Pending separation is difficult; communication and preparation must take place. The shock of it all is often too difficult for most to deal with effectively.
One soldier shared with me:
It was approaching Thanksgiving. Our unit had been notified of the deployment but we were not authorized to tell our families yet. It was a relief because most people did not know how to begin to give that news. Then without warning we were gathered together. The commander said, “The local news is going to release the story about our pending deployment tonight. If you don’t want your family finding out that way, go home and tell them now.” It was a gut-wrenching drive home. My wife and I went for a walk, and I broke the news. She was floored. Her worst nightmare had begun. How do you give that kind of news? How do you prepare to leave home?
There is no easy way to prepare for separation. Especially regarding deployment to a combat zone. There are numerous issues with fear, vulnerability, and shifting responsibilities. There is no easy way to begin that conversation. What is certain is that the communication must begin, and it must continue as deployment approaches.
The family needs a secure and strong support network. Those families who don’t already have one need to be very deliberate in finding and establishing one. They need to be very dedicated until they develop this. They cannot let any of the personal struggles that they are experiencing get in the way of establishing a strong support group. A support group should include some one who has experienced the same trial of separation or at least somebody who’s been through something very difficult and who has had to lean on somebody else.
In addition to the work needed before the deployment begins, deployed soldiers should stay in contact and communicate as much as they can once they have left. Fortunately the mechanisms that exist today for communication back home far exceed those in past wars. Deployed soldiers have easy access to phones, and the lines of communication allow for speech, text, and video in many places.
Though technology has made it easier for military personnel to connect with loved ones, it is always difficult to communicate the personal struggles and trials of deployment with our families back home. The deployed soldier should avoid describing traumatic experiences. One must realize that the circumstance around our communication is anything but normal. The stresses on each person are so unique, and there is so much separation that families have a difficult time appreciating the stress of being thousands of miles away in harms person.
Dear God, when I must prepare to leave my spouse, whether for a day or year, please lead, guide, and direct my spouse and me. Keep our hearts knit together before we say our goodbyes.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:22–25)