When Jake questioned Betty Raye, she told him she remembered that Hamm had mentioned a few times that Rodney had a friend with a boat that they sometimes borrowed.
"Is that so? "said Jake.
"Yes. I think he took the boys with him a few times."
Hamm Jr. remembered it quite well. Jake was pleased. Now we're getting somewhere, he thought.
The next thing was to find out what had happened to the boat.
On April 21 Aunt Elner started the phone conversation, as she often did, without even saying hello first.
"Did you hear what happened to Poor Tot?"
Norma knew that whatever it was, it was not going to be good. "Don't even tell me."
Aunt Elner ignored her.
"You know, she's been miserable with that broken finger and so as long as she couldn't fix hair she let Dwayne Junior talk her into going to Florida with him and then that fish almost bit her right leg off she in the hospital right now, poor thing, and she was not even fishing at the time. Said she was downstairs in the galley of the boat minding her own business, not bothering a soul, just trying to fix herself a grilled-cheese sandwich, when the fish got her."
Norma sat down. "What fish?"
"I don't know but it was mad at having been jerked out of the water, I can tell you that."
"Who told you this?"
"Verbena, she just got off the phone with Tot this very second."
Norma said, "Aunt Elner, I'll call you right back," and dialed Verbena's number down at the cleaners to get the story firsthand.
Verbena picked up: "Blue Ribbon."
"It's Norma."
"I was just calling you but your line was busy."
"Did you tell Aunt Elner that Tot was bitten by a fish?"
"No, I said she was stuck by a fish while making a grilled-cheese sandwich. I never said she was bitten."
"Why would she get stuck by a fish if she was downstairs cooking?"
"Because the fish just came down the stairs looking for her, I guess."
"But why?"
"Because she has the worst luck of anybody I know, that's why."
"How did it happen?"
"She was down in Florida on this fishing boat that Dwayne Junior and a friend of his had rented to try and cheer her up. That's what he said but he just wanted to go himself, if you ask me. Anyhow, after three hours of sitting upstairs in the hot sun, not catching a thing, she said, Tm hungry, I'm going down and fix myself a grilled-cheese sandwich. Does anybody else want one?" They said no and the next thing she knew, just as she was getting ready to flip her sandwich, this big fish came flying down the stairs. Dwayne had jerked it out of the water too hard and it flew right over his head and when it hit the deck it took a flying leap and came sailing down the stairs and stabbed Poor Tot in the thigh with its nose."
"Oh my God, it must have scared her to death."
"She said it was certainly a surprise to look down and see a strange fish sticking out of her leg. The captain packed her leg in ice and took her all the way to Pensacola to get the thing removed. She said she felt like a fool checking in with a fish sticking out of her leg but the captain said that they didn't dare pull it out on their own. It could cause too much damage."
"Damage to who?"
"The fish, I guessDwayne Junior is having it mounted as a souvenir of their trip."
"What kind offish was it?"
Norma could hear Verbena shuffling papers. "I wrote it down. Here it is. It was identified as a needle-nosed hound fish They took her picture for the paper."
"Is she all right?"
"Oh yes. Besides having six stitches and having to get shots."
"Can't she sue somebody?"
"Norma, who's she going to sue? She said the fishing-boat people won't cover it. They said it was an act of God…. So who can she sue, the
Gulf of Mexico? Or the fish? No, she just got stuck in more ways than one, so she's coming home tomorrow. She didn't have but one day of vacation. If she was miserable when she left, you can imagine how she must feel now."
"Poor Tot."
The next day the citizens of Pensacola saw a picture of a Mrs. Whooten being wheeled into the emergency room under a caption that read WOMAN SPEARED BY FLYING FISH. People in Elmwood Springs tried not to bring it up but when they did, all Tot would say was "It's put me off tuna fish, I can tell you that."
My recent experience has taught me an expensive lesson and I am passing it on as a warning. Do not ever call an ambulance if you can help it.
Believe me, I could have gone to Europe twice for the money it cost me to ride no more than six blocks in one (it would have to be rush hour) but they did not take that fact into account. They were as nice as they could be and I was nice back, but at the time I didn't know I was being charged a small fortune which I am still paying on, and now my insurance has gone sky-high as well. I only had a leg injury but they made me wear a collar on my neck and on the way to the hospital they gave me oxygen in my nose (that I did not need) and kept taking my blood pressure and temperature every two minutes. Not only that, they were training the boy that was taking it how to do it and I did not even get a discount. But that was not the worst of it. Once they get you to the emergency room, look out. Those emergency room doctors are expensive and they charge you by the second. I was X-rayed and
CAT-scanned from stem to stern, pulled from one place to another the whole time almost freezing to death. They keep it as cold as ice in there. In my case I was sent to surgery to have the fish removed (you don't want to know what that set me back) and I was given a local anesthetic, so I was not able to walk out and they got to keep me overnight. If I were to tell you what they charged me for just the use of the bed,
a couple of aspirins, and a tranquilizer, it would scare you to death.
Don't be lulled into thinking that your insurance covers everything. It doesn't. My advice is this: if you can possibly walk, drive, call a cab, or take a bus to the emergency room, do it. Do not call 911 unless you are out cold.
A concerned citizen Mrs. Tot Whooten
PS. Watch out for flying fish.
In the spring of 1970, among the radio shows that featured mostly teenage music, right after Tops in Pops, The Neighbor Dorothy Show could still be heard over station WDOT.
Except for the fact that Mother Smith was gone and Dorothy was almost all gray now, the show remained the same. Her voice was still as warm and friendly, a welcome relief from the blaring rock and roll that played the rest of the day and night.
"Good morning, everybody," said Neighbor Dorothy. "I don't know what's happening where you are but it seems everybody here has come down with a full-blown case of old-fashioned spring fever. And I can't blame them this is such a pretty, warm April and I hope it is the same where you are. I've never seen so many jonquils popping up everywhere. And pretty soon Mother's Day will be upon us and if you're wondering what to get Mother this year, think about giving her a gift that sings. A canary of her very own for the parlor or kitchen, to start her day on a cheery note. I can recommend that from experience. I can't tell you how much joy my two precious birds, Dumpling and Moe, gave me over the years. Or if she already has a canary, you might think about getting her Rittenhouse door chimes and remember, Rittenhouse door chimes are always pleasant to the ear and a lovely way to say that company is at your door. And let's see what else… we received another postcard from our tin-can tourists… the Goodnight sisters… and I wish you could see this one.