PURPLE WISTERIA fell in cascades from the roof. Birds and crickets and other insects chirped in the bushes. The moment had come. Emperor Hsien Feng had summoned me.
To calm my excitement, I went to sit by the peony garden. The terraces were the most beautiful architectural ornament of my palace. The flowers of a deeper hue were planted near the shore of the pond. The blooms became lighter as the garden rose on the hillside, creating the illusion of a landscape fading away into the far distance. The view inspired me as an example of what one could achieve with what was offered in life.
At lunch I ordered my favorite food, Yang-chou noodles. An-te-hai and I celebrated my good luck. I wrote a poem entitled “Yang-chou Noodles.”
My official preparations took several hours. Eunuchs were sent from the Emperor’s palace to help. Together my eunuchs and ladies in waiting bathed and perfumed me. I was wrapped naked in a white silk cloth and carried by four eunuchs on a litter. I was on my way to His Majesty Emperor Hsien Feng’s bedchamber in the Hall of Spiritual Nurturing, three palaces south of the Palace of Concentrated Beauty, where I lived.
We passed the Palace of Grand Harmony and the Palace of Luminous Virtue and moved through the grand hallways of the Palace of Peace and Longevity. The temperature dropped as night fell, and I was cold under the thin cloth. An-te-hai had been thoughtful enough to bring an extra blanket, and he covered me with it.
The moment we arrived at His Majesty’s inner chambers, An-te-hai was ordered to retreat. Chief Eunuch Shim received me and quietly guided the litter bearers in. After a few turns I entered a room brightened with large red candles and wall-to-wall yellow silk curtains. In the middle of the room was His Majesty’s bed.
The eunuchs who had brought me departed and were replaced with a group of Hsien Feng’s eunuchs, dressed in fine yellow silk robes. They quickly pulled out embroidered sheets, blankets and comforters. After the bed was prepared they gently lifted me to the edge of its huge surface and then left the room.
Another group of eunuchs entered. They each held heated copper pots in their hands. They warmed the sheets and comforters with the pots. Then they unwrapped me. Laying me on the side of the bed nearest the wall, they covered me with warm sheets. From beginning to end, their faces remained expressionless. When their hands touched my body, it made me feel like just another pillow. When all was set, they let down the bed curtain and retreated.
The room was deadly quiet. The smell of incense grew strong. Through the curtain I observed the room, which was filled with works of calligraphy and paintings. The largest painting was of a Buddha crossing a river. The Buddha was painted in pure gold. He was a giant with a huge belly and he rode on a thin lotus leaf. He showed no concern over the possibility of sinking, for his eyes were fully closed and his mouth revealed a faint smile. In his hands was the famous jar of wisdom. To the right of the painting was a blue bookshelf stacked with books. Two floor-length lanterns decorated with calligraphy hung from the ceiling. Everything was carved and coated with gold. Images of dragons and cranes were repeated throughout the room. Panels on both sides of one of the windows read: Luck year in, year out and Peace with all matters. A qin, a seven-stringed instrument of polished wood, lay on a shelf behind the bed.
I was thirsty and realized that I had barely eaten that day. Lately I had been having trouble eating and sleeping. All my energy had gone into imagining what it would be like to sleep with His Majesty. I wondered how he would begin with me, which part of my body he would explore first, and if everything about me would please him enough. I wondered if he would compare me with other women. What would happen if he found that I was not to his taste? Would he order me to leave? Would he leave me?
Chief Eunuch Shim made it clear that once I was found unsuitable, the abandonment would be entirely my own responsibility. Recently, His Majesty was said to be prone to mood swings. An-te-hai heard from another eunuch that one evening the Emperor had summoned six concubines, one after the other, and all were found wanting. He kicked them out and told Shim that he never wanted to see the women again. The word “never” from the Son of Heaven carried great weight-they were removed from their palaces and banished to the deep end of the Forbidden City, where they would grow and carve yoo-hoo-loos for the rest of their lives.
Would the same happen to me tonight? What would or could I do if it did happen? I remembered Big Sister Fann telling me that His Majesty considered concubines to be dishes forced down his throat. The thought disturbed me so much that I failed to pray for Heaven’s blessing. I lay in the bed with my face to the wall. I was cold from head to toe.
The red candles produced a sweet jasmine scent. Exhaustion hung upon me like a heavy lid. Why add additional weight to a burden that was already heavy? The youth in my spirit rose. It called me a “walking stick made of ice.” I rebuked myself for creating my own frosty weather. Feel the sunlight! my youthful wisdom cried. Why betray your courage, Orchid? Since your father’s death there hadn’t been a path until you walked on the weeds!
I heard a man’s voice. It came from the right side of the connecting hall. It could be no one but His Majesty Emperor Hsien Feng.
My fear intensified. The voice sounded unpleasant, as if His Majesty was arguing with someone. The words were strained and the mood dark. There was a moment of silence, and then the voice cursed, “Imperial sewage grease!”
I heard approaching steps. I covered myself with blankets and pillows, trying to gather the courage to greet my husband for the first time. It had been weeks since I last saw him. Honestly, I couldn’t recall his features. Chief Eunuch Shim had instructed me not to greet my husband. My nakedness only increased my nervousness. My nightgown lay on a stool next to the bed. Beside it was His Majesty’s blue silk gown, which he would change into for the night.
“No! Who do they think I am? Go to hell! I won’t permit it!” The man I was now sure was Emperor Hsien Feng shouted from the other room. “… Well, if they hadn’t come with troops. What have the British and the French done? They have forced me to pay eight hundred thousand taels more than I was already required to pay. Now they want me to open Tientsin. Tientsin is the gate of Peking, for heaven’s sake! They are strangling me with a rope… What do they mean by amending the treaty? It’s a savage’s excuse! I have already opened ports in Canton, Shanghai, Foochow and Taiwan. I don’t have any more to open…”
Gradually his voice grew weak. He broke down. He was crying. “I am so ashamed… China’s dignity has been sacrificed. I have no face to go to the altar anymore. Why can’t you do something? Sleep has become impossible. I have been drinking, yes. How else am I to escape my nightmares! What do you mean, it was up to me?”
There was a pause, followed by the sound of porcelain crashing.
The north wind whistled outside the windows. After a long silence I heard Hsien Feng blow his nose. Then came the sound of shuffling feet. I saw the shadow of His Majesty approach the bed curtain and pulled the comforter over my head. He sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed deeply as he took off his robe.
“Tea, Your Majesty?” Chief Eunuch Shim’s voice came from the hall-way.
“I’ll drink my own piss!” was His Majesty’s reply.
“We wish Your Majesty an excellent night!”
The footsteps in the courtyard receded.
I was not sure whether Emperor Hsien Feng knew that I was in his bed. I certainly didn’t want to surprise him. Should I make some noise to let him know that he was not alone?
His Majesty kicked off his boots and tossed aside his belt with its pendant beads and charms. He was in a white shirt. His black braid coiled around his neck like a snake. Without changing into his night-gown, he slid into bed and leaned against a pillow.
He turned his head and our eyes met.
There was not the slightest hint of surprise in him. Having a girl in his bed was like having an extra comforter. I saw no flicker of interest in his large slanted eyes. He was as handsome as I now began to remember him from our first encounter-a shaved chin, a straight Manchu nose and a boat-shaped mouth with firm lips. I had never seen a man with such perfect features and delicate skin.
We continued to stare at each other and I could feel my blood pumping in my veins.
“May His Majesty live for many many years and may your descen-dants be counted in the hundreds.” I recited what I had been instructed to say.
“Another parrot!” He turned away and rubbed his face with both of his hands. “Parrots all trained by the same eunuch… You all bore me to death.”
“Your Majesty…”
“Don’t dare get near me!”
What should I do? My chance had been ruined before I could begin. My tears welled up. I was afraid to move.
The man lying next to me was absorbed by his own thoughts, and I could sense nothing but tremendous pain and anger in him.
I decided to quit thinking about attracting him. What could a single move of a chess piece do if the game had already been lost? For the past nine days I had stayed up every night practicing the fan dance. I had also taken lessons from An-te-hai on playing the qin. I had managed to learn enough to accompany myself in a few songs. My voice was not that of a nightingale, but it was naturally pleasant and sweet. I never lacked confidence in my voice. If my parents had allowed, I would have pursued a life in opera. When I was about ten, a singer who performed in my house told me that I had potential if I was willing to work hard.
What would I tell my father? How often had he said, “In order to get cubs, one must be daring and enter the tiger’s cave”? I was inside the cave but there were no cubs. I remembered another story he had told me. It was about a family of monkeys who tried to catch the moon’s reflection in the water. The monkeys gathered in a large tree and turned themselves into a long chain reaching from the tree to the water. The lowest monkey tried to scoop up the moon with a basket. It was an ingenious plan, but Father’s point was that certain things are simply impossible, and there is wisdom in accepting one’s limitations.
Was anything up to me at this moment? The silk pillow felt soft and cool against my cheek. I could no longer drag my thoughts along this path. I heard an aria inside my head: Like a river rock that rolls uphill, like a rooster that grows a set of teeth …
A touch on my shoulder woke me.
“How dare you fall asleep while His Majesty is awake!”
I sat up. I couldn’t quite tell where I was.
“Where have you been?” the man in front of me mocked. “Soochow or Hangchow?”
I was shocked. “Pardon me, Your Majesty, for I haven’t been myself. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was tired and I fell asleep carelessly.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
I pinched my thigh, trying to get my mind to work.
“How can you possibly be tired?” Emperor Hsien Feng sneered. “What have you been doing besides embroidery?”
I remained silent, but my mind’s wheel rolled.
“Answer my question.” His Majesty got up from the bed and began to pace with his shirt open in the front. “If you have been doing embroidery, tell me about it. I need distraction.”
I sensed that His Majesty was uninterested in hearing me talk about embroidery or anything else. I would be looking for trouble no matter what I said. The man was a smoking hut. I wanted to tell him that I had expected our coupling, not conversation.
His Majesty looked at me.
Realizing that I was naked, I reached toward the stool to grab my gown.
He kicked the stool and my gown fell to the floor. “Wouldn’t you like to be out of your costume for a while?”
I looked at him, amazed by his words. His voice reminded me of certain village boys I had known, boys in their late teens who still sounded like young roosters.
“I would.” The Son of Heaven answered his own question. “I might even be happy for a moment.”
I was overwhelmed by curiosity and decided to take a risk. “Your Majesty, may I have your permission to ask a question?”
“Yes, you may ask for anything except my seeds.”
I understood what he meant and felt insulted. I lost interest in speaking further.
“Go ahead, slave, I have given you my permission.”
My voice left me. Despair flooded my heart’s bank. I thought about what I had done to gain this one chance. I could hear the clock ticking and Chief Shim’s voice: “Your time is up, Lady Yehonala!”
I tried to convince myself to make peace with the loss, but my spirit wouldn’t obey. Every nerve in my body rebelled against my will to perform what I was taught.
“I’ll send for someone to replace you.” His Majesty leaned over. He smelled of orange peel. “I am in the mood to be pleased.” His breath touched my cheek and he seemed to enjoy the threat. “I want a parrot. Coo-coo! Coo-coo! Sing or sink. Coo-coo!”
Hopelessness came to wrap me and I still could find no words.
“Chief Eunuch Shim is waiting right behind the door,” His Majesty continued. “I shall call him to take you away.” He made a move toward the door.
I allowed my nature to take over. Despair had aroused my desire to fight, and suddenly my fear cleared. In my mind’s eye I saw a suicide rope hanging down from the Imperial palace beam, dancing like the sleeves of the moon goddess. The joy of taking control was unexpected but real. I got off the bed and slipped into my gown. “Have an excellent night, Your Majesty,” I said, and then I lunged toward the door.
I would have regretted it if I had been older or more experienced, but I was young and my blood was a hot spring. The situation had maddened me. Understanding that I would be beheaded for my behavior, I wanted to perform the final act my way.
“Halt!” Emperor Hsien Feng called from behind. “You have just offended the Son of Heaven.”
I turned around and saw a grin on his face.
“If you are to order my punishment,” I said, standing straight and tall, “my only wish is that you have the mercy to make it quick.”
As I spoke, I tightened the laces on my gown. What more could I achieve? Since moving to the Forbidden City I had ceased being an ordinary person. What would Big Sister Fann’s reaction be when she learned that I had addressed the Son of Heaven as one equal spirit to another? I smiled just thinking about Big Sister Fann’s face. She would spread the story of the “legendary Orchid” until her lips grew blisters.
Almost with elation I told His Majesty that I was ready for the eunuchs to remove me.
Hsien Feng made no move. He seemed surprised at the situation. But what he felt no longer mattered to me. All my waiting for tomorrow’s luck was over. My soul was set free.
“You interest me,” the Emperor said, and a smile traveled across the sealed lips.
This seemed to be the Imperial style of torture.
“Tell me that you feel remorse for what you have done.” He walked up to me until his face was inches away. There was a gentleness in his gaze. “It is too late even if there is regret. Begging is of no use. I am in no mood to grant mercy. Not one ounce. I have no more mercy to give.”
For that reason alone I pity you. I shot my words at him with my eyes. I was glad that I was not in his position. He could order my death, but he couldn’t order himself one. What kind of power was his, then? He was his own captive.
His Majesty insisted on learning my thoughts. After a moment’s hesitation I decided to reveal them. I told him I pitied him although he appeared to be powerful. I told him it was not impressive that he picked not an equal but me, a defenseless slave, to punish. I told him I wouldn’t resent him for punishing me, because I could see he had to find someone on whom to take out his frustration, and there was nothing easier than beheading a concubine.
As I spoke, I expected him to become enraged. I expected him to call the eunuchs to drag me out and the guards to poke me with their swords. But His Majesty did just the opposite. Instead of bursting with rage, he became calm. He seemed to be truly affected by my words. His expression became the work of a poorly skilled clay sculptor who intended to make a cheerful face but instead made a bitter one.
His Majesty slowly sat himself down on the edge of the bed and waved for me to sit by him. I obeyed. The sound of the yoo-hoo-loo outside the window was loud but not unpleasant. The moonlight threw shadows of a magnolia on the floor. I felt strangely peaceful.
“How about a simple conversation?” he asked.
I didn’t feel like responding, so I remained silent.
“You don’t have anything more to say?”
“I have said it all, Your Majesty.”
“You… are smiling!”
“Are you offended?”
“No. I like it. Keep smiling… Did you hear what I said?”
I felt my facial expression freeze at his order.
“What’s wrong? Your smile has disappeared. Get it back! I want to see that smile back on your face. Put it back. Now!”
“I am trying, Your Majesty.”
“It is not there! You have taken my smile away! How dare…”
“How about this, Your Majesty?”
“No, that is not a smile. That is a grin. An ugly one. Do you need help?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me how, then.”
“Your Majesty could tell me my name.”
“Your name?”
“Do you know my name?”
“What a wicked question! No, of course I don’t.”
“I am your wife. I am your consort of the fourth rank.”
“Indeed?”
“My name, Your Majesty?”
“Would you kindly remind me?”
“Would I? Has anyone in this realm had the luck to hear the Son of Heaven say ‘Would you kindly’?”
“What’s your name? Come on!”
“Why bother?”
“His Majesty wants to bother!”
“He’d better not. It’ll give him nightmares.”
“How so?”
“I have no idea whether I shall turn into a good ghost. And a bad ghost chases after the living. I assume you are aware of that.”
“I see.” He got up and walked barefoot to a golden tray on his desk. On the tray was a bamboo chip with my name on it. “Lady Yehonala.” He picked up the chip and cupped it in his hand. “How does your family call you, Yehonala?”
“Orchid.”
“Orchid.” He nodded and murmured the name repeatedly as he dropped the chip back onto the tray. “Well, Orchid, maybe you’d like to ask me to grant you a last wish.”
“No, I would like to get my life over with as soon as possible.”
“I shall certainly honor that. Anything else?”
“No.”
“Well then,” the Emperor said, “perhaps before you die you may wish to know how you came to be here tonight.” The Emperor’s effort to appear stern could not hide a faint smile.
“I wouldn’t mind, no,” I managed.
“Well, it all began with Chief Eunuch Shim telling me a story… Come, Orchid, lie here with me. It wouldn’t hurt, would it? Maybe this will turn you into a good ghost.”
As I climbed into the bed, my gown became tangled.
“Off, take your dress off.” Emperor Hsien Feng pointed his finger at my gown.
I revealed my body with embarrassment. What a strange play to be part of!
“It was a story about the Emperor Yuan Ti of the Han Dynasty.” His Majesty’s tone was warm and charged with energy. “Like myself he owned thousands of concubines whom he never saw. He had time only to pick them from their portraits, which were painted by the court artist, Mao Yen-shou. The concubines showered gifts on the painter in the hope that he would make them look as desirable as possible. The loveliest of all the concubines was an eighteen-year-old girl named Wang Ch’ao-chun. She possessed a strong character and didn’t believe in bribery. She thought that it would be all right if the artist painted her as she really was. But of course Mao Yen-shou painted a terrible portrait of her. The painting failed to do justice to her beauty. As a result, Emperor Yuan Ti knew her not.
“In those days many dignitaries came to pay homage at the court, among them Shang Yu, the Great Khan, who reigned over the Turkomans of the Huns. Wishing to strengthen the ties of friendship with this powerful neighbor, Emperor Yuan Ti offered him one of his own concubines as a wife. And Emperor Yuan Ti gave him Wang Ch’aochun, whom he had never seen.
“When the bride, who had come to bid farewell, appeared before Yuan Ti, the Emperor was struck dumb by her beauty. He had not known that his harem contained a maiden of such transcendent loveliness. He desired her right on the spot, but it was too late-Wang Ch’ao-chun was his no longer.
“As soon as the couple departed, Yuan Ti ordered Mao Yen-shou’s beheading. Even so, the Emperor was forever haunted by the memory of the maiden and by regret for the happiness that might have been his.”
Emperor Hsien Feng gazed at me. “I summoned you because I didn’t want to suffer the regret Yuan Ti did. You are as beautiful as Chief Eunuch Shim described. You are Wang Ch’ao-chun’s incarnation. But Shim failed to tell me that you are also a lady of character. You are better than the orange-peel tea they make me drink. It is delicious, but I find no pleasure in its taste.
“It is the same with everything these days. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy Wang Ch’ao-chun even if she existed. And I am wondering about you. All I can think of, I’m afraid, is the shrinking map of China. Enemies are coming from all directions. They have grabbed me by the throat and spit in my face. I am beat up and shot through. Why should I-how can I-sleep with you or any concubine? To pass on a living man’s worst nightmare? I am incapable of producing an heir. I am no different from a eunuch.”
He began to laugh. There was a wrenching sadness in his manner and voice, which touched me. I knew the map he was talking about. It was the same map my father had shown me. The man in front of me reminded me of my father. He too had desperately desired to bring back the honor of the Manchus, and yet he ended up deserting his post. I felt the shame His Majesty bore. It was the same shame that killed my father.
I looked at Hsien Feng and thought that he was a true Bannerman. He could have sat back and enjoyed the garden and the feast of concubines, but he chose to worry himself to impotency.
An urge to comfort him overcame my fear. I moved to sit on my knees. I opened my arms and pulled him to my chest as a mother would an infant. He offered no resistance, and I held him this way for a long time.
He sighed and drew back to look at me.
I reached for the sheet to cover my exposed breasts.
“Leave it,” he said, pulling away the sheet. “I enjoy what I see.”
“My death sentence?”
He grinned. “You’ll have a chance to live if you help me get a good night’s sleep.”
Sunlight filtered through my heart’s darkest chamber, and I smiled.
“The smile is back!” he cried happily, like a child discovering a shooting star.
“Is it time for Your Majesty to sleep?”
“It is no longer an easy job.” He sighed.
“It will help if you let go of your thoughts.”
“Impossible, Orchid.”
“Does Your Majesty like games?”
“Games no longer interest me.”
“Does Your Majesty know ‘Joy at Meeting’?”
“That is an old song. By Chu Tun-ju of the Sung Dynasty?”
“What an excellent memory Your Majesty has!”
“Let me warn you, Orchid, no doctor has succeeded in helping me with my sleep.”
“May I have your qin?”
He reached for the instrument and passed it to me.
I plucked the strings and began to sing.
Emperor Hsien Feng listened quietly and started to weep. He asked me to sing another song. “If you were an actor from the royal troupe, I would reward you with three hundred taels,” he said, taking hold of my hand.
I sang. I no longer wanted to think about how strangely things had turned out. After I finished “Farewell, Black River” and “The Drunken Concubine,” His Majesty wanted more. I begged his pardon and explained that I was not prepared.
“One last song.” He held me close. “Anything that comes to your mind.”
My fingers wandered over the strings. A moment later a tune came to me.
“It is called ‘Immortal at the Magpie Bridge,’ composed by Ch’in Kuan.” I cleared my throat and started.
“Wait, Orchid. ‘Immortal at the Magpie Bridge’? Why have I never heard of this? Is it popular?”
“Was.”
“That’s not fair, Lady Yehonala. The Emperor of China should be informed about everything.”
“Well, that’s why I am here, Your Majesty. For me, this lyric eclipses all other love poems. It tells the old legend of the Cowherd and the Maiden-or the Weaver-two stars separated by the Milky Way. They were to meet on the Magpie Bridge once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, when the autumn wind embraces the dew.”
“The pain of separation is known to many,” the Emperor said quietly. “The story reminds me of my mother. She hanged herself when I was a child. She was a beautiful woman, and we are separated by the Milky Way.”
I was moved to hear him say this, but managed not to comment. Instead, I sang.
Before my last note ended, Emperor Hsien Feng was asleep.
I put the instrument down beside the bed, wishing that this moment would go on forever. But it was time for me to depart. According to custom, I had to be sent back to my own palace at midnight. The eunuchs would soon come and remove me. Would I be summoned again? Most likely Emperor Hsien Feng would forget about me when he woke up.
A sense of melancholy descended. Fortune had not led to intimacy. I tried not to think about my ruyi and my lost hairpin and the energy and hope that went into my preparation. I hadn’t been given a chance to perform my fan dance. If Emperor Hsien Feng had desired me, I felt I could have made him happy.
Lying next to him, I watched the candles inside the red lanterns die out one after another. I tried not to feel beaten. What good would it do if I allowed myself to break down? The Emperor would only be irritated.
Sorrow drowned me in silence. My heart floated in an ocean strangled by seaweed. The candle in the last lantern flickered and went out. The room turned black. I hadn’t noticed until now that the clouds had blocked the moon completely. The singing of the yoo-hoo-loos was joined by other insects. The symphony of this night was marvelous. I lay in the dark and watched Emperor Hsien Feng breathing peacefully in his sleep. Like a pen, my eyes traced the contours of his body.
A shaft of moonlight cut the floor. The color was white with a touch of yellow. It recalled my mother’s complexion as she watched my father die. Each day the wrinkles chewed away a bit of her, biting deeper into her skin. Then suddenly one day the lines changed the entire landscape of her face. Her skin hung as if pulled by the earth. My mother was no longer a young woman.
Slowly and silently, I removed myself from the bed. I placed the qin on the table against the wall. I put on my gown and looked out the windows. I stared at the moon and saw myself in it-a large tear-washed face.
Hsien Feng lay curled in sleep, a man dreaming a man’s dreams. Like everyone in China, I used to think of the Son of Heaven as a god-like figure, the dragon who penetrated the universe. Today I saw a man whose delicate shoulders were having trouble carrying the nation’s burden; I saw a man who sobbed over my songs, a man who grew up without a mother’s love. What was misfortune if this was not? How terrible it must have been for him when his mother hanged herself in shame and everyone lied to him while all along he knew the truth! The irony was that he would never get to be the simple man he desired to be. Tomorrow morning, in front of his audience, he had to fake himself.
Tonight had been worthy of my ruyi and my hairpin. I was glad for what I had achieved. If His Majesty forgot me tomorrow, he couldn’t erase my memory of tonight. It belonged to me. If I were to see my grave tomorrow, I would carry this night with me.
The moonlight shifted and now shone through the carved window frames. The shadows looked like embroidery spilling onto the floor. I put my cheek against the soft silky sheet of the Imperial bed and my skin against the body of the Son of Heaven. I wanted to thank him for stripping us of our titles and allowing us to touch each other the way common souls did.
At this thought I relaxed, although my fear still lingered. I prepared myself to leave the Hall of Spiritual Nurturing and never return.
Emperor Hsien Feng turned. His left arm was exposed. In the moonlight it looked as thin as a young boy’s. I would let him sleep. He was facing me now. His eyebrows were no longer furrowed. His dream must be sweet.
The yoo-hoo-loos’ singing had become discordant. It was a sign (so An-te-hai told me) that the males were finished mating and were now struggling to leave the females’ bodies. The high-pitched sounds, those of the females, were disturbing. The longer I sat, the harder they were to bear. I was forced to admit that I had fallen in love with the moment, and was dreading its end. An ache started to take hold of me. I grew more desperate with each fleeting instant.
I could kiss him, I thought. I could kiss him the way I had learned at the House of Lotus. I wished that His Majesty were the same as the customers who visited that house, for they knew pleasure and sought it at every opportunity. I wondered if Emperor Hsien Feng had ever experienced true pleasure. I sensed that he hadn’t. He didn’t seem familiar with affection. But how could I blame him? He had to rule the country, and every night it was his duty to deposit his seeds in womb after womb. Wouldn’t I be impotent too?
I heard soft footsteps. The eunuchs were coming for me.
Emperor Hsien Feng remained still. I bid a silent farewell.
There was a light knock at the door.
I stood in the moonlight.
The door was gently pushed open. Chief Eunuch Shim’s figure blocked the moon. He threw himself on the ground and bowed toward the sleeping Emperor. “It’s time for me to fetch Lady Yehonala, Your Majesty.”
No response came from the bed.
Chief Eunuch Shim repeated himself.
Snoring was Emperor Hsien Feng’s reply.
With no hesitation, Shim waved and four other eunuchs stepped in. They approached me with the litter. They took me by the arms and placed me on it and carried me outside.
Just as Shim was about to close the door, a sudden wailed “No!” erupted from the room.
Signaling his people to halt, Shim went back. He stuck his head inside the bedroom. “Your Majesty?”
There came no answer.
He hesitated for a moment and then signaled for the eunuchs to free me.
I got off the litter and slipped barefoot back into His Majesty’s room.
Chief Eunuch Shim pulled the door closed.
I was beyond my good senses.
His Majesty cuddled up behind me. The touch of his skin was exciting. He was still sound asleep. I stayed awake for another hour before I drifted off. In my dream I was being swallowed by a dragon with a shark’s mouth. The clouds rolled around me. I struggled to get away from the monster. My shoulders were caught and my chest was pressed. The dragon held me in its claws. “I am potent,” it whispered.
I woke. Emperor Hsien Feng was touching me. I had the sensation I felt when I sat on eggs. His hands were cold but his body warm and his movements gentle. He explored.
I wrapped him like a vine around a tree.
He fumbled and his breath grew thick. He seemed to be surprised by his own excitement. One moment he pushed me away, and the next he threw himself back at me.
I tried to recall the steps I had learned from the House of Lotus. But my mind was a stewing pot where my thoughts turned into mushy beans.
“Take it,” he whispered. “Are you ready?”
“Ready… for what, Your Majesty?”
“Don’t disgust me. Stick up your behind. Aren’t you after my seeds?”
“What does His Majesty expect me to say?”
“Say the lines.”
“Lines? What lines? I have… lost the lines. You don’t want to be bored with something you have heard said hundreds of times.”
“Be quiet for my ancestors’ sake!” Hsien Feng pulled himself away.
I looked at him and found him attractive in his nakedness. I’d better enjoy this, I thought, since I’ll never be allowed to see another naked man in my life.
He asked for my thoughts and I reported honestly.
“What a wicked spirit!” he said slowly. “You are calm and unafraid. You look at the Son of Heaven as if he were a tree.”
I decided not to interrupt.
“Look, I am obligated to produce the bloody sheet. Shim is waiting to collect it. He is waiting to pass it on to the household officials for examination and the record book. Then they will wait for the sign of an heir. They will calculate the dates on their fingers. The doctors will be called to stand by, day and night, for a sign of pregnancy.”
His droning explanation somehow aroused me and I became unafraid.
“You come in armies,” he continued. “You don’t care how I feel. You come to fill up my bedroom and rob me of my essence. You selfish, greedy, bloodsucking female wolves!”
“I would enjoy our business.” Words were pushed out of my chest as if by a strange force.
He was astounded. “You… would?”
“I am not afraid to stick up my behind.” My voice demanded me to release it. “I am here to be your lover. I have paid for this moment dearly. It has not only cost me my ruyi and hairpin, but has also taken me from my family.” My tears came and I had no desire to hold them back. “I haven’t allowed myself to miss my mother and my siblings, but I do now, terribly! I haven’t cried despite the fact that I’ve had to spend my days in loneliness, but I do now. I might be selfish, but I am not greedy or a bloodsucking wolf! I am after nobody’s essence, but I am hungry for affection!”
“You…” He came closer and gently pulled me toward him “These are not the official lines. Who prepared the lines for you? You did? Yourself? Do you have more?”
An urge to perform pleasure rose inside me. “Your Majesty, spare me from answering the question. I was thinking… if you like, there are dances I know.”
Against my will, my mind started to picture a pair of mating silkworms, the moment when half of the male moth’s body was swallowed by the female’s. I lay half in excitement and half in disgust.
On top of me he groaned, murmuring words I didn’t understand. I couldn’t believe that the expected pain was not taking place. My body welcomed its intruder.
Emperor Hsien Feng struggled as if performing a difficult task.
I was awkward too. Sticking up my behind was not part of the fan dance. We were like two monkeys exploring ways to settle ourselves. Eventually I was exhausted and lay down on my back. His face appeared above me. His sweat dripped into my mouth. I arched my rib cage and stuck out my breasts.
“Keep going,” he cried as his breath came to a halt.
I could hear my own thought: Apply what you learned at the House of Lotus! But I was unable to move my behind. I fumbled and flipped and was on my stomach.
Hsien Feng sprawled himself on me like a blanket. I felt so surprisingly at home that I wept.
His movements had a rhythm. The lines from an opera came into my head: Cease yearning for the future, my love, for sun will not be brighter and day will not be happier … Pleasure grew and gradually seized me.
The Son of Heaven whispered between breaths. I was not sure if I heard the word “seeds.”
Before dawn he wanted more. It was then that I had a chance to try my fan dance. I was curious about the effect. It worked. His Majesty praised me as magical. He especially appreciated my calling him “love” in the midst of passion, rather than “Your Majesty.”
For the next few nights I continued to be summoned. My lover was amazed that he was repeatedly able to plant his seeds. Indulging himself, he begged me to explore. I became anxious about the Grand Empress. She would accuse me of keeping him all to myself, of robbing her of grandchildren “counted in the hundreds.” The pleasure of love made us stay up all night. His Majesty held me close. My energy seemed inexhaustible, and I let myself be carried away again and again.
In the mornings we looked at each other as if we had been lovers for years.
“‘Magpie Bridge,’” His Majesty uttered one day. “It is the most beautiful tale I have ever heard. The Imperial tutors would never have taught it to me. My head has been stuffed only with rubbish. My studies have been limited to pictures of a broken empire. The lessons never made sense to me. How could all be lost when every emperor has been wise? The tutors could never explain how we have come to owe so much to those who have stolen from us.”
I listened attentively.
“The tutors told me that my mission in life was revenge,” he continued. “So I was taught hatred. They threatened that I would be given no place in the temple of my ancestors if I didn’t perform my duty. My duty is to restore the map of China. But how can I possibly achieve that? China is torn and I am sent to do battle without weapons! This is what my life is about: to be humiliated by barbarians.”
He made me feel that I was his friend. Then one night he asked, “What would you like me to grant you?”
“I don’t want to say ‘to see you again,’ but I am afraid that I am beginning to desire that.” I tried to take hold of myself, but my tears betrayed me.
“Orchid, don’t be distressed. I have the power to give you anything.”
My heart took comfort in his promise, but my head warned me not to trust his words in a moment of passion. I told myself that tomorrow another concubine would be sent. Another concubine who was as desperate as I was; another concubine who had also offered her life savings to Chief Eunuch Shim.
By the time the sun rose I was back in the Palace of Concentrated Beauty. After washing, I stepped out of the room into the garden.
The weather was clear and the sun bright. The roses and magnolias were just beginning to bloom. In the courtyard, dozens of birdcages hung from the branches of trees. At this hour the eunuchs came to train the Imperial birds. The birds were from all over the country. After a period of training, the best would be sent to Emperor Hsien Feng. He would then distribute them as gifts to his late father’s concubines in their palaces.
The eunuchs taught the birds to sing, talk and do tricks. Most of the birds were exotic and had funny names, such as Scholar, Poet, Doctor and Tang Priest. Those who performed were rewarded with crickets and worms. Those who didn’t were starved. There were pigeons too. These were all white and allowed to fly freely. An-te-hai’s favorite hobby was training pigeons. He tied whistles and bells on the birds’ ankles, then let them go. They circled above my palace producing lovely sounds. When the wind was strong the sounds made me think of ancient music.
There was one highly intelligent parrot An-te-hai named Confucius. The bird could recite three-character phrases from the San Tzu Ching. For example, it said, “Men were kind-natured when they were born.” An-te-hai gave Confucius to Chief Eunuch Shim as a birthday gift, and he in turn presented it to Emperor Hsien Feng as his birthday gift, and then the Emperor rewarded me with the bird. By that time the bird didn’t know what it was talking about. It garbled a word, which twisted the meaning. What the parrot Confucius was now saying was “Men were evil-natured when they were born.” I wondered if this was the work of His Majesty. I told An-te-hai to spare the bird from correction.
I also loved the peacocks An-te-hai raised. Peacocks roamed everywhere in my palace. An-te-hai trained them to follow me. He called them “my Imperial ladies.” They lived and bred in my garden. When An-te-hai saw me step out, he would blow a whistle and the peacocks would gather and greet me. It was wonderful. The birds made a kind of cackling noise that sounded as if they were chatting. If they were in the right mood they would open their blue and green “dresses” and compete to show off their beauty.
“May luck stay with you, my lady.” An-te-hai greeted me with deep bows this morning.
“May luck stay with you!” Other eunuchs, ladies in waiting, maids and even the chefs echoed the sentiment in every corner of the palace -everybody knew by now that I had become His Majesty’s favorite.
“Has the morning boat gone out on the canal yet?” I asked An-te-hai. “I’d like to visit the temple on Prospect Hill.”
“You can go anywhere, anytime, my lady,” An-te-hai said. “This morning Emperor Hsien Feng has ordered that you be sent to him every night. You are on top of the Forbidden City, my lady. If you wish, the court will make a petrified tree bloom and a rotten vine climb.”
It was from the top of Prospect Hill that the secret, tranquil, elegant Imperial capital of Peking was best revealed. The hill was actually an artificial mound built to obstruct the descent of the noxious and unpropitious spirits of the north onto the Forbidden City. From its crest the city looked like a magical forest filled with flowering trees and shrubs, more wooded than the countryside itself. Through the foliage the gleaming old yellow-gold tiles showed, and also the bright enameled temple roofs, gatehouses and palaces. The scarlet and emerald pavilions exhibited their fantastically ornate and upturned eaves.
Standing on top of the hill, I was overwhelmed by the idea that I had been blessed by celestial energy. I had been made love to by the Son of Heaven. More important, it was continuing to happen.
As I took a deep breath of fresh air, the golden roof of the Palace of Benevolent Tranquility caught my eye. I remembered the jealous elderly concubines. I remembered the way they stared at me like hungry vultures. One story An-te-hai told would not leave my mind: the fate of a favorite concubine of the Ming Dynasty after the Emperor died. She was trapped in a court conspiracy orchestrated by fellow concubines, and she was buried alive.
I received an unexpected guest: Nuharoo. She had never visited before. I was sure that it had to do with Hsien Feng’s spending his nights with me. I had no doubt that her eunuchs spied for her, as An-te-hai spied for me.
Nervous but without panic, I greeted her.
Standing like a gorgeous magnolia, she performed her greeting by bending her knees slightly. I couldn’t help but admire her beauty. If I were a man, I would desire her endlessly. Dressed in an apricot-colored satin robe, she was as graceful as a goddess descended from the clouds. Her sense of nobility seemed inborn. Her lacquered black hair was combed back in a goose-tail shape. A golden hairpin with a string of pearls dangled inches from her forehead. In her presence I lost confidence in my own beauty. I couldn’t help but believe that I would lose Emperor Hsien Feng’s affection if he took another look at her.
According to custom, I had to get down on my knees and kowtow to receive her. But she walked up and held my arms before I had a chance.
“My dear younger sister,” she said, as befitted her rank. She was in fact a year younger than me. “I have brought you some good herbal tea and wild mushrooms. They were sent here from Manchuria. You will need it now.” She waved her hand and her eunuchs came and presented me with a beautifully wrapped yellow box.
There was no sign of jealousy, I observed. Her voice bore no disturbance.
“This is the best kind of tang kuei,” Nuharoo explained, picking up a dry root. “It is picked from cliffs high above the clouds. It grew from the freshest air and rain. Each is thirty years old or more.” She sat down and took the teacup An-te-hai served her.
“You have grown taller since I saw you last.” She smiled at An-te-hai. “I also have a gift for you.” She waved again and her eunuch brought over a small blue silk box.
An-te-hai threw himself on the floor and kowtowed before taking the box. Nuharoo encouraged him to open it. Inside was a bag of taels. I was sure An-te-hai had never had that much money given to him all at once. He held the box and walked on his knees toward Nuharoo. “An-te-hai doesn’t deserve this, Your Majesty!”
“Go and please yourself with it.” Nuharoo smiled.
I waited for her to speak about the husband we shared. I waited to hear the words that expressed her frustration. I almost wished that she would say something to insult me. But none came. She sat calmly sipping her tea.
I wondered what made her hold herself so upright and calm. If I were she, I would find it difficult. I would resent my rival and wish myself in her place. Was she putting up a front? Or had she already developed a scheme to destroy me and was now only playing peace to deceive me?
Her quietness bothered me. Eventually I could bear it no longer. I began to confess. I reported that Emperor Hsien Feng had been spending nights with me. I begged Nuharoo for forgiveness, and I worried that my voice lacked sincerity.
“You have done nothing wrong,” she said in an even tone.
Confused, I went on. “But I have. I have failed to ask for your advice.” I had difficulty continuing. I was unused to faking my emotions. “I was… was afraid. I was not sure how to report to you. I am inexperienced in court etiquette. I should have kept you informed. I am ready to accept your censure.” My mouth was dry and I took up my tea and poured it down my throat.
“Yehonala.” Nuharoo put down her cup and wiped her mouth lightly with the tip of her handkerchief. “You have been worrying for the wrong reason. I am not coming to demand Emperor Hsien Feng back.” She got up and took my hands in hers. “I have come for two matters. First, of course, is to congratulate you.”
A small voice spoke inside my head: Nuharoo, you can’t possibly have come to thank me for taking Hsien Feng away. I don’t believe you are sincere.
As if reading my mind, Nuharoo nodded. “I am happy for you and for myself.”
In accordance with etiquette, I thanked her. But my expression betrayed me. I fear it said, I don’t believe you, a sentiment she may have detected but to which she chose not to respond.
“You see, my sister,” Nuharoo’s voice was gentle and soft, “in my position as the Empress, my concern is broader than you might imagine. I was taught that once I entered the palace, I would not only be married to His Majesty, but also to the entire Imperial society. The dynasty’s welfare is my only concern. It is my duty to see my husband live to meet his obligations. And one such obligation is to produce as many heirs as possible.” She paused, and said with her eyes, Yehonala, can you see now that I have come to thank you?
I bowed to her. I believed that she was conducting this act out of pain. I should offer her, if nothing else, words of understanding.
As if knowing what I was going to say, she raised her right hand. “The second matter of my visit is to tell you the news that Lady Yun has given birth.”
“She has? How… wonderful!”
“It is a girl.” Nuharoo sighed. “And the court is disappointed. So is the Grand Empress. I have been feeling sorry for Lady Yun, but sorrier for myself. I haven’t been granted fortune by Heaven to conceive a child.” Moisture filled her eyes and she took out her handkerchief and began to dab.
“Well, there is time.” I comforted her, took her hand. “After all, the Emperor has been married just a year.”
“That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been offered women since his teens. By Hsien Feng’s age, twenty-two, Emperor Tao Kuang had produced seventeen children. What concerns me”-she looked around and made a gesture to dismiss the eunuchs-“is that His Majesty has been impotent. This is not just my experience, but Lady Li’s, Mei’s and Hui’s as well. I don’t know what you have experienced. Would you tell me?” She looked at me eagerly, and I sensed that she wouldn’t desist until her curiosity was satisfied.
I didn’t want to share what had happened, so I nodded in silent confirmation of the Emperor’s condition.
Relieved, Nuharoo leaned back. “If the Emperor remains son-less, it will be my responsibility and misfortune. I can’t imagine the throne being passed on to a different clan because of that. It would be a disaster for both of us.” She let go of my hand and stood up. “I would like to count on you to bear His Majesty an heir, Yehonala.”
I found myself unwilling to trust her words. On the one hand, she wanted to be who she would like to be-an empress who would go down in history as a woman of virtue. On the other hand, she couldn’t hide her relief when she found out that Emperor Hsien Feng had been impotent when with me. What would have happened if I had told the truth?
The night after Nuharoo’s visit I had a series of nightmares. In the morning An-te-hai woke me up with terrible news. “Snow, my lady-your cat has disappeared!”