three days after Saint Nicolas
Today we will reach Chateau de Kertanuan. When I rose, Agnès aided me to wear one of my new robes. It is an houppelande the color of vert-de-gris, a green of gray, and the sleeves and neck lined in fur. The all is covered by silvered broderie and it is rather elegant. A ceinture pulls tight beneath my chest, but it has a clasp of gold which is decorated with stones of chrysoprase which glow a gray-green.
Agnès says me that they symbolize virtue.
I would rather a stone symbolizing intelligence or wisdom.
My shoes of soft leather have a long curled point, as is the fashion.
I write this night of the chateau of the comtes of Barenton, Chateau Kertanuan. It is not so large as Chateaugiron. It is constructed of stones of the countryside, and it has four tall round towers, one for each corner. The enceinte encloses a chapel and a large courtyard in front of the chateau. This is filled with mud and stone and hay. In time, perhaps, I shall make it a garden.
The village is not small, there are both a tavern and a carpenter. But it is not large: I saw no butcher, no fishmonger, no smith.
At least the trees do not assault the chateau. This I could not support. And one can see clearly down the road and into the village. It is not far.
I have my own room.
Agnès sleeps on the level above me, and her room too has much space.
For my own, I have a bed. And a large one. It is four columned with a drape the color of blueberries broderied with silk the color of wheat to make flowers and vines. And the duvet of the bed, the same material. I have been given a bench for by the window and several chairs. There is a large fireplace in which I can stand and lay two of me end-to-end. And it is made certain the fire never goes out during the day. There is a fur all near on which I might sit. On the walls are hung several carpets of the orient. Their patterns are exotic and of blue, gold, crimson, and cinnamon.
There is also an armoire large enough to hold all my clothes.
But the best is a table on which are several sharpened quills and a pot of ink. And it is here on which I write.
This is my new home.
one day before Saint Damase, pape
The noces took place this day inside the chapel for cause of rain. And I am glad of it. If not, my martin blue velvet houppelande might have been ruined. As it was, my cloak protected the outside, but the crimson satin lining of the skirt has been spotted from the underneath. And I shall have need of a new pair of silk slippers.
But still, in spite of the rain, there were musicians who promenaded before us. They played the saqueboute, and the drums, and an instrument of which I have never heard: a biniou. It gives a strange, wild, screaming sound that raises the hairs of my head.
I pledged to give my body to my lord, and he pledged to receive it. And then he pledged the inverse and I did the same thing.
My lord gave me a band of gold with a ruby. I have never seen a ruby so large. And that he placed upon the thumb of my right hand and on the next two fingers in turn, invoking the blessing of the trinity. It remains even now on the middle finger of my right hand. I must become accustomed to the weight of it.
The man of my father placed my hand in the hand of the priest and the priest joined my hand with that of my lord.
And then, we celebrated the Mass with a veil covering myself and my lord as we kneeled in front of the altar.
I spoke to my lord, the comte, after.
He is dark as I remembered. His hair waves beneath his hat. His brow and jaw are strong, his eyes are dark. He speaks French. This day he had dressed in a costume of blood red velvet. His houppelande was short and Agnès says me that he has a very fine leg. As his leggings do not sag, I must believe she is correct. Around his neck hung a chain of gold so thick that my smallest finger would not equal it. And on it, a disc studded with pearls. From his ceinture I saw hung a small dagger with a handle encrusted with jewels of many colors. I know this dagger for my father carries its twin. They are the weapons our before-before grandfathers came by during the Crusade.
I smiled to see it and found that when I looked at him, my lord smiled back.
He has also a cousin, Anne, who lives with him. She speaks also French.
There was a great feast after the noces. We had oysters, and partridge, and suckling pig. There were jongleurs who threw balls and blades. And always the musicians.
And after the food, the dance.
We started with the danse basse large which began when my lord bowed to me. This dance I prefer, for with the short gliding steps my lord does not dance far from me and with the music slow and dancing up on the toes I find it graceful, like the swimming of a swan. And for this the music of the vielle and the recorder.
And after the danse basse, the conjé which my lord calls the trihoris. This I like also. There are eight figures, the all more quickly made than the danse basse but of equal grace.
And after, a surprise. A branle danced with torches to fête our marriage. It is danced by the guests and all holding tapers of many colors. It was as beautiful as if the stars themselves were dancing.
And after, my lord extended his hand and I placed in it the palm of my own, for all the persons with joined hands danced. And after, the next couple led the branle double; and after, the next led the branle single; and the couple behind, the branle gai. And then we left the children to dance the branle de bourgogne and the music more fast until they fell, laughing.
And after, Agnès and the man of my lord danced the branle du haut barrais.
And there followed the cinq pas in which we leapt and skipped and danced in all directions and that very quickly.
And this after: I took rest.
It was late when Agnès and Anne came to take me to bed.
Agnès and Anne made much over my dressing for bed this night. They unmade my hair and combed it until it shined. Agnès rubbed perfumed rose oils into my skin and pinched my cheeks to make them red. They dressed me in a fine silk chemise with long hanging sleeves and a low neck which had broderie throughout in the shapes of curling vines. Then they made me drink cinnamon water to sweeten my breath. They told me my lord would come to me after they had left and they bid me do what he will demand of me. They left me smelling of rose and cinnamon, standing in front of the fire.
My lord came in, as they had said, after they had left.
I curtsied and greeted him.
He took my hand to aid me rise and then demanded what Agnès and Anne told me would happen tonight. I told him that they had not told me. They said only that I must do as he bid.
He looked very angry then.
It frightened me and I trembled.
He saw it and drew me to the fire and made me sit and covered me with a fur. He stood beside the fire and watched me for a long time before speaking.
He demanded of me if I should like to hear a story.
It was a rather stupid question. I always like to hear stories, but I was getting sleepy and tried not to yawn.
He began to tell me about a fée, a fairy, but then he saw me yawn and he stopped.
I apologized, but demanded of him if I could go to bed.
He was very nice to pull the duvet back for me. Then he kissed me on the cheek and demanded of me if he might stay until the fire burned down and I consented if he would not wake me. He blew the candle out and I heard him sit beside the fire, although my eyes were so tired I did not see him. But just before I slept, he told me I must tell them the next morning that I did as I was bid. And that he was very gentle. And that it did not hurt so very much.
At least I think that is what it was.
He was not there when I woke in the darkness of the night, so I could not demand it of him.
day of Saint Damase, pape
When Anne and Agnès came in this morning and looked so anxious, that I told them what I could remember of the words of my lord.
Agnès hugged me.
Anne was arranging the bed and must not have heard.
Agnès made me cover my hair this day. As I have wed, it is not right that my hair be loose any longer. She pulled it tightly from my head and fixed a henin on top. She says me that this tall pointed hat is of my mother. She draped it with a gauze. To balance it on my head all the long of the day has given me a pain in my neck that she has tried this evening to rub out.
My lord spoke to me this day in the hall where I was reading. He demanded of me if I had told Agnès and Anne what it was he had told me to speak to them.
I replied to him that I did not know if I had remembered correctly, but I repeated what I had told them.
He smiled and told me that I had remembered exactly.
So I began to tell him about the druids and how they had games for remembering everything, but I could tell he was not listening, just like I can tell when father does not listen. I demanded of him if he would mind if I returned to read.
Before excusing me, he told me he would come by times to tell me stories at night.
I suggested that he might come earlier so that I could better enjoy them. He made me a present of a brooch of pearls and told me that I must wear it and explain to Agnès that he gave it me this day.
one day after Sainte Damase, pape
Anne, the cousin of my lord, is from Beaune. Her family disappeared by the pox. He is her relative the most close, so she has come to stay with him. The mother and father of my lord have been long dead since his youth, and so she has served as the lady of my lord, as the chatelaine. Anne has twenty-two years. She is dark and gay, and laughs often. I know she will be my close friend.
Agnès does not like her, and I do not know why.
But I am a woman. I am thirteen. I can do as I please.
day of Saint Thomas, apostle
Agnès says me that I must take charge of the household: the servants, the tradesmen, the meals, and the accounts.
I demanded of her who these had done before.
She replied to me, Anne.
As I am now chatelaine, I must tell Anne she can do still these things. It is for me to make progress in my studies.
Agnès told me it is my duty as an honorable wife to manage the chateau. And she remembered to me that I ignore the duties of a wife. I know neither how to make broderie, nor how to make music, nor how to sing.
How to sing? Better to write the songs. Recite poetry? Better to write the poems.
Agnès recalled to me the example of Anne.
And I recalled to her that as much as I have seen, Anne does nothing. She plays at broderie. She plays at music, and at singing. But I have both seen and heard better. The thing Anne does most well is talk to her woman. Perhaps Anne has also been playing at chatelaine. But if it is so, then it cannot be such a difficult role to play. And as a complaint of my lord has not reached my ears, I must assume he is satisfied with her efforts. So Anne may play all that she wants. I shall study.
As a wise wife, I will let those duties to the one who has been properly managing them. And more since the feast of Noël is nearly upon us. I know that Anne has been always arranging this.
It is me the chatelaine. If I must be in this strange land, I will do as I please. And it pleases me to let Anne guard these duties.
day of Noël
After the work of yesterday, in cleaning, in giving the animals double their food for the day, when it seemed everyone of the house was distracted, we passed this day playing cards, in prayers, and by singing. They have found a log as big around as six persons and as tall as two persons and have lit it in the hall of dining, in the hearth; this is to last for the three days that come. And on it we throw salt and wine and bread in honor of the holy trinity.
And then the midnight mass. This mass is my preferred of the year. This night we had chants and offerings, and even a nativity theater. I made certain not to rise a moment early to leave the church, for I had no wish to see the dead march in procession through the village.
And outside, after, on the path to the chateau, I listened to hear the animals speak, or to see the stones rise, or the fruit trees flower during the twelve rings of the church bell at midnight; we must have been too late, for I neither saw nor heard anything. I kept close watch also for witches or demons that come out this evening. I gave myself fright for I did not remember having left the door open for bad spirits to leave the chateau, but on our return, I saw that someone had it done.
For the meal we had a roasted boar and oysters and cakes and chestnuts and a potage of truffes. And everything served on the table this night. Anne says me that this is so the dead can serve themselves and take part with us in the fête. And there must have been some dead among us, for at the end of the meal, I saw no food uneaten.
day of the new year
Anne had some men find a ball of mistletoe and had it hung between the hall of reception and the hall of dining.
Anne and my lord walked in to dinner together.
The rest of us had already assembled.
As they passed beneath the door, my lord realized there is mistletoe and he must kiss Anne. He did it, and Anne blushed. She is very pretty.
I demand of myself why she is not yet wed.
day of Epiphanie
This day, we celebrated Epiphanie, the coming of the kings. The galette des rois, was served. And in his part, my lord found a fève.
He was crowned king, and he must choose his queen.
I was saddened at first that I was not chosen to be his queen, but then he had chosen Anne, and I was glad. It is kind of him to look after her interests, as she is left unmarried at such an old age.
We instructed the cook to give the part left of the galette, the part of the Virgin, to the first mendiant leading a horse decorated with laurier who will pass by the chateau.
two days after Sainte Agathe
My lord came to my room this night to tell me a story.
I have taken the decision that if my lord is to tell me stories, then I will write them down. As they are Breton, I have heard nothing of them before. It will also serve as good practice for my penmanship. The follow is the story he told me this night:
Trédamial has many people in good health. This is because the Chapelle de Notre-dame-du-Haut is possessed of seven healing saints. They are: Eugénie who heals head-aches: Houamiaule who heals fear, anguish, and nervous illness; Hubert who heals rage; Lubin, who heals joints and eyes; Mamert, who heals intestinal difficulties; Néen, who heals troubled minds; and Yvertin who also tends to head-aches.
I demanded of my lord what good this story is. It does not amuse.
He told me again of the saints and the maladies they heal and bid me remember in case I will have need of them.
I reminded myself at this moment here that his young sister caught an illness and died. And also, my mother.
My lord sat by the fire, morose.
I rose from bed, pushed back the curtains, and sat at his feet. He seemed in need of company.
We stared into the fire together for a long while.