My heart was heavy. I desperately missed my husband and longed to be with him. I could only imagine just how lonely, scary, and disconcerting it would be to be sent halfway around the world to risk his life in uncomfortable conditions with people that he had only known for a matter of months. I wanted so badly to fly to him and “take care” of all his needs. Kevin is a strong, independent man certainly more than capable of taking care of himself. Still, I would lay awake and wonder: Who’s encouraging my husband when he feels down? Who’s ministering to his spirit when he needs a friend? Is anyone praying with him? In the end, I felt like no one could replace me in looking out for my husband.
Then I read a book called The Hand of God by Alistair Begg. What an incredible blessing the book follows the life of Joseph. In chapter four Begg drives home a key point that I felt was written directly for us: Joseph was a long way from home and everything familiar to him, yet he was still hemmed in “behind and before” by God.
It pierced my soul because I realized that I could so easily replace Joseph’s name with Kevin’s. Begg writes that God’s presence was the source of Joseph’s protection. What a relief. My burden was lifted when I understood that there was nothing that my presence could do that God’s presence wasn’t already doing. In fact, God’s presence was all that Kevin needed. His circumstances could have been a thousand times worse, and still God was with him, and God was sufficient. I didn’t have to be burdened with anxiety or concern. My amazing God was taking care of my amazing husband in ways well beyond my capabilities. From quiet, possibly lonely nights in his cot in the barracks to riding in the military vehicles on patrol, to helicopter rides to Baghdad, he was surrounded and secured with the power of God. What was left to worry about?
Lord, thank you for remaining in complete control of all my days, and those of my loved ones.
“My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me.” (Psalm 31:15)