Mark returned home in the spring. It was the end of his second deployment. He and his wife had discussed the toll on their young family, and he was exiting military service. Although they were both committed Christians, the deployment had been very difficult. He had been involved in combat operations in Ramadi and Fallujah. But the combat wasn’t the only stress that tore at them. A year of separation and the stress of a young marriage and new baby were weighting both of them when he returned. There were signs that coming home would not be as easy as either had imagined. They expected the stress level to decrease, but instead it increased on his return.
Whether stress is combat or noncombat related, the signs are going to occur in the same way. The marriage relationship is often one of the first red flags. The husband may not feel needed. The wife may not be handling the return of the husband very well. For months she has handled the day-to-day needs of their family. There may be unique characteristics and a personality that was not present before he or she left, like temper outbursts or bouts of depression, anxiety symptoms, a pattern of withdrawal from social situations that were not there before the deployment. The couple may have difficulty connecting emotionally. If either spouse is having trouble adjusting to a return from deployment, primarily it becomes evident within the marriage relationship.
If a person is unable to get through the adjustment and deal with the stress and separation as well as the stress brought about in war, then it is an issue (not a character flaw) that needs intervention. Be watchful for the warning signs and reach out for help. Without help someone who was highly functional becomes chronically less functional. The signs are not subtle. They are red flags snapping back and forth in the wind.
Dear God, please help me cherish, love, and respect my spouse. Where there is strife, please bring peace. Where there is hurt, please bring healing.
Don Richards is a psychologist that provides faith-based counseling to military veterans and has a history of dealing with combat veterans from Vietnam to Iraq and Afghanistan. He incorporates faith and counseling that focuses beyond the traumatic. America’s wars have resulted in many mental and emotional casualties and men like Don are waging the fight to restore these men and women.
“Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.” (Colossians 3:18–19, THE MESSAGE)