No one ever told Sonja Mannarino that deployment would be easy. But no one told her it would be this hard, either.
Her daughter was fifteen and her sons were eleven and four years old when her husband of sixteen years deployed. While Jason encountered enemy fire in Iraq, Sonja felt like the home front was under attack as well. Her four-year-old son cried for days after saying goodbye to his daddy, especially at night because Jason always tucked him into bed. Her eleven-year-old son went through depression and gained a lot of weight, eating to fill the void where his dad had been.
“It was hard for him. He was Dad’s helper working on cars or in the yard together,” said Sonja. “He had a lot of anger too and took it out on me verbally. I had to sit down with him and say, ‘What you’re doing is not right.’ It tore my heart out because there was nothing I could do.”
Every day Sonja put on a brave face and tried to be strong for the children. But every night, after the kids were in bed, she was the one crying to her Heavenly Father for comfort. “At night, I felt alone,” she said. “I was trying to smile for my kids, but the pain was still there with Jason being gone. As time went on, things got easier but it was still hard, especially on certain days like Father’s Day, Christmas, and the first day of school.”
The Bible is full of heroes who faced fear even as they took the path God had set before them. Joshua had to be told four times in Joshua 1 to “be strong and courageous.” In the psalms, David cries out to God many times in fear for his life. Queen Esther feared for her safety as well. Following God’s will doesn’t mean we will not fear, but it does mean that God will walk beside us every step of the way.
Lord, turn my fear into confidence in your power, not mine.
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you….” (Isaiah 43:1b–2a)