‘Not… SEX!’ Si squeals, when I finally admit everything, having successfully managed to keep it from him, and now realizing that I have to give him something to look forward to when he gets back from Tenerife, and what would be better than gossip?
‘Yes,’ I admit reluctantly, after much sighing. ‘I did it. We actually had sex.’
Si screams down the phone, and we both start laughing. ‘And what’s more,’ I say gleefully, ‘you were absolutely right about it being like a bicycle, and it was lovely.’
‘You witch! You complete witch! I can’t believe you waited a week to tell me. I knew it. I knew you looked different! So how do you feel?’
‘Amazing.’
‘And you spent the rest of the weekend with him?’
‘Yup.’
‘And you’ve seen him how many times since?’
‘Almost every night,’ I admit sheepishly.
‘OH MY GOD!’ and this time he shouts so loudly my eardrums practically pop, but then he recovers and says very seriously, ‘Now, Cath. Don’t do what I’ve always done. Don’t jump in feet first looking for a big relationship. You must take it slowly, play it cool.’
‘Oh fuck off,’ I snort, and he laughs, because this is, of course, what I have always said to Si.
‘Details, details,’ Si says, ‘I want details. Oh no. Oh bugger. I’ve got to go.’
‘I know,’ I chuckle maniacally. ‘That’s why I left it until now to call. Oh well,’ I say, letting out a dramatic sigh. ‘You’ll just have to wait for the details until you get back from Tenerife. Have a lovely time. Bye.’
‘CATH!’ he shrieks. ‘Don’t you dare. Oh God, oh God, I can’t bear this. I have to wait a whole week. Just tell me one thing, when are you seeing him again?’
‘Wednesday night,’ I say. ‘He’s taking me to the theatre.’
I can hear the awe in Si’s voice. ‘The theatre, indeed? Now that sounds serious.’
‘Look, you. You’re going to miss your flight. And I’m going to miss you. Will you take really good care?’
‘Yes, yes. Fuss, fuss.’
‘No, I’m serious. Look after yourself, and I’ll see you the weekend after next and I love you.’
‘I know, sweets.’ He blows me a kiss down the phone. ‘I love you too.’
For someone who has spent years erecting barriers around her love life, I’m doing a remarkably good job of letting them down.
But perhaps the strangest thing of all is that it simply doesn’t feel scary. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it felt right, but of course I do know better, so instead I’ll say it feels easy.
So, so easy. Although it’s been years, I well remember the men who didn’t call, who’d phone to cancel ten minutes before I was due to see them, who’d say they would phone and then never would.
And maybe it’s different because I’ve known James for a while now, or maybe it’s because he has more integrity than anyone I’ve ever met (and that’s saying something for an estate agent), but he does exactly what he says he’s going to do.
When he says he’s going to phone, he phones. If he says he’ll pick me up at seven thirty, he’s on the doorstep at seven twenty-nine. There is no messing about with James, and I always, always know exactly where I stand.
God. I could get used to this.
For the first time in my life I can see what successful partnerships are made of. Not that I was completely blind to them before, but I’d never actually experienced it for myself, and now, since James, I can absolutely see what it is that makes it work.
Because we just get on so well. I feel totally, completely, one hundred per cent relaxed in his company. There are no games, no insecurities, and I have never felt quite so comfortable being myself with anyone other than Si, Josh and Lucy.
Yes, yes, I know it hasn’t been long, but when you’re seeing someone all night, almost every night, it’s remarkable how quickly a relationship can progress.
And as for my fear of relationships, of exposing myself, even that seems to have disappeared pretty damn quickly. In fact, since the morning after the first night we spent together, I haven’t even felt a flicker of fear, but then again I suppose I haven’t had to.
James calls me in the shop every day, at least twice a day, and we’ve been, as I already said, together every night. I know it’s slightly early to say this, but it does seem that already we’re settling into a pattern. Lucy, of course, is over the moon; she was almost bursting with excitement when I first told her, and now I can’t wait for Si to get back so I can fill him in.
I wouldn’t normally drive to Heathrow to pick anyone up, not even Si, but he happened accidentally-on-purpose to leave a copy of his itinerary at my house before he left, and at the time I’d planned to ignore it, although that was before my big adventure with James.
So here I am, and the bloody flight’s delayed, and there are hundreds of people milling around, and it’s far too early in the morning for me to be doing this.
I grab a coffee from a stand and buy a paper, and when I’ve finished ploughing through I realize that the flight has now landed, and I rush to Arrivals to surprise Si.
He is almost the first one through, which doesn’t surprise me, as he’s such an incredibly neat and orderly packer that he usually manages to get away with hand luggage only. I push my way to the front so he can see me.
He’s sharing his trolley with another man, around the same age, and they’re both laughing and talking animatedly as they walk through, so animatedly they don’t see me until I’m practically on top of the trolley.
‘CATH!’ Si throws his arms around me and lifts me up, which is no mean feat, I can tell you, and when he puts me down again, a split second later, his grin is ear to ear. ‘I can’t believe you’re here!’ He turns to the man with him, ‘And there we were, about to jump on the train to Paddington. Thank heavens for large mercies.’
‘Not that large.’ I smack him, and he winces in mock pain.
‘Cath, this is Paul,’ he says, standing aside for me to have a good look at his companion, who grins at me, showing rather gorgeous dimples in his cheeks, and warmly shakes my hand. ‘I suppose you won’t believe me if I tell you I’ve heard all about you and all of it’s good?’ he says, smiling.
‘You were doing so well until the last bit,’ I say, grining back, thinking how attractive this man is, and wondering how on earth they met.
‘Paul was staying in the apartment next to mine,’ Si explains, reading my mind. ‘We met on the first day…’
‘And haven’t been apart since.’ Paul squeezes Si’s arm as he looks at him affectionately, and I feel a jolt of excitement.
Si catches my eye, gives me a half shrug, a big grin and an unsubtle wink, and it’s all I can do not to grab him and twirl him around the Arrivals lounge, so thrilled and proud am I.
And Si looks fantastic. Not that I was expecting anything less, but he looks tanned, healthy, positively glowing, and I know that sun, sea and sand alone haven’t given him this glow, even if the sun was amazingly hot for December.
I grab the trolley and the three of us walk to the car park, leaving Paul in charge of the bags because Si insists on accompanying me to the car park pay machine.
‘Well?’ he hisses, just as soon as we’re out of earshot. ‘Isn’t he gorgeous?’
‘Gorgeous,’ I echo, laughing. ‘I can’t believe you. I mean, I expected you to come back looking all lovely and tanned, but I certainly didn’t expect you to have some beefcake on your arm.’
‘Well, sweets. Neither did I!’ I look at him slyly as I feed the coins into the machine. ‘I swear! I really wasn’t, and wouldn’t you know it, just when I’ve reached the point where a relationship is absolutely, one hundred per cent not what I want or need, I go and meet someone lovely.’
I turn to him slowly. ‘Did I just hear you use the word relationship? Is it time for the onion rings yet?’
‘No,’ Si laughs. ‘It’s not a relationship, but we’ve had an incredible time, and he’s sweet, and bright, and funny, and for the first time in years I haven’t fallen head over heels.’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘No, I’m serious, Cath. If anything he’s been the one doing all the chasing. Meanwhile, speaking of chasing. You’re still having sex, aren’t you? It’s written all over your face.’
‘Never mind me, did I just hear you right? You? Playing hard to get? Come on, Si, I know you too well.’ But his face, surprisingly, is serious.
‘I promise you, Cath. I kept telling him I wasn’t interested, but he didn’t want to hear it.’
‘Does he…?’ My sentence tails off, because I’m not sure whether I should be asking this question.
Si shrugs and nods. ‘That’s the thing. I kept saying no, and he kept saying why not, and in the end I just told him, which was bloody scary because even though I kept saying no, I fancied him like you can’t believe, and I knew he wouldn’t want to know after I told him.’
‘And?’
He grins. ‘And I was wrong. He’s fine about it. Says he’d already sort of figured it out.’
‘And?’
Si shoves me playfully. ‘And he’d brought condoms. Thank God.’
I hold up a hand, putting on my best schoolmistress voice. ‘Too much information, Mr Nelson.’ And he laughs. ‘Christ, come on, he’ll think we’ve done a runner,’ and we both rush back to see Paul smiling as we approach.
‘Done the post-mortem,’ Si pants, as we move off towards the car. ‘And you, Paul, will be glad to hear you pass with flying colours.’
‘I don’t remember saying that,’ I say, mock-indignant.
‘You didn’t have to,’ he says triumphantly, and Paul looks at me and shakes his head, as if to say, what can we do.
‘So how’s the great romance coming along?’ It’s Saturday and Si’s just picked me up, on our way to see Lucy.
‘Hmm? Fine,’ Si says, most uncharacteristically.
‘Fine? Fine? What the hell’s fine supposed to mean?’
‘It means it’s fine.’
‘Okay,’ I sigh, wondering why this suddenly feels like trying to get blood out of a stone. ‘Let’s find the simple way of doing this. Are you still seeing him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you still like him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Does he still like you?’
‘Yes.’
I hold my breath, then quickly ask (although I already know the answer), ‘Does this mean this is The One?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Cath,’ he says. ‘I hardly know him.’
And it floors me. I mean, what is there to say? This is Si, who always, always falls in love within about five minutes. This is Si, who’s planning a life together after ten.
‘Si? Are you sure you’re feeling all right?’
‘Cath, I have never felt better in my whole life.’