On the Fourth of July, 2007, Sara Horn did not feel like celebrating. She sat on the couch alone, curtains drawn, while Caleb played outside. She stared blankly at the turned-off television in front of her, which stared just as blankly back.
I can’t go on, she thought. I am so done. Tired. Spent. This is too hard. I can’t do this by myself.
“It was the lowest point of the deployment for me,” Sara remembered. “Our close friends had disappeared. They didn’t check on me or email Cliff anymore. It was getting hard to do the ministry of Wives of Faith because I got caught up in my own struggles of deployment.”
But on that Independence Day, God told Sara she didn’t need to try to be so independent: You aren’t supposed to do this by yourself, she could almost hear him say. You have been trying to do this by yourself for the last seven months. But you need me and my strength is sufficient for you.
It was a turning point for Sara. “I realized I needed to turn it over to God and let him provide the strength I needed instead of me doing it all myself,” That’s something that I’m trying to share with other wives, also. I think we have it in our heads (because it’s drilled into our culture) that we have to be strong for everybody, but often we can’t be. We just can’t. But God is the strongest when we are the weakest. That’s what we have to remember and focus on we’re not supposed to have it all together.”
The Horns are expecting a second deployment in 2011, and Sara is hoping to use what she has learned so far. “God has taught me so much about leaning on him and finding strength,” she said. “I haven’t learned it all, but if I can just share what I’m learning with someone else. It makes it all worth it. God put us here to share our struggles and help each other.”
As Americans, we pride ourselves on having a can-do attitude, but may we remember that without Christ, we can do nothing.
Lord, don’t let me pride and self-sufficiency prevent me from relying on your strength.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)