her son. She must’ve heard through the grapevine that Derrick was coming home, ’cause this was the first time she ever showed up at my door. And if she knew what was good for her, it would be her last.
“What do you want, Wendy?” I opened the door with a clenched fist. Last time I ran into her was at the prison when I ripped half that cheap-ass weave outta her head.
“Derrick said that if I ever needed anything I should come by here.” She shoved a small knapsack in my arms. “Well, I need a baby-sitter.”
“So, what’s that got to do with me?” I stared at the knapsack.
“Look, I gotta catch the bus up to Roanoke to bring Derrick a package. My mother’s drunk and I can’t find Derrick’s mother anywhere. You’re the only one I know who’d be home on a Friday night. So you’re my baby-sitter.”
“I am, huh? Well, contrary to popular belief, I do have a life. So you’re gonna have to find another baby-sitter.” I tried to hand her the knapsack but she refused to take it.
“I ain’t bringing my son up to no prison while I’m carrying five ounces of weed. So either you’re gonna watch Tyler or you’re gonna explain to Derrick why he didn’t get his shit.” She folded her arms and waited for my answer.
That damn woman was so low. Talking about that shit right in front of her son. And the kid just stood there with a blank look on his face. I guess he was used to hearing that shit out of his mother’s mouth. I almost felt bad for him. But that didn’t mean I wanted to take him in. I wasn’t doing Wendy no favors like that.
“Why does he need that stuff? He’s getting out in a few days.”
“I don’t know. Maybe he wants to make one last score before he gets out. From what I hear, they’re making stupid money up there… ” She stopped herself abruptly as if she had said too much already. “But that’s none o’ my business. I do what I’m told. Something you better learn to do if you plan on being with Derrick.”
I rolled my eyes at her. That bitch had some nerve, trying to tell me how to keep my man.
“You gonna watch Tyler or what, ‘cause I ain’t got time to be teachin’ ‘How to Be a Drug Dealer’s Girlfriend 101.’ ” Wendy placed her hand on her hip and smirked.
I was about to tell her to kiss my ass and give her a little more of what she got at the prison. But her son was standing there looking up at the two of us like he was waiting for all hell to break loose. At least one of us could act like an adult in front of him. Besides, with Derrick coming home in a few days, it wasn’t worth the aggravation. Once he was out, he wouldn’t need her to make deliveries. Then he could put Wendy in her proper place. She was getting entirely too comfortable making demands. Anyway, Tyler wasn’t such a bad kid. I should get to know him a little since he’d probably be spending a lot of time here with Derrick soon.
“Come on, Tyler.” I motioned for him to come in, but he didn’t move.
“Go ’head, baby. Go with Auntie Jasmine. Mommy will see you at Grandma’s tomorrow.” Wendy bent down and kissed her son, nudging him into the apartment.
“He ain’t had nothin’ to eat, so make sure you feed him. And don’t let him drink too much or he’ll pee in the bed.”
“When you coming to get him?”
“You can drop him off at Derrick’s mother’s in the morning. She should be home by then.” Wendy didn’t give me time to refuse. She waved good-bye to her son and headed for a waiting cab.
“Well, Tyler,” I sighed, “I guess it’s you and me. What do you want to eat?”
“McDonald’s.”
Well, you ain’t getting no McDonald’s, so you can forget that. How ’bout some peanut butter and jelly?”
“I hate peanut butter and jelly.” He sounded angry. I can’t say I blame him, with a mother like that.
“Okay,” I sighed. “What about pizza. Do you like pizza?”
His eyes lit up. “Yeah, I like pizza. And can I have some Kool-Aid?”
“Yeah, I think I’ve got some Kool-Aid.” I walked to the kitchen and he followed me. Thank God Dylan had brought an extra frozen pizza on one of our video nights. It wasn’t like I had kids over here all the time, so my kitchen definitely wasn’t stocked with kid-friendly food.
While Tyler was eating, I made a bed for him on the sofa in front of the TV I was still exhausted and in need of some serious sleep. I figured that if I put on the Cartoon Network he’d watch TV until he fell asleep. I smoothed the blanket over the sofa and went back in the kitchen. He’d eaten half the pizza and drunk an eight-ounce glass of Kool-Aid.
“Wow, you really were hungry, weren’t you? You want some more pizza?”
“No, but I want some more Kool-Aid.” He pushed his glass toward me and I poured him some more. He gulped it down.
“Okay, time for bed.” We both got up and walked to the living room.
“Auntie Jasmine, you’re not really my auntie, are you?” he asked.
“No, but sometimes you call family friends ‘uncle’ and ‘aunt’* out of respect. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I guess. But what if you don’t respect them?”
“Then I guess you don’t call them aunt or uncle.”
“Well, I’m not calling you auntie, then.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Excuse me? Why not?”
“ ’Cause I don’t like you.”
“You don’t like me? Why don’t you like me?” I was trying to be patient, but this kid was getting on my last nerve.
“ ’Cause you’re a conniving bitch. And if it wasn’t for you, my daddy wouldn’t be in jail.”
“What did you just call me?” I had my fists clenched. I was trying to restrain myself from slapping the shit out of that little boy. “Where did you hear words like that?” Like I didn’t already know the answer.
“My mommy,” he said proudly. “She told my Auntie Joyce that if my daddy had stayed with her instead of running off with you, he’d never have gone to jail.”
“That’s not true, you know. Your daddy left your mother way before I ever met him. And I’m-”
He cut me off with a scream. “No, he didn’t! He didn’t leave my mommy! You made him leave. My mommy wouldn’t lie.”
“Yeah, she woul-” I had to stop myself in midsentence. I hated that bitch, but I refused to disrespect her in front of her son. “You know what, Tyler? I think it’s time for bed.” I think he was glad to drop the subject, ’cause he calmed down and climbed under the covers right away. That poor kid was full of so much anger thanks to his mother.
“Jasmine!” he shouted as I walked away.
“Yes, Tyler.” I turned to the sofa.
“I hate you.”
“I can see that, Tyler. I can see that.” I hoped his little outburst made him feel better, ’cause I sure felt like shit now. I wished Derrick was there to see this. Maybe he would appreciate just how much I did for his ass.
I left Tyler in the living room and went up to my room. I was still exhausted, but it took me a while to fall asleep. My mind was on Tyler and what he had said. He really did hate me, and I could understand why. Wendy had been corrupting him since the day she found out about Derrick and me. The thing that bothered me the most was that now that Derrick was coming home, I was afraid Tyler’s attitude would affect my relationship with Derrick somehow. I fell asleep worrying about it.
“Auntie Jasmine?” Tyler woke me up as he stood in my bedroom doorway and called my name.
“What, Tyler? What is it?” I sat up.
“I’m scared. I wanna sleep with you. My mommy always lets me sleep with her when I’m scared.”
This kid was really working my last nerve. An hour ago he was telling me how much he hated me. Now he was back to calling me “Auntie” and asking to sleep in my bed. I was tempted to send his ass back to the couch, but then I realized I wasn’t being fair. It wasn’t Tyler’s fault that his mother was such a bitch. If he had a better mother, he wouldn’t be such an angry little kid. I pulled back the cover and told him to come on. He climbed in bed without another word and was snoring within minutes. He looked so peaceful, and I was relieved. I was happy that I had decided to give the kid a break. Happy, at least, until I woke up in a puddle later that night.
“Tyler, wake up! Did you pee in my bed?” I turned on the light and looked down at him. His eyes were twitching like he was struggling to keep them closed. This kid was definitely awake, but he had the nerve to be pretending to snore. “Tyler!” I shook him.
He rubbed his eyes like a damn actor. “What’s the matter, Auntie Jasmine?”
“You peed in my bed, that’s what’s the matter.” I pulled back my satin sheets to expose the huge wet spot that covered my mattress. From the way he was smiling, I think the kid had actually done it on purpose. I was speechless. At first I wanted to wring his little neck as I sent him into the bathroom to get cleaned up. But as I stripped the sheets off the bed, I started thinking. That’s when I realized Tyler’s little stunt had just put me one step closer to making the most important decision of my life.