In his first two years in office Hamm had proved to be more than just a greenhorn politician and stirred up one hornet's nest after another but he was determined to do what he had promised, especially to save the taxpayers money. He upset Earl Finley's sweetheart deals with the concrete and gravel companies and gave contracts to the lowest bidders, and he was particularly interested in utilities and finding out if they were efficient.
He conducted surveys all over the state so he could learn where and how he could cut corners, and Elmwood Springs was high on the list. A thin young man of about twenty, wearing a white short-sleeved shirt, brown slacks, a clip-on bow tie, and black shoes that looked like the kind mailmen wear, walked up the front steps and knocked on the door.
No answer. He knocked again. He could see the old lady in the kitchen at the back of the house as she passed back and forth. She was ignoring him but he needed three more people for the survey, so he walked around and knocked on the back screen door.
The old lady looked up when she saw him. "Well, hey…" "Ma'am, I knocked on your front door but you must not have heard me."
The old lady said, "Hold on, let me go and get my hearing aid." She came back in a moment. "What can I do for you? Are you selling something?"
"No, ma'am. I'm from"
Before he could finish, she had opened the door. "Well, then, come on in. You're not a mass murderer, are you? I can't have any of those in my kitchen. I promised my niece, Norma, I wouldn't let any men in the house."
He stepped inside. "No ma'am, I'm conducting a…"
"Have a seat."
"Thank you. I am conducting a…"
"Do you want a piece of pound cake?"
"No, thank you, ma'am."
"Are you sure? I just made it."
"No, ma'am."
"Do you mind if I have a piece?" she asked, knife in hand. He stared at it.
"Oh no, ma'am, you go right ahead." He sat down and opened his large brown leather satchel.
The old lady went over and cut herself a slice and put it on a plate, opened a drawer, and took out a fork.
"You sure? It looks pretty good this time. The last one I made was a mess…" She looked at the papers he was putting out on the table. "Are you a schoolboy?"
"No, ma'am. I'm out of school. I'm conducting a survey for the Missouri Consumers Bureau for the Missouri Power and Light company. and I'd like to ask you a few questions, if I may?"
Suddenly she perked up. "Is there a prize involved if I get the right answer?"
"No, ma'am, this is just an information survey. It's just for our records."
Somewhat disappointed, she sat down with her pound cake. "Oh well, go ahead. Fire away."
"Name?"
"First name Elner, middle name Jane, last name Shimfissle."
"Date of birth?"
"Well, I'd say sometime between 1850 and 1890, give or take a few years."
He put down unknown. "Miss, or Mrs.?"
"Mrs. Will Shimfissle, widowed in fifty-three."
"How many living in residence?"
She thought for a minute. "Five… a cat, me, and three mice."
He forced a small smile, erased the number 5 in front of occupants and wrote a 1.
"Occupation?"
She looked puzzled, as if she had not heard him. In a louder voice he leaned forward and said, "Mrs. Shimfissle, what is it that you do?"
After mulling it over for a long moment, Elner answered, "I just live, I guess, what else is there to do? Isn't that about what everybody does?"
"No, ma'am, I meant do you work outside of the home?"
"Oh, I see what you're getting at… Well, I garden a little and take care of my laying hen out back. I used to do a lot more yard work but my niece's husband, Macky, comes over every Saturday and cuts my grass and trims my hedges. Norma said she didn't want me to be fooling with anything sharp. Norma says a rubber hose is safe, so I do water the lawn when it needs it."
He wrote unemployed. "Do you own your home or rent?"
"I own it, bought and paid for. My husband, Will, said, "Elner don't let anybody stick you with a mortgage after I'm gone," so when I sold the farm, I just paid for it in cash and never had to fool with monthly payments. All I pay is my taxes."
"How many electrical appliances do you have in your home?"
The old woman brightened up. "Now, that's a good question. A good many of them. Let's see… all my lights, of course. My stove. My icebox. My toaster. My percolator. My radio, that's another. My… wait a minute, I have two iceboxes… the other one's on the back porch but it's not plugged in… does that count?"
"Not if you don't use it."
"But it works, at least it used to. I told Norma I don't really need it. I do a lot of canning and I have plenty of room in my new icebox, so I just keep my birdseed and things like that out there. I'm kind of thinking about giving it to some poor person down the line; that's probably what I should do. They'd be pretty happy to have it, don't you think?"
"Yes, ma'am." The young man, trying to move on, said, "All right now."
"Wait a minute, I'm not through," she said. "My front-porch light, my vacuum cleaner, my fan, my air cooler. I put that on once in a while when I get."
"Fine… what about gas?"
"What?"
"Gas appliances, do you have anything that uses gas?"
"Should I?"
"No… not really. So can we say that you prefer electric to gas?"