After leaving the chaos of Disney World, things didn’t get much better for the Waddells. In fact, things got worse.
“Everything was hard,” said Marshele. “Everything was difficult because Mark was no longer Mark. About one year later I reached a breaking point where I went through a lot of different emotions confusion, anger, guilt. I had the feeling that maybe this was my fault. Maybe I wasn’t being a good enough wife. Maybe if I took on more responsibility around the house. Maybe if I did everything for Mark and kept his world balanced then he would get past whatever it was he was in.”
By this time, Mark had assumed the position of Director of Operations for all the East Coast SEAL teams, which meant several trips back and forth overseas, in and out of combat zones. Even when Mark was home, he was busy training and preparing himself and others to deploy again. So without a sustained amount of time to really address the problem, the situation could not improve.
“When the men come home whether it’s for two weeks of rest and relaxation and going back to the war front or maybe they’re coming home for six months they’re trying to avoid the conflict,” said Marshele. “They’re trying to reconnect and have a life. Spouses don’t have time to address these huge problems or even avoid them. A year after Mark had come home in May 2003, I had reached the end of me.”
As a veteran military wife, Marshele had been able to categorize and file away everything for awhile, but she got to a point where she couldn’t do it any more. “I was saturated with what had been our military life experience. I told him that whether he went with me or not, I needed counseling. I had to go find somebody objective that could tell me I wasn’t going insane.”
Lord, help me surround myself with people who will speak truth and wisdom to me.
“My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?” (Psalm 6:3)